The whole holding-a-door-thing

Sonmi

Renowned Latin Lover
Jan 30, 2009
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Those women are people too, and people are sometimes unreasonable.

The fact that you're looking specifically at Tumblr doesn't help either.
 

mecegirl

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May 19, 2013
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It can be annoying when guys open doors sometimes but only in certain contexts.

1: If he is no where near the door and he rushes over just to open the door. Like dude... its okay. I'll be alright. Its one thing if a person is already at the door but to rush over? It's worse that they never do so for men so you know that it's just because you are female.

2. When they blatantly check you out while doing so.

3. When it is only done for women they feel are attractive. I've seen guys do "polite" things for attractive young women while ignoring overweight women. Or women who are older. And its really shitty.

Other than that any woman complaining about opening doors just has a personal problem with it. And folks are allowed to have personal problems with things. So long as they aren't chewing you out in person why care?
 

Fox12

AccursedT- see you space cowboy
Jun 6, 2013
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I hold the door open for everyone. I've heard of feminists doing this, but I've never seen it, so I assume it happened one time and then exploded.

I have held the door open for men, and had them just stand there and stare at me. I'd call them out on that behavior now, though.
 

Frankster

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Mar 13, 2009
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I hold the door for everyone, seems like basic manners to keep it open for the person that passes after you, unless the distance is super big then it become awkward. But I'm thinking mostly in busy passages.

I did have a woman go kinda crazy at me for it once though in uni, fun times, like ranting at me for a straight 2 minutes.
I was too speechless to reply lmao so just stood there kinda shocked and confused.
But I met other types of crazies at uni, so didn't think too much of it and this happened just once in my 20+ years of opening doors for people.

Phasmal said:
As for the door thing, literally any time you interact with a stranger in any way, you run the risk of them not liking that interaction. Welcome to the world.
This seems pretty accurate. I've got tons of stories of people I never previously interacted with just randomly losing their shit at me or seeing something in my actions I honestly did not intend. All I can do is shrug in those situations, eat the social embarrassment that comes with having someone flip out at you in public then move on and rationalize it's less to do with me but with the person's perceptions of me and their own life experience.
 

Fappy

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Jan 4, 2010
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Has anyone here ever seriously had someone get mad at them for holding the door open? I've had plenty of people not acknowledge my aid, which is fine, but never had anyone get actively mad.
 

Saelune

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Mar 8, 2011
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From my personal experiences, everyone enjoys having the door held for them, and all sorts hold the door open for others. Ive held the door open for men and women of all ages, and have had the same hold the door for me.
 

Neurotic Void Melody

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Jul 15, 2013
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Meanwhile in the real world it's polite to hold the door open for any variety of strangers and everyone seems to appreciate the kindness. If, however, I kept opening the door purely for my female friends and nobody else, I would understand their annoyance with my condescending attitude towards them, but it isn't the case and everyone's happy about the situation. There are often sarcastic jokes made every now and then about it, or exaggerated displays of the activity for humourous porpoises to lighten an otherwise simple task; as is the case between le friends. But it's all about respect for your fellow human cubs.
I would highly recommend not taking stranger's words off tumblr who may have had experiences with more condescending assholes in their environment. Not a good place to start generalising humanity with.

Anyway, i'm a bear. Nobody holds the door open for me, they just shoot me with tranquillisers and run away with their bawling children in panic. Those tranqs are quite pleasant though, I'm starting to enjoy the activity regardless of the dangers.

Phasmal said:
I am not slapping that disgusting fruit out of his hand.
That...would be hilarious. Why aren't you doing this more often?? Followed by a short, maniacal cackle. You'd be known as the mad banana displacer and people would be too afraid to ever take their seedless fruit out in front of you ever again. Stories of your sporadic violence will be shared around campfires for generations. Come on...fall to your dark side!!
 

Frankster

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Mar 13, 2009
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Fappy said:
Has anyone here ever seriously had someone get mad at them for holding the door open? I've had plenty of people not acknowledge my aid, which is fine, but never had anyone get actively mad.
*raises hand up* Happened just once, but it happened and left me somewhat stunned.
 

Casual Shinji

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Jul 18, 2009
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I actually make it my business to hold the door open just as someone approaches, and then slam it RIGHT in their face. Especially if it's someone with a stroller. >=D
 

Leg End

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Oct 24, 2010
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Fappy said:
Has anyone here ever seriously had someone get mad at them for holding the door open? I've had plenty of people not acknowledge my aid, which is fine, but never had anyone get actively mad.
Pretty much /thread there, Fappy.

I've held doors open for many, many years for men and women even when I'm not actively going through the door. I have never heard any backlash or even a mildly rude remark.
 

Too Many Secrets

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Jul 8, 2016
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Stop looking for meaningless internet crap to outrage yourself, and do something else to relieve your boredom and give you a sense of significance.

