The whole holding-a-door-thing

Jeivar

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Something I've witnessed on the internet over the years with no small amount of confusion is women expressing outrage if a man holds open a door for them. I started thinking about this again today after going through a "worst of Tumblr" list, much to my dismay.

I don't know if this is some specific American culture thing, but if I'm out in public and walk through a door and there's someone right behind me, I consider it very rude to just let it swing back at that person. So I spend a second or two holding the door open as that person steps through. Generally I hear a soft word of thanks, and then we both go on with our day.

Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension? Because just screaming "I can open doors myself!!" does not make someone seem confident and well-adjusted. Little gestures of etiquette are all that makes society bearable.

Am I misunderstanding a bit here, and the cases being complained about are of someone leaping to literally open a door for a woman in the hopes of seeming chivalrous?

I'm genuinely curious here.
 

DefunctTheory

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Jeivar said:
Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension?
Because you wont get off of twitter, presumably.

Seriously.
 

Jeivar

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AccursedTheory said:
Jeivar said:
Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension?
Because you wont get off of twitter, presumably.

Seriously.
I barely use Twitter at all. Seriously.
 

DefunctTheory

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Jeivar said:
AccursedTheory said:
Jeivar said:
Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension?
Because you wont get off of twitter, presumably.

Seriously.

I barely use Twitter at all. Seriously.
Then where do you see this stuff? Got any sources?
 

sky14kemea

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AccursedTheory said:
Jeivar said:
Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension?
Because you wont get off of twitter, presumably.

Seriously.
He said "tumblr" in his post so I'd assume he spends too much time on Tumblr.

OT: People are weird. Holding the door for anyone is polite.

Unless you bow and say "M'LADY" as they pass, then you're kinda being weird.
 

DefunctTheory

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sky14kemea said:
AccursedTheory said:
Jeivar said:
Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension?
Because you wont get off of twitter, presumably.

Seriously.

He said "tumblr" in his post so I'd assume he spends too much time on Tumblr.
Everyone knows Tumblr is a cesspit complete removed from reality, though.

If that's where he's seeing it, well... answer solved in the OP.
 

Jeivar

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AccursedTheory said:
Jeivar said:
AccursedTheory said:
Jeivar said:
Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension?
Because you wont get off of twitter, presumably.

Seriously.

I barely use Twitter at all. Seriously.
Then where do you see this stuff? Got any sources?
Sources, eh, not really. It's just something I've seen here and there over the years.
 

DefunctTheory

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Jeivar said:
AccursedTheory said:
Jeivar said:
AccursedTheory said:
Jeivar said:
Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension?
Because you wont get off of twitter, presumably.

Seriously.

I barely use Twitter at all. Seriously.
Then where do you see this stuff? Got any sources?

Sources, eh, not really. It's just something I've seen here and there over the years.
Not particularly helpful, you know.

So I guess its back to the 'Twitter/Tumblr Cesspit' answer, since those are, pretty much without exception, the only places I have ever seen anything even remotely like what you're describing (Except for people occasionally complaining about it on forums). Oh, and in youtube comment sections.

Again, cesspits.
 

Parasondox

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I always joke with a best mate (female) on how I wouldnt open the door for her unless she did it for me while shouting, EQUALITY *****!!

We mess about. Just a joke. I have to say "just a joke", alot incase someone takes a major offence.

In general I just hold open or hold the door (dont cry), for anyone. Its polite and shows manners.
 

Phasmal

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Jun 10, 2011
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Jeivar said:
Something I've witnessed on the internet over the years with no small amount of confusion is women expressing outrage if a man holds open a door for them. I started thinking about this again today after going through a "worst of Tumblr" list, much to my dismay.
Soooo, this isn't something you've actually seen, but the internet assures you it is a thing?


Anyway, I'm just gonna cut right through the bullshit here, and say who gives a fuck. How much does it honestly affect you if some women don't like the door being held open for them? You may personally find it unreasonable but it's their opinion and if they use their spaces on the internet to express that harmless opinion, why is that wrong?

If I started a thread every time I saw a dude do something dumb and unreasonable there'd be no fuckin' forum space left, what's with these threads?

As for the door thing, literally any time you interact with a stranger in any way, you run the risk of them not liking that interaction. Welcome to the world.
 

Jeivar

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Phasmal said:
Jeivar said:
Something I've witnessed on the internet over the years with no small amount of confusion is women expressing outrage if a man holds open a door for them. I started thinking about this again today after going through a "worst of Tumblr" list, much to my dismay.
Soooo, this isn't something you've actually seen, but the internet assures you it is a thing?


