Boy howdy, it's certainly been a few days hasn't it. Eacaraxe's Primary Nooz Round-up!
Biden won SC to the surprise of absolutely no one. The big shocker, is that Biden supporters and establishment Democrats are advertising his majority support with and turnout increase by
southern, highly conservative black voters,
never mind they're still treating "the black vote" as a homogeneous monolith that owes the Democratic party its votes in perpetuity, and this is all really a big con to justify rightward creep as inclusivity. Black turnout was up by 26% in SC, but white, conservative, elderly voters from the reddest parts of the state, just so happened to be up by 131%. But trust us, the Trump voters were crossing party lines to spoil it for Bernie, we promise.
You thought black turnout for Hillary tanked after the convention? Just wait until black voters hear about Biden's Senate record.
Astute followers of the news might have heard Final Fantasy boss music over the weekend. Buttigieg and Klobuchar both dropped out of the race, morphing into a set of arms, legs, and a cannon that fires staplers; Bloomberg morphed into its torso and engine; its head? Joe Biden. Fueled by Wall Street and billionaires' funding, ready to do absolutely nothing in office, absorbing the low-info vote like a black hole's accretion disk and converting into a relativistic jet of pure apathy directed straight towards Bernie Sanders,
Neoliberal Voltron has emerged.
Particularly genre-savvy listeners may take notice the boss music was the synth-rock shit, rather than orchestral music with Latin chanting, signaling this is only phase 2. Mecha One-Winged Battle Angel Hillary awaits.
So, Biden won a bunch of open primary states in the South, Maine, and Minnesota. And once again, just like SC, gotta git dem white conservative votes, just don't pay attention to those or the Hispanic/latino vote, only the black vote. Oh, and the youth turnout which actually was up, just not remotely close to the Boomers' tidal wave of bediapered cynical mediocrity. Percentages matter, not raw numbers. It's what I tell myself at night to not cry myself to sleep.
But hey, health care stocks are soaring today, that's a good thing right? Also, in unrelated news, Mika Brzezinski was hospitalized when she opened a cleaning closet in the MSNBC studios looking for a bottle of hand sanitizer, and was crushed by a torrent of semen had that accumulated during commercial breaks.
The DNC has been reported to be looking for ways to expedite the primary schedule over concerns coronavirus may kill Biden's voter base before they have an opportunity to cast their ballots.
In Texas, exceedingly long wait lines to vote, dysfunctional machines, and over 750 closed polling stations bogged down the process, leaving many unable to vote due to three-hour-plus waits while retirees and pensioners were able to wait it out. Biden supporters reportedly enthusiastic over the situation, not having yet figured out this will very much be the case in November as well. It's a cunning strategy, and we'll just have to see how it works out for them.
Bernie won California. Moving on.
Big props to Mike Bloomberg who, after a half billion dollars in campaign spending, wins big in...American Samoa? What the fuck, he bought the Girl Scouts too?
Also in late-breaking news, Warren, after losing her home state to
Neoliberal Voltron seems to have finally figured out she fucked up, backed the wrong horse in this fight trying to spoil Bernie for establishment table scraps, and now basically progressives' entire agenda is at risk. You know, she read a progressive op/ed from six months ago. Will Warren have an eleventh hour heel-face turn, ride up on the Bernie campaign like a librarian John Cena, and help restore momentum and morale to progressives? Or will she push the B button without holding down left trigger and
accidentally punch the horse why don't you, GODDAMN IT ARTHUR!
EDIT:
Pseudonym said:
Recent polls in Flordia, which are over a week old so take them with a massive grain of salt, routinely have Sanders at around 15% in the Primary [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/epolls/2020/president/fl/florida_democratic_presidential_primary-6847.html#polls].
Look, there are rules, observations, theories, laws, and incontrovertible facts about the world we live in. The sun sets in the west, you need water to live, objects fall when you drop them, and Florida will always find a way to fuck up an election.