The Feminine Female

[Kaymish]

i wouldn't say women with a soft demeanor and are gentle necessarily describes someone who is weak sure many women with those traits are weak but not all specially since i am routinely described that way and many people have also learned that behind that is the most evil cold hearted ***** who ever walked the earth if you cross me hard enough i will destroy you
i also like to wear skirt suits but not make up and quite a number of men and women have underestimated me and it serves me well

 

[Ghaleon640]

I see what you mean man, and one time when I was considering what exactly I was looking for, or at least may have had a preference for, I thought about that too. But I think that these days, it takes a very strong personality to dress feminine because the norm has become a bit more casual. And what does it mean to go to school in a dress when everyone else is wearing jeans?
What kind of immediate reactions do they get, not from people wondering if they want to date her, but everyone in the other areas, who either just want to be friends or just are stuck in a class with that person. Instantly assumptions can be made, and if she looks really really feminine, maybe those assumptions may not be in the best of light.


A weird little rant, but I found that the girls that dressed really girly didn't actually have a personality I was looking for, even if I found the way they dressed to be cute.
But thats just my experience.

 

[Saelune]

Wow, there is alot of ignorance in the people's responses. People really are so stuck on people who look like thus act like this. Kinda sad. Being feminine does not automatically mean weak, or shallow, or anything. I also cant stand when people treat people who DO fall in stereotypes as bad people automatically. People can surprise you and be more than what you see.

 

[Ultrajoe]

To me, feminine, masculine or good-old-fashioned 'sexy' qualities are one and the same; confidence in oneself as a sexual or social being. That means knowing what you have or what you want, regardless of what that is, and flaunting it. Some things are easier to flaunt than others. Being feminine just means you display qualities that also line up with current societal expectations of what a woman should be. It's just a category that attractive qualities can fall into.

Some likes that, some don't.

As for skirts? Anyone who views skirts as a sign of submissive or demure qualities is just using them wrong.

 

[Labyrinth]

2. I think it's fairly well defined what is feminine in a traditional sense. I'm not sure what it is that people are trying to change it to, but it doesn't seem to be something I jive with.

3. That's the whole problem with this argument. Does it really mean you're weak if you dress a certain way? I don't think so.

You disagree with changing what is associated with 'female'? Why? As for outfit, I never once mentioned it or made reference to weakness in anything I've said.

 

[PurplePlatypus]

Truth is, most women are rather feminine, and you only really kind of notice it when you?re a female that really isn?t all that feminine. The idea of femininity you seem to have in your head, is the very extreme of it, and more specifically it?s the archetype of the innocent girly girl rather than the feminine woman. In terms of an act an older female might put on, it's a bit of an outdated stereotype.

 

[Da Chi]

I love discussions like this because this topic really shows the range of cultural biases. Every culture has women, but they are all different due to their cultural, ethnic and regional backgrounds.
An opinion made by me may be relevant here in Canada, but in say... the United Kingdom, they may laugh at my point.
That being said, I've always found a certain feminine charm in wit, humor and energy. Clothing has nothing to do with my opinion of femininity but a sly smile and a flash of brilliance make me stand in awe of women at times.

 

[Griffolion]

I've been attracted to all sorts of girls. Hipster girls, tomboys, girlie girls, hippie girls, high maintenance girls like you see on 90210 etc.

In my opinion, feminism is not a state of mind or a characteristic you can tangibly percieve, it's the backdrop to every woman's life that variably adapts and colours itself according to the woman's life choices. So the woman's own being is her own feminism. Same with men and masculinity.

I can't personally say i have a type, if i like her, i like her.

 

[shortstack]

I think what is and isn't "feminine" is a matter of culture, age, and personal taste. The "type" of women you like is very specific, but they do exist, so don't stop looking!

And secondly, not all women care about their looks. Or if they do, maybe they only care enough that they don't look like a total hobo. I BARELY pay attention to what I wear, or what clothes I buy, which often results in me having ill-fitting or unmatched outfits. But how I look isn't high on my priority list, and I get along better with people who don't care how I look, anyway.

As for my personality, I'm pretty shy and quiet and an all-around wallflower, and don't like drawing attention to myself. But on some warm summer days, when I feel like spending the day outside, I'll put on my knee-length skirt and a white cotton blouse and be a little more feminine.

