The old belt (Parents using violence to correct you)

[bombadilillo]

I have a 1 year old daughter. If she does something dangerous like run towards the street or reach for a hot oven when I say "NO" (She knows what no means) then she gets her hand smacked. She doesn't do it again. Obviously this is different then beating your kid, but no contact is stupid. Theres a time and a place.

Physcologist say best parenting method is authoritative, which means FOLLOWING THROUGH ON PUNISHMENTS. Which sometimes is physical.

 

[EvilPicnic]

It's called child abuse and it is illegal if someone does it report them simple enough right?

It depends on the laws of the country you live in: in some places yes, in some places no.

Personally, I consider it to be bad parenting. Seriously, if you need to use violence to make your kids respect you, then you've lost it. My dad only hit me a couple of times, but it made me resent the fuck out of him.

Psychological punishments are much more effective at instilling discipline, anyway...

 

[theloneassassin]

So you're saying to smack him in the head without explanation? At least treat him like a human being and tell him all about what he is doing and why it will hurt him in the end. Give him a few chances and if it does not work take a it a step farther. Why hit someone who has never been taught what was right in wrong in the first place? Let's say you were at work and your boss who is much taller then you hit you in the head because you made a small mistake and you had no idea that it was wrong. How would you feel?

I thought it was common knowledge this was discipline we were talking about and not overall parenting. Of course the child should be told what was wrong and why, otherwise they will never be able to correct for it. If the child had no knowledge of right and wrong, then technically it wasn't wrong in the first place and still has to be told what was wrong.

By the way, your last question is how I was disciplined. I aim to improve upon that system.

I have no problem with "Discipline" as long as it does not damage the child to a point where he tries to leave and never talk to you again. I think a child should be taught right from wrong and if for some reason after a lot of that and they still keep up their problems and wrongdoings further actions should take place.

 

[cream]

I'm not going to read every reply here, so I'll just throw my two cents in. Was I beat as a kid? no. Was I hit/smacked? Yup. Both my parents had their ass' kicked as kids(my dad more so) and turned out fine. so they figured if it worked for them, it must work for their kids(those crazy Europeans). I must say, all my European friends and myself(also European) were smacked/spanked as kids. I've had the belt once, been smacked by my mom, and so on, and they/I turned out fine.

If you look at the kids now a days, they are fucking ridiculous. They yell at their parents, defy them, and bla bla bla. Do I back down from authority? No(except the police, really don't need the trouble).

I know everyone now a days sees it as a horrible thing to do, but there is a difference between beating the hell out of your kid, and giving a firm tap on the bum.

 

[theloneassassin]

I'm not going to read every reply here, so I'll just throw my two cents in. Was I beat as a kid? no. Was I hit/smacked? Yup. Both my parents had their ass' kicked as kids(my dad more so) and turned out fine. so they figured if it worked for them, it must work for their kids(those crazy Europeans). I must say, all my European friends and myself(also European) were smacked/spanked as kids. I've had the belt once, been smacked by my mom, and so on, and they/I turned out fine.

If you look at the kids now a days, they are fucking ridiculous. They yell at their parents, defy them, and bla bla bla. Do I back down from authority? No(except the police, really don't need the trouble).

I know everyone now a days sees it as a horrible thing to do, but there is a difference between beating the hell out of your kid, and giving a firm tap on the bum.

I understood what you said and I hope my edit cleared up my feelings about that. I agree with discipline but not an extensive beating.

 

[Qtoy]

My mom has a lot of stories about having the crap slapped out of her by her father every now and again and she hoped to herself she'd never hit her kids when she became a mom. She went back on this only in the situations where either my sibs or I were total shits, and she did it begrudgingly. My dad felt the same way, and he would always hit us with the least injurious parts of the belt.
It happened maybe once every couple of months when I was littler, then as I matured, she didn't have to. I greatly respect both of my parents for finding an effective balance that disciplined me rather than scarring me.

So, while I believe that you shouldn't use violence too often, you need to prove a point sometimes.

 

[MissGinaKid]

Physical violence is bad parenting, plain and simple. It indicates that you have already lost power in the relationship. A good parent will be able to use subtler and ultimately more effective methods to influence their child's behavior.

