The 'whats the point in marriage?' debate :)

[Soxafloppin]

I think I'll just get engaged and stay that way forever, she can change her surname to mine if she wants.

 

[bdcjacko]

This is just me, but whenever I see someone arguing against marriage, I assume they are a teenage boy, or they have the maturity level of a teenage boy.

*And after checking the age of everyone else that has posted, and finding the oldest of you is 22, I kind of stand by that.

Well what do you think of the topic.I don't think anyone here is really against marriage as you are depicting them to be.You obviously think intelligence is based upon age while you yourself are in your 20s.But I would like to see what you think and what your agruements are.Do you honestly think that you can't love someone without being married.
I think that marriage isn't as much of a way to express your love or devotion to someone but rather an old tradition that got monarchs money and more land to rule over.Today people that support marriage as the only way to express your love are very close-minded and definatly religious.(I am not against marriage I just think people can love each other without it.)

I never said you can't love someone without being married. You can love someone very much without be married.

 

[bdcjacko]

Best feeling in the world knowing you have someone who will say she wants to be with you and only you forever. It is nice not wondering if you are going to grow old alone. It is emotional security that nothing else can really offer.

Sure, it must be an amazing feeling for the people that don't get divorced after a few months of wedded bliss.

Yeah...you shouldn't enter into marriage lightly, and probably shouldn't get married until you are old enough to see past the wedding day.

But it's not as though divorce only happens to younger people. Sure it's more prevalent in people around my age but plenty of older people get married and divorced as well. To me, marriage is uncertain because love itself is uncertain and it seems foolhardy to make such a life changing decision based on such a fleeting emotion. You may be able to look past the wedding day but you can't predict what you'll feel then.

Then perhaps you shouldn't get married. But do you take such a pessimistic view of everything? Why go to college when lot of people fail? Why get a job, I'll just be fired. Why do anything because I'll be over looked and it will amount to nothing.

But these things are things that rely on your efforts and your efforts only, you know the extent of your abilities so you know what you are capable of doing and you can push yourself to achieve these things, but in marriage, you don't know what your lover is capable of, flaws that may not be trivial, but in fact quite prominent, flaws that you may not notice as girlfriend and boyfriend due to the fact you are trying your best to impress. When married you no longer have to impress, you are more or less free to be yourself, making changes to fit the circumstances of the marriage, but what happens if you find out the person you married is unwilling to change the way they operate despite the fact they claimed to be commited to you, what if you are making all the effort and they aren't? How do you get past those hurdles, especially when it involves children, how do you deal with someone who is neglecting your kids or even hurting them or you? How do you deal with a cheating partner? How do you deal with less drastic issues, like them refusing to help you deal with household bills, or falling out with your family and refusing to make amends despite how much you want things to get better.

Yes, there is a degree of pessimism to this point, but you have to face it, it's truth, we as humans are inclined to think differently from each other and quite often we make decisions that are short term rather than long term, we make decisions because they make sense now, but come 5 years down the line, that decision loses its affirmity.

Even the 26 years my parents have had together has been challenging at the best of times, quite often to the point divorce was considered, nothing as big as cheating or abuse, but plain and simply because my dad is admittedly uncooperative, grumpy and rather unreasonable, as kids we've gotten used to it and find it amusing to tease him because of it, but to my mum, it can be a stress at times, 90% of the time we are one big happy family, laughing, joking, playing, the usual, but that odd 10% can leave my mum crying, simply because she would like my father to be a little more considerate towards her feelings.

There are some couples that are perfect and never encounter these issues, but that's rare, luckily, despite my dad's annoying habits, he would never cheat on my mum, he just doesn't have it in him nor would he ever lay a finger on her.

I'm going to guess either your girlfriend is bugging you about how she didn't get an engagement ring for Christmas and has been giving you the silent treatment/stink eye for the past few days if not broke up with you.

or

You gave her an engagement ring for Christmas and made a big show of it and she turned you down.

or

There was some sort of break up, possibly cheating going on.

So now you are hurting and saying marriage in general is pointless because you can't trust other people. And again I'll say what is right for you isn't right for others.

I think you are over analysing things ¬_¬ If you are going to over analyse, at least do it correctly.