This isn't working for you.
 

scw55

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Nov 18, 2009
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Keep opening doors because that's what you'd do anyway.
If someone gets offended by it, it's their problem which they have to address.

If you're opening a door because you want the person to owe you, then there's a problem.
 

Qizx

Executor
Feb 21, 2011
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Eh, my mother always taught me to hold a door open for a woman. She's also quite the feminist so I don't think I'm being sexist holding a door open for a woman. Granted I will most certainly hold open a door for a man, child, even an Italian.

EDIT: I DID have a woman get angry at me for it, ONCE, it was in college. I went to a fairly liberal college where there were a few of the militant feminist types (this was also slightly before it became a bigger thing). I just shrugged it off and kept going, not worth my time to deal with fringe elements.
 

Too Many Secrets

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Qizx said:
Eh, my mother always taught me to hold a door open for a woman. She's also quite the feminist so I don't think I'm being sexist holding a door open for a woman. Granted I will most certainly hold open a door for a man, child, even an Italian.
"Che cos'? questo?!?! Cosa ci Faccio qui?!"

*Honks horn of tiny Fiat*

"Bastardo!!!! Aaaaayyyyyyy!!!"

Heheh... tiny Fiats.
 

Mister K

This is our story.
Apr 25, 2011
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Fappy said:
Has anyone here ever seriously had someone get mad at them for holding the door open? I've had plenty of people not acknowledge my aid, which is fine, but never had anyone get actively mad.
I don't know if it counts as "mad", but I had a situation like that.

A few years ago, I was leaving a store and saw a woman coming my way, obviously to enter said store. I hold the door for her and she gives me this ugly look like... I don't know, as if I was mentally challenged and was eating crayons. The she raises her hand to her chest and makes "shoo-shoo" motions with it. I was kind of confused, so I automatically let go of the door. She walks into the door frame, turns back to me, looks me in the eyes and does 180 degrees turn and goes inside, all while raising her head in "proud victory".

Weird.

OT: I hold the door for men, women, boys and girls, old and young, fat and skinny, basically to anyone. I do so because a) it's polite and b) it helps the "human stream" to flow unobstructed. The situation that I described to Fappy did not discourage me from doing so, although I remember thinking "WTF just happened?"
 

FalloutJack

Bah weep grah nah neep ninny bom
Nov 20, 2008
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How the hell should I know? I'm walking through a door, if somebody is nearby or behind me with all he look and intent of wanting to go through said door, I stick around a few seconds and let 'em walk in, hands free. Generally, the response is to thank me. I guess things aren't that bad in Pittsburgh.
 

Silvanus

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I hold doors for both men and women, pretty much automatically. I've never once encountered anybody who took exception to it, male or female, including numerous people who would self-identify as feminist.
 

TakerFoxx

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Jan 27, 2011
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I hold the door for everyone, man or women. No one's ever given me a hard time for it, and I even wear a fedora. So I dunno.
 

renegade7

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Feb 9, 2011
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Jeivar said:
Something I've witnessed on the internet over the years with no small amount of confusion is women expressing outrage if a man holds open a door for them. I started thinking about this again today after going through a "worst of Tumblr" list, much to my dismay.

I don't know if this is some specific American culture thing, but if I'm out in public and walk through a door and there's someone right behind me, I consider it very rude to just let it swing back at that person. So I spend a second or two holding the door open as that person steps through. Generally I hear a soft word of thanks, and then we both go on with our day.

Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension? Because just screaming "I can open doors myself!!" does not make someone seem confident and well-adjusted. Little gestures of etiquette are all that makes society bearable.
A lot of people, men included, would see that as being inappropriately friendly for a stranger or too formal for a given social situation.

In my case, it obviously wouldn't offend me, but if some random stranger insisted on getting the door for me I would start to think that the guy was about to beg for money or try to sell me something.

Then there are cases where holding the door open is just a matter of basic courtesy, for instance, when a lot of people are trying to get out at once keeping the door from closing while you go through is something that's generally appreciated. But that's not a demonstration of great personal sacrifice or an indicator that you're a uniquely good person, and people normally don't appreciate people making big shows of how they follow the basic standards of courtesy.

Another thing is that pretending to hold a door open for someone is a common way for a mugger to position himself in a way that gives him a split second where he can easily grab you, so people who grew up in big cities can sometimes interpret that as a threatening gesture.

Am I misunderstanding a bit here, and the cases being complained about are of someone leaping to literally open a door for a woman in the hopes of seeming chivalrous?

I'm genuinely curious here.
I think with women in particular, it's because women are really good at spotting shallowness in guys. If it's you being "chivalrous" then she's going to notice that you don't perform those basic courtesies for other guys, and therefore two things are going to go through her head: 1.) "This guy is only polite to me because he wants to date me" and 2.) "Oh god, is this guy going to start hitting on me?"