Anyway, I'm just gonna cut right through the bullshit here, and say who gives a fuck. How much does it honestly affect you if some women don't like the door being held open for them? You may personally find it unreasonable but it's their opinion and if they use their spaces on the internet to express that harmless opinion, why is that wrong?
Eh, I just got slightly curious enough to take a few seconds out of my day to post a question. I'm not exactly obsessing over this.
 

Thaluikhain

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Eh, as far as I can tell, there's no truth to it. Lots of people claim that feminists are obsessed with this, but I've never encountered, either online or off, anyone who held that view.

Like "high school is the best time of your life", never met anyone who agrees, but supposedly there are those that do out there somewhere in great numbers.

(Having said that, there are lots of women that are annoyed if you hold open a door for them until they are halfway through, and then let it close on them. Lots of men as well.)
 

Phasmal

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Jeivar said:
Eh, I just slightly curious enough to take a few seconds out of my day to post a question. I'm not exactly obsessing over this.
Fair enough, I'm afraid after years on this forum I have run out of nice ways to say "Women act like people with different opinions over things because they are indeed people with different opinions over things". Women are people. People are often assholes. Open and shut I'm afraid.

I mean, I could bring up the opposite thing of grown-ass men refusing to walk through a door being held open by a woman, which is something I've encountered several times in my life. It's just silly people being silly.
 

axlryder

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Phasmal said:
Jeivar said:
Something I've witnessed on the internet over the years with no small amount of confusion is women expressing outrage if a man holds open a door for them. I started thinking about this again today after going through a "worst of Tumblr" list, much to my dismay.
Soooo, this isn't something you've actually seen, but the internet assures you it is a thing?


Anyway, I'm just gonna cut right through the bullshit here, and say who gives a fuck. How much does it honestly affect you if some women don't like the door being held open for them? You may personally find it unreasonable but it's their opinion and if they use their spaces on the internet to express that harmless opinion, why is that wrong?

If I started a thread every time I saw a dude do something dumb and unreasonable there'd be no fuckin' forum space left, what's with these threads?

As for the door thing, literally any time you interact with a stranger in any way, you run the risk of them not liking that interaction. Welcome to the world.
I pretty much agree that if you haven't seen or experienced it to some substantial degree, there's little point in making a thread of "What's the deal with x". Otherwise our forums would turn into a veritable cornucopia of Seinfeld joke openers.

That said, I don't reeeeaally agree on just letting it slide if you see someone ranting about something like having the door held for them as a general gesture. I'm not saying you should be mean to that person for basically saying "this, as a general thing, annoys me". I just don't think people should be given carte blance to (essentially) discourage others from being polite and observing very broadly established social etiquette, or make them retroactively feel bad about all the times they did it because it might have annoyed someone. Sure, they can express their opinion, but I think actively injecting an opposing view or different perspective into that discussion is totally reasonable.

Obviously my point is a general one about online interactions, unrelated to gender.
 

Jeivar

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Phasmal said:
Jeivar said:
Eh, I just slightly curious enough to take a few seconds out of my day to post a question. I'm not exactly obsessing over this.
Fair enough, I'm afraid after years on this forum I have run out of nice ways to say "Women act like people with different opinions over things because they are indeed people with different opinions over things".
Well, yeah. Obviously.

I mean, I could bring up the opposite thing of grown-ass men refusing to walk through a door being held open by a woman, which is something I've encountered several times in my life. It's just silly people being silly.
That is... some amazing insecurity to display in public. Wow.
 

Phasmal

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axlryder said:
That said, I don't reeeeaally agree on just letting it slide if you see someone ranting about something like having the door held for them as a general gesture. I'm not saying you should be mean to that person for basically saying "this, as a general thing, annoys me". I just don't think people should be given carte blance to (essentially) discourage others from being polite and observing very broadly established social etiquette, or make them retroactively feel bad about all the times they did it because it might have annoyed someone. Sure, they can express their opinion, but I think actively injecting an opposing view or different perspective into that discussion is totally reasonable.

Obviously my point is a general one about online interactions, unrelated to gender.
I guess? But I don't think displaying personal annoyance with a thing is equating saying that everyone who does the thing should feel guilty.

Ah, for example.
Eating a banana in public is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Nobody could be annoyed at that, right? Wrong. Bananas disgust me and the smell of them makes me want to puke. (I'm allergic, so it's not entirely unreasonable).
So if I text my friend 'Ew I just had to move from my spot waiting for the bus because a guy was eating a banana next to me yuck'. I am not condemning banana-eating. I am not wanting people who eat bananas to feel bad or defensive. I am not slapping that disgusting fruit out of his hand. I am expressing in my own space an opinion which I know isn't very polite. I'm not inviting every banana-apologist to remind me of this dude's freedom to consume fruit. I already know that. I bet a lot of people who don't like doors being opened for them know that most people are just doing what is normal and polite. That's probably why they don't get into a public debate about it most times.