This has nothing to do with my girlfriend, but seeing as you're interested, we get on just fine, however, both of us share the same opinion that we love each other but find marriage a little extreme a consideration to make at this point in time, we're young, we have a whole life to live and plenty of time to get married if we choose to do so. We love the romance / sexy stage of the relationship we have at the moment as it is and we've been together for a little more than 3 years, so we can say we are serious about each other. We aren't always together, so we appreciate the time we do get to be together. I'm not against love by any means. I think it's wonderful that humans can share love for one another, what I'm puzzled about is why we need to PROVE this love with marriage. Only my gf knows if she has it in her to fall for another guy and as far as I'm concerned, if I felt I could be tempted at this point, I would have, I've had plenty of opportunities, but the idea of leaving my gf heartbroken despite all the issues we've faced together, joy and scrutiny from ignorant individuals just doesnt seem to pop up in my head, she appreciates my hobbies and my skills and she makes me happy all the time, why risk that to be with someone who I find out further down the line doesn't understand me at all, at which point, I can't make a U-turn because it's too late. That would be pretty darn stupid.

I just don't personally see the point in marriage for ME, so the point of this discussion besides killing time while I wait for dinner and to entertain me with some of the humourous replies I get on the escapist, is to get involved in an interesting debate and see what YOUR opinion of marriage is.

Well if it is pointless to you, don't get married. Is someone (gf's mother) getting on you about going through it?

 

[BabySinclair]

Economical and legal protections you can't get otherwise. You can live with someone 50 years but if you aren't married, you technically aren't family and your visitation rights are next to zero if they end up in the hospital. It also makes joint owning of property and legal rights over children a hell of a lot easier to manage let alone cheaper. Let's say you have kids with your other (female) and you break up, guess who gets the kids? Joint signing of houses, vehicles and other property takes money and depending on how much is shared, more expensive than the marriage contract.

The ring and ceremony are not required to get married; marriage licenses only cost two-three hundred bucks max, the rest is just add-ons.

The problem is that people rush into a legally binding contract without forethought or knowing what it entails. I have nothing wrong with the institution since it offers rights and legal protections that cannot be gained otherwise; just ask the gay/lesbian community, why do you think they rail so hard to get those? The problem lies with naive people and those who don't think, if you don't want to get married, your choice, just don't complain when something happens and you get screwed over or rejoice in when you break up and you're not, either or.

 

[judgeman99]

You can be in love and not be married. You can be in love and be married.
You can not be in love and not be married. You can not be in love and be married.

Marriage has nothing to do with Love.

You can have kids and not be married. You can have kids and be married.
You can not have kids and not be married. You can not have kids and be married.

Marriage has nothing to do with Kids.

You can be religious and not be married. You can be religious and be married.
You can not be religious and not be married. You can not be religious and be married.

Marriage has nothing to do with Religion.

In our society, the benefits (or lack thereof) of marriage are, like many things, strictly in the realm of financial and legal.

 

[pulse2]

We don't have to convince you marriage is worthwhile you have try and find a girl who actually believes that, and good luck with that buddy. When she's sitting around with her friends or family "So how long have you two been dating?" "5 years now" yeah the rest of that conversation is going to be fun. There are two sides to every relationship and for most women knowing a guy wont ever get married is a deal breaker.

People get married cause they love each other and it takes a lot more guts to legally bind yourself to another person then just saying that you will always be together. Marriage isn't religious for me but the ultimate act of putting your money where your mouth is.

As for dying alone you completely missed the boat on that one. Its not about the act of dying it's about growing old with them. Having someone to depend on and look after you when your old if you can't do it on your own, and vowing to do the same in return.

Yes, but you're painting the picture that all females are robots with the same mentality and views on life '...must find prince charming...must get married...must have 2+ children...divorce? Error! Error!'

There are women like my gf who aren't so keen on the whole concept of marriage, and there are women who don't want to have kids, it's as simple as that. Its not that we aren't commited to one another, I'd like to think we are, but who knows what will happen in 3 years time, how will those decisions change if we get married. If something happens and we decide we aren't compatible come 3 year later, marriage would only force us to be together against our will because of the financial complications of getting a divorce and the emotion stress of dealing with a divorce, its not very often that divorces go through all peachy and the former couple are still best mates afterwards going around to each other's houses for tea and supper.

