Ten Reasons Why Pac-Man Sucks

machineiv

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Oct 15, 2009
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Zayren said:
I hate this thread. I read the OP, laughed, and then read the comments. I hate this thread so much.
It's given me no end of amusement. I just wrote it as a random little joke about the way people in game journalism say a lot of things that are just plain asinine. Bluinkalchemist asked if he could repost it. The sheer number of people that have believed it an honest article has just completely changed my perspective on humanity. I like that the intentional jokes have been picked apart and refuted, including my intentional exclusion of a number five.
 

Caliostro

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Jan 23, 2008
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AnAngryMoose said:
I hope to God my Sarcasmograph is just broken and he's not being series or else he's a fucktard.
Giantcain said:
why would complain graphics from a 30 year old game
James_Sunderland said:
Wow...

Thats...wow.

I don't really like Pac-Man either, but still, this guy sounds like a complete and utter wanker.
Also:

"Modern games should be played in online multiplayer."?

Way to go there and make a completely false, inaccurate, uneducated, all-encompassing statement without merit that can easily be torn down with the most basic of examples there, dipshit.

To me, this sounds like the ramblings of a 14 year-old ritalin-popping high-school drop-out with way too much time on his hands, who spends half his time hiding his porn-stash from his mum and the other half swearing at people over CounterStrike voice-chat.

To David Hill, and all who think likewise:

Get a fucking life, you sad losers.
TheTim said:
I guess its a good thing MIT students got ahold of it and made mrs pacman then huh?
From the first page alone: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH.

I didn't find it particularly funny, but god, was the sarcasm ever so bleeding obvious...
 

sleepykid

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Jan 28, 2010
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I probably don't take my humor seriously enough, but can't anything be made funny if you wrap it in enough layers of irony?
 

Mr.Black

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Oct 27, 2009
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SimuLord said:
Oh look, faux-hipster-irony. Cliché-ridden, done-to-death hack work that exists only for the hey-look-at-me mental masturbation of its author and contributing more spew onto the "hey, let's make fun of people who make fun of stuff that's popular!" meme.

F Minus Minus, David Hill. I've seen keener funny bones on the person of network executives who greenlight stuff like "Shit My Dad Says" to be sitcoms.
Hah, you know what, you're absolutely right.
 

kommunizt kat

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Jul 8, 2009
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James_Sunderland said:
Wow...

Thats...wow.

I don't really like Pac-Man either, but still, this guy sounds like a complete and utter wanker.
Also:

"Modern games should be played in online multiplayer."?

Way to go there and make a completely false, inaccurate, uneducated, all-encompassing statement without merit that can easily be torn down with the most basic of examples there, dipshit.

To me, this sounds like the ramblings of a 14 year-old ritalin-popping high-school drop-out with way too much time on his hands, who spends half his time hiding his porn-stash from his mum and the other half swearing at people over CounterStrike voice-chat.

To David Hill, and all who think likewise:

Get a fucking life, you sad losers.
you do know it was sarcasm right?
 

Samurai Goomba

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Oct 7, 2008
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Attention All:

VE MUST RAGE COLLECTIVELY AGAINST ZE OPPRESSION OF OLD GAMES WHILE DEMONSTRATING OUR COMPLETE INABILITY TO PERCEIVE SARCASM!

Sincerely,

The Internet.

*Serious post below*

Pac-Man sucks. I never liked it. I don't agree with the reasons he cited, but I absolutely think the original Pac-Man is a load of cow manure. Not everything that was old and iconic was good. Remember 1980s hairstyles?
 

DemonicVixen

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Oct 24, 2009
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Amberella said:
DemonicVixen said:
AnAngryMoose said:
I hope to God my Sarcasmograph is just broken and he's not being series or else he's a fucktard.
Why? in many ways he does actually have a point. Having said that, pac man is only good to pass the time and no longer has a holding effect. I cant say i hate it, nor would i be as silly to suggest that it should "die in a fire" as the OP suggests, but i cant deny that it has lost much of its appeal compared to the games of today. Even a basic Flash game can have a lot more appeal.
I agree here. I do believe it will always be a classic though. Just not as big as it once was. Still though, I doubt it would ever truly die.
Oh i'd never want it to die. Im actually sad that an old spin off called "Fast Food" vanished into thin air. It was basically the same principles of Pac Man but with food. Cant remember exactly but something like a drink carton chasing burgers and fruit etc. It was actually more amusing and action packed then the original Pac Man. This game existed on the very old computers that used Cassette tapes instead of floppy disks or CD's. My very first computer.
 

GreatVladmir

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May 25, 2008
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*facepalm* Why do we let un-funny, un-sarcastic idiots like this Mr. Hill breathe? If we kill him, it will clean the genepool up ten-fold.
 

likalaruku

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Nov 29, 2008
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Well, he's either being utterly sarcastic, or he's between the ages of 7 & 12. Buuut...I'm going with "sarcastic," because it sounds like a parody of what young gamers complain about & what gamers in general talk about the most.

The sarcasm is hard to detect at first, like the way a YouTuber gets tricked the first time they see an Edward Current skit.

It's not quite as whitty as that Cracked article where the writer wrote a review of Windows 7 using the Windows 95 he was sent instead.
 

Sir Prize

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Dec 29, 2009
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It may not be the smartest use of satire but it's funny all the same, showing just what some of gaming has become. I think some people on this site need to understand that funny and smart don't always go hand-in-hand, even when satire is in use. Also, while it may have been done before, what hasn't at this point?
 

King of the Sandbox

& His Royal +4 Bucket of Doom
Jan 22, 2010
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HT_Black said:
Ah, poorly disguised satire. It makes my stomach churn to see that finest of humors abused in such a way; at least he could've been subtle in his critique of the modern day games industry. 'Tis a shame, 'tis a shame, and an even greater shame still that so few of our ostensibly intellectual community can understand the meaning of this particular piece; I imagine that if they were perchance presented with "A Modest Proposal" then a rash of infant slashings would spring up about the land like so many satirically disabled weeds. Rest in peace, ye holiest of wordy muses, and know that your legacy goes to ground with you.

Truly, how can it be that such a large group of people, each of who are supposedly possessed of excessive cleverness and wisdom, miss this man's point in such a stupendous fashion? Do they not see that he is mocking the furor with which modern-day artists pursue graphical perfection? Are they truly blind to his blatant statement about the oversexualization and gratuitous violence present in many modern-day titles? How can they miss his lament of times gone by, when games were for one and all, and anyone could happily join in? Why, oh why, are these numerous professed geniuses ignorant of his disdain for taxing game engines and absurd system requirements, or the way he out-and-out says that he is joking? Has the ego of the great Escapist community at last swallowed its brain? Truly, I am ashamed to think that the community I was once proud to be part of has succumbed to the devils of hubris and misguided nostalgia, and that the deviants and trolls may be the wisest of us.

Escapist, I am dissappoint. Very disappoint indeed.


On an unrelated note, I seriously didn't think much of Pac-man.
Same. Except for the Pac-Man part. You had to be there, man.

The arcades of the 80's, I mean.
 

TheRightToArmBears

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Dec 13, 2008
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C'est amusant.

I thought just saying it in English might be a little dull. But it's pretty obviously not serious, we don't need to get the pitchforks out.
 

Legion

Were it so easy
Oct 2, 2008
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For the "last bastion of intelligence on the internet" a lot of people on here really suck at picking up sarcasm.