But only once in a while.

 

[Marcosn]

Maybe you (like me) find the traditional 'lady' attractive, and equate that with the types of clothes you described?

For example I don't like the type of girl who goes out with a gang of her mates, falls out of a taxi onto her knees and vomits onto the floor while trying to put her fake tits back into her top and then rejoin the wolfpack and stumble into the next bar/club shouting like they are at a football match.

This is how a lot of girls near me (Northern English city)tend to behave all weekend, then spend the week waiting to do it all again.

So I find quiet and sensitive girls more attractive/ladylike.

---

Nb, most males are like the above example near me too- 'players' who get hammered, vomit everywhere then get into a fight/drunken shag. So it's not a gender specific theme.

I can't say much because it doesnt apply much to people of my age (im 16 but EVERY girl wears jeans) but all you hear about is how "wasted" they got the previous night and cant wait to do it again... not to mention abut the stupid pregnancy rates and how apparently still being a virgin when you're just 16 is sad... went a bit off topic there but as you can see peoples views and standards have changed so the old feminine (lady like) women are gone for the most part.

bit more off topic but do people up north consider you posh or snobby? because i live up near manchester and because of the way i was raised i have my manners and respect (which no one else does) but i did get raised with old fashioned views. (i alos get flack for having a neutral accent which isnt from anywhere atall)

 

[Harrowdown]

I admit get annoyed at the constant excuse that girls won't wear dresses or skirts to do them being uncomfortable. I guess a lot of people didn't get the memo that comfortable clothes are usually not attractive.

So... You get annoyed because girls wont wear what you want them to because they don't like it? I think that's a perfectly valid reason for someone choosing not to do something. Some girls like skirts, others don't. Comfortable clothing can be attractive, but if you're someone who doesn't like jeans on girls you wont see it regardless.

Why are you seeing this as a bad thing? Like you've never been annoyed by something in your life? I'm not petitioning to force women to wear skirts and dresses, I'm saying that if a women is out in baggy sweatpants and a hoodie, I'm not likely to have my eyes draw to her. Similarly if she's walking around in a little more than a few pieces of string. I won't find that attractive either.

It's personal taste, and no one should get offended by it.

You didn't say in your first post that you prefer skirts. You said it annoys you when girls don't wear certain clothing, and that a persons comfort isn't an acceptable reason to not dress in said clothing. Essentially, you just claimed that a girl looking good is more important than her dressing how she wants. That's why your comment was taken badly. You expressed distaste for a large sector of the female gender for not dressing right.

This whole thread is starting to fill with the poisonous assumptions that separate womanhood and personhood. Women are people, defined by more than their femininity or their looks. I'm sure most of you aren't actually hardcore chauvanists or whatever, but you don't often see threads of this nature popping up about men now, do you?

 

[Harrowdown]

I admit get annoyed at the constant excuse that girls won't wear dresses or skirts to do them being uncomfortable. I guess a lot of people didn't get the memo that comfortable clothes are usually not attractive.

So... You get annoyed because girls wont wear what you want them to because they don't like it? I think that's a perfectly valid reason for someone choosing not to do something. Some girls like skirts, others don't. Comfortable clothing can be attractive, but if you're someone who doesn't like jeans on girls you wont see it regardless.

Why are you seeing this as a bad thing? Like you've never been annoyed by something in your life? I'm not petitioning to force women to wear skirts and dresses, I'm saying that if a women is out in baggy sweatpants and a hoodie, I'm not likely to have my eyes draw to her. Similarly if she's walking around in a little more than a few pieces of string. I won't find that attractive either.

It's personal taste, and no one should get offended by it.

You didn't say in your first post that you prefer skirts. You said it annoys you when girls don't wear certain clothing, and that a persons comfort isn't an acceptable reason to not dress in said clothing. Essentially, you just claimed that a girl looking good is more important than her dressing how she wants. That's why your comment was taken badly. You expressed distaste for a large sector of the female gender for not dressing right.

This whole thread is starting to fill with the poisonous assumptions that separate womanhood and personhood. Women are people, defined by more than their femininity or their looks. I'm sure most of you aren't actually hardcore chauvanists or whatever, but you don't often see threads of this nature popping up about men now, do you?

