The Feminine Female

[Dags90]

The problem with using 'feminine' as a definition associated with a set of characteristics is that it tends to devalue the link between women lacking those characteristics and their gender identity. It is also used to degrade and 'cissify' males who have those traits.

It's very reminiscent of positive stereotyping, and really pretty much the same thing with slightly more neutral connotations. I've known plenty of Asian people who are terrible or mediocre at math and I've always wondered if they felt less Asian for it.

 

[Rayne870]

Oddly girls in jeans and t-shirts attract me the most, but once I start dating them I prefer the idea of a skirt. I am attracted to "broken" or "troubled" girls but once in a relationship I prefer that they are strong and independent, yet "clingy". Extrapolate from that what you will.

 

[lord.jeff]

First, what is feminine?
At this point it's wearing dresses, high heels and purses as well as having a cheery and kind attitude, most other things like house work, paying for meals are done by both genders equally. Fact by most standers of feminine I am more so then my girl friend, I do the cooking, sewing, do more clothes shopping, tend to dress on the nicer side and probably worn a dress most recently.

Second
It is rare this days feminine girls sometimes get looked down on plus it's easier to not wear dresses in fact every place I've worked didn't allow dresses due to set dress codes or safety issues. Although I do know several more feminine women do to hanging out in cosplay circles and many of those girls are happy to show off the dresses they just made.

Don't worry to much about your tastes we all have them, I have them, and you should never feel guilty about pursuing a person with similar tastes thats the what of the main things you look for when finding something, you have no need to apologize for what you said.

 

[Dags90]

Out of curiosity, in how many real cultures in human history do those "masculine" and "feminine"
traits not hold true for the current respective genders, at least to some extent?

Things like strength and stoicism are not considered vitally masculine traits in a lot of places. For example, in Greek and Italian and several Latin American countries, it's considered very culturally acceptable for men to be emotional and "passionate". It's from these cultural differences that stereotypes of "passionate Latin lover" and "hot headed Greek man" arise. Strength is much less emphasized in Japan as part of being "manly", with slimmer musculature being preferred over buff Hollywood types. And these are just the relatively modern countries.

If you list enough "masculine/feminine" traits, you're likely to run into at least one match up, but you probably won't find many (if any) that are universal.

 

[jawakiller]

I love feminine chicks. Now this is not to be confused with feminists. I can't stand women who blab on about how evil men are or how we only care about sex. Tell me something I don't already fucking know. Gosh. I have known many of these women in my life and all of them I find totally annoying. If you wanna get a job, great good for you. Don't get in my face and pretend you're better than me. You wanna be in the army? Fuck, I'm not stopping you. It's when you start making a war where there isn't one. There is a word in my vocabulary for women like this. A *****.


Note this MY own personal opinion. If you have a problem with it, post a comment. Thank you.

 

[Lord_Nemesis]

Have to agree with you OP. Girl's (in my friend and family circle) don't really give off the femine aura that some of the older woman in my lfie do (Mum, Gran, Aunts etc). Even my girlfriend prefers wearing things like jeans and trousers for casual attire only really donning a dress or skirt for a night out, something formal (and even at that its a battle between a dress-dress or a pant-suit) or for me if I ask nicely lol.

I grew up with really old school feminine females but I like the fact that girls (again, ONLY speaking from my private life circle here) give themselves over to that old school feminine ways at irregular time terms or rarely in some cases. It makes those times all the more... well gob-smacking for lack of better words. First time I saw my girlfriend dolled up was 2 months into our relationship and she came into the room and my jaw literally hit the floor. It was like cranking up a light several hundred Watts.

SO not sure how to answer. I like the feminine female but I also like it kept to special occasions for the reason stated above BUT if for some lapse in change or fashion reason or whatever, the "feminine female" came back into regular occurance, I would not complain at all.

 

[FaithorFire]

Out of curiosity, in how many real cultures in human history do those "masculine" and "feminine"
traits not hold true for the current respective genders, at least to some extent?