Again, putting your money where your mouth is, you have just summed up the fact in that sentence that marriage is money related, why does money have to bear so much importance, in fact, if marriage was so binding due to love, why would it cost anything? Why would the expensivness of the engagement ring matter? Why would having the most beautiful white dress in the shop matter? Why would having the finest and most prestiegeuos church to host the wedding matter?

I would have thought that the best way to prove your love is to go against all odds and stick it out with the person you love, 20+ years with someone you are not married to is much more respectable to me than a couple who have been married for 10 years. Why? Because nothing is stopping you from leaving the other member of the marriage, absolutly nothing. The only thing you can say that is stopping you is love, pure love, no money, no rough edges, no extra bonuses, just love.

As for the growing old part, that's IF you get to grow old, you learn in life that death can come at any point, that isn't pessimism, it's factual. And are you saying that you can't depend on someone you aren't married to? :/ Does that mean I can't depend on my gf at the moment? Have I been lied to? What about friends? Family? Kids? Look after me when I'm old? That's assuming she isn't old as well and in no more position to look after me then I am her.

 

[bdcjacko]

pulse, have you ever seen a glass half full?

 

[Baby Tea]

Marriage is a prison for the naive and idealistic, and a financial burden beyond any but childbirth - but at least childbirth completes a biological imperative.

Well that's depressingly false.
Tell that to my parents, who have been married for over 35 years and are more in love now then ever.
Or tell that to me and my wife, married almost 3 years, together for over 5, and loving every minute of it.
Or my best friend, married 4 or 5 years and absolutely loving it.
Or any number of people out there with loving, successful marriages.

Are there broken marriages? Absolutely.
But every broken marriage I've ever heard of is a result of just selfish, idiotic, and/or destructive behaviour by the people involved. You cheated on your wife? No wonder she left you! You suffocate your husband with nagging and put-downs? No wonder he left you!

People who think marriages should 'just work' (As in: You just live in that lovey-dovey feeling forever) or they aren't worth it are, for lack of a better turn of phrase, completely moronic. Marriage is serious work, it takes sacrifice and consideration on both sides, and it is hands down the most rewarding experience I've ever had.

My marriage isn't a financial burden, either. Not sure where you're getting that from, unless you're talking about the wedding day specifically. In which case we got married, honeymoon included, for under $5000. Obviously people can go overboard, but people are stupid over thousands of other things, so that's hardly a fault of marriage.

No those saying 'you don't need marriage to be with someone' are right in a sense, but I always thought that was such a cop-out answer. And it also seems to say you don't really 'get' marriage in the first place. Especially if you're calling it a 'prison'. It's a promise, both public and private, to each other. The classic vows sum it up beautifully: In sickness and in poorer, in richness and in health. It's a declaration, a promise, a commitment.

The question I find is this: If you love this person, and want to be with them forever (Or for the rest of your life, if you aren't a romantic), then why not get married? To keep your options open? Certainly doesn't sound like you love the person, then.

I just find that most people who hate marriage, or think it's dumb, just aren't married, and haven't been (Or have been in a poor one). I wouldn't change a thing about being married. I absolutely love it. I'm at work right now, and I'll be heading home to my beautiful wife when I'm all done. I can't wait to see her, and it really means something special to me when I know that she's for me, and I'm for her. Period.

I guess I'm just old fashioned that way.

 

[pulse2]

Best feeling in the world knowing you have someone who will say she wants to be with you and only you forever. It is nice not wondering if you are going to grow old alone. It is emotional security that nothing else can really offer.

Sure, it must be an amazing feeling for the people that don't get divorced after a few months of wedded bliss.

Yeah...you shouldn't enter into marriage lightly, and probably shouldn't get married until you are old enough to see past the wedding day.

But it's not as though divorce only happens to younger people. Sure it's more prevalent in people around my age but plenty of older people get married and divorced as well. To me, marriage is uncertain because love itself is uncertain and it seems foolhardy to make such a life changing decision based on such a fleeting emotion. You may be able to look past the wedding day but you can't predict what you'll feel then.

Then perhaps you shouldn't get married. But do you take such a pessimistic view of everything? Why go to college when lot of people fail? Why get a job, I'll just be fired. Why do anything because I'll be over looked and it will amount to nothing.

