The Escapist Army

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fer1wi

New member
Jun 4, 2009
213
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(My first thread!)

O.K., I'll admit this was kinda inspired by some of the posts at the Valve vs. Zynga thread.

Now that that's out of the way, this thread is a sort of "custom soldier" (for lack of a better term) that you would be if The Escapist was a military force.

Since I can't really explain what this, so I'll give the basic outline:

Rank:
Private- > 4 months
Corporal- 4-8 months
Sergeant- 8-12 months
Lieutenant- 12-16 months
Captain- 16-20 months
Major- 20-24 months
Brigadier General- 24-28 months
General- 28-32 months
Major general- 32-36 months
Admiral- Anything more than 3 years

(thanks to Lancer 723 for the revised system)

Preferred Weapons: Self-explanatory. You can choose any weapon for this, whether it be futuristic weapon, or a bow-and-arrow. You can also create a weapon, but you must describe it.

Battalion: Determined by what keeps you coming back to this site. Examples are the Runner Regiment (LoadingReadyRun), the Forum Honor Guards (the forums, news, polls, etc.). (PM me if you can think of good names for these battalions, as I'm not that creative.)

Major battles: Not sure I can explain this one well. I'll go back to the Valve vs Zynga example (dammit, not again). Participation on that thread would count as a major battle. Describe your role in said battle.

Other: Anything you would like to share with the rest of us. This is, of course, optional.

If you can think of something else to add to this, post it along with the list. I'll add your suggestion, and I'll credit you.

Now that that's over, I'll start.

Rank: Corporal

Preferred Weapons: AK-47 and one-handed sword.

Battalion: Runner Regiment

Major battles: Valve vs.Zynga - Fought for Valve. One of the many who established "the Line". Later tasked to defend the Line. Failed attempt to recruit from deviantART.

(I added spoilers to reduce the wall of text I made. You don't have to add spoilers to yours.)

Well, fellow Escapees, try it out!

EDIT: I'm adding a list for the battalions. I've already received some ideas for the names.

LoadingReadyRun: The Runner Battalion (or the official name, the LoadingReadyRunners)

Zero Punctuation: Zero's Heroes (name credited to Legion3321)

Please send more, we need more names like these!
 

Sleekgiant

Redlin5 made my title :c
Jan 21, 2010
12,945
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Um well why not

Rank:private
Weapon:Lost his
Battalion: B Company
Major Battle: Went MIA during March Mayhem, what a chicken

There we go, now off to do something
 

Soulgaunt

New member
Jan 14, 2009
1,244
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Rank: What?

Preferred Weapon(s): Scythe.

Battalion: Must I repeat myself?

Major Battles: The zombie invasion of 1957!
 

JRCB

New member
Jan 11, 2009
4,387
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Rank: Unknown, doesn't really care
Preferred weapons: FN Five-Seven, harpoon gun
Battalion: N/A (prefers to go Leroy Jenkins, so none will take him)
Major Battles: Numerous Troll wars, two March Mayhems, Goatse Strikes, potluck derailment
 

TheSquirrelisKing

New member
Mar 23, 2010
229
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Rank: CLASSIFIED
Preferred Weapon(s): Chuck Norris
Battalion: CLASSIFIED
Major Battles: Martian Invasion of 1942, Secret Missions involving a sentient peanut butter and jello sandwich, giving the First Dog a bath (It was epic, you should have been there)

Probably would have more serious answers if I knew how MW2 worked.
 

Levitas1234

New member
Oct 28, 2009
1,016
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0
Rank: Doctor
Preferred weapon: Love
Battalion: what?
Majot battles: the canadian american war of 1997 that resulted in the coming of satan and sadam huisane.
 

Uszi

New member
Feb 10, 2008
1,214
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0
Rank: Grand Pooh-Bah
Preferred Weapons: Sword canes
Battalion: The Bees Knees Scoundrels from Hell
Major Battles: Zynga vs Valve, fought for valued and debased himself by resorting to twitter in order to win, Valve vs Bioware, also fought for valve, Aliens vs Predator vs the Internet, fought for AVP against game reviewers.
 