Things like strength and stoicism are not considered vitally masculine traits in a lot of places. For example, in Greek and Italian and several Latin American countries, it's considered very culturally acceptable for men to be emotional and "passionate". It's from these cultural differences that stereotypes of "passionate Latin lover" and "hot headed Greek man" arise. Strength is much less emphasized in Japan as part of being "manly", with slimmer musculature being preferred over buff Hollywood types. And these are just the relatively modern countries.

If you list enough "masculine/feminine" traits, you're likely to run into at least one match up, but you probably won't find many (if any) that are universal.

You're missing the point. To the Greeks, passion in males was embraced, as was physical strength and dedication to their respective state and willingness to soldier. Japanese men are not required to be physically "buff Hollywood types", but they are required to be intelligent and professionally successful to be seen as the most desirable male.
The point is, in every culture, part of being a man is being physically capable whether that capability to succeed and provide comes from muscular strength or cerebral sharpness. There is an overarching social structure for human males and human females to fit into, even if the details within cultures vary.
I think that suggests our perception of masculine and feminine is biologically founded and should not be casually dismissed as nothing more than cultural constructions.

 

[Daveman]

I like my girls... fierce and dirty minded. I like my mates refined.

tbh, girls may wear jeans a lot but so many men do it's unreal. Wear some other trousers ya fuckers! I own jeans but ALSO chinos, cords and straight-up, smart-casual SUITS bitches!

 

[Mallefunction]

Skirts are just not fun to wear For one, that means I don't get pockets and two, I have to constantly tug it down since they ride up on me a LOT when I walk. Sure, I could wear leggings underneath but if I'm going to wear pants anyway, what's the point of the skirt?

 

[FalloutJack]

I'm open-minded about the feminine VS the tomboyish women. Both of them can be very hot and desirable in my camp. I have my own particular interests, as does anybody else. If you like the feminine more, OP, that's your business.

 

[Dags90]

The point is, in every culture, part of being a man is being physically capable whether that capability to succeed and provide comes from muscular strength or cerebral sharpness. There is an overarching social structure for human males and human females to fit into, even if the details within cultures vary.
I think that suggests our perception of masculine and feminine is biologically founded and should not be casually dismissed as nothing more than cultural constructions.

Or that those cultures are male dominated and thus societal power is a better bargaining chip for mates because it's something women are (or historically were) restricted from outside of "marrying into" it and are taught to seek it.

 

[XenonZaleo]

What women wear is merely an outward expression of their femininity (or lack there of), I don't hink it's something that really defines them, because it's just clothes, and people dress according to the styles.

With that said, the "feminine" woman as a personality is, shall we say, "out of style" itself as a result of modern society. "Girly" women are represented in the media by sluts and ditz (see: Paris Hilton), which is not something young women want to emulate (even at a young age people know the foolishness of those types). Further, the modern day culture emphasizes the need for a woman to be independant and the waves of feminism has left this sot of mental image of what the modern woman should be.

I still remember one girl in my high school, seven years ago, who had the gall to say that all she wanted to be was a housewife (when asked about careers), and she was laughed at by nearly everyone in the class. And to an extent, I understand why they laugh, with high divorce rates and the high pre-marital sexual activity of the modern world, what we consider "feminine" just doesn't really survive..

It could come back, but you'd need a wave of social change, and you're still not going to get what you're thinking of exactly. Of course, some of that is good, for sure, as a lot of what is considered feminine is the result of societal repression. But not all of it.

tl;dr Feminism and more open sexuality killed the feminine ideal.

 

[Ambi]

I want to know if the girls agree and if they dont, I want them to explain what defines them as feminine.

Genetalia, ideally. Well, I could ramble about gender stereotypes and secondary sex characteristics but I cbf.

Just out of curiosity, what would you think of a girl sitting there looking demure, with a pretty skirt and a cardigan, and you ask her what she's listening to, and she says "Dimmu Borgir" or something?

Seriously, When I was in highschool that was all people wore and I had more refined tastes and people thought that garbage from A&F looked better than Ralph Lauren or CK.
And then I grew up and got into bodybuilding and none of that shit fits anymore.
Anyway, Touche' my friend, touche'

It's all the same brand name douchebaggery.

 

[LetalisK]

For one, I think it's bad to conflate "girly" and "feminine". At a certain point you stop seeing "girly girls" and start seeing "feminine women" because a 20 year old dressing like a 10 year old is just creepy.

