Hey everybody.
Firstly, some obvious questions out of the way. This kind of post is probably the sort of thing suited to a blog post or Facebook, but I have neither of those things. I have this forum, and you guys.
I could have amended the previous post, but I consider it somewhat "tainted". In retrospect, I looked pretty immature, but in fairness my mind was a maelstrom. I was going to be a father. It was real. I wanted to talk about it, but who would care? Maybe her name, connected to a video game on a video game forum, would inspire some conversation. In only 9 days, I've learned so much, and I've learned how foolish it was to present my nervousness and anticipation the way I did. I don't regret being excited that Bioware actually reached out to me, it was an unexpected addition to an already chaotic series of days that were blurring together and I don't feel guilty for being excited about it.
With that out of the way, I know some people want to see some pictures:
[http://s1149.photobucket.com/user/drunkonestus/media/20140113_184834_zps2c992411.jpg.html]
[http://s1149.photobucket.com/user/drunkonestus/media/20140114_202046_zps60d11b23.jpg.html]
[http://s1149.photobucket.com/user/drunkonestus/media/20140110_113634_zpsadd4b108.jpg.html]
If anyone is about to be a father, or considering fatherhood in the future, my ultimate advice is to consider first what you really want to do in live and do the hell out of it. Since Tali's first second on Earth, everything I did as a hobby has fallen almost completely away. Not with regret, or with bitterness, but happily. Everything I do and every decision I make is with her potential happiness considered, and providing that comfort is a feeling more gratifying than any pursuit I've enjoyed in the past.
What do I mean, exactly? To be blunt, I was a 2 pack a day smoker. I loved smoking, and I still love everything about it. Since her birth, I went from 2 packs a day to a couple lingering cigarettes left in the pack I bought a couple days before she was born. It harms her, even if I don't do it near her, so I get rid of it. The thinking is that cut and dry. It isn't about me anymore. It may be healthy for my mind to not totally abandon myself to best serve her needs, but I am not the center of my own life anymore.
The obvious one is video games. In the last 9 days, I actually got in the first level of Mark of the Ninja (which was excellent and I look forward to beating someday) before her cries led to a total drop of the controller. Even in beating that level, I wasn't giving the game my full attention. I had my ears open for her breathing, and a major portion of my subconscious was dominated by the reality that she was really here and next to me. I do understand that in time I'll become more comfortable with her being here and become less anxious, but in these nine days it's difficult to avoid thinking "Am I selfish for playing this? Should I be doing something to better Tali'Zorah's life, even if she's sleeping?". If nothing else, I foresee handhelds becoming more prominent in my life, getting in bits of gameplay in pediatrician waiting rooms and smaller gaps of time. (Side note: I really wish consoles went into sleep mode like my Vita. Being able to just hit the power button and be right where I was in the game is a remarkably helpful feature). I say that, but it's really hard to not stare at her. Just spending time looking at her, getting all philosophical about the nature of creating a person and experiencing the wonder of having her look back with a glance that only a child can give to their parent.
For those curious about her health, she's perfectly healthy. She's gaining healthy weight, she's a healthy color, and everything is working the way it should. If anything, it certainly is comforting to know that I don't have to add health to the list of concerns I face every day.
Now, there's that thorny issue about her name. It's unavoidable. To be honest, it's early but there's no resistance thus far. I already encountered the "apostrophe not working in the computer system" at the pediatrician, so they just dropped it and it's "Talizorah" on the paperwork there. It doesn't seem to have been an "issue", but again it's early. All the doctors, family members, the pediatrician, nurses, and my wife's dentist have said "it's such a beautiful name, I love it". Maybe some of them are being polite, but at least Tali's name isn't so nuts that people decide it's worth avoiding politeness in order to tear into me about it. Also, there's the inevitable nickname. She has so far been referred to as "Tali", "T", "Tals", "Zorah", "Z", and "Rose" (her middle name) by various people in our lives. To end my side of the name discussion, I personally love "Tali'Zorah" more each time I see it. It's been written on a lot of things, and I feel stronger about the decision and love the name more and more as it becomes a part of our daily vernacular.
Finally, I apologize if nobody really cares. Like I said, I don't have a Facebook and I don't have a blog. This forum was the first people I told about her because I've made legitimate friends here. It's hard to fight the urge to show pictures to everybody and be "that guy with his damn kid", but hey, a trip to Youtube shows that the Internet is great for some "hey, look at me, I have a kid and she's great". It's changed my life and the way I view the world, and I wouldn't change any part of it. It's an amazing journey, and the benefits only sound like negatives when explained to someone who doesn't have or doesn't want children. Either way, maybe the Escapist will still be here when she's old enough to meet some of the people who were there to hear that she had made it to Earth.
Thank you to everyone who's supported me and Tali'Zorah, and thank you to the people who wanted her name changed, because at the very least it shows that you cared about the potential well being of a stranger. Now that my "free time shift" is over (thank God for spouses), I must go. Maybe someday I can tear into that free DMC I got through PS+. Maybe I'll instead change diapers and clean spit-up, do laundry, and make dinner. Either way, life is good and it's good to be alive.