But these things are things that rely on your efforts and your efforts only, you know the extent of your abilities so you know what you are capable of doing and you can push yourself to achieve these things, but in marriage, you don't know what your lover is capable of, flaws that may not be trivial, but in fact quite prominent, flaws that you may not notice as girlfriend and boyfriend due to the fact you are trying your best to impress. When married you no longer have to impress, you are more or less free to be yourself, making changes to fit the circumstances of the marriage, but what happens if you find out the person you married is unwilling to change the way they operate despite the fact they claimed to be commited to you, what if you are making all the effort and they aren't? How do you get past those hurdles, especially when it involves children, how do you deal with someone who is neglecting your kids or even hurting them or you? How do you deal with a cheating partner? How do you deal with less drastic issues, like them refusing to help you deal with household bills, or falling out with your family and refusing to make amends despite how much you want things to get better.

Yes, there is a degree of pessimism to this point, but you have to face it, it's truth, we as humans are inclined to think differently from each other and quite often we make decisions that are short term rather than long term, we make decisions because they make sense now, but come 5 years down the line, that decision loses its affirmity.

Even the 26 years my parents have had together has been challenging at the best of times, quite often to the point divorce was considered, nothing as big as cheating or abuse, but plain and simply because my dad is admittedly uncooperative, grumpy and rather unreasonable, as kids we've gotten used to it and find it amusing to tease him because of it, but to my mum, it can be a stress at times, 90% of the time we are one big happy family, laughing, joking, playing, the usual, but that odd 10% can leave my mum crying, simply because she would like my father to be a little more considerate towards her feelings.

There are some couples that are perfect and never encounter these issues, but that's rare, luckily, despite my dad's annoying habits, he would never cheat on my mum, he just doesn't have it in him nor would he ever lay a finger on her.

I'm going to guess either your girlfriend is bugging you about how she didn't get an engagement ring for Christmas and has been giving you the silent treatment/stink eye for the past few days if not broke up with you.

or

You gave her an engagement ring for Christmas and made a big show of it and she turned you down.

or

There was some sort of break up, possibly cheating going on.

So now you are hurting and saying marriage in general is pointless because you can't trust other people. And again I'll say what is right for you isn't right for others.

I think you are over analysing things ¬_¬ If you are going to over analyse, at least do it correctly.

This has nothing to do with my girlfriend, but seeing as you're interested, we get on just fine, however, both of us share the same opinion that we love each other but find marriage a little extreme a consideration to make at this point in time, we're young, we have a whole life to live and plenty of time to get married if we choose to do so. We love the romance / sexy stage of the relationship we have at the moment as it is and we've been together for a little more than 3 years, so we can say we are serious about each other. We aren't always together, so we appreciate the time we do get to be together. I'm not against love by any means. I think it's wonderful that humans can share love for one another, what I'm puzzled about is why we need to PROVE this love with marriage. Only my gf knows if she has it in her to fall for another guy and as far as I'm concerned, if I felt I could be tempted at this point, I would have, I've had plenty of opportunities, but the idea of leaving my gf heartbroken despite all the issues we've faced together, joy and scrutiny from ignorant individuals just doesnt seem to pop up in my head, she appreciates my hobbies and my skills and she makes me happy all the time, why risk that to be with someone who I find out further down the line doesn't understand me at all, at which point, I can't make a U-turn because it's too late. That would be pretty darn stupid.

I just don't personally see the point in marriage for ME, so the point of this discussion besides killing time while I wait for dinner and to entertain me with some of the humourous replies I get on the escapist, is to get involved in an interesting debate and see what YOUR opinion of marriage is.

Well if it is pointless to you, don't get married. Is someone (gf's mother) getting on you about going through it?

Not at all My gf is concentrating on her PHD at the moment, I provide her with the support, love and encouragement she needs to get through it, all these things could be provided for her by plenty of other hotter guys than I which proves the point that she sees me for who I am and loves me individually for it. As I do her.

She's stressed without my imput she has no interest in marriage, that might have something to do with the fact she wants to do well in her course and get a good job or it could just be that she simply has no interest in the entire concept of marriage, either way, it is a mutual agreement.