I think you misread my intent. I like girls to attire in a certain manner and I dislike other styles. That doesn't mean I think my word is law. People are making too many assumptions here. And don't think men don't have to deal with this sort of thing, we do. It's just not brought into forums much because men aren't expected, by their nature, to discuss this stuff. Else they get classified as "sissy boys". In the man world, men are always looking for reasons to emasculate each other, so usually it's not a good idea to give them a target.

I may be misreading your intent, but i'm not misreading what you actually said. You said you 'get annoyed at the constant excuse that girls won't wear dresses or skirts to do them being uncomfortable.' You expressed a negative response to another persons personal decisions, even though they don't affect you at all, and aren't even made with you in mind. You imply that you have a right to be annoyed. Not that you have a right to prefer feminine clothing, but that you have a right to express actual annoyance at someones clothing. You accused girls of using the 'excuse' of wanting comfortable clothing, which implies that they need an excuse, which in turn implies that they are wrong to dress how they please. You then said ' I guess a lot of people didn't get the memo that comfortable clothes are usually not attractive.' What you appear to be saying, whatever you think you were trying to say, is that attractiveness is the most important quality a girl can hope to achieve in how she chooses to dress. I don't think you're trying to directly impose any sort of dress code or anything, but you're implicitly suggesting that girls should dress in a certain way, based on your own preferences.

 

[DRSH1989]

What is a feminine girl/woman and what is a masculine boy/man?... there are no rules or guidelines here (although history may have implied that all women once were wearing some form of dress or another and they were usually trophies of men with a few historical exceptions of course in which women were better leaders or something something than some of the men of their time)... there is only the other person's perception of you... ye I like girls who dress in pink and act cute & yeah I like girls that dress in black and act tough also... aesthetic quality is one variable of the equation... personality is another variable of the same equation... after that we have traits, social factors, et cetera... dunno what this thread is about really... doesn't female presume femininity by just being a female ? Maybe there are more ways than one to express your own womanhood/manhood or whatevar...

In short the OP posted that he likes cute women that act cute... who doesn't ... I don't see anything offensive about the OP's post... but it's only his perception. An example of perception may be a trivial factor such as I do kno: my friend likes girls in tight skirts... I find them to be more sexy in tight jeans... another guy wouldn't care about what she's wearing and would only be lookin' for a cute face or i dunno starrin' at ass//tits//erogenous regions, etc... hell we surely have guys around who stare at girls' eyes and are romantic enough to fall in luv for those... just sayin'... perception... it's relative ... to be honest... one can never be sure what next might arouse his sexual senses/instincts/whateva.

 

[MassiveGeek]

Uhm.

I, uh--

I'm...

Shit, I really don't know how to answer any of those question, being close to having like some sort of personality disorder on par with my femenine and my very-much-not-femenine side personally. When I was a bit younger, I had absolutely no interest in make-up, clothes or my hair, but as I've gotten a bit more mature I've become more interested in it. I still wear little to no make up, I've recently cut my hair very short(which is so fucking comfortable I'm so happy I did it) and the vast majority of my interests are either considered masculine or non-gender specific.

I don't know, I'm never 100% masculine, 100% femenine or 100% androgynous, I'm always flipping about between them, one day I wear tights and a long top to show off my legs, the next I'm in a suit with my hair styled trying to mind fuck people as they try to figure out what sex I am.

tl;dr: I can't even find my own definition of femeninity and can't answer your questions, sorry.

 

[lostzombies.com]

Maybe you (like me) find the traditional 'lady' attractive, and equate that with the types of clothes you described?

For example I don't like the type of girl who goes out with a gang of her mates, falls out of a taxi onto her knees and vomits onto the floor while trying to put her fake tits back into her top and then rejoin the wolfpack and stumble into the next bar/club shouting like they are at a football match.

This is how a lot of girls near me (Northern English city)tend to behave all weekend, then spend the week waiting to do it all again.

So I find quiet and sensitive girls more attractive/ladylike.

---

Nb, most males are like the above example near me too- 'players' who get hammered, vomit everywhere then get into a fight/drunken shag. So it's not a gender specific theme.

