The Customer Is Always Wrong
- Thread starter Xhumed
- Start date
I used to be a cashier at IKEA and I would always hear the most stupid things from customers.
The most ridiculous one I could remember was one time before Christmas last year, a customer approached me and said, "I just moved into a house with IKEA flooring and I hate it and I want IKEA to replace it all for free". I shit you not, that's what he said.
I replied by telling him that the warranty on the flooring only applies to the person who bought the product ...
He kept yelling at me saying that I was wrong, despite the faact that I showed him papers of that policy. He ended up being escorted out the building by the police.
Seriously, do people realize how effin' retarded they are?
PS - For the love of god, please don't say "START THE CAR!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrRvyqBjp_w) after you cash out. It's not funny. AT ALL. Makes me want to kill myself.
The most ridiculous one I could remember was one time before Christmas last year, a customer approached me and said, "I just moved into a house with IKEA flooring and I hate it and I want IKEA to replace it all for free". I shit you not, that's what he said.
I replied by telling him that the warranty on the flooring only applies to the person who bought the product ...
He kept yelling at me saying that I was wrong, despite the faact that I showed him papers of that policy. He ended up being escorted out the building by the police.
Seriously, do people realize how effin' retarded they are?
PS - For the love of god, please don't say "START THE CAR!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrRvyqBjp_w) after you cash out. It's not funny. AT ALL. Makes me want to kill myself.
Unfunny lines? Oh there's a whole new bunch of them....
"It can't scan. Does that mean it's free?"
*whilst checking notes* "It's ok, I printed it fresh this morning" or "The ink's still wet"
'Up to 80% off' actually means 0-80% off the RRP, not the price on the product.
And my all-time worst line to be heard
"I don't want a bag. I'm saving the environment."
"It can't scan. Does that mean it's free?"
*whilst checking notes* "It's ok, I printed it fresh this morning" or "The ink's still wet"
'Up to 80% off' actually means 0-80% off the RRP, not the price on the product.
And my all-time worst line to be heard
"I don't want a bag. I'm saving the environment."
You don't work at the same store as me do you? I hear all those things every single day I work, that plus my personal "favourite" when people come in with one item and say "last of the big spenders" I've given up even pretending to fake laugh now, it's gotten so old.The_root_of_all_evil post=18.70218.721007 said:
Ok, this is one of my brother's stories, but it made me laugh so much I couldn't breathe.
My brother works as a doorman (or bouncer, if you prefer.) Now, the company he works for sometimes does security for film premieres down in London. Makes a nice change from chucking arseholes out of clubs anyway.
One day, he gets asked to be part of the team for the High School Musical 2 premiere.
At the premiere there's a VIP area, where all the celebrity guests hang out away from the Proles. Access to this magical land of Milk and Honey is granted by possession of a VIP Access Pass. My brother is guarding the doorway to it.
Who should walk up to him, but Andrew Lloyd Webber.
"Do you have a VIP pass, sir?"
"No, I don't."
"Well then, I'm afraid you can't come in."
Webber draws himself up, and says in a haughty manner, the immortal words- "Do you know who I am?"
"I'm perfectly aware of who you are sir. But you don't have a Pass."
I had to high-five him for that. After I'd finished crying with laughter.
Webber got in, after he found the head of security and complained, and got given a Pass. The boss thought it was hysterical too.
My brother has also met Gordon Ramsey and his family at one of these premieres, and been called a tosser by Lily Allen, because he wouldn't let her dodgy-looking mate into a VIP area without a pass.
My brother works as a doorman (or bouncer, if you prefer.) Now, the company he works for sometimes does security for film premieres down in London. Makes a nice change from chucking arseholes out of clubs anyway.
One day, he gets asked to be part of the team for the High School Musical 2 premiere.
At the premiere there's a VIP area, where all the celebrity guests hang out away from the Proles. Access to this magical land of Milk and Honey is granted by possession of a VIP Access Pass. My brother is guarding the doorway to it.
Who should walk up to him, but Andrew Lloyd Webber.
"Do you have a VIP pass, sir?"
"No, I don't."
"Well then, I'm afraid you can't come in."
Webber draws himself up, and says in a haughty manner, the immortal words- "Do you know who I am?"
"I'm perfectly aware of who you are sir. But you don't have a Pass."
I had to high-five him for that. After I'd finished crying with laughter.
Webber got in, after he found the head of security and complained, and got given a Pass. The boss thought it was hysterical too.
My brother has also met Gordon Ramsey and his family at one of these premieres, and been called a tosser by Lily Allen, because he wouldn't let her dodgy-looking mate into a VIP area without a pass.
I work at a design studio/publishing place... and EVERYBODY thinks theyre an artist!
I did a business card for a woman who wanted TONS of info on her 2 x 3 1/2" card. I tried and tried to explain to her that a business card is mainly for contact info, not a bloomin commercial! I suggested she keep it simple, tie it together with color, yada yada yada, you know...your business card basics. After MUCH persuasive talking and my lips planted firmly on her ass for SEVERAL days...
She says to me... "I think, in order to catch attention and keep the card readable... I'll leave off "x" amount of info."
"Wow, thats a great idea ma'am" ...fuck u! *it ended up looking JUST like the VERY first card layout I showed her!!! AAAUUUggghhh!!!
I did a business card for a woman who wanted TONS of info on her 2 x 3 1/2" card. I tried and tried to explain to her that a business card is mainly for contact info, not a bloomin commercial! I suggested she keep it simple, tie it together with color, yada yada yada, you know...your business card basics. After MUCH persuasive talking and my lips planted firmly on her ass for SEVERAL days...
She says to me... "I think, in order to catch attention and keep the card readable... I'll leave off "x" amount of info."
"Wow, thats a great idea ma'am" ...fuck u! *it ended up looking JUST like the VERY first card layout I showed her!!! AAAUUUggghhh!!!
I have to admit I was once the stupid customer. I was Christmas shopping one year and selected a television, but it wouldn't fit into the Tracker so I put it on layaway. Two days later I'm back with my wife and my truck to pick it up. I present my layaway tag for pickup. The guy enters it into the computer and it won't take the number. After five minutes of trying he apologizes and fetches another salesman, who spends another five minutes trying to get the computer to accept my layaway number without success. Now they both apologize and call for a supervisor, who spends at least ten minutes trying to make the system accept the number. Finally he says he'll just go get me a television, since the ticket shows the price and how much I paid.
After a few minutes he brings out a really nice TV, not at all the one I selected (which was nice but considerably smaller and cheaper.) I tell him that isn't the correct set, and after another five minutes or so he fetches another supervisor to help study the number on the ticket. I'm getting a bit exasperated by this point, but luckily for me I'm being very nice about it. After comparing the number on my ticket to several more sets on the floor, an assistant manager is called over. More minutes scroll by. I've been in the store probably an hour or more. Finally the manager comes over to see why half his store is trying to help one customer at the busiest time of the year. The assistant manager explains the story and hands him my layaway ticket. He takes one look at it and says "Sir, this is a Circuit City* ticket. You're in Rex." He hands me back the ticket which, sure enough, has "Circuit City" written in large letters across the top.
Of course I then say the most stupid thing I could possibly say: "But I'm sure I bought it here." (You can't very well complain that it took an hour to figure that out if you're the idiot who brought it to the wrong store.)
The manager replies "Sir, we very seldom use Circuit City tickets at Rex."
Luckily I had been very nice about the delay, so I was able to slink out of the store with my tail between my legs as an idiot rather than an idiot asshole. A very small victory, but all I had left at that point.
*This is before Circuit City fired its highest paid sales people and invited them to re-apply for their old jobs at their new lower wage. Circuit City has the right to employ whomever they wish at whatever wage is mutually agreeable, but I choose not to patronize such a place.
After a few minutes he brings out a really nice TV, not at all the one I selected (which was nice but considerably smaller and cheaper.) I tell him that isn't the correct set, and after another five minutes or so he fetches another supervisor to help study the number on the ticket. I'm getting a bit exasperated by this point, but luckily for me I'm being very nice about it. After comparing the number on my ticket to several more sets on the floor, an assistant manager is called over. More minutes scroll by. I've been in the store probably an hour or more. Finally the manager comes over to see why half his store is trying to help one customer at the busiest time of the year. The assistant manager explains the story and hands him my layaway ticket. He takes one look at it and says "Sir, this is a Circuit City* ticket. You're in Rex." He hands me back the ticket which, sure enough, has "Circuit City" written in large letters across the top.
Of course I then say the most stupid thing I could possibly say: "But I'm sure I bought it here." (You can't very well complain that it took an hour to figure that out if you're the idiot who brought it to the wrong store.)
The manager replies "Sir, we very seldom use Circuit City tickets at Rex."
Luckily I had been very nice about the delay, so I was able to slink out of the store with my tail between my legs as an idiot rather than an idiot asshole. A very small victory, but all I had left at that point.
*This is before Circuit City fired its highest paid sales people and invited them to re-apply for their old jobs at their new lower wage. Circuit City has the right to employ whomever they wish at whatever wage is mutually agreeable, but I choose not to patronize such a place.
Seen Silence of the Lambs? Buffalo Bill visits us every night at my grocery store. One night someone goes into the restroom and notices the sinks are running. He turns them off and hears a steady "Fap fap fap."
Another regular is an Elvis impersonator. He writes love letters to all the underage girls at the store. If I can get my hands on one I show you (bugger's about 40).
Now for a more specific occasion- I'm bagging a woman's groceries when a green onion gets caught on the handle and falling out of the bag. I go to correct the problem when she rips the bag out of my hands and says "Are you new?!" I reply "Not really, I've been here 4 months" The battleaxe "WELL, You should not be expecting a tip from me, young man." "Ma'am, we're not allowed to take tips, so that threat is somewhat empty." Never heard a word about it from my manager's. Got some other stories, but can't talk right now.
Another regular is an Elvis impersonator. He writes love letters to all the underage girls at the store. If I can get my hands on one I show you (bugger's about 40).
Now for a more specific occasion- I'm bagging a woman's groceries when a green onion gets caught on the handle and falling out of the bag. I go to correct the problem when she rips the bag out of my hands and says "Are you new?!" I reply "Not really, I've been here 4 months" The battleaxe "WELL, You should not be expecting a tip from me, young man." "Ma'am, we're not allowed to take tips, so that threat is somewhat empty." Never heard a word about it from my manager's. Got some other stories, but can't talk right now.
I work at a Bottle Depot. It's an understatement when people don't bring their returnables sorted properly. But what is really annoying is peoples deliberate (seems at least) disobeying what signs say all over the store.
"Do not put broken glass in Garbage Cans: show staff for proper disposal"
"Remove cans from package boxes and put them into 6x4 flat trays found under sorting tables"
"Beer Cans and Pop Cans must be kept seperate"
"Beverages Only"
"American Products are not returnable here"
People still ask us if these signs are right, or neglect them and ask us anyways. That's fine. It means that they're getting it right before they start. What is very annoying is that people assume. Every blasted day there's broken glass in the garbage can, at least one inevitable customer who mixed beer and pop and has to have 3 flats of cans (72 cans) re-sorted, and those dolts who bring in Pickle jars, Soup Broth cartons, it's happened three times one guy brings in a friggen Propane Cylinder! To a Bottle Depot!
We used to have people remove bottle caps, but we don't care anymore. It doesn't affect the recycling process and when we told people to put the caps into buckets on the table, people would put trash in them. Even when we put small pieces of cardboard on top with holes in the middle only big enough for caps, and put a sign on the bucket reading "BOTTLE CAPS ONLY", people still stuffed trash into the little hole.
I don't get paid enough.
"Do not put broken glass in Garbage Cans: show staff for proper disposal"
"Remove cans from package boxes and put them into 6x4 flat trays found under sorting tables"
"Beer Cans and Pop Cans must be kept seperate"
"Beverages Only"
"American Products are not returnable here"
People still ask us if these signs are right, or neglect them and ask us anyways. That's fine. It means that they're getting it right before they start. What is very annoying is that people assume. Every blasted day there's broken glass in the garbage can, at least one inevitable customer who mixed beer and pop and has to have 3 flats of cans (72 cans) re-sorted, and those dolts who bring in Pickle jars, Soup Broth cartons, it's happened three times one guy brings in a friggen Propane Cylinder! To a Bottle Depot!
We used to have people remove bottle caps, but we don't care anymore. It doesn't affect the recycling process and when we told people to put the caps into buckets on the table, people would put trash in them. Even when we put small pieces of cardboard on top with holes in the middle only big enough for caps, and put a sign on the bucket reading "BOTTLE CAPS ONLY", people still stuffed trash into the little hole.
I don't get paid enough.
Legendary Thread. [http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/8845/legendarythreadlk3.jpg]Portkins post=18.70218.684725 said:
Ugh. I had the same problems. I'd forgotten about that for the most part. Fortunately our company had a version of warranty the customer could buy, and in the event they got their phone wet (and apparently everyone does. Seriously, who showers with their phone?) we had a number they could contact, send the broken phone in, and get a new one sent back, no charge.gamebrain89 post=18.70218.710870 said:
Of course that is never enough. Many people wanted me to replace it right there and then, in store, at my expense.
oh god, my grandfather just told me a funny one
i was at the hospital unconscious because of a ski accident at the time, so i don't have any recollection
shes in the waiting room as the perform some scans on my cranium
nurse walks over to a man sitting next to her
nurse - "Sir, before we begin, could you please sign these papers? I need you to sign right here and then just in-"
man - "Stupid *****. I know what to do! don't think I'm as dumb as you"
nurse - "uhhhh... yes sir..."
*about 10 minutes pass as he watches the other man flip through the sheets*
*man stands up and goes over to the nurse*
man - "were do i sign again?*
i was at the hospital unconscious because of a ski accident at the time, so i don't have any recollection
shes in the waiting room as the perform some scans on my cranium
nurse walks over to a man sitting next to her
nurse - "Sir, before we begin, could you please sign these papers? I need you to sign right here and then just in-"
man - "Stupid *****. I know what to do! don't think I'm as dumb as you"
nurse - "uhhhh... yes sir..."
*about 10 minutes pass as he watches the other man flip through the sheets*
*man stands up and goes over to the nurse*
man - "were do i sign again?*
"S'cuse me, sir." I turn around, dear God, the entire Oompla-Loompa Union just appeared in my arcade.
"Uh. Yessir?"
"A machine is broken."
Ah hell, not again. "Which one?"
"Uh..." Dear God, did five of them just walk up?
Suddenly, five very short individuals all named a different machine.
At the same time.
At the various corners (and the central machine) in the store.
I walk over to the first when the phone rings, it's my boss. "One second, guys. I need to take that."
I hurry back to the office.
"Hey Taylor, the UPS guy called this morning, said that the tickets will be coming in today, think you can feed all of the machines tonight before you close?"
"Um... Sure."
The problem, we'd been out of fresh tickets to feed the machines since... Last week? And kids chew through those things fast. So now I had to re-stock, two stacks, of tickets on every machine in the store. In less than three hours.
Plus closing duties. I drudged out of the office, down-trodden.
Oh hell, the OL-Union is still around. "Sorry about that." Good recovery... Maybe.
"So, walk me through this, one by one."
I got lead to the first machine. Power failure, recycle power. "It will work in about a minute, here are the tokens to test it, come let me know if it still gives you problems."
Next machine, ticket error. "I'll address this one in a few, I still need to sign for a package." UPS guys walking across the front window, speak of the deliverer, and he shall come?
Third machine before the UPS guy comes in. Looks like it's jammed. Falcon... "Step back." KICK! Thump, drop, *****. The chime confirmed it, it took the token. "That should be it. One second guys."
Back to the office, which doubles as a storage room, right on time with the UPS guy. "Heya, where do I sign?"
Point. Wow, this guy's so professional, he doesn't even need to speak. Neato digital parcel system, though. Where's the stylus. "Where's the stylus?" He handed me a pen. No wonder the screen looked scratched. So much for professional. Signed. "Thanks."
"Sure." He was off, leaving me with six boxes worth of tickets. Screw you, NAMCO.
Back to themidge- little people. "Okay, which machine again?"
Two more, both ticket errors. Fixed what I could, found a sharp bladed object, and ripped apart the boxes. It's ticket time.
Nine-fifteen, just finished the last machine full of tickets. I freakin' hate this job some days. My eyes hurt, I'm tired, and the headaches been going since the last repeat cycle of DDR. What a day... Ah well, as least the Union was leaving. Wait... Did one of them dump every trash can in the store. Including the one with the trash-bag full of birthday party juice.
All over the carpet...
Fifteen minutes after closing.
Screw it, I'm going home. Finished what closing duties I had, cleaned the carpet to the best of my ability, and clocked out and locked up. I locked the gate, the one I don't have the keys for, got outside in the biting, humid cold, and realized my sweater was locked.
In the back.
And I had school in the morning, no time to get it tomorrow at open.
Ah hell, I'm not paid enough for days like today. Ah well, "Oompa, loompa, gobbledy goo~"
"Uh. Yessir?"
"A machine is broken."
Ah hell, not again. "Which one?"
"Uh..." Dear God, did five of them just walk up?
Suddenly, five very short individuals all named a different machine.
At the same time.
At the various corners (and the central machine) in the store.
I walk over to the first when the phone rings, it's my boss. "One second, guys. I need to take that."
I hurry back to the office.
"Hey Taylor, the UPS guy called this morning, said that the tickets will be coming in today, think you can feed all of the machines tonight before you close?"
"Um... Sure."
