thatsthespirit said:
You're right, you are going to take some crap for that. But not from me because I literally haven't the energy to argue with such rubbish. I'm sorry that your friend's identity crisis was so traumatic for you. I'm sure she was only saying it for attention, not because, you know, she felt uncomfortable about it and wanted reassuring that if she told me people they wouldn't ignore her or be offended somehow.
It wasn't "traumatic" for me (sacrasm or not), though it did have an effect on how I view such things. And if she was only interacting this way with friends, or close associates, that would be one thing; this was how she presented herself to everyone on the floor of our dorm. Whether you're looking for attention
or reassurance, that's not the hallmark of a healthy identity- or the formation of one.
Sorry, I don't mean to be a ***** on the internet because it's totally fucking futile anyway. But that's just a really unfortunate way to see the world. I get that for some sex and sexuality isn't so important but to sit back and announce that it should be equally unimportant for EVERYONE is just kind of precisely the reason some people feel oppressed in the first place.
One, I never said sex and sexuality
wasn't important; I just said it shouldn't be the first and foremost thing around which one stakes one's being. And I still think that's true.
Two:
really? All the condemnation people get over being gay, bi, kinky, transgender, whatever- from media, from government, from tradition, from religion- you're suggesting that's "precisely" the same as saying that your sexuality isn't the hand on which you should stake all your chips?
Do you
really believe that?
If I'm totally gay as shit and being totally gay as shit is the most important thing to me, then who are you or anyone else to tell me it shouldn't? If you find it a little wearisome that you pal keeps talking about her bisexuality, don't cold shoulder her - take her aside and tell her, I know you're bisexual, it's cool. You don't need to tell me, you don't need me to validate you. Be what you want.
If being "gay as shit" is the most important thing to you, I hope you have a happy life. But you're going to miss out on a lot if that's the entirety of how you present yourself to others. You may find an echo chamber of people for whom being gay is the most important thing, but it's very hard to grow or expand if all you ever interact with is people who are as much like you as possible and who are like you largely in having defined themselves in such a narrow way.
An admittedly facile comparison: have you ever been around someone who spent large amounts of their time talking about some MMO they're deeply entrenched in? If you weren't playing that game, how interested were you in what they wanted to talk about? How interested was it reasonable of them to
expect you to be?
I
was fine with "M" being bisexual, and I
did tell her that. But because of how she defined herself, she visibly grew less as a person than many of the other people I knew at college. Her social circle shrank, rather than growing. Her interests narrowed, rather than expanding- at precisely the time in her life when expansion of such things was easiest.
This is my experience. It may not be yours. If what you find for yourself works for you, I wish you well. It may not work for everyone, and I'd sooner people understood that.