Maybe those views will change over time, like I said, we are young and concentrating on our own aspirations and academia, we have absolutly no reason to get married now. I understand some people do, I'm fine with that, I'm all for marriage if you love someone, but I find it hypocritical that some people in the world stressing how important marriage is are the ones who have been in several ¬_¬ My parents have never needed to explain themselves. And the high divorce rates pointed out on the news this morning spurred me to start this debate

 

[glenbruton]

Im married but I don't really see the point in it. If you need it to stay together your doomed. Im a PAYG employee and so is my wife so the tax breaks are nonexistent. I just did it to keep everyone happy and if you dont care about marriage it doesnt matter if you are ...

 

[bdcjacko]

Not at all My gf is concentrating on her PHD at the moment, I provide her with the support, love and encouragement she needs to get through it, all these things could be provided for her by plenty of other hotter guys than I which proves the point that she sees me for who I am and loves me individually for it. As I do her.

She's stressed without my imput she has no interest in marriage, that might have something to do with the fact she wants to do well in her course and get a good job or it could just be that she simply has no interest in the entire concept of marriage, either way, it is a mutual agreement.

Maybe those views will change over time, like I said, we are young and concentrating on our own aspirations and academia, we have absolutly no reason to get married now. I understand some people do, I'm fine with that, I'm all for marriage if you love someone, but I find it hypocritical that some people in the world stressing how important marriage is are the ones who have been in several ¬_¬ My parents have never needed to explain themselves. And the high divorce rates pointed out on the news this morning spurred me to start this debate

If you gf is still in school and getting a PHD, you have my permission to punch anyone in the nuts or boobs if they are on your case about getting married.

Now once she is out of college, expect some subtle and not so subtle hint about wanting a ring.

 

[Tdc2182]

Well, if you plan on loving somebody for a very long time, it gets you pretty damn good deals with taxes and such.

Its traditional, just like thanksgiving. Are you telling me Thanksgiving is pointless?

 

[bdcjacko]

Are you telling me Thanksgiving is pointless?

ahahahaha, that is fantastic and makes me want some turkey.

 

[pulse2]

Marriage is a prison for the naive and idealistic, and a financial burden beyond any but childbirth - but at least childbirth completes a biological imperative.

Well that's depressingly false.
Tell that to my parents, who have been married for over 35 years and are more in love now then ever.
Or tell that to me and my wife, married almost 3 years, together for over 5, and loving every minute of it.
Or my best friend, married 4 or 5 years and absolutely loving it.
Or any number of people out there with loving, successful marriages.

Are there broken marriages? Absolutely.
But every broken marriage I've ever heard of is a result of just selfish, idiotic, and/or destructive behaviour by the people involved. You cheated on your wife? No wonder she left you! You suffocate your husband with nagging and put-downs? No wonder he left you!

People who think marriages should 'just work' (As in: You just live in that lovey-dovey feeling forever) or they aren't worth it are, for lack of a better turn of phrase, completely moronic. Marriage is serious work, it takes sacrifice and consideration on both sides, and it is hands down the most rewarding experience I've ever had.

My marriage isn't a financial burden, either. Not sure where you're getting that from, unless you're talking about the wedding day specifically. In which case we got married, honeymoon included, for under $5000. Obviously people can go overboard, but people are stupid over thousands of other things, so that's hardly a fault of marriage.

No those saying 'you don't need marriage to be with someone' are right in a sense, but I always thought that was such a cop-out answer. And it also seems to say you don't really 'get' marriage in the first place. Especially if you're calling it a 'prison'. It's a promise, both public and private, to each other. The classic vows sum it up beautifully: In sickness and in poorer, in richness and in health. It's a declaration, a promise, a commitment.

The question I find is this: If you love this person, and want to be with them forever (Or for the rest of your life, if you aren't a romantic), then why not get married? To keep your options open? Certainly doesn't sound like you love the person, then.

I just find that most people who hate marriage, or think it's dumb, just aren't married, and haven't been (Or have been in a poor one). I wouldn't change a thing about being married. I absolutely love it. I'm at work right now, and I'll be heading home to my beautiful wife when I'm all done. I can't wait to see her, and it really means something special to me when I know that she's for me, and I'm for her. Period.

I guess I'm just old fashioned that way.

