Jeivar said:
Something I've witnessed on the internet over the years with no small amount of confusion is women expressing outrage if a man holds open a door for them. I started thinking about this again today after going through a "worst of Tumblr" list, much to my dismay.
I don't know if this is some specific American culture thing, but if I'm out in public and walk through a door and there's someone right behind me, I consider it very rude to just let it swing back at that person. So I spend a second or two holding the door open as that person steps through. Generally I hear a soft word of thanks, and then we both go on with our day.
Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension? Because just screaming "I can open doors myself!!" does not make someone seem confident and well-adjusted. Little gestures of etiquette are all that makes society bearable.
A lot of people, men included, would see that as being inappropriately friendly for a stranger or too formal for a given social situation.
In my case, it obviously wouldn't offend me, but if some random stranger insisted on getting the door for me I would start to think that the guy was about to beg for money or try to sell me something.
Then there are cases where holding the door open is just a matter of basic courtesy, for instance, when a lot of people are trying to get out at once keeping the door from closing while you go through is something that's generally appreciated. But that's not a demonstration of great personal sacrifice or an indicator that you're a uniquely good person, and people normally don't appreciate people making big shows of how they follow the basic standards of courtesy.
Another thing is that pretending to hold a door open for someone is a common way for a mugger to position himself in a way that gives him a split second where he can easily grab you, so people who grew up in big cities can sometimes interpret that as a threatening gesture.
Am I misunderstanding a bit here, and the cases being complained about are of someone leaping to literally open a door for a woman in the hopes of seeming chivalrous?
I'm genuinely curious here.
I think with women in particular, it's because women are really good at spotting shallowness in guys. If it's you being "chivalrous" then she's going to notice that you don't perform those basic courtesies for other guys, and therefore two things are going to go through her head: 1.) "This guy is only polite to me because he wants to date me" and 2.) "Oh god, is this guy going to start hitting on me?"