The whole holding-a-door-thing

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

Fair enough, I'm afraid after years on this forum I have run out of nice ways to say "Women act like people with different opinions over things because they are indeed people with different opinions over things". Women are people. People are often assholes. Open and shut I'm afraid.

I mean, I could bring up the opposite thing of grown-ass men refusing to walk through a door being held open by a woman, which is something I've encountered several times in my life. It's just silly people being silly.

But to be fair, that is people in a nutshell.

I don't even want to count the number of people nowadays who are lashing out at other people because they perceive Whites as being lashed at. Slavery, Still ongoing Racism, Islamphobia... almost any interaction with someone non-white is a mine field here.

Same thing with how you believe (Atheist or Theist), Your political affiliations, Your choice of consoles... We're all a species of triggered individuals.... getting upset that they perceive other people being triggered.

"How dare you be upset about something?! That makes me justifiably upset at you and everyone like you!!!"

We're all in for a rough time if we all don't just relax.

 

[Stewie Plisken]

I hold doors. I walk a pace behind my lady-friends. I pull chairs not intending a prank. Usually I hold doors open for pretty much everyone, anyway.

Haven't heard any complaints yet. I've seen the same whining on the Internet you have, but it has never been a thing in real life, in my experience. It's not an issue; never has been, never will be. If by chance you come across someone who is being a dick about it in real life, then turn away and leave; but usually people in real life don't waste their energy on latching to inconsequential quirks to make some major statement.

 

[Janaschi]

I have been holding doors open for everyone since I was a child. That has never been restricted to just women, either.

And not once, during my 24+ years of life, have I heard a single person physically complain about my doing so. The closest to a complaint that I have ever witnessed, was from a time where admittedly I held the door open for someone a bit too far away for it to be necessary, and I could tell from their face that they considered it awkward.

I am not going to argue that my experiences define the human condition on this matter. But I am skeptical that this is as huge of an issue as people make it out to be, outside of certain over-sensitivity hotspots such as in Academia. But who really gives a genuine shit about those unusually vocal minorities?

 

[RaikuFA]

I do it to anyone regardless of whatever.

Also Tumblr is evil and confusing and this video explains why:

 

[Catnip1024]

I think the main thing these complainers don't understand is, I will hold the door open for anyone, if it's no hassle. I would hold the door open for a cat, a dog, even a squirrel if it looked like it wanted to be inside.

If you don't like it, use another door. This one's mine. I got here first.

 

[Rednog]

Has anyone here ever seriously had someone get mad at them for holding the door open? I've had plenty of people not acknowledge my aid, which is fine, but never had anyone get actively mad.

I only had one person ever get mad at me. About 6ish years ago I was in college I'm walking into a building and in the reflection of the door I see a woman coming up the stairs behind me, I put my arm back to hold open the door. She exclaims "I can open the door myself!" I turned, looked her dead in the eye and pulled the door closed in front of her and walked away.

 

[BrawlMan]

Something I've witnessed on the internet over the years with no small amount of confusion is women expressing outrage if a man holds open a door for them. I started thinking about this again today after going through a "worst of Tumblr" list, much to my dismay.

I don't know if this is some specific American culture thing, but if I'm out in public and walk through a door and there's someone right behind me, I consider it very rude to just let it swing back at that person. So I spend a second or two holding the door open as that person steps through. Generally I hear a soft word of thanks, and then we both go on with our day.

Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension? Because just screaming "I can open doors myself!!" does not make someone seem confident and well-adjusted. Little gestures of etiquette are all that makes society bearable.

Am I misunderstanding a bit here, and the cases being complained about are of someone leaping to literally open a door for a woman in the hopes of seeming chivalrous?

I'm genuinely curious here.

I hold open a door for anyone; especially for women, the elderly, or those with certain physical handicaps. I don't know where these women are coming from, but it sounds like they have nothing better to do and is best to ignore them. Tumblr does have good people, but there is always going to be bitches (that includes men too) bitching over nothing. Trust me, they're not worth the effort.

 

[lacktheknack]

I don't see where the problem is. I like being polite, so I hold doors open. And if they get offended, I'm really not bothered about offending them.

Kill 'em with kindness, as it goes.

BTW, as a genuine-article Canadian who's been to multiple extremely different countries, I've held a LOT of doors open for a LOT of people, and not one - not ONE - has ever gotten upset about it. I'm reasonably sure that the "offended by door-holding" crowd is mostly mythical, or just profoundly American.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

I thought this thread was going to be about Game of Thrones.

Anyway... I hold the door open for everyone who happens to be walking in during or near the same time I am. There was only one instance where it got weird, when a guy I held the door open for used it as an excuse to chat me up and try to convince me to get on his motorcycle.

 

[anthony87]

Kill 'em with kindness, as it goes.

Pretty much how I live my life.

 

[WindKnight]

Eh, I always hold the door open for anyone, and only comment I've ever gotten is when its been a shop door and I've hld it open for a bunch of people in a row, and then it was 'I hope your getting paid for that'

 

[Areloch]

As others in the thread have said, I hold the door open for pretty much anyone I think is close enough for me to put the effort towards.

If they somehow got mad at that, they can piss on off into 'GetOverYourself-Ville'.

I have exactly 0 doubts that some people, men and women both, do get offended by basic courtesy actions like this(lord knows I've seen people get rolling over stupider things), but realistically, they're going to be an infinitesimal speck in the grand sea of the people you're going to interact with.

 

[shrekfan246]

Actually, this video just reminded me of something I have also seen:

A lot of guys seem to be perpetually offended by the idea that they should be "required" to hold doors open.

 

[chadachada123]

Has anyone here ever seriously had someone get mad at them for holding the door open? I've had plenty of people not acknowledge my aid, which is fine, but never had anyone get actively mad.

I once had a young woman scoff at me for holding a door open. Yes, audibly scoff. On a very stereotypically liberal university campus, which I found funny. But then, that was just once, out of hundreds, perhaps thousands of times that I've held the door open for men and women alike.

While tumblr shit does occasionally leak into real life, especially on modern college campuses, it's not quite the epidemic that the internet makes it out to be, if personal experience is any indication.

 

[Worgen]

Spoiler

Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension?

Because you wont get off of twitter, presumably.

Seriously.

He said "tumblr" in his post so I'd assume he spends too much time on Tumblr.

Everyone knows Tumblr is a cesspit complete removed from reality, though.

If that's where he's seeing it, well... answer solved in the OP.

Really? It always seemed like a good place to find porn to me, maybe your just not using it right.

Anyway, as for the holding a door open thing, down here its expected. If someone is close behind you, you hold the door for them, gender doesn't matter, you just do it.

 

[MythicMatt]

If you're at the door, and you see someone who could want to use it nearby, you hold it. And if you find one of those super rare people who tells you they can open doors themselves, you hold it passive-aggressively.

It's polite to hold doors open, what business do you have denying the only good deed you'll get from me? None.

 

[McElroy]

I usually lean against doors and only move if people give me money (other trinkets like lollipops or gift cards to The Body Shop are fine too). No one has EVER been fine with that!

OT: Never seen or heard anyone get even slightly annoyed at the holder. The other way around perhaps once.

 

[Silverbeard]

I usually lean against doