The Customer Is Always Wrong

[Gotham Soul]

*phone rings*
", how may I help you?" I get to be manning the desk, whoo. And this random man, probably in his thirties or so, starts babbling.
"Hey, uh...are you sick?"
"Excuse me?"
"I need to know if you're sick."
"...no, I am not sick. Who is this?"
"Look, just listen, I need for you to pretend you're sick, okay?"
I figure he was just pulling a joke on me, so I started mocking him. I start coughing loudly and wheezing
"Oh, no, sir, I'm terribly ill, I'm about to collapse. Oh no, my hand--!"
And I hang up.

 

[MelziGurl]

Long story cut short. I had a lady recently walk into my shoe shop, demanding her money back because a pair of shoes didn't fit her and absolutely NOTHING in the store fit her. Her excuse, and I can't begin to tell everyone how much I loathe this phrase...they must be made in China. My response, 'yes, they are made in China, but to an Australian Standard Size'. The woman just looks at me without comment.

Our policy is, that we do not refund unless proven faulty or are wrongly described. It is stipulated CLEARLY on our counter and on our reciepts and follows ACCC guidelines. So for gods sake...TRY ON THE GODDAMN SHOES AND STOP BLAMING CHINA DAMMIT!!!

 

[Singularly Datarific]

3) another time we went and we went through the drive-through again (no idiots in cars this time woot). anyway we ordered our food and were instructed to park in the special spaces (i forgot their offical name ok i think their service bays or something like that) waited what felt like 20 mins (probablly wasnt) a worker comes out gives us our food and ALL of or money back because we waited so long (aww bless).

Wow, its nice to find people with brains/hearts every now and then!

 

[Singularly Datarific]

Working at Gamestop has brought me into contact with lots of stupid people, but I usually go about answering their stupid questions with kindness. After all, it is a gamestore...
But sometimes, it just irritates me when a customer is clearly wrong, but they don't have the mental capacity to understand it; I quote: "No, I wanted Super Mario Galaxy on the Xbox 360! Don't you people even listen to me? I want to have a talk with your manager!"

The hilarious part was, the head manager for all of California was visiting that day and helping out. He was the one helping her. Somehow, he was able to keep a straight face until she left the store. I, however, wasn't.

It seems some people do not understand the complex Hierarchy of Companies, developers, economics, product manufacture, and coding for different systems. Would you ask for diesel for an unleaded car?

 

[cathou]

3 years ago i was assistant manager in a blockbuster. I have a guy that came in one day.

Man : look, i have a trouble. You see i returned a movie yesterday, but i think i made a mistake.
Me : ok, what's your mistake.
Man : i put it in the mailbox over there (the mailbox is 100 feet away from the store)
Me : are you serious ?
Man : yeah but it wasnt my fault, it's so close from your store. So i want you to remove the movie from my account, because i returned it.
Me : i'm sorry sorry Sir, but you didnt returned it, you mailed it.
man : So what ? call the post office to see if they have it.
Me : I'm sorry but it's your responsability to do it, if you cant find it, we will have to charge you the price of the movie.
Man : but it wasnt my fault !


he tried to argue some more and then he paid the movie...

 

[Gotham Soul]

"Boy, you ain't gonna kill us quit playing and let's go, sheeeeit."
We both look at her with horrific stares.
"He's.....He wouldn't kill you..."
"Sir, please, if I have to go back to the prison they'll eat me alive. I don't want to rape again. If I have to drive them I won't be ale to control it!"
Their faces turned white as chalk.
"That last girl," I begin to sob and claw at my face, "I can still hear her screams! I didn't want her to die! But I couldn't control myself." Here my voice dropped to a purposeflly audible whisper. "I didn't mean to rape her to death." and I start crying.
They BOOKED! They were gone quicker then you can say, "Say what?"
And then we bust up laughing.

Wow.

TheNecroswanson, I know very well that one day there will be a cult that worships you.

And I will be the first member.

 

[Samuari Jim]

I do banquet set-up at the hotel I work at. The contact for the group we were setting up for had a specific plan drawn out for how he wanted the room set up (by room I mean at least 200` by 50` ballroom) down to the inches between chairs. It was ridiculous. The next day he shows up and tells us it is wrong and wants the whole thing changed, including the 40 feet of stage we had centered and put 4 tables on. After changing it, he comes back in and decides he liked it how it was better, so we return it to how it originally was...bastard...

 

[Inarticulate_Underachiever]

This thread reminds me of a Control Alt Delete strip I saw last month.

 

[rated pg]

We had a guy scream at staff because he wanted "Left 4 Dead for the Wii" and that "the store next door (Future Shop) said it existed and that they were out so try here". He chose to believe 1 Future Shop person over 4 of us...what a moron. We figured he probably meant Dead Rising.

That's just the worst one I can think of lately, but there's always bad ones.

 

[internutt]

Ah. This thread is a classic.

I recently started volunteering at the Red Cross again.

After one day back I was given a bag full of old underwear.

Unwashed.

That was very disgusting to look at/smell.

 

[Cliff_m85]

I had a thick full beard with hair that barely hit the nape of my neck and some old biddy came up to me to order some food. She said to her ancient husband "Is that a boy or a girl", no big deal. I said I was a boy and she smiled and said loudly "Well, you look like a girl".


Thanks for ruining my dad, now go back to 'the home' grandmemaw.

 

[Lukirre]

what's your job?

Dairy Manager at a grocery store. I'm top of the ladder and union backed, baby!

If only we could all be so fortunate...

Where I'm working, we aren't even allowed to confront someone who we know is stealing. We just have to "watch them". If someone says something stupid, we have to keep a calm and appreciative demeanor, as if whatever idiotic problem they are having is truly contributing to the betterment of our store.

 

[MBurner 93]

I'm thinking I should have just stopped doing stuff when I was 19. Because by then I had enough stories to fill the, "Crotchety Old Codgers Tome of Real Time Stories That He May Or May Not Recellect."

So, here's chapter Five: "Doorjam Cuffs".

For those of you who do not know, doorjam cuffs are handcuffs with a strap, and a plastic hook that you place ontop of a door. Use your imagination.

So, A week after my eighteenth birthday I go out to buy a pair, a pair of positionary cuffs, and a whip. So, I get to my local adult shop, show the gentleman behind the counter my I.D, and he lets me get back to my shopping.
So, as I come up to the counter with my goodies the manager comes out. A nice woman, early thirties. HOTTER than the damn sun.
So, she apparently came out because the man did not know if he was allowed to sell them to me or not. I was being patient, so I let them talk a moment. She asks to see my I.D, I show her. She looks at me, notices how I apparently have the, "Yes, I know everything, if you like, I can tell you it." look. And asks me to educate her employee.
So, I begin droning on about the legal age limit for sex shops and shit, and how 18, while still being a minor, is an adult in America.
After a while I just got plain old bored. Informed the manager that I was growing tired, and asked if I could pay and be on my way.
Seriosuly, I think this lady was trolling for some of me. Because then she began lecturing the guy about minors, and some such crap. So finally after five minutes I interrupt.
"Look. I've been here thirty minuets playing whatever game this is. Lady, I will gladly have you assist me in breaking these in if it helps get this transaction going."
She looks at me, does the, 'undresses me with her eyes' thing. And runs the items and my card. She then asks me to follow her back to her office, leaving my friends at the coutner with the epitomy of the, "Dude," look.
We get back to her office, she begins to unbutton her shirt and tells me to take off my pants, when she gets a buzz.
"Ma'am, we had three tramps just walk in, and they look drunk."
I begin to laugh my ass off, she asks how long I can wait. I tell her I have an appoitnment in an hour and must get back to my friends. So, I leave, got my shizzle, went to the mall with my friends, met up with my girlfriend, and had a grand old time beign broken up with at the cofee shop. Apparently, she was going to be going out with the doofus who worked the counter at the sex shop. Apparently last week at my birthday party she was half an hour late because she had an affair with him on the way to my party.
Moral of the story......Um...Get with the hot older lady at the sex shop next time.... Lord knows your ***** of a girlfriend is going to cheat on you anyhow.

Bows down in reverence* UR A GOD!

 

[Daye.04]

There is one thing I find rather annoying when I'm working here. Now as I'm an electrician, I have to repair the elctric stuff people brake (Stupid people ). That's generally okay. Unless those times they stick around.

When they do, they're allways like. "That's what is wrong". No .. It's not. "Yes, I know it that's what is wrong. You should check that". And they go on and on and on. For instance. When the first I do, is checking the button. And figure out that it's not something wrong with it. Then it's not the button there is something wrong with! Still they keep saying it is. And suggest I'm doing it wrong (For those of you who don't know how to do this - you stick a wire to one end, and another to the other end). It's merely impossible to do it wrong -.-

Also. When people pull the cable instead of the plug. And then comes to me wondering why they appliance doesn't work .. Stupid people -.-

 

[YuheJi]

My friend told me that once, when he worked at Savon (which has since become CVS), a guy walked in and smashed a bunch of glass bottles of drinks on the floor. No words, no anything. He just walked in there, picked up some bottles, and threw them on the ground. And it was an adult.
My friend yelled at the guy, because he knew that he would have to clean it up eventually. Needless to say, he didn't work there very long.

 

[Signa]

Unfunny lines? Oh there's a whole new bunch of them....

"It can't scan. Does that mean it's free?"
*whilst checking notes* "It's ok, I printed it fresh this morning" or "The ink's still wet"
'Up to 80% off' actually means 0-80% off the RRP, not the price on the product.

And my all-time worst line to be heard
"I don't want a bag. I'm saving the environment."

Ok, I know this post is like 6 months old, but I had to respond to it.

I worked as a cashier for 4 years, and I heard the "it is free" line so many times. I decided once that I had heard enough of it, and wasn't going to laugh politely next time I heard it. Eventually, it did happen, and I can't remember my exact words, but it was along the lines of "yeah, that's what everyone says." The customer actually got pissed and glumly said "you could have laughed anyways."

I wasn't mean about it at all, but she still made me feel bad for being sick or the retarded joke after hearing it 50 times.

One of the first memorable things I had a customer say was the bag/environment line, but instead it was awesome. "nah, no bag. Save a plastic tree." I ended up using that one a ton on customers that declined bags. "ah, saving plastic trees?"

I've got a few stories of my own, but I'm waiting to finish reading the whole thread before I add my true response. I remember reading the first page when this thread started, but I didn't stick with it. I'm celebrating my 1-year liberation from retail, so a lot of my hate-filled memories are no longer so fresh and stinging.

Edit: Now that I've responded once, I think I'll just edit in my comments as I go along.

My brother worked as an EB Manager when Burning Crusade came out and he had to go to the midnight launch. He doesn't play WoW, but they all wore random Alliance and Horde shirts to 'get in the swing of things'. Anyway, my brother had an Alliance shirt on (not that he really knew what it was) and while he was serving at midnight to the throngs he said 'yes mate can I help you?' to this one nerdy looking fat guy at the counter. The guy goes,
'I will NOT buy my copy of BC from a person in the Alliance!'
My brother? Cool as a cucumber says, 'Good. Get your f&#$ing copy elsewhere. See ya!'...and promptly kicked him out. He quit a few weeks later as he got sick of the idiots.

11 pages and this is the first line that broke me into laughter. That's not to say that the rest of the thread wasn't funny. Oh no, the thread's been great. Something about WoWtards though just hit a funny nerve with me.

Cust:Can I withdraw some money from my account?
MeLooking at the three notes in my hand) Yes, but it would be easier to simply keep this cash and pay more on the card.
Custlooking confused) Oh no, I want to withdraw a specific amount.
MeGiving in) OK how much would you like?
Cust: $20
Me:...

I hand her the $20 note she just gave me

Me:Here you go.

I've had that exact customer. The only difference was that they handed me two $20s, and I got to hand one back. I didn't make a big deal out of it, and I don't even know if he noticed that I handed him his own cash back

 

[JakubK666]

Disregard that I suck cock, I need to check which tab I'm on when replying.

 

[Arionis]

Woman " I'm looking for a game for my son. He's fourteen, with a XBOX and an Atari."

Me. "Okay, well, for the XBOX, Hitman is very challenging."

Woman "Hitman? I don't want him assassinating people for fun."

Me "Well, there's Halo as well, if he has friends over constantly. We have Halo 2 and a map pack as well."

"Halo? What's that?"

"A first person shooter ma'am, great for parties."

"Shooter? You WANT my son to kill everyone in his school?"

"No ma'am. Um......we have Fusion Frenzy as well, another party game, fun for pretty much anyone."

"Frenzy? That sounds too violent for him, I am NOT wanting my son to grow some murderous rage and kill the first thing he sees."

........."Ma'am, do you watch him play the games?"

"Sometimes, yes, why?"

"You said you have an Atari?"

"That's correct."

*locates and hands her one of our three copies of E.T. for the Atari 2600*

"Here you are ma'am, free of charge as apology for the trouble."

"Oh, I loved this movie, I bet he'll love this. Thank you."

My boss comes up to me after she leaves. "How do you sleep at night?"

Me. "Hopefully, she lives near me, so I'll get to have her screams as her son beats her for a lullaby." *goes back to reading my magazine*

 

[Lucia di Lammermore]

I am always courteous to restaurant and store workers, mostly because I understand that they don't really want the job, and that it sucks to have bitchy customers. This wears thin when I meet people who are offences to Darwin but I have yet to abuse someone across a counter.

I once came close. me and a group of friends went to Dairy queen for milkshakes. it so happend that they were running a 4 for 3 sale. after we ordered our *4* milkshakes and went to the register, we were asked "would you like the sale price?" I almost told him "No, we would rather pay full price for all our shakes." in a really sarcastic tone of voice.

 

[ApolloSoldier]

I absolutely love this thread, it's close to being therapeutic.
I have been working in the Auto Parts business for several years now and there is no end to the amount of stupidity I face daily.

Some examples: Woman walks into store, I greet her and she walks up to my counter.
Customer: "I would like some parts for my car"
Me: "Alright, what make and model of car do you own?"
Cus: "Well, I'm not sure. It's blue."
At this point, I'm letting out a very quiet sigh.
Me: "Well, is it a Toyota? Honda? Chev?"
Cus: "I'm not really sure. It's blue though. I'm just looking for some parts"
Me: "Well, is the car here? I can come take a look at it."
Cus: "No, I took the bus because I need the parts for my car."
I thought at first she was just joshing me, but after about ten minutes of this, I realized she was for real, and she didn't really know what she was looking for, but she was adamant that I find parts for her blue car. Finally, I made a show of tapping a bunch of keys, and "hmmm"ing away, and said "I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't have any stock left on parts for blue cars. We should be getting some more in next week though."
She left the store, wasn't upset or anything, I just couldn't figure her out for the life of me.

Then there's the welfare teens. They are awesome. And ignorant. They don't work, they get up at 3PM, and they expect to be handed everything like they deserve it. This couple comes in and I can tell they're gonna be trouble just by looking at them. The chick is one of those "alley cat types" as my mom likes to call them; (she works in Social Services, deals with them all the time) with bleached blond hair, puffy blue bags under her eyes, and a huge attitude, and the guy with her is a short little scrawny bastard with beady eyes. Anyways, they come in, march up to my counter, drop a pair of shock absorbers down, and say "We want our money back."
Our return policy is pretty awesome, basically if the parts are wrong or you end up not needing them, just bring them on back we don't mind, we give a full refund, no restocking fee. So I explain that I'll return them no problem, full refund, and then the ***** starts mouthing off about how we're ripping them off because they can buy shocks up at Canadian Tire for half the price because they're on sale. I'm like "That's great, but that sale is actually on their economy line which don't last very long, and the ones you bought here are premiums with a lifetime warranty." Well, she doesn't like my tone and starts shouting at me that we're mean and out to get them and their money. My manager is standing a couple feet away, and I'm watching as she starts to break down in silent laughter, and I tried to process the return, which ended up being a hassle, not to mention my temper was starting to boil over at being personally accused of ripping people off and lying (I wasn't even in the day they bought the damn things). "Okay, do you have a debit or credit card I can return this to?" "No, we don't have any of those" "Well, I don't have that much cash in my till, we usually refund direct to a card." "Well we don't have a debit card."
I pause.
"I see. So who's debit card did you use to buy these then?"

It's great. I have more, and some are even better, like the "I have a Dodge Camaro." customer.
Others are just ignorant, thinking that because our company is affiliated with Canadian Tire, that means we are all retarded and know absolutely nothing.
I've worked in dealerships, and in heavy trucking parts, and my other co-workers have similar experience, which makes us all laugh when customers try to act smart. We don't know everything, and we'll be the first to admit it; but we know our shit and we're damn proud of our work.
Oh, and we're not the frickin' Borg. We are not a hive mind. I do not know what one of the other guys looked up for your '86 Chevette three weeks ago, nor do I want to know. And I didn't place your order yesterday, because it was one of my few days off, but if you actually give me a minute, I can go look it up instead of you standing there yelling at me for not knowing it Mr. I'm-So-Important-I-Drive-A-Dodge-Caravan.