Ten Movies That Will Never Be

Strazdas

Robots will replace your job
May 28, 2011
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"An idealistic campaign staffer for a popular Presidential candidate has their idealism shaken to the core when it is discovered that the candidate, while still a sincere proponent of all the causes and policies that led the staffer to join the campaign in the first place, has committed various moral indiscretions that violate the staffer's personal code of right and wrong. After a dark period of deep, introspective soul searching ... the staffer decides to continue supporting the candidate anyway - because this is the real world where a leader's 'niceness' or 'good intentions' don't mean jack squat if they're going to support wrongheaded policies."
This has been done. multiple times. not done well, but its been done.



"When crooked thieves steal an ancient religious artifact from a primitive rural village, their greatest warrior must travel for the first time to the strange and unfamiliar world of The Big City to retrieve it. He fights many, many elaborate battles and succeeds in locating and defeating the sinister thieves, but ultimately does not bring back The Artifact. Instead, he discovers that in 'The Big City' people do not die constantly from common germs and minor injuries as they do in his primitive rural village on account of having access to modern medicine, health-standards and communication. He then sells the damn artifact at a huge profit so as to bring life saving medicine, superior farming equipment, food and a phone/internet connection to his people."
Ong bak 1 is this. well he doesnt really sell the artifact but the rest is correct.

P.S. how did this went off the tracks and into slavery discussion?
 

oathblade

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Aug 16, 2009
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The "A brilliant scientist is conducting a radical experiment.." and "When crooked thieves steal an ancient religious artifact " I think could work. really well. In fact with decent acting there wouldn't need to be much more for twists.
 

Nomanslander

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Feb 21, 2009
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Here's an idea, a movie about no conflict or dilemma, the main character is happy with his or her life, and there is no antagonist to speak of.

Here's another idea, a movie about a guy cleaning his garage while contemplating the evolutionary process of manatees....=D

Oh oh oh, a 8 year old girl at a school play rehearsal playing a minor character in the background, bored and picking her nose for two hours...=D
 

Therumancer

Citation Needed
Nov 28, 2007
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Closet Superhero said:
[
'We' didn't do anything. 'We' weren't victimised by 'them' before 'we' enslaved 'them'. The issue is that, RIGHT HERE AND NOW we live in an unequal society, with the determinants of that inequality being strongly associated with race. And the question is, why is that the case? Is it because some races are better than others? Or is it because of historical circumstances? If you're not racist, it is obviously that latter, and the issue becomes: how do we redress the problem. That is 'OUR' problem and our responsibility, and the abolishment of slavery does not diminish that responsibility. The Abolishment was just words anyway; it didn't magically make black and white people socially or economically equal.

Words are the easy part. So let's not congratulate ourselves too much. Besides, don't the glorious principles of freedom and equality get plenty of celebration as is? So what exactly are you complaining about, again?
Actually, yes we were victimized by "them" beforehand, everyone victimized everyone else. It was western, white, civilization that wound up putting an end to this kind of thing. Your basic arguement is that the thousands of years of slavery before the US shouldn't count because it's inconveinent to your arguement, and the simple fact that it was white civilization that ended slavery runs counter to what you want to believe... and there are a lot of people just like you, there is a whole political power block based around exactly that kind of ignorance which makes it difficult to unravel.

As far as the rest goes, equal oppertunities were made availible. There was never any pretension that black america was going to be suddenly uplifted into the upper 1% of society and be given all of the same things white folks had, merely that they would no longer be held back specifically because they are black. Being a minority group, they are not likely to ever have the same level of prescence or prominance in a country within the US due to simple numbers. Representation in general accordance with the population does not mean a 50-50 split with the majority, not to mention that it's a capitalist society where things are earned, not simply given by the goverment through a form of communism or socialism. Nobody walks in, takes your stuff, and gives it to someone else to be fair (well, not usually, but we won't get into exceptions like Enimant Domain and the like).

What problems we see right now are not so much racial, as cultural. Like it or not racism is dead as a mainstream phenomena. People can have their lives and careers ruined by the mere hint of associated racism, that kind of prssure doesn't happen without majority support.

The problem is when your looking at a situation where Black America feels it's entitled to things it is not. It's formed a series of counter cultures based around the idea of entitlement and forcing society to adapt to it, rather than adapting to fit in with society. People literally line up to give Blacks oppertunities, with books, computers, money, etc... all being funneled into inner city schools and such. The problem is that those things are intentionally targeted and destroyed. Becoming educated and joining others in the 9-5 job grind as a normal person is considered to be selling out and "beneath" blacks. You see an attitude where it's either being a thug, or being super rich, and nothing in between. The
so called "git rich or die trying" attitude, that has kids all reaching for basketballs in the vain hope of getting into the NBA despite all odds, as opposed to reaching for a
textbook and say aiming for more reasonable goals like say one day making middle management at a hotel or whatever after years of effort... you know, like where most people wind up.

Guys like Bill Cosby (who has a PHD In Children's Education, which is why I take him seriously) have talked about this at length, even if it hasn't gone over well with everyone. The usual excuse is that he's over simplifying very complicated issus, when in reality they aren't complicated issues, they are VERY simple issues with clear problems behind them. In the end it all comes down to Black America deciding that becoming educated is not "selling out" and to work towards assimilating into society. Nobody can force this, ultimatly it's
up to them to either take the oppertunities that have been presented, or continue to deal with the problems they bring upon themselves.