Plus, as punishment, lecturing is more effective anyway. I know I would have found a swat or two a lot less of a punishment than a full half-hour lecture

I'm calling bullshit on that first part. I'm going to use my little brother as my main example here: Today My mother told him to pick up the emtey soda cans in his room. The two of them argued about it for close to 15 munites to get him to do it and he still acted like a little shit the whole time. Had my dad told he to do that. there would be little to no talk about it. It would get done almost right away.
You want to know something else? My dad spanked me and my little brother when we were little. My mother didn't even knew about it until I was almost a teanager.

I know that could sound horrible to some people so I would also like to point out that neather me or my brother were ever scared of our father and never will be.
The point i'm trying to make is that, Atleast in my case, the pairent that used spanking when apropreate is more effective then a pairent then the one who only uses words.

 

[dyre]

Corporal punishment is one of the less effective ways to discipline children. It causes the child to view violence as the first solution, it leads to emotional problems, it creates divisions between parent and child, and most importantly, it is no more effective than nonviolent discipline. Also, beating children is just a weird way to punish them that has no similarities to how society disciplines its wrongdoers. You screw up in society, people don't beat you up; they take away your privileges by firing you or sending you to jail.

Think about it. What do you think would stop you from doing something, a beating that lasts 5 minutes, or a ban from your computer that lasts a week?

Honestly, I think people who rely heavily on corporal punishment are just lazy. They ought to have taught moral values to their children at a young age, used positive reinforcement when children did the right thing, restricted the use of something the child valued (like a favorite toy, playdates, etc) as negative enforcement instead of beating him, etc. Instead, a lot of lousy parents are just like, "huh, I don't like what he did? I'll just beat him up."

Of course, there are always children who just don't get it, but corporal punishment will do nothing to help those kids anyway.

 

[teqrevisited]

My dad has a saying: "Don't do *such and such* it makes your ears go red."
I'd agree.

When it's deserved and necessary then by all means. But, he's said this himself, the moment that a parent goes over the line and looks to hit harder, with real anger, is the moment that they become an abuser.

A couple of warnings & explanations first, if not then a clip round the ear. Last resort: a flat hand and straight to their room.

I can't remember what I did at one point, but it would have been something else because I must've only hit the stairs three times on the way up. Probably didn't do it again.

 

[Kahunaburger]

It's called child abuse and it is illegal if someone does it report them simple enough right?

It depends on the laws of the country you live in: in some places yes, in some places no.

Personally, I consider it to be bad parenting. Seriously, if you need to use violence to make your kids respect you, then you've lost it. My dad only hit me a couple of times, but it made me resent the fuck out of him.

Psychological punishments are much more effective at instilling discipline, anyway...

^This. Violence in parenting is incompetent, plain and simple.

And if people are concerned with outcomes, on average it leads to slightly worse behavioral and emotional outcomes than other forms of punishment. (But no increase in *pathological* issues.)

http://heldref-publications.metapress.com/app/home/contribution.asp?referrer=parent&backto=issue,1,6;journal,41,85;linkingpublicationresults,1:119938,1

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Ok before I begin I'd like state for the record that I don't condone child abuse by any stretch of the imagination and if you try to claim that I do you are WRONG!
Ok now that that's out of the way, I do think that giving a child a spanking is a perfectly acceptable form of punishment. Not only that it teaches the kid discipline, which I've found is a quality extremely lacking in the younger generation. (God, I feel old)
My parents used to spank my sister and I when we were children and as much as I hated it at the time, on reflection I have to admit it bloody well worked.
I don't have any children myself, but I'd seen my sister trying to raise my nephew and boy is that kid defiant. She's very hesitant to use that form of discipline too.
If I ever do have kids, I probably won't hesitate to use that form of discipline should the need arise, but ONLY if the need arises. One has to understand the difference between discipline and child abuse. The former being only implemented when the child misbehaves, the latter being employed whenever the parent or guardian needs an outlet for their frustration.

 

[theloneassassin]

Corporal punishment is one of the less effective ways to discipline children. It causes the child to view violence as the first solution, it leads to emotional problems, it creates divisions between parent and child, and most importantly, it is no more effective than nonviolent discipline.

Think about it. What do you think would stop you from doing something, a beating that lasts 5 minutes, or a ban from your computer that lasts a week?