Hey, you can't judge me.

Seriously though, I like the happy medium: a woman that can easily get all gussied up, but unless it's really necessary would prefer a t-shirt and jeans.

 

[Saelune]

I like being feminine. May be hard to tell on this site, since I am rather aggresive when it comes to views and opinions, but I still have a very feminine side. Especcially with clothes. I kinda feel weird with what I like to wear considering most girls dont dress so frilly anymore. Hell, aside from the unequalness, I love how in the 50's, what girls wore everyday, is fancy now. Plus I love Lolita Fashion, which is notably frilly.
Im even working on growing my hair long enough to style it like Helena from Dead or Alive 4, with the giant ribbon.

 

[lovetropicana]

I am very attracted to feminine women. The sort of girl who is happy to wear bright coloured skirts down past her knee and a long ponytail with hair adornments. Girls who have a soft demeanour and are gentle in their actions.

Again, personal views and perceptions and if your own differ than so be it, I am not here to tell you what is and is not.

What I do want to discuss is a small handful of things.

First off.

Men - What do you consider a feminine girl to be?
Girls - Do you agree? What do you consider feminine to be in your own gender.

Second.

Am I the only man who thinks that its hard to find girls who act / dress feminine these days?

my 1st ever serious relationship was when I was 19 with a Very feminine girl who did the above and I loved her deeply. I will confess due to my own poor attitude and weak / lack of willpower I lost her to an addiction to gaming I have now conquered (getting into learning to play the bass guitar and later a regular one, but thats not relevant now), but that love lasted for 2yrs despite a few emotional issues she had due to her family life and some poor choices in men before me which I wont go into detail about.

Needless to say she had a hard time making them last before me and I hope that the man she loves now does a better job than I and I also hope she grew stonger in our time together. I will also admit I still think about her from time to time and as of the 23rd (which at time of writing was 6 minutes ago, haha) I am 24.

Third.

I live in the UK and I know that we are on the tail end of winter. I dont need to be told that skirts are a poor choice in cold weather because its pretty obvious to anyone with eyes and a working brain that so much skin exposure or such thin cloth wont do much to guard against the chill.

However, even in summer I very rarely see girly girls wondering around and if they are there and I am not seeing them, its probably because all I ever see is girls in Jeans. This isn't a shovanistic point but perhaps it is a point that is backed by an innocently poor reasoning.

So that being the case.

Has the defition of what makes a girl feminine changed? Am I wrong to maintain my old definitions of what makes a feminine woman?

I ask in all seriousness.

Anyone who reads this thread and sees it as a offensive I apologise, it was not intended to be.


This thread is open to anyone with an honest, fair and pleasent opinion.

Incedently I didnt mention anything about what makes a girl pretty at any point. This thread is nothing to do with a womans body or face. It IS to do with how she acts, carries herself and dresses.

Edited in relation Dags90's point on girly girl / feminine woman.

