- Dec 14, 2010
Great post and thanks for the reply. The bits I bolded make a lot of sense specifically regarding the what I said I "don't get". As for my oversimplification, I didn't mean to imply (as another poster said) that getting a boner at a dude = 100% gay. But I would think it would give someone (at the very least) pause for thought.GeneralFungi said:I'll go into my own experience as a still-in-the-closet dude and describe my experiences. I don't represent other people in the same situation, this was just my personal experiences. Anyways...Epic Fail 1977 said:I get that the discovery of some aspects of sexuality (fetishes for example) might be, well, just that - a discovery.
And I get that coming out as gay or bi must be really difficult.
But I really don't get how someone over a certain age (like, say, 14) can be unaware of something as basic as their own preference of males vs females, at least not if they are male. Doesn't the average 14 year old boy-man get a near-instant erection at the slightest visual stimulation? I know I did, and comedy sketches like Kevin and Perry make me think I was far from unusual in that regard. So then I have to imagine that if said stimulation is in the form of another male then, well, wouldn't that be a pretty big fucking clue?
I started to get an inkling of what my sexuality was when I was younger, but I didn't become truly suspicious until I was around 13-14. However, at that stage of puberty you are prone to.. well.. that 'stimulation' at any number of things for any number of reasons. It's rather unpredictable at times. I actually did some research on what other people go through at that age and I convinced myself that it was probably a side-effect of growing up. Just something that I'd get over. When your horomones are going haywire it's hard to know what you do or don't like anymore.
Sexuality is a complicated thing. It seems even more complicated where you aren't eased into it. Your body simply thrusts you into the world of sexuality without a road map or anything of that description. It isn't as simple as 'pop a boner when the thing you like appears', and like I previously said it can happen for little to no reason at all. Do I find that dude appealing because of him being a dude, or is there something else at play? Is my body just messing with me? I used to create excuses for myself about my attractions, and tried to rationalize it in a way that still allowed me to keep with what people considered 'normal'. To find people of the same sex as me attractive yet still rationalize myself to be straight.
At that point almost all of what you were taught about sexuality from the media reinforced the 'ordinary' archetype. Men love Women, Women love Men. I've seen Mario kiss the princess ever since a young age and the idea that romance worked that way was reinforced constantly by many different types of media, remembering of course that at the time I was only around 13. To learn that you might not quite fit into what you were taught was normal made me question myself. It made me create excuses for my behavior and put up the facade that I was still completely straight and everything was peachy with me. I put on an act.
It didn't really work out as you might imagine.
I think you've oversimplified the process of finding your own sexuality a tad in the case of the LGBT. Am I gay, am I bi? Not to mention that even in people that are completely straight, they can still show signs of homosexual attraction without being LGTB themselves. In my own experiences, I really didn't come to terms with my sexuality until I was about the age I am now, which is 17. I'm still young and I'm still discovering myself. I haven't even come out to my family yet, which is something I've been meaning to do since I've come to the discovery but just haven't had the courage to actually do.
I'm not expert on the field of discovering your sexuality; hell I'm in the midst of it myself even though it might be a bit embarrassing to say. There are just more layers of complexity then I think you and me don't realize.
My mother (at the age of 45) left my father for a woman. Now, eight years later, she still says she is "100% straight, but in love with a woman". Those are her words. Prior to this I hadn't realised that such levels of denial were even possible. I'm not saying she's 100% lesbian, but she sure isn't zero. And I know it's not a straight line (no pun intended) from 0 to 100, it's more of a multi-faceted spectrum of things, but you get what I mean right? She's not "100% straight". Hell, nobody is, so say the psychologists. Yet she can't self-identify as anything else. She just can't. So you can see why the way this works is of interest to me.
You sort of skipped past the point where you realised you were gay. May I ask, was there a sudden epiphany or was it more gradual?