The Sydney Funnel Web: Unfair

[headshotcatcher]

I really dont think it looks scary, genuine non toxic spiders with either long hairs or long legs look waaay scarier..

 

[wordsmith]

I'm still moving to Aus as soon as I've got money/a job over there

As it is, this

is the animal from my home that everyone knows (the Jersey Cow), however the most dangerous would be

Spoiler

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Bless this island

 

[Chaossebba]

I'm usually terrified of spider pictures but the one in OP made me imagine a caption under it going : "HUGGIES!"

But seriously, im now not ever going to sydney or australia

EVAR.

 

[Daveman]

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

well my insomnia just got worse, and I live in the UK

 

[opiwankenobi]

*snip*

The Funnelweb sure may be more threatening, but the picture of that Huntsman and its pack forces me now to build a flamethrower. Even though I live in germany, and the average Spider here is pretty small, that thing will hunt me in my dreams.

 

[Zenode]

Australia is well known for having the most dangerous animals in the world but funny thing is.....most of the people who get bitten are foreigners who have no clue what they have to deal with over here i.e. if you see a small hole DONT get near it there is not a cute bunny in it just a snake ready to bite your sorry arse.
Dangerous animals are a why of life over here (unless you stay in the city for all your god forsaken life)

 

[new_age_reject]

And THAT ladies and gentlemen is the reason we shipped only our finest criminals to the other side of the goddamn world...
Ah I like that... other side of the goddamn world... one more time... other side of the goddamn world...
Ok my blood pressure has returned to normal again.

With some foster's at least?

There is no Fosters in Australia, nobody here drinks it. That's why we sell it overseas, it's shit.

I kid you not.

That my friend is a fact!
It's not even brewed in Australia!
Dear god, if those things advance with Fosters I'ma gonna have to build me a flamethrower.

 

[-Orgasmatron-]

Huntsmen are harmless, they're just ugly. They also kill mosquitoes which is why I don't object to them taking up residence in my house. That is until they start spawning and then I scowl a bit.

Saw one of them when I was in Austrailia, it was pretty mellow. But yea, alot of people talk about how they'll never go to Austraillia because of your giant man eating crabs, but I spent a month in Perth and the most menacing thing that happened to me was having my jeans nibble by a Quokka and having to wear a stab proof vest to hold a Koala, aside from that I saw one Huntsman wondering about and he was pretty mellow.

Do you guys have Camel spiders in Austraillia? Cus you gotta look out for them motherfuckers.

Spoiler

Facts about Camel spiders

-Can grow up to 8 inches, although there are stories of larger
-Hunts in shadows, so if you see one and run away it will chase you because it wants to stay in your shadow
-Can run up to 15 miles per hour
-They're not actually spiders as such, they have 10 legs
-Their jaws are about the size of 1/3 of their body

Search on youtube for Camel Spider fights and you can see them laying the smackdown on like 3 scorpions at a time.

 

[RicoADF]

This is one of the few reasons as to why I like Connecticut. We don't have jack shit in terms of dangerous creatures.

I've lived in Sydney my whole life, 22years, and I've never seen a Sydney Funnel Web. All you have to do is use some common sence and your fine, and considering its hard to be bitten by them their death rate is quite low. Basically your more likely to be killed by lightening (especially in Sydney) then a SFW.

 

[Blaghman]

Ya know, sometimes I'm glad I live in Canberra, all we have is the Canberra funnel-web. It's basically the SFW, but cuter, and less deadly. The most dangerous things here are the politicians, who will bore you to death... or... if they're the libs, they'll bite your neck and suck your blood. So all up, fairly safe by Australian standards.

Edit: decided I'd point out, while not a problem for me, my mum used to live up in Queensland, and the river she would play in had salt-water crocodiles upstream, these things, as mentioned, are nasty... as in, over a tonne, and up to 6 metres long. and when we think about it, that means that one could have a metre long mouth. I love this country.

