The Customer Is Always Wrong

[ShadeFox]

The Necroswanson: I am your new fan club. That is all.

YAY! Being the first you have been promoted to, "Minion Overwatch" status.

Do i get a whip? My last job i only got a small hammer and some encouraging stickers.

Cato'ninetails is better than a whip in my opinion.

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

The Necroswanson: I am your new fan club. That is all.

YAY! Being the first you have been promoted to, "Minion Overwatch" status.

Do i get a whip? My last job i only got a small hammer and some encouraging stickers.

Cato'ninetails is better than a whip in my opinion.

I have one of those but only for special occasions, like birthdays.

 

[meatloaf231]

The Necroswanson: I am your new fan club. That is all.

YAY! Being the first you have been promoted to, "Minion Overwatch" status.

Do i get a whip? My last job i only got a small hammer and some encouraging stickers.

Actually you get two. Productivity comes with a whip for each hand.

BEST JOB EVER!!!

*Steals whip and challenges Reaperman Wompa to a whip-duel*

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

I have one of those but only for special occasions, like birthdays.

You and I have something in common then my friend.

I've also got some lemon juice. *sigh* Future memories.

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

*Steals whip and challenges Reaperman Wompa to a whip-duel*

Bring it. I can get access to 3 guns, Chainsaws, Shovels, Sledge hammers, cement and a sword.

 

[Xhumed]

...How can anyone top that little anecdote?
Keep posting though, eh?

Actually, you, TheNecroswanson, have reminded me of an incident I'd tried to blank from my memory (thanks, thanks a bunch.) Working the late shift in a 24 hour petrol station on a friday night, I'd often get the more...unusual (or pissed) customers in. One night, a taxi pulls up, and these two rather inebriated women of around 30-35 years old totter unsteadily in, to buy more booze. The slightly more inebriated of the two starts giving me the eye as I'm scanning her purchases (cheap sweet white wine, cigarettes.) Slightly unsettled, I ask "Anything else?"
Her:"Just your phone number handsome." <look intended possibly as a come-hither, possibly as an attempt to focus properly>
Me: "Um... I'm afraid we aren't allowed to give out our phone numbers to customers madam." <yeah, I'm making that rule up>
Her: "How about you come back with us, sexy?"
Me: <wondering how the hell I get out of this. I can see my co-worker in the eisle behind them, struggling not to laugh> "I'm afraid I can't madam, I have to work. My shift isn't over for another 2 hours."
Her: "C'mon, we'll show you a good time. What do you say <Friend's Name>?"
Friend: "Leave the poor boy alone, you tart!"
Her: "C'mon handsome, you're coming with me."
At this point her friend grabs the shopping bags, grabs her and pulls her off back towards the taxi. As she goes shes waving and blowing kisses.
Co-worker: "You were in there, mate!"
Me: "Shut. The. Fuck. Up."
I have honestly never been so embarassed, and it wasn't the last time I had a group of drunk older women take a...shine... to me while at work.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

I can feel this thread beginning to scrape the...actually I won't go there...

My favourite of all time.

Customer comes in and after hunting around for half an hour picks up "Naughty Nick's Guide to Being Evil". RRP £6.99 Our Price : 10p

He hands over a credit card.
I look at him with the usual happy smiling WTF? face.
"You don't have a £5 limit here, do you?"
"Uh. No sir."
I swipe the card, get him to sign, pack his bag and he leaves.

10 minutes later.

"I'd like to return this book."

I ask him for his card, go through the rigmarole, and hand him his re-credit note.

He smiles and leaves.

The Customer is Always Right, but that doesn't stop them being Morons.

 

[Digikid]

I also work in Retail and I must say that my respect for customers has been dead for YEARS now. Customers are simply put so LAZY and rude and stupid that I try to avoid them as much as I can now. I want nothing to do with them.

Also if you want a great site for reading on stories like this try http://www.notalwaysright.com


Fricken hilarious.

 

[s-l-u-g]

Once worked at a Safeway, twas fun times to be had.