I can't say much because it doesnt apply much to people of my age (im 16 but EVERY girl wears jeans) but all you hear about is how "wasted" they got the previous night and cant wait to do it again... not to mention abut the stupid pregnancy rates and how apparently still being a virgin when you're just 16 is sad... went a bit off topic there but as you can see peoples views and standards have changed so the old feminine (lady like) women are gone for the most part.

bit more off topic but do people up north consider you posh or snobby? because i live up near manchester and because of the way i was raised i have my manners and respect (which no one else does) but i did get raised with old fashioned views. (i alos get flack for having a neutral accent which isnt from anywhere atall)

I'm in NE Derbyshire, so Sheffield and Chesterfield are both near me. I'm in a rural area so I'm not too sure. If I go into Sheffield or Chesterfield then it feels like going into a different country so probably. I have a pretty neutral accent too, Derbyshire one is I suppose. I guess if I talk to those type of people then I would come across as posh I'm not really, just middle class normal person I think.

I think the gap between rural and urban Britain is huge and it's getting bigger and bigger. The only problem is in rural areas there can be a lot of very snobby people (less so up north, it's more dog walkers/people who just like the open country and farmers etc) so that is another issue. But I guess I would rather relate to people who are 'over brought up' as opposed to people who were badly brought up.

I don't know it's hard not to generalise but in general...lol...I feel completely alien in cities, no one ever smiles at each other or says hello while where I am you can't walk past someone without a smile or a friendly hello/hi. Maybe that is a common feature in most western countries nowadays?

 

[Marcosn]

I'm in NE Derbyshire, so Sheffield and Chesterfield are both near me. I'm in a rural area so I'm not too sure. If I go into Sheffield or Chesterfield then it feels like going into a different country so probably. I have a pretty neutral accent too, Derbyshire one is I suppose. I guess if I talk to those type of people then I would come across as posh I'm not really, just middle class normal person I think.

I think the gap between rural and urban Britain is huge and it's getting bigger and bigger. The only problem is in rural areas there can be a lot of very snobby people (less so up north, it's more dog walkers/people who just like the open country and farmers etc) so that is another issue. But I guess I would rather relate to people who are 'over brought up' as opposed to people who were badly brought up.

I don't know it's hard not to generalise but in general...lol...I feel completely alien in cities, no one ever smiles at each other or says hello while where I am you can't walk past someone without a smile or a friendly hello/hi. Maybe that is a common feature in most western countries nowadays?

I dont live right in the city i just live in a medium place (is bolton known by anywhere else atall?) but even here you dont get too many friendly people *cough* chavs *coughs* so its not the best place to be and i'm sure it is the same in most western places or maybe even any large place atall.

 

[Dragunai]

Snip

Sorry I read up to "select male elite" and just saw the rest of this being a feminism rant which is not what this thead is about. I apologise for the girl / man thing its just something associated with my childhood.

As a young, young boy I used to hear my parents and other adults saying girls when referencing nice females that were in general someone you wanted to be around, the only times I heard them say woman was in reference to females I, at the time as a small child, saw as somewhat more aggressive females whilst ladies where high society types.

There is no male > female oppression in my words it was simply a psychosematic correlation to childhood impressions I dont seem to have shaken off.

Incedently I do take the same thinking as Sir John. I see girls as any female up to the age of about 30 but when I say girl I mean it in a positive thing and Just like John for me girl is no different from chick, chica or dudette.

I love feminine chicks. Now this is not to be confused with feminists. I can't stand women who blab on about how evil men are or how we only care about sex. Tell me something I don't already fucking know. Gosh. I have known many of these women in my life and all of them I find totally annoying. If you wanna get a job, great good for you. Don't get in my face and pretend you're better than me. You wanna be in the army? Fuck, I'm not stopping you. It's when you start making a war where there isn't one. There is a word in my vocabulary for women like this. A *****.


Note this MY own personal opinion. If you have a problem with it, post a comment. Thank you.

As stated above. I dont want to see references to feminists here. Its one of those unstable volatile discussions like religion and politics. Keep in with the feminine side not the feminist.

I want to know if the girls agree and if they dont, I want them to explain what defines them as feminine.

Genetalia, ideally. Well, I could ramble about gender stereotypes and secondary sex characteristics but I cbf.

Just out of curiosity, what would you think of a girl sitting there looking demure, with a pretty skirt and a cardigan, and you ask her what she's listening to, and she says "Dimmu Borgir" or something?

Hang on. I must investigate what the hell Dimmu Borgir is...