Hands down the best arguement for marriage I've seen so far Really appreciated that read.

You've admitted several of the points I stated but countered them with superb answers, and if anything, this is the sort of answer I was looking for, gives me that hope that a marriage commitment could work well. I've stressed several times that marriages have thier issues so I think what I find most annoying is how quickly people bail out of marriages and how easy it is after they stood at the alter and expressed thier commitment and eternal togetherness. Why bother? Why say that if you yourself know you aren't going to make the effort against all odds?

Furthermore, how determined are you to adapt to change to fit a marriage? If you aren't flexible, you'd have to hope that your partner is flexible enough to do most of the changing otherwise that's a pretty flawed marriage and I can't see how it would work.

First and foremost, selfishness would have to be eliminated, and what I find is that many people are suprisingly selfish in one or many aspects of thier life, if not so visible now, it could pop up somehow in future.

So my whole arguement isn't against those who are happily married and have been for several years, because they have already proven thier point, it's for those thinking about it without careful consideration or those who jump in and out of marriages like it was a game.

I've seen some pretty pathetic attempts, 2 weeks, 1 week, a few months, maybe a few years and I wonder, was it worth the stress? Was that few minutes you got down on your knees and proposed worth the stress it is now causing you? If you've been together for ages, yes!!!! But if you haven't and you are forcing yourself to love your partner, I don't quite see the logic.

Too many people are going on about money, but they forget that its where money comes into the equation that the whole ideal of marriage becomes a farce (at least for them), marriage should be about love and love alone, you aren't signing a contract (even though you are), you are dedicating everything because you WANT to to that person.

If marriage meant so much, why do people spent so much time talking about what share they are due then they get divorced? Was there any love to begin with or was it all just for efficiency? I love my gf, I would do anything for her, money doesn't pop into my head because fancy things don't interest me, I don't have an Iphone 4 or a mac book or all that nonsense so it leads me to wonder what part of having money and spending it or losing it in marriage has anything to do with the love you have for your partner?

Heck, why did the 'extra financial benefits' point even get brought up?

 

[DrFecka]

To me marriage has always been a simple declaration of love and faithfulness to your partner. So I guess it is pointless if you don't intend to stop loving them or cheating on them and such, but it's a great gesture to me

 

[thethingthatlurks]

Woohoo, time for this 22-year old college edumacated dude to spew out some opinions:
I don't see the point of marriage. I saw it stated earlier that cold logical analysis will never compare to the emotional value. Great, but here's the thing: if something is important to you for emotional reasons rather than logical, it is a mistake. Being blinded by a steady supply of dopamine brought on by a "happy" relationship is no excuse to stop thinking logically.
I can analyze the concept now, cold and distant, and see its flaws. The cost, the commitment, the expectations, the restrictions. The probability of it not working out exceeds 50% by quite a bit (divorce rate+separated couples+deaths - to a lesser extent), so all of the time and money invested may just have been for naught. Tell me, would you be willing to bet $100,000 on the outcome of a coin flip?

A more interesting question would be how marriage actually benefits the individuals, and the community at large. I suppose there is some stability in it, but you may as well get that from a regular relationship. As for society as a whole, it creates pointless expectations, which somehow don't agree with the "you are unique, you can do whatever you want to do" mentality of our education system. With divorce rates being as high as they are, I think it's safe to say that marriage is no longer taken as a serious life-long commitment. So, what's left? The growing old together fantasy? I personally don't see the appeal in watching somebody you've known for decades slowly decompose, but to each their own. Happiness? That's subjective, but the aforementioned steady supply of dopamine helps. Stress? Oh yes, lots of that! But hey, if you really want to obey some archaic traditions which are hardly unique to humans, by all means do it. Just please don't complain when it doesn't work out, for the response will most likely be "Well, what the hell else did you expect?"

I think I can summarize my point best by paraphrasing a former professor of mine, who had just finalized a divorce: "ultimately our marriage was doomed to failure, but we still care for our daughter. And I am quite shocked to see my disposable income skyrocket, even if I pay (non-mandated) support to my ex-wife."

 

[_Cake_]

"Yes, but you're painting the picture that all females are robots with the same mentality and views on life '...must find prince charming...must get married...must have 2+ children...divorce? Error! Error!'