AAAaaaah teenagers, they think they're clever. *giggle*
So, a gentleman in his early thirties walks up to the register with 3 girls, couldn't have been over 16, and proceeds to place a 36 pack of Bush, and two 40oz. bottles of vodka on the counter.
"Good evening sir. Whoa, looks like you've got quite the evening planned." I say in that tone that tells of good times to be had.
The man looks at me blankly. "huh? Oh, yeah. Uh, no...This is for, uh my roommate."
I give him the, "awe, lame." look when I realise his three "daughters" were black, asian, and too white to be considered related to him. I look at him a moment.
"Sir, you have quite the brood going. These all yours?"
"huh? Oh uh, no. Just the blonde uh-uh..."
She nudges him and in a hushed tone that apparently teenage girls think you can't hear even though you're a foot away from them "Stacy"
"Stacy, that's right." *Devilish laugh, here's where it gets fun, cause now I know fullwell what's going on.*
"Sir, have you been drinking?"
"No sir, clean a sober 6 years running."
"Hey, Stacy, what's you're last name?"
"Fletcher, what the hell does it matter to you?"
"Stacy Fletcher, that's a pretty name. Anyway, I'll just need to see your I.D. sir."
"oh, uh, yeah."
He goes to pull out his I.D.
"So, how long you been married sir?"
"Me?" he hands me the I.D. "Never married."
"Oh," as I look over the I.D, "Is Stacy adopted?"
"No sir. She's my progieny through and through."
"Yes sir Mr. Erickson she looks just like you.....Not really. I need to inform you that purchasing alchohol for minors is a felony in this state."
Face goes pale. "What're you talking about?"
"Well, you say she's yours, but you don't even have the same last name. And we reserve the right to refuse to sell alchohol to anyone we suspect to be drunk, underage, or intends to give to minors. It's a felony and you could get up to ten years in prison."
The man backs up. "You're on your own kids, I'm keepin' the fifty though." And walks off.
So, I begin to chuckle to myself when the two girls blow up at me. You know, with that, 'little miss thang' tone, and their, "huh-uh, no you didn't just". And as they begin to yammer angrily at me, I seem to get taller, and much more menacing looking then I was before. So, they shrink and tone their voices down. The manager walks by to add some change to my till.
"Hey, we want to talk to your manager!"
"Hey, Roy, you wanna talk to these girls?"
"I don' wanna talk to 'em. You do it."
We laugh.
One of the girls comments, "Damnit, I live ontop of the hill and I don't wanna walk up John Carlson. He was our ride... Hey, you, Ray or whatever your name was, I demand you give us a ride for the way we've been treated!" *John Carlson is a hill with no more than a 35 degree incline RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.
Roy looks at them, then looks at me, and winks.
"Well, I personally can't do it, but I will be more than happy to send *name withheald* here to take you three home."
"Roy," I say in a pleading tone, "I haven't had a breakthrough with my psychologist yet."
"Oh, you'll be okay."
"But, I'm weak sir, I've had the urges all day."
Black girls chimes in.
"Boy, you ain't gonna kill us quit playing and let's go, sheeeeit."
We both look at her with horrific stares.
"He's.....He wouldn't kill you..."
"Sir, please, if I have to go back to the prison they'll eat me alive. I don't want to rape again. If I have to drive them I won't be ale to control it!"
Their faces turned white as chalk.
"That last girl," I begin to sob and claw at my face, "I can still hear her screams! I didn't want her to die! But I couldn't control myself." Here my voice dropped to a purposeflly audible whisper. "I didn't mean to rape her to death." and I start crying.
They BOOKED! They were gone quicker then you can say, "Say what?"
And then we bust up laughing.

Rationality and calmness

Man, you killed it by being all rational and calm. Now everyone's going to feel weird posting stuff here.

EDIT: Well, maybe not Necroswanson, but I don't think he feels anymore.

Nothing is colder than the Necroswansons heart....Naw, I used to workk customer care for a cell company. I helped, I made a difference. However calmness and rationale is always met, for me atleast, with epic amounts of irationality.