Firstly, some obvious questions out of the way. This kind of post is probably the sort of thing suited to a blog post or Facebook, but I have neither of those things. I have this forum, and you guys.
I could have amended the previous post, but I consider it somewhat "tainted". In retrospect, I looked pretty immature, but in fairness my mind was a maelstrom. I was going to be a father. It was real. I wanted to talk about it, but who would care? Maybe her name, connected to a video game on a video game forum, would inspire some conversation. In only 9 days, I've learned so much, and I've learned how foolish it was to present my nervousness and anticipation the way I did. I don't regret being excited that Bioware actually reached out to me, it was an unexpected addition to an already chaotic series of days that were blurring together and I don't feel guilty for being excited about it.
With that out of the way, I know some people want to see some pictures:
If anyone is about to be a father, or considering fatherhood in the future, my ultimate advice is to consider first what you really want to do in live and do the hell out of it. Since Tali's first second on Earth, everything I did as a hobby has fallen almost completely away. Not with regret, or with bitterness, but happily. Everything I do and every decision I make is with her potential happiness considered, and providing that comfort is a feeling more gratifying than any pursuit I've enjoyed in the past.
What do I mean, exactly? To be blunt, I was a 2 pack a day smoker. I loved smoking, and I still love everything about it. Since her birth, I went from 2 packs a day to a couple lingering cigarettes left in the pack I bought a couple days before she was born. It harms her, even if I don't do it near her, so I get rid of it. The thinking is that cut and dry. It isn't about me anymore. It may be healthy for my mind to not totally abandon myself to best serve her needs, but I am not the center of my own life anymore.
The obvious one is video games. In the last 9 days, I actually got in the first level of Mark of the Ninja (which was excellent and I look forward to beating someday) before her cries led to a total drop of the controller. Even in beating that level, I wasn't giving the game my full attention. I had my ears open for her breathing, and a major portion of my subconscious was dominated by the reality that she was really here and next to me. I do understand that in time I'll become more comfortable with her being here and become less anxious, but in these nine days it's difficult to avoid thinking "Am I selfish for playing this? Should I be doing something to better Tali'Zorah's life, even if she's sleeping?". If nothing else, I foresee handhelds becoming more prominent in my life, getting in bits of gameplay in pediatrician waiting rooms and smaller gaps of time. (Side note: I really wish consoles went into sleep mode like my Vita. Being able to just hit the power button and be right where I was in the game is a remarkably helpful feature). I say that, but it's really hard to not stare at her. Just spending time looking at her, getting all philosophical about the nature of creating a person and experiencing the wonder of having her look back with a glance that only a child can give to their parent.
For those curious about her health, she's perfectly healthy. She's gaining healthy weight, she's a healthy color, and everything is working the way it should. If anything, it certainly is comforting to know that I don't have to add health to the list of concerns I face every day.
Now, there's that thorny issue about her name. It's unavoidable. To be honest, it's early but there's no resistance thus far. I already encountered the "apostrophe not working in the computer system" at the pediatrician, so they just dropped it and it's "Talizorah" on the paperwork there. It doesn't seem to have been an "issue", but again it's early. All the doctors, family members, the pediatrician, nurses, and my wife's dentist have said "it's such a beautiful name, I love it". Maybe some of them are being polite, but at least Tali's name isn't so nuts that people decide it's worth avoiding politeness in order to tear into me about it. Also, there's the inevitable nickname. She has so far been referred to as "Tali", "T", "Tals", "Zorah", "Z", and "Rose" (her middle name) by various people in our lives. To end my side of the name discussion, I personally love "Tali'Zorah" more each time I see it. It's been written on a lot of things, and I feel stronger about the decision and love the name more and more as it becomes a part of our daily vernacular.
Finally, I apologize if nobody really cares. Like I said, I don't have a Facebook and I don't have a blog. This forum was the first people I told about her because I've made legitimate friends here. It's hard to fight the urge to show pictures to everybody and be "that guy with his damn kid", but hey, a trip to Youtube shows that the Internet is great for some "hey, look at me, I have a kid and she's great". It's changed my life and the way I view the world, and I wouldn't change any part of it. It's an amazing journey, and the benefits only sound like negatives when explained to someone who doesn't have or doesn't want children. Either way, maybe the Escapist will still be here when she's old enough to meet some of the people who were there to hear that she had made it to Earth.
Thank you to everyone who's supported me and Tali'Zorah, and thank you to the people who wanted her name changed, because at the very least it shows that you cared about the potential well being of a stranger. Now that my "free time shift" is over (thank God for spouses), I must go. Maybe someday I can tear into that free DMC I got through PS+. Maybe I'll instead change diapers and clean spit-up, do laundry, and make dinner. Either way, life is good and it's good to be alive.