Honestly, I think people who rely heavily on corporal punishment are just lazy. They ought to have taught moral values to their children at a young age, used positive reinforcement when children did the right thing, restricted the use of something the child valued (like a favorite toy, playdates, etc) as negative enforcement instead of beating him, etc. Instead, a lot of lousy parents are just like, "huh, I don't like what he did? I'll just beat him up."

Of course, there are always children who just don't get it, but corporal punishment will do nothing to help those kids anyway.

Yeah, I have done some stupid shit before and I have had the internet taken away. I sure as fuck never behaved like an ass again. It honestly helped me, If I was hit in the situation I would of got more pissed and just caused more problems. When the internet got shut off I just sulked and thought about my priorities and I rearranged them.

 

[bombadilillo]

Physical violence is bad parenting, plain and simple. It indicates that you have already lost power in the relationship. A good parent will be able to use subtler and ultimately more effective methods to influence their child's behavior.

Plus, as punishment, lecturing is more effective anyway. I know I would have found a swat or two a lot less of a punishment than a full half-hour lecture

I'm calling bullshit on that first part. I'm going to use my little brother as my main example here: Today My mother told him to pick up the emtey soda cans in his room. The two of them argued about it for close to 15 munites to get him to do it and he still acted like a little shit the whole time. Had my dad told he to do that. there would be little to no talk about it. It would get done almost right away.
You want to know something else? My dad spanked me and my little brother when we were little. My mother didn't even knew about it until I was almost a teanager.

I know that could sound horrible to some people so I would also like to point out that neather me or my brother were ever scared of our father and never will be.
The point i'm trying to make is that, Atleast in my case, the pairent that used spanking when apropreate is more effective then a pairent then the one who only uses words.

Some people don't have children, or understand how much a child understand. Yes lecture a 5 year old. It will work great...

 

[cream]

I'm not going to read every reply here, so I'll just throw my two cents in. Was I beat as a kid? no. Was I hit/smacked? Yup. Both my parents had their ass' kicked as kids(my dad more so) and turned out fine. so they figured if it worked for them, it must work for their kids(those crazy Europeans). I must say, all my European friends and myself(also European) were smacked/spanked as kids. I've had the belt once, been smacked by my mom, and so on, and they/I turned out fine.

If you look at the kids now a days, they are fucking ridiculous. They yell at their parents, defy them, and bla bla bla. Do I back down from authority? No(except the police, really don't need the trouble).

I know everyone now a days sees it as a horrible thing to do, but there is a difference between beating the hell out of your kid, and giving a firm tap on the bum.

I understood what you said and I hope my edit cleared up my feelings about that. I agree with discipline but not an extensive beating.

shit bro, that wasn't intended towards you lol. Like I stated in the first line of my post, I'm not going to read every post...I read maybe three lol.

 

[lemiel14n3]

An expression I like that applies here is "people who say you shouldn't hit your kids, don't have kids." As an Eagle Scout, and frequent employee of the Boy Scouts of America, I have spent a lot of time working with kids, and I'll let you in on a secret I've learned, kids are shit heads.
----
I'll even provide an example. During a "work day" in which the entire troop attends to perform monthly maintenance on the cabin that houses out organization. It's a big event and everybody pitches in. Well, in the cabin itself is a small space where people sign in and wait between jobs; if someone needed help, then they can go in there, and "enlist" whoever looks bored. Also in the room are coffee, snacks, donuts; breakfast food.

Well, during one faithful work day, I, acting as an adult went into the wait room to find someone to help out, I was pulling logs to a wood splitter and I needed an extra pair of hands. I found a kid sitting and doing nothing, so I went up to him and said, I'm paraphrasing here: "Hey kid I need some help moving logs." His response was, and I'm NOT paraphrasing here: "Go fuck yourself."

Needless to say I was taken aback, I found out his name, practically dragged him to his father, told his father what happened. And the kid starts lying through his teeth, telling his dad "he started shouting at me" and "I was going to help".

I have never wanted to kill a child before then. And that was a big tipping point for me on whether or not it's OK to hit your kids.

Of course a line needs to be drawn. If you smack a kid upside the head because he's being a little turd, that's one thing. If you hit your kids for no reason, or because you feel like shit, then you're a horrible person, and you deserve what your jailhouse roommate is going to do to you.

 

[Kahunaburger]

Physical violence is bad parenting, plain and simple. It indicates that you have already lost power in the relationship. A good parent will be able to use subtler and ultimately more effective methods to influence their child's behavior.