TO YOUTUBE!

...

Ah k So speed metal.
Id be fine with it. I listen to anything going and if I can sit and talk to her at length about it then we have common ground.

Perhaps I have presented myself poorly.

I am not strictly drawn to feminine girls. My last gf was a gaming tomboy who didnt wear dresses. My FIRST gf was, yes. She was the exact definition of my OP and most likely the subconscious precedent for my thinking.

I like girls who wear jeans. They do look sexy in them and I never said that it was a bad thing for them to do so. The original thinking here was - My idea of feminism is girls who wear skirts, like pretty things, have a soft and gentle nature.

It was everyone else who declared all manner of shovanism and "Keep the XY chromasome down!"

No, a girl being soft and gentle Does not make her weak and I never said it did.

I just prefer it when Im sitting on the couch with her watching a movie and she snuggles into my arm, chest or lap and chills out wearing one of my jerseys that is big enough to be a nighty on her (Im a tall dude with broad shoulders to clarify.), I love that sort of thing in a relationshop and no its not because I want her to be submissive and dependant. I just like feeling needed by the female in my life and that is one sign of such a thing. Does that make me such a terrible person?

Yes, if a girl is smiley, upbeat and fun whilst being playful and quiet in her actions I will be drawn to her without exception or second thought.
That isnt to say she sits there and shuts the hell up. I am a quiet person, I like staying at home and chilling on my 360 or watching tv and if I go out I prefer to hang out with my friends and avoid attention. Is it so bad to want to date a girl who has a similar attitude?

I know girls are typically more out going and friendly than guys, its just in their nature and thats also an amazing trait I find attractive but I dont want to date a girl who is going to drag me onto the dancefloor of a night club knowing I hate that sort of exposure in a public scene.
Therefore the girl who is happy to hold hands in a cinema or hang out in a park and show affection between the two of us on a nice day IS going to get my attention much before the scene grabber.

No, I dont consider either of these personalities to be weak, bad or in anyway wrong. I just have a personal preference to girls who accept me for who I am (the quiet, shy, nerd) and run with it, smile on her face and loving me with equal or greater amounts returned toward her.

Now back to the flow.

It seems there is a common air which here. Seems to be that feminine in todays standard is more about a girls attitude and personality over her outward appereance with a few people disagreeing.

Keep the dicussion going. I am learning alot here.

EDIT:

I forget who said they live in London and see the girls in skirts but I live in Lincolnshire on a very remote farm where all the settlements nearby are infested with chavs and chavettes.
I do not class chavettes as women, girls or human as its insulting to actual females I have respect for.

As I said in an earlier post, I am very reclusive and not by any choice I made, so I cant really observe the shift in social trends.

 

[Dragunai]

Edited in relation Dags90's point on girly girl / feminine woman.

I would say I'm incredibly attracted to feminine women, however I'm repulsed by screachy girly girls.

I soposed its similar to the diffecence between a masculine man and a meathead douchebag.

Yeah. I mean the more I read the replies here the more I sort of see in my head my own short sightedness in my original post.

To explain - While I like seeing girls in skirts and button up jerseys its less about the actual outfit and more about the fact she chose to wear something like that.
I guess my preference is more just cute girls like some people have said.

 

[trooper6]

Feminine clothing =/= Feminine woman.

A feminine woman can wear jeans and still be feminine. Heck a feminine woman can wear a tuxedo and still be feminine.
Similarly, a butch woman wearing a skirt is still going to be a butch woman.

 

[Hammonwrye]

Feminine clothing =/= Feminine woman.

A feminine woman can wear jeans and still be feminine. Heck a feminine woman can wear a tuxedo and still be feminine.
Similarly, a butch woman wearing a skirt is still going to be a butch woman.

I agree with trooper6 on this. What "IS" feminine. I don't think there can be a solid definition. Feminine means different things to different people. Skirts/jeans, tomboy/girlie, it's all valid depending on your viewpoint and personal likes/dislikes.

Personally, I get more upset about the broad definition that society chooses to use to define women and/or femininity vs. the more limited view that is placed upon men and the way they are expected to behave and dress. Sure, a woman can look just as feminine in a backless evening gown vs. a tuxedo but a man is labeled a pervert, not masculine, if he wears a dress vs. said tuxedo. Why is that...?