There are plenty of books for you to read to understand the feminine psyche, I especially recommend Queen Bees and Wannabes (author is something wiseman i think, cant remember off the top of my head). In that book she collaborates a lot of high school girls ideas of feminity and narrows it down to a few traits (i can't remember all of them off the top of my head). They're along the lines of nice, pretty, lovely hair, thin with figure, etc. These features also describe the "popular" girls in highschool, notice nowhere in that list is intelligent or opininated or headstrong. Girls that naturally have THESE traits find they have to work harder at getting friends. Plenty grow to rebel against these stereotypes of "pretty" and "nice", after all, why would you spend so much time being something you're not when nobody appretiates the "real" you?
I am going to be unpopular with both sides of the fence of this debate because I'm "both". On the masculine side, I can change a tyre, tile and grout a floor, wield power tools and have some basic carpentry skills, I like to LAN especially RTS and have plenty of (mostly male) nerdy friends, plus I do two martial arts
BUT
after much reading and research into the masculine psyche, (which is a lot easier than understanding girls btw) I've found it's fun to be girly too, especially in the dating arena. And I've seen why I act so masculine: I've gained those skills because I've had to. I won't be protected all the time, so I throw myself into martial arts, I can't rely on a male always being around to fix things, so I've gotta be able to fend for myself someday. Strong, but not feminine. And maybe that's why so many girls don't act feminine nowadays, because they've been taught through males they've contacted in their lives that they NEED to put up a front of self sufficiency. In some circumstances acting "feminine" could have them labeled a ditz, useless, or a gold digger (you know what I mean, the girls that are gung-ho about going dutch on a date because they don't want to feel like they "owe" the guy sex or want to be labeled)
So yes, if there's heavy lifting to be done and I'm alone, I'll do it, standing around helplessly isn't feminine its stupid (unless it's going to put my back out in which case i'd call for backup). BUT if a group of guys are around? Yeah I'll ask for help. I had a discussion with someone i dated and he explained that he feels masculine when he pays for our dates. Can I afford to go dutch? yes. Would he have liked that? no. So I guess that long rant is that it takes a CONSCIOUS decision of a girl to act feminine in a world that screams man-hating slogans and a-woman-needs-a-man-like-a-fish-needs-a-bicycle (except for a small percentage that are naturally feminine, have not particarly needed to prove themselves self sufficient and have retained that part of their feminity).
So go easy on us modern women, for some of us it takes a conscious decision to wear a skirt to a date because it's a sign of trust that if we are attacked I will be protected and I won't need to resort to any headkicks (ok moot point pretty sure I could defend myself without flashing anyone BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN). Understand that in this current world it is a privilege to open doors for a female because she knows full well she has two working arms but "lets" you open the doors because it makes you feel like a man, and any feminine females you meet should definately be cherished. They could be trying really hard.

And to pre-empt any feminists calling me a fake or a sell-out, I don't deceive the men that I date, they know full well I'm capable of taking care of myself, but I don't bring that up more than necessary and "let" them take care of me as it's their instinct. And yes, it's uncomfortable to start with in a society that screams "GO DUTCH ON DATES" because I start to wonder if he DOES in fact expect more from me/does it mean I owe him, took a few honest conversations to settle down and accept that gentlemen do exist and I find once I trust a man enough, I can enjoy myself.

TLR Happy birthday OP

 

[lovetropicana]

I like being feminine. May be hard to tell on this site, since I am rather aggresive when it comes to views and opinions, but I still have a very feminine side. Especcially with clothes. I kinda feel weird with what I like to wear considering most girls dont dress so frilly anymore. Hell, aside from the unequalness, I love how in the 50's, what girls wore everyday, is fancy now. Plus I love Lolita Fashion, which is notably frilly.
Im even working on growing my hair long enough to style it like Helena from Dead or Alive 4, with the giant ribbon.

YOU GO GIRL
(frills are awesome!!!)

 

[lovetropicana]

People keep saying femininity has changed, can someone explain to me what it has changed to?

Probably from the ages of knights and ladies where princesses dressed ridiculous and acted helpless in castles, to...well...nowadays, independant, career driven women in a suit-and-pants
(not saying thats a bad thing! I have a bachelors degree and my own career to pursue)

 

[Eldarion]

I like being feminine. May be hard to tell on this site, since I am rather aggresive when it comes to views and opinions, but I still have a very feminine side. Especcially with clothes. I kinda feel weird with what I like to wear considering most girls dont dress so frilly anymore. Hell, aside from the unequalness, I love how in the 50's, what girls wore everyday, is fancy now. Plus I love Lolita Fashion, which is notably frilly.
Im even working on growing my hair long enough to style it like Helena from Dead or Alive 4, with the giant ribbon.

Your a feminine person into lolita too?

So am I. OMG XD

I'm just getting into it. Looks like fun.

 

[lovetropicana]

People keep saying femininity has changed, can someone explain to me what it has changed to?

Probably from the ages of knights and ladies where princesses dressed ridiculous and acted helpless in castles, to...well...nowadays, independant, career driven women in a suit-and-pants
(not saying thats a bad thing! I have a bachelors degree and my own career to pursue)

Ick. If pantsuits are progress, then I'm going back to Camelot...

Aww come on, plenty of women are afraid they won't be taken seriously in the workplace if they aren't on-par with the men, you can hardly blame them for wanting to have a costume and a persona that screams "TAKE ME SERIOUSLY PLZ"