The problem, we'd been out of fresh tickets to feed the machines since... Last week? And kids chew through those things fast. So now I had to re-stock, two stacks, of tickets on every machine in the store. In less than three hours.
Plus closing duties. I drudged out of the office, down-trodden.
Oh hell, the OL-Union is still around. "Sorry about that." Good recovery... Maybe.
"So, walk me through this, one by one."
I got lead to the first machine. Power failure, recycle power. "It will work in about a minute, here are the tokens to test it, come let me know if it still gives you problems."
Next machine, ticket error. "I'll address this one in a few, I still need to sign for a package." UPS guys walking across the front window, speak of the deliverer, and he shall come?
Third machine before the UPS guy comes in. Looks like it's jammed. Falcon... "Step back." KICK! Thump, drop, *****. The chime confirmed it, it took the token. "That should be it. One second guys."
Back to the office, which doubles as a storage room, right on time with the UPS guy. "Heya, where do I sign?"
Point. Wow, this guy's so professional, he doesn't even need to speak. Neato digital parcel system, though. Where's the stylus. "Where's the stylus?" He handed me a pen. No wonder the screen looked scratched. So much for professional. Signed. "Thanks."
"Sure." He was off, leaving me with six boxes worth of tickets. Screw you, NAMCO.
Back to the
Two more, both ticket errors. Fixed what I could, found a sharp bladed object, and ripped apart the boxes. It's ticket time.
Nine-fifteen, just finished the last machine full of tickets. I freakin' hate this job some days. My eyes hurt, I'm tired, and the headaches been going since the last repeat cycle of DDR. What a day... Ah well, as least the Union was leaving. Wait... Did one of them dump every trash can in the store. Including the one with the trash-bag full of birthday party juice.
All over the carpet...
Fifteen minutes after closing.
Screw it, I'm going home. Finished what closing duties I had, cleaned the carpet to the best of my ability, and clocked out and locked up. I locked the gate, the one I don't have the keys for, got outside in the biting, humid cold, and realized my sweater was locked.
In the back.
And I had school in the morning, no time to get it tomorrow at open.
Ah hell, I'm not paid enough for days like today. Ah well, "Oompa, loompa, gobbledy goo~"
Reminds me of a thread here by wlkncntrdtcn (or whaveter his nick), saying how, as a cashier he was going to snap if he people would not stop saying "Just doing my part for the environment, mate." each time they whipped out their own bag instead of taking the plastic bags. He said he replied "Seeing how short our lifespans are compared to the planet, we're not helping at all.". Or something.The_root_of_all_evil post=18.70218.721007 said:
But it's really the worst, the hypocrisy here is monstrous, since most probably don't sort the trash, or consume vast amounts of electricity, non-recycled paper, etc etc.
Anarchemitis> 150% ************ !
Oh man. I work at a GameStop.
You'd be AMAZED at the amount of stupid questions that people will ask. There are way too many occurrences for me to pick out just one, but I know I'll come up with one tomorrow, after I get off of work.
There are always half a dozen stupid people with stupid questions a day, at least.
You'd be AMAZED at the amount of stupid questions that people will ask. There are way too many occurrences for me to pick out just one, but I know I'll come up with one tomorrow, after I get off of work.
There are always half a dozen stupid people with stupid questions a day, at least.
Y'know? It wouldn't surprise me. It's amazing how some people can have such selective reading skills.Nimcoy27 post=18.70218.708332 said:
Here's a few more for you fine people:
I've had a woman walk into the store holding a clear plastic sandwich baggie full of dog kibble. She walks up to me, holds up the bag and says "What kind of dog food is this?"
"I'm sorry, ma'am, I can't tell that just by looking at the kibble."
"You should know! You work here!"
You would be utterly surprised by the number of people who believe we have the exact size and shape of every brand of dog food available memorized.
Another woman asked me to tell her what type of medication to use to treat some problem her dog had (the problem itself is long-lost to the fog of memory). I defer, telling her that I'm not a licensed veterinarian and can't give her medical advice. This for some reason infuriates her, and she goes on to criticize me for not being able to simply tell her what to do, despite the fact that I lack the years of post-collegate schooling a professional veterinarian has and might very well give her incorrect advice that could get her dog killed (and I tell her this in about that many words). Finally she stalks off in a huff, upset that a retail wage-slave cannot fill in for a medical professional. Excuse me for not wanting to kill your dog! Sheesh.
And fortunately I didn't have to field this call, but one of my co-workers told me she'd answered the phone only to have to face this question:
"My Rottweiler has had an erection for three days. What should I do about it?"