And also as another thing, yeah, one could argue with these women, but most of the time that's not what happens. Someone sees a woman do a thing they think is unreasonable, and instead of perhaps asking them why they as a person do this unreasonable thing, they come to the forum and start a thread like "Why do women do this unreasonable thing".

I dunno. I'm probably not making much sense.
 

shrekfan246

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I'd definitely say you're misunderstanding something here, OP.

I won't say that this complaint never actually happens, but in over ten years of regular internet use and semi-regular holding-of-doors, not once have I seen anyone express their displeasure over the action. What I have seen, is people blowing up stories about how women apparently got really mad because the door was held, and then a bunch of women chiming in to say that who cares about door holding unless you're being rude or awkward about it; don't hold the door when they're still a million miles away, don't let it close in their face. Exactly how you'd hold the door for anyone. Pretty simple, really.
 

axlryder

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Phasmal said:
axlryder said:
That said, I don't reeeeaally agree on just letting it slide if you see someone ranting about something like having the door held for them as a general gesture. I'm not saying you should be mean to that person for basically saying "this, as a general thing, annoys me". I just don't think people should be given carte blance to (essentially) discourage others from being polite and observing very broadly established social etiquette, or make them retroactively feel bad about all the times they did it because it might have annoyed someone. Sure, they can express their opinion, but I think actively injecting an opposing view or different perspective into that discussion is totally reasonable.

Obviously my point is a general one about online interactions, unrelated to gender.
I guess? But I don't think displaying personal annoyance with a thing is equating saying that everyone who does the thing should feel guilty.

Ah, for example.
Eating a banana in public is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Nobody could be annoyed at that, right? Wrong. Bananas disgust me and the smell of them makes me want to puke. (I'm allergic, so it's not entirely unreasonable).
So if I text my friend 'Ew I just had to move from my spot waiting for the bus because a guy was eating a banana next to me yuck'. I am not condemning banana-eating. I am not wanting people who eat bananas to feel bad or defensive. I am not slapping that disgusting fruit out of his hand. I am expressing in my own space an opinion which I know isn't very polite. I'm not inviting every banana-apologist to remind me of this dude's freedom to consume fruit. I already know that. I bet a lot of people who don't like doors being opened for them know that most people are just doing what is normal and polite. That's probably why they don't get into a public debate about it most times.

And also as another thing, yeah, one could argue with these women, but most of the time that's not what happens. Someone sees a woman do a thing they think is unreasonable, and instead of perhaps asking them why they as a person do this unreasonable thing, they come to the forum and start a thread like "Why do women do this unreasonable thing".

I dunno. I'm probably not making much sense.
Right, but texting a friend is a bit different from posting on twitter or tumblr, and eating a banana doesn't involve human interaction, whereas holding the door does, so it will inevitably make more people feel wary of doing it when it's questioned. If we address the scenario where some kind of political spin is added (be it gender, racial, yadda yadda), then you might even have people questioning their door holding habits on a moral level.

Obviously this whole conversation is just conjecture, but my point is that if you have someone putting that opinion out there, and no one to counter balance it, then you might have a few less polite people in the world. I only bring it up because I used to hold the door for everyone all the time as a kid and early adolescent, and then I stopped when I was 12 because I overheard 2 teenagers say they didn't like it one time (and yes, I did it in a perfectly normal way). Being the impressionable kid that I was, I stopped doing it, and still have a weird aversion to it even now, despite knowing that it's a perfectly normal and polite thing to do.

That said, I get where you're coming from, and I'm sure mine is a fringe experience. That's why I don't think an argument should be made of it, more a "oh, my experiences tend to differ, I actually like it for x and y reasons, bla bla bla".

As to the last paragraph, I don't really know how true that is one way or the other. Forums are kind of a dying format though. (single tear)
 

Chimpzy_v1legacy

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Thaluikhain said:
(Having said that, there are lots of women that are annoyed if you hold open a door for them until they are halfway through, and then let it close on them. Lots of men as well.)
And why shouldn't they? If you're going to hold the door for someone, anyone, wait until they are through entirely or until they themselves grab the door in turn (as around here that's a signal they'll take over and you can go on, mostly in larger groups).
Doing otherwise is pretty half-assed and rude.
 

Thaluikhain

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Chimpzy said:
Thaluikhain said:
(Having said that, there are lots of women that are annoyed if you hold open a door for them until they are halfway through, and then let it close on them. Lots of men as well.)
And why shouldn't they? If you're going to hold the door for someone, anyone, wait until they are through entirely or until they themselves grab the door in turn (as around here that's a signal they'll take over and you can go on, mostly in larger groups).
Doing otherwise is pretty half-assed and rude.
If people don't get annoyed, there's no point in doing it, yeah.

I'd not be going round doing this to strangers or anything, just people I'm comfortable annoying.