Plus, as punishment, lecturing is more effective anyway. I know I would have found a swat or two a lot less of a punishment than a full half-hour lecture

I'm calling bullshit on that first part. I'm going to use my little brother as my main example here: Today My mother told him to pick up the emtey soda cans in his room. The two of them argued about it for close to 15 munites to get him to do it and he still acted like a little shit the whole time. Had my dad told he to do that. there would be little to no talk about it. It would get done almost right away.
You want to know something else? My dad spanked me and my little brother when we were little. My mother didn't even knew about it until I was almost a teanager.

I know that could sound horrible to some people so I would also like to point out that neather me or my brother were ever scared of our father and never will be.
The point i'm trying to make is that, Atleast in my case, the pairent that used spanking when apropreate is more effective then a pairent then the one who only uses words.

Although it is not as easy to convince your kid to do what they need to do, it is completely possible. I've worked with children as part of several jobs, and in no case have I been unable to get positive behavior with non-violent methods. Corporal punishment is more the "lazy man's way out" or the "inarticulate man's way out" of actual discipline.

You also appear to be confusing short-term outcomes with long-term outcomes. Research (see my above post) shows that in the long run corporal punishment ends with worse behavioral and emotional outcomes.

 

[Kahunaburger]

Physical violence is bad parenting, plain and simple. It indicates that you have already lost power in the relationship. A good parent will be able to use subtler and ultimately more effective methods to influence their child's behavior.

Plus, as punishment, lecturing is more effective anyway. I know I would have found a swat or two a lot less of a punishment than a full half-hour lecture

I'm calling bullshit on that first part. I'm going to use my little brother as my main example here: Today My mother told him to pick up the emtey soda cans in his room. The two of them argued about it for close to 15 munites to get him to do it and he still acted like a little shit the whole time. Had my dad told he to do that. there would be little to no talk about it. It would get done almost right away.
You want to know something else? My dad spanked me and my little brother when we were little. My mother didn't even knew about it until I was almost a teanager.

I know that could sound horrible to some people so I would also like to point out that neather me or my brother were ever scared of our father and never will be.
The point i'm trying to make is that, Atleast in my case, the pairent that used spanking when apropreate is more effective then a pairent then the one who only uses words.

Some people don't have children, or understand how much a child understand. Yes lecture a year old. It will work great...

Yeah, in my experience it actually does. They feel bad because you're annoyed with them, and a lecture actually helps them understand why their behavior was bad and get better behavior in the future.

 

[theloneassassin]

Physical violence is bad parenting, plain and simple. It indicates that you have already lost power in the relationship. A good parent will be able to use subtler and ultimately more effective methods to influence their child's behavior.

Plus, as punishment, lecturing is more effective anyway. I know I would have found a swat or two a lot less of a punishment than a full half-hour lecture

I'm calling bullshit on that first part. I'm going to use my little brother as my main example here: Today My mother told him to pick up the emtey soda cans in his room. The two of them argued about it for close to 15 munites to get him to do it and he still acted like a little shit the whole time. Had my dad told he to do that. there would be little to no talk about it. It would get done almost right away.
You want to know something else? My dad spanked me and my little brother when we were little. My mother didn't even knew about it until I was almost a teanager.

I know that could sound horrible to some people so I would also like to point out that neather me or my brother were ever scared of our father and never will be.
The point i'm trying to make is that, Atleast in my case, the pairent that used spanking when apropreate is more effective then a pairent then the one who only uses words.

Although it is not as easy to convince your kid to do what they need to do, it is completely possible. I've worked with children as part of several jobs, and in no case have I been unable to get positive behavior with non-violent methods. Corporal punishment is more the "lazy man's way out" or the "inarticulate man's way out" of actual discipline.

You also appear to be confusing short-term outcomes with long-term outcomes. Research (see my above post) shows that in the long run corporal punishment ends with worse behavioral and emotional outcomes.

I have always worked with kid and around kids. I have had many younger friends as I was growing up and I taught them the truth about life. Their parents always thanked me for helping them and teaching their kids something. I was always on the kids level and it made it more easy to explain things to him. I never even once had to raise my voice and I changed the way kids behave completely.

 

[noxymoron19]

I got spanked when I misbehaved. Deserved it when it happens too. Its effective, gets kids in line.