fleacythesheep said:
1.Dude I'm not painting females in any light I said most not all. I stand by the statement that most women want to get married.
2. It's just a saying. I was talking more to the legal hassle of breaking up. In this day and age most men and women are on equal footing financially so that really doesn't matter.
3. Bud I said zero about the extravagance of weddings.
4. Most people do grow old, not many people hedge their bets on dying young. I never said anything about marriage being the only way. I never said anything about your friends abandoning you. I'm saying that's what your spouses do for each other when they grow old. I'm not personally insulting you and your gf, I'm saying what I like about marriage.
Don't get me wrong
I'm not attacking you, nor am I accusing you of anything, lol, I was just replying to your opinion with my own personal view and adding to it to argue against some of the other replies I saw in reference to 'legally / financially binding contract' claims. Don't worry, I wasn't personally insulted or anything, I just get heated when I'm in a good debate ^^.
Baby Tea said:
Thanks!
You know, one thing my wife and I did before we got married is premarital counselling.
Most people don't even know that exists, let alone do it, but let me tell you: If you're planning on being married, get premarital counselling.
It goes through simple, seemingly silly things like 'who will do the dishes?' and 'who will cook the meals?' (Silly as they are, thats a big burden off your shoulders), to the serious, marriage breaking things like money/spending habits, behaviour issues, etc. It was beyond invaluable to both my wife and I, and it gave us a really solid foundation for our marriage.
And that's not to say that we don't fight or anything. We've certainly had our arguments form the small ('Why didn't you do the dishes?') to the large ('You spent how much without telling me?!?'). But we had much better tools to deal with all that when we started.
We also came up with two rules that, I think, have been just huge in keeping us happy.
1) Never, ever, talk about money in the bedroom. Once you're there, ready to goto sleep, or just waking up, you never talk about money. Even if it's just 'Oh hey, I left that money on the night stand' or something. Absolutely zero money talk in the bedroom.
2) Never goto bed angry. If we're still fighting or angry when we're about to goto bed, we stop, and just talk it out. But we won't goto bed if we're mad at each other.
I've learned a lot myself as a husband, but I won't draw out this post for that.
The point is that it takes work. You can't expect it to 'just work'. This isn't 'going out'.
But it is incredibly rewarding. I've never been so close to someone, and it gets better every day.
I think that's one of the many things a couple should consider before marriage, but how many people do? Thats the issue right there. The typical perspective is one without much thought or careful consideration. Hm, I love my gf, how do I blow her away.....ah! That's it, ask her to marry me, that not only ensures she knows that I love her, but it also ensures that she never finds interest in someone else and so no one can ever get with her except me. While some of that makes sense, it also comes across kind of selfish, are you marrying her because you genuinely love her? Or is it because you just feel like taking the next step and that was the best thought you had?
I'm writing a novel that is all about my gf, the time and dedication it takes to portray her as the lovely person she is in real life in the book should be one of many ways to prove how much I love her even without having to get married, not to mention the fact we've had our arguements time and time again and even if I wasn't at fault, I can't help but apologise first, why? Because I'm the male and I feel stupid and weak waiting for her to apologise first unless she's done something I consider to be way out of line. I love her too much to let petty issues get between us and just because marriage hasn't crossed my mind wouldn't mean I love my gf any less than someone who has gotten married. If anything, I probably have more respect and love for my GF then lots of males who are married.
TheRightToArmBears said:
I think marriage does have a point. It shows that you do really love one another, and as they're harder to walk away from people are more likely to try an resolve issues than just leave.
And marriage isn't necessarily religious. My uncle got married without entering any kind of religious building at all. And churches are, usually, lovely, lovely buildings. That's why atheists like them, I personally love good old churches, cathederals and stuff like that.
Whilst it's not necessary, I think it's worthwile if for nothing other than the gesture. That you're saying you want to spend the rest of your life with them is a pretty powerful thing.
Oh, and of course, tax breaks.
Making it harder to walk away from someone isn't always a good thing, if love is somehow lost and relationships strive on LOVE, where is the logic in a difficult relationship to get out of, if anything, that would make me loathe the person more. Besides, there is nothing stopping me from simply leaving the country, we may be married, but we don't legally have to stay side by side, we just can't get married again, thats all.
Though the 'resolving issues' point makes sense, but how many people in marriages actually take that on board sadly? If that was the case for everyone, this debate would not even need to exist
jboking said:
Benefits this, benefits that, you make it sound like marriage is for convenience and not for love. If that's the case, why do you care so much who you get married to, we all want convenience to a certain degree, we should just marry whoever the heck we next bump into who also wants to have all those same benefits. After all, like you've clearly made out, we would much rather live an easier life married than live a hard trecherous one like mine without being married. Darn, look at all those benefits I'm missing out on, you know what? I should go propose to my gf right now.