You Are My God. EPIC PWN!

 

[MRMIdAS2k]

So, Me and my homie go to buy burgers at the local Burger King.
We order about $5.40 worth of whopper jr.s I give the lady a twenty. And she even says, "Out of 20." To confirm it. She then gives me $4.60 in change.
Then, just as she gives me the change she tries to walk off. And of course I stop her.
"Excuse me miss. But you gave me change for a ten. And I most certainly gave you a twenty."
"No, sir, I think you're wrong. You gave me a ten."
"Right, that's why you said out of twenty right?"
"Sir, are you calling me a liar?"
"You bet I am you filthy liar."
At this point my friend is about to laugh himself to death.
"Lady, get me your manager."
And here's where I about nearly strangled the *****.
"No."
And walks out back.
My friends jaw just dropped.
"Oh buddy, you can bet this ain't over."
So, I jump the counter, walk back to the manager's office, having used to work there. And explained my situation. She pulled the employee in, and they checked the tapes. Well, the security camera caught her apparently stuffing the extra $10 in her apron. Yeah, that's real nice of her.

It works both ways though.

My (Second cousin? her mum and my mum are cousins....) was in a bar I used to work at, I had just knocked off for the night, so was on the other side of the bar, she comes up, looking to get served, I hail my friend, introduce the two of them, and ask him to serve her, she got 2 pints of lager, a double rum n coke and a bottle of VK for a quid. which my friend then pocketed.

 

[demonwaffle]

I am a cashier at my local shoprite and it is next to a senior community.

1. ME:Im sorry your going to have to enter your pin number. OLDGUY:what's a pin number? Do you have my pin number?

2. Me:How would you like your bags packed sir? OLDGUY: Can you put them all in one bag and make it light to.(there was 60 plus items...) NO! NO! your doing it wrong! (he goes and puts it all in like 4 dosen bags.

3. Me: What kind of bag would you like maam? Woman: Can you please put it in a bag. ME: what kind of bag? Woman: a bag bag! pointing to the plastic bag.

4. Me: Will that be paper or plastic sir? OLDGUY: Yes.

 

[Xhumed]

I had a guy give me a ten-pound note, then when I handed him his change, claim he gave me a twenty. I'd pressed ten on the till, I'd put it in the ten drawer of the till, I know he gave me a ten. I double check- no twenty in the ten drawer. He accuses me of ripping him off. I go and grab the manager. It's an hour til we call Time, so my boss tells him if he waits, we'll check and see if we're ten pounds up after we cash up. Bloke sits down, looking smug, probably thinking he's gotten me in trouble. But as this was Pete, he says to me, "I checked the cameras, I know he gave you a tenner. Let him sit there a while." Pete picks up the phone, and pretends to dial it. He speaks into the phone, constantly looking at this bloke as he does. He ends the 'call' with a loud "thank you officer, see you shortly." The bloke, already paranoid from Pete's constant glancing, suddenly gets up and leaves. The regulars at the bar nearly wet themselves laughing, as do I.

 

[Xhumed]

I am a cashier at my local shoprite and it is next to a senior community.

1. ME:Im sorry your going to have to enter your pin number. OLDGUY:what's a pin number? Do you have my pin number?

2. Me:How would you like your bags packed sir? OLDGUY: Can you put them all in one bag and make it light to.(there was 60 plus items...) NO! NO! your doing it wrong! (he goes and puts it all in like 4 dosen bags.

3. Me: What kind of bag would you like maam? Woman: Can you please put it in a bag. ME: what kind of bag? Woman: a bag bag! pointing to the plastic bag.

4. Me: Will that be paper or plastic sir? OLDGUY: Yes.

I don't know why people saying "PIN number" annoys me so much, but it does. The word number is redundant there, the 'N' in PIN stands for Number.

 

[Digikid]

I agree. YOu are correct...she is not.

 

[the monopoly guy]

Long funny story

Your manager is awesome!

Long story

...Marry me.