There are women like my gf who aren't so keen on the whole concept of marriage, and there are women who don't want to have kids, it's as simple as that. Its not that we aren't commited to one another, I'd like to think we are, but who knows what will happen in 3 years time, how will those decisions change if we get married. If something happens and we decide we aren't compatible come 3 year later, marriage would only force us to be together against our will because of the financial complications of getting a divorce and the emotion stress of dealing with a divorce, its not very often that divorces go through all peachy and the former couple are still best mates afterwards going around to each other's houses for tea and supper.

Again, putting your money where your mouth is, you have just summed up the fact in that sentence that marriage is money related, why does money have to bear so much importance, in fact, if marriage was so binding due to love, why would it cost anything? Why would the expensivness of the engagement ring matter? Why would having the most beautiful white dress in the shop matter? Why would having the finest and most prestiegeuos church to host the wedding matter?

I would have thought that the best way to prove your love is to go against all odds and stick it out with the person you love, 20+ years with someone you are not married to is much more respectable to me than a couple who have been married for 10 years. Why? Because nothing is stopping you from leaving the other member of the marriage, absolutly nothing. The only thing you can say that is stopping you is love, pure love, no money, no rough edges, no extra bonuses, just love.

As for the growing old part, that's IF you get to grow old, you learn in life that death can come at any point, that isn't pessimism, it's factual. And are you saying that you can't depend on someone you aren't married to? :/ Does that mean I can't depend on my gf at the moment? Have I been lied to? What about friends? Family? Kids? Look after me when I'm old? That's assuming she isn't old as well and in no more position to look after me then I am her."




1.Dude I'm not painting females in any light I said most not all. I stand by the statement that most women want to get married.

2. It's just a saying. I was talking more to the legal hassle of breaking up. In this day and age most men and women are on equal footing financially so that really doesn't matter.

3. Bud I said zero about the extravagance of weddings.

4. Most people do grow old, not many people hedge their bets on dying young. I never said anything about marriage being the only way. I never said anything about your friends abandoning you. I'm saying that's what your spouses do for each other when they grow old. I'm not personally insulting you and your gf, I'm saying what I like about marriage.

 

[Baby Tea]

Hands down the best arguement for marriage I've seen so far Really appreciated that read.

You've admitted several of the points I stated but countered them with superb answers, and if anything, this is the sort of answer I was looking for, gives me that hope that a marriage commitment could work well. I've stressed several times that marriages have thier issues so I think what I find most annoying is how quickly people bail out of marriages and how easy it is after they stood at the alter and expressed thier commitment and eternal togetherness. Why bother? Why say that if you yourself know you aren't going to make the effort against all odds?

Thanks!

You know, one thing my wife and I did before we got married is premarital counselling.
Most people don't even know that exists, let alone do it, but let me tell you: If you're planning on being married, get premarital counselling.

It goes through simple, seemingly silly things like 'who will do the dishes?' and 'who will cook the meals?' (Silly as they are, thats a big burden off your shoulders), to the serious, marriage breaking things like money/spending habits, behaviour issues, etc. It was beyond invaluable to both my wife and I, and it gave us a really solid foundation for our marriage.

And that's not to say that we don't fight or anything. We've certainly had our arguments form the small ('Why didn't you do the dishes?') to the large ('You spent how much without telling me?!?'). But we had much better tools to deal with all that when we started.

We also came up with two rules that, I think, have been just huge in keeping us happy.
1) Never, ever, talk about money in the bedroom. Once you're there, ready to goto sleep, or just waking up, you never talk about money. Even if it's just 'Oh hey, I left that money on the night stand' or something. Absolutely zero money talk in the bedroom.

2) Never goto bed angry. If we're still fighting or angry when we're about to goto bed, we stop, and just talk it out. But we won't goto bed if we're mad at each other.

I've learned a lot myself as a husband, but I won't draw out this post for that.
The point is that it takes work. You can't expect it to 'just work'. This isn't 'going out'.
But it is incredibly rewarding. I've never been so close to someone, and it gets better every day.

 

[WanderingFool]

Tradition, thats all I can think of... that and economics, since a married couple with kids pay less taxes than a single person (this coming from 6 year old knowledge from a economics class in Highschool, dont hold it to heart).