The Three Questions You Would Ask Your God (that aren't philosophical)

[Rensenhito]

Why can I never roll a natural 20?
What are the lottery numbers for (insert day here)?
Can you grant me the ability to not procrastinate?

 

[TheLoneBeet]

Three questions but they can't be philosophical.. Well I guess I'd go with:

1. Why aren't there any flying dragons in real life?
2. Can I have you-like powers?
3. Can I restart life with the previous changes in effect?

 

[Master_of_Oldskool]

1)What is your opinion on crazy, preachy fundamentalists being evil in your name?

2)What about smug antitheist douches acting morally and intellectually superior to religious people and citing the actions of said fundamentalist minority as justification?

3)Can I please please please please please have sex at some point in the near future? Preferably more than once?

1. Revelation 3:16 - So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.

God does not approve. Nothing does quite so much damage to the effectiveness of Christianity as places like Westboro.

2. Without God, there can be no morality (as in, a fundamental moral law above every single person without exception), so how can anti-theist people be morally superior when they have refused the source of morality itself? Also, it is perfectly possible to be the most intelligent person alive and still as dumb as a rock, for there is a great difference between intelligence and wisdom.

3. ...

Does "..." indicate "No" or "I'm disgusted by your question and refuse to answer it"?

 

[Lady Nilstria]

1)What is your opinion on crazy, preachy fundamentalists being evil in your name?

2)What about smug antitheist douches acting morally and intellectually superior to religious people and citing the actions of said fundamentalist minority as justification?

3)Can I please please please please please have sex at some point in the near future? Preferably more than once?

1. Revelation 3:16 - So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.

God does not approve. Nothing does quite so much damage to the effectiveness of Christianity as places like Westboro.

2. Without God, there can be no morality (as in, a fundamental moral law above every single person without exception), so how can anti-theist people be morally superior when they have refused the source of morality itself? Also, it is perfectly possible to be the most intelligent person alive and still as dumb as a rock, for there is a great difference between intelligence and wisdom.

3. ...

Does "..." indicate "No" or "I'm disgusted by your question and refuse to answer it"?

That indicates I'm not going to touch it. XD I considered writing "Wait until you get married" but decided against it.

 

[HimochiIsAwesome]

When lightning hits the sea, why don't all the fish die?
Why did you not stop my parent from feeding me nothing but chicken nuggets during my childhood?
Why is my internet taking so long to load pages and videos?

 

[Sehnsucht Engel]

How do I get a stable life in this town?
Do you want me to do something for you?
What is your favourite song?

Also, I'm not christian or part of any bigger religion. I do have a godess though.

 

[CRRPGMykael]

OK, so apparently I drank too much and now I'm having weird visions of some old guy who glows. I ask him...

What's your ACTUAL name?
Can I have lots of awesome super-powers, like, combined from all these epic comic book characters?
Am I sexually attracti-

This would probably be the point when some other drunk fuck would hit me in the face going like "STOP TALKING TO THE WALL, *****!" and I'd pass out.




PS: To clarify, I do believe in a god. His name is EMILE HESKEY.

 

[BulletMagTrig]

1. Why f'ing mosquitoes? Why?
2. Can you retroactively take George Lucas to heaven BEFORE he made the Clone Wars 3D cartoon?
3. Could we have our Dragons, Unicorns, and other mythic beasts back if we promise not to break them again?

 

[DrRockor]

why dont people have tails?
were you high went you created the duckbilled platapus?
and will you be my new dad?

 

[hazabaza1]

Can you give me a bunch of money?
Oh, go on you wanker.
Fine, fuck you.

Maybe not questions, but it counts.

 

[Grell Sutcliff]

how many times do you masturbate?
why are you such a prick?
can I take your place?

 

[Scarim Coral]

Well the first question will be this-
(skip to 0.25)

Second question is who is my soul mate and the third is where is my soul mate located?

 

[julkip]

I just need 2.

1. Hey Wotan, can i have Gungnir?
2. Why not?

 

[Dethenger]

1) Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
2) What's the funniest joke you know?
3) Do you ever chill with Thor?

 

[Senor Coolguy]

1: Considering you are a being based purely off of faith, and I am talking to you now, that means I have knowledge of you. Logically, now that faith is no longer required to know of your existence, and that you are based off of faith, you should no longer exist, should you?

With luck, he'll disappear in a puff of logic.

 

[TheOneBearded]

What was in the case from Pulp Fiction?
Why did you have to leave us you tiny brilliant bastard?(Because Dio is the only god worth worshipping)
And could you sign this for me?

Let us put up our devil horns.
It is time for the ceremonial listening of the Dio,
Awesome picture, dawg!

 

[TheOneBearded]

It's funny that as I made my previous comment, I was listening to Stargazer (a.k.a. Greatest song of all time).

 

[TheOneBearded]

Marcus Kehoe
Shouldn't that be the punishment for Adam and Eve's sin. I don't want to be punished for something I didn't do.

 

[Donnie Restad]

1: What's up with Stonehenge?

2: Could you please talk some sense into those Westboro Baptists?

3: Why would you let Firefly be cancelled?

 

[TheOneBearded]

1. What's the deal with the platypus?

2. No, seriously. Was it some huge joke none of us has gotten?

3. Or were you drunk?

Well, he can make his own wine out of any liquid.
Take a piss and turn that piss into wine. The infinite cycle.