 

[RicoADF]

(In a class 4 hazmat suit reinforced at the toes)

I'd recommend an encounter suit or better still a wolverine from Tiberian Sun

 

[Bernzz]

hehe, go australia and our bad ass animals and such, but, being here in South Australia, we dont really hav the sydney funnel web spider...im not sure if we have anything more poison ous than red backs (nasty lil fuckers) and huntsmen spiders (ugly big fuckers) and a collection of snakes and the odd shark of our coast...although i despise it, i can see where people get the idea that it is a dangerous place

You live in SA? Where, exactly?

west sa-iide just out of adelaide

I live in Birdwood, 30-45 minutes drive out of Adelaide. Living in the country is awesome.

 

[GloatingSwine]

ITT Bogan spiders.

 

[Zer_]

If I can try to prompt some discussion from you fine folks, is there any animal you are particularly proud of from your country? Have you ever encountered said animal or one of the ones I mentioned? (for the fellow aussies).

Have I made you interested in visiting the Australian Reptile Park?

The good ol' Canadian Beaver.

It's about as deadly as a plushy toy knife.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sekLEG8xsOs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TF8vQSQen2Q

 

[Stevedave00]

I've heard Vegemite is disgusting as well.

 

[Ultrajoe]

I've heard Vegemite is disgusting as well.

When you live in a country where the trees release floating hyperdermic syringes filled with Neurotoxin (Page 5 for full report), anything to distract you is greatly appreciated. It's the same with cricket (Wide open space, nothing can sneak up... and you have a bat) and our beer, which is strong enough to make you forget that you are only halfway up the food chain. The beauty of vegemite is that it's made of vegetables, so in a small way you're getting back at the Evil trees.

(In a class 4 hazmat suit reinforced at the toes)

I'd recommend an encounter suit or better still a wolverine from Tiberian Sun

Both of these will only provoke the wildlife. Not because they feel threatened, but because they enjoy proving you horribly wrong.

I pissed myself laughing by the way awesome presentation.

You laugh now (thanks, by the way), but you'e never seen a man savaged by a Koala... I can still hear the screams...

 

[Lunar Shadow]

So, Ultra Jo we will be fine until these little beasties show up to continue the job. Then we truly are fucked.

Spoiler

 

[megapenguinx]

If I can try to prompt some discussion from you fine folks, is there any animal you are particularly proud of from your country? Have you ever encountered said animal or one of the ones I mentioned? (for the fellow aussies).

Have I made you interested in visiting the Australian Reptile Park?

I am quite proud of my resident bastard:

Out here in California you can find these everywhere in my region. I've nearly stepped on 4 by accident because they blend into the damn ground too well. When you hear that rattle (if you hear it), you have about 3 seconds to get the hell away or else you're not going to be very happy in the morning.

See that? He wants to sink those fangs in and never let go​

They can kill smaller animals (rabbits, chickens, pigs) in about 20 seconds. If you don't die after they bite you, they will follow you until you succumb to the poison. Good luck getting to the hospital because even though they have anti-venom, the venom will swell up your leg, burn your nerve endings to a crisp, and your wound (which will be two large gashes) won't stop bleeding. My advice if you find one: Run, and don't stop until you can't see the thing gliding across the ground (or throw a smaller animal at it).

Spoiler

Although there was a bit of exaggeration, the following are true:
It's strike range is about 4 feet in front of it's head, so I'd back up some if I were you.
The death rate is less than 4%, because we stocked up on anti-venom in case these things became intelligent.
They will chase you, for quite a bit actually. I had one chase me for over half a mile.
Getting bitten will leave you a bit disfigured

Oh another word of advice:

Spoiler: NEVER TOUCH ONE OF THESE

 

[Cocal]

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad I don't live anyplace that is like that,

 

[Ultrajoe]

If I can try to prompt some discussion from you fine folks, is there any animal you are particularly proud of from your country? Have you ever encountered said animal or one of the ones I mentioned? (for the fellow aussies).

I am quite proud of my resident bastard:

I love your rattlesnakes. They had one of these guys at the Reptile park, the rattle is an awesome sound. That said, I'm fairly sure they don't chase you, as they're ambush predators and the entire point of the rattle is to make you go away. Their multiple bites are only to ensure their venom goes off because evolution has made them kind of venom-impotent, and they cant move fast when in the 'S' shaped strike position, the reason the death rates are low is because they have a habit of firing blanks on anything larger than a rat. Still, striking at hundreds of kilometers and hour is just fucking awesome.

That said, I could be dead wrong. Dead wrong.