Lancer723

New member
Dec 12, 2008
346
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MW2 system is too complex, you don't want lots of lieutenant III, I propose this ranking system:

Private- > 4 months
Corporal- 4-8 months
Sergeant- 8-12 months
Lieutenant- 12-16 months
Captain- 16-20 months
Major- 20-24 months
Brigadier General- 24-28 months
General- 28-32 months
Major general- 32-36 months
Admiral- Anything more than 3 years

Here's me:

Rank: Lieutenant

Weapon: Lance that shoots .50 caliber rounds out of the end

Battalion: Russ Pitt's Roughnecks

Major Battles: Valiant effort in the Turbine attack of 09', Numerous /b/ attacks, Defeat of the evil Zynga
 

enzilewulf

New member
Jun 19, 2009
2,130
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Rank: Awesome sauce
Preferred weapon: a big one
Battalion: Pizza Eaters
Major battles: Znyga vs. infinity ward, Rockstar north, and value. fight against Zynga all three times. O and fighting back all the trolls from the escapist.
 

Johnnyallstar

New member
Feb 22, 2009
2,928
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0
Rank: ????

Weapon: ????

Battalion: Anonymous Squad

Major Battles: Behind the scenes of every nearly every major battle since his arrival.
 

Kiriona

New member
Apr 8, 2010
251
0
0
Well, I'll give it a try...

Rank: I'm new to the site, so probably the lowest of the low... :(
Preferred Weapons: whatever can take out the most enemies in one shot.
Battalion: Hmmm... Yahtzee regiment?
Major battles: A few troll battles elsewhere and the Battle between which Prince of Persia game was the best, also elsewhere. I also started an ancient war between Scotland and a renegade border clan.
 

capin Rob

New member
Apr 2, 2010
7,447
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RANK:pVT
Preferred weapon: M14/M21 EBR Sniper rifels
Battalion:Yahtzee regiment
Major battle: Yhatzee regiment Vs. the JRPG
(I Killed 100 angsty teens by headshot, 50 with knife, 20 by Karate chops, 10 with by roundhousekicks, and 1 by looking at him funny)
 

leviathanmisha

New member
Jun 21, 2009
1,305
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Rank: Sergent

Preferred Weapon: Katana and Desert Eagle

Battalion: Grammar Nazi's

Major Battles: A thread about PETA over the summer, me and IdealistCommi ripped PETA a new one...and a Hitler thread at the beginning of the school year.
 

thepopeofatheism

New member
Jul 14, 2008
398
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Lancer723 said:
Private- > 4 months
Corporal- 4-8 months
Sergeant- 8-12 months
Lieutenant- 12-16 months
Captain- 16-20 months
Major- 20-24 months
Brigadier General- 24-28 months
General- 28-32 months
Major general- 32-36 months
Admiral- Anything more than 3 years

That...doesn't make sense.
 

Souplex

Souplex Killsplosion Awesomegasm
Jul 29, 2008
10,308
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Why would the Escapist need an army? They have me.
 

TheNumber1Zero

Forgot to Remember
Jul 23, 2009
7,345
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Huh, Doesn't this sound Familiar, the whole 'Ranks' and stuff.

Well it reminds me anyways.

Anyways, I don't know much of the MW2 System, so I'm using Lancer's idea

Rank: Sergeant
Weapon: Dragunov
Battalion: Anti-Tyke Brigade
Major Battles: None, I keep myself to the small things.
 

radarbsm

New member
Aug 30, 2009
226
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0
Rank: Esign

Preferred Weapon: USS IOWA

Battalion: Taffy 3

Major Battles: Zynga Vs Valve and a Couple trolls.
 

Double A

New member
Jul 29, 2009
2,270
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Rank: Mind your own damn business
Weapon: lightsaber
Battalion: Facepalm core
Major Battles: Flaming the guy at my school who said Farcry was like Half-Life