At any rate, I *DO* think there are things that can be done. Truthfully I think one of those things is to stop encouraging a black/white cultural divide. I feel the idea of things like "Black History Month" are counter produtive because by it's very nature it draws a dividing line, and businesses that harp on this and use it for advertisement when it's going on and such don't seem to help.

My suggestion about there being a "be thankful for white people" week, albiet not under that name, is actually well considered, as it blurs that division, and also tends to mitigate some of the messages of more extreme black leaders and icons that come up during this celebration, where "Black History Month" could be seen more as "Black Empowerment" or "Bash Whitey" month in some of the associated media that makes problems worse.

Overall where everyone is learning about iconic black contributors in school and through speeches, ads, and the media, blacks can also themselves be reminded that whites, rather than being the enemy, were insturmental in the end of slavery, this was not, and could not have been accomplished by the black people alone.

In school for example do a week where kids are expected to create and read a report on a white person, or heck even just a person who wasn't black, that was insturmental to civil liberties or had a positive influance on black culture. This *IS* a part of black history, and a part that doesn't involve direct enimity... you know like "here is my umpteeth report on Malcolm X".










As Martin Luthor King Jr. himself kind of pointed out, winning the battles was not the hard part, adapting into society is.
 

Machine Man 1992

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Jul 4, 2011
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"A man of spiritually devout persuasion is critically injured in a terrible car accident. Though he is brought to the hospital in time for doctors to save his life, his injuries are such that he is actually 'dead' for several minutes on the operating table, during which time he experiences ... nothing. No tunnel, no light, no angles, no dead pals, nothing. In a shocking twist, his newfound sense that the life he has is quite definitely all there is does not turn him into a bitter nihilist, but rather spurs him to become an infinitely better, freer and happier person who's determined to make the most of whatever time he has."

Alternatively, He goes on a hedonistic spree of sex, drugs, and Rock n' Roll because he takes the notion that there is no afterlife and no post-death repercussions to far. During his binge, he starts to really notice the suffering around him and dedicates his life to solving people's problems like a good Samaritan.

And here's a few pitches of my own:

"A 'There Will Be Blood' style character study, but told from the point of view of a super villain. The story details his rise from small time crook to deathray building madman, and how he alienates his friends and is ostracized by his family."

"A buddy comedy between two henchmen of a Bond villain and their day to day routine."

"A member of a primitive alien race that is at war with human miners decides living in a tree and hunting dangerous animals kinda sucks if you can fly into space and visit other planets, and so begin's his/her story of life among the humans."
 

robert022614

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Dec 1, 2009
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"No tunnel, no light, no angles, no dead pals, nothing"

So what kind of angles do people usually see? I would probably vote acute maybe a good 45 degree or so.
 

tamerman

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Jul 17, 2009
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I'd see all but the last too, the whole religious thing is a touchy issue, and IMHO tribal life is more interesting then city life. Though this IS coming from the fingers of a man who was lived in a city his entire life, so i'm likely not even qualified to say.
 

martyrdrebel27

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Feb 16, 2009
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this is an annoying article. it reeks of pretentiousness, lacks an understanding of many groups outside of the authors own, simplifies human emotions and the myriad of possible responses certain people could have, and overall, most criminally, just sounds like seriously boring movies. we watch movies to be entertained. and i'm sorry if spending your years dissecting and critiquing movies has left you a joyless, boring hole in your soul, but quit trying to ruin it for the rest of us. or at least be good at it, like yahtzee.

not entertained. i had more fun trying to read my crazy Captcha images than reading this article.
 

Voodoomancer

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Jun 8, 2009
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How about this: An action movie, featuring explosions, gunfights, high-speed chases, jumping aboard a moving train, etc., without a squeamie romance subplot.

"Action" film today are usually one part action, one part exposition and two parts forced cliché'd romance subplot.
 

Phuctifyno

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Jul 6, 2010
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A foreign terrorist organization takes a group of hostages in a metropolitan area. A gruff, irritable Vietnam vet, who's also the best of the best, is tracked down by the military to infiltrate the operation and secure the hostages. Explosions and one-liners ensue. Once all of the terrorists have been killed (the head honcho in a particularly gruesome and slo-mo fashion), the hostages are secured. The most attractive female of the hostage group throws herself lustily at the heroic vet, declaring her everlasting impulsive love that will last forever, and she begins to kiss him. He tosses her off and says "Sorry, I'm gay." and begins to furiously make out with the comic relief. Then things take a bloody, satanic turn as all the children's eyes start to glow and maniacal laughter can be heard from inside the walls. The cat doesn't survive.
 

hooksashands

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Apr 11, 2010
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ascorbius said:
I love the Ong Bak one at the end. Although it's probably unfair to use that movie as the base for the joke as it's A: Not a Hollywood movie, B: A spectacular action showpiece and C: Really good.
Agreed, though I liked The Protector (Tom Yung Gong) more.

WHERE'S MY ELEPHANT?!
 

GamerFromJump

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Sep 28, 2009
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I've got one:

A crew of space explorers comes upon a derelict ship of alien design, with the crew in apparent hibernation. Deciding that they can't simply leave the aliens to drift, the humans decide to repair the ship. When the aliens suddenly come out of their hibernation, they....

...thank the humans profusely for their kindness and go on their way, promising to tell of the good beings that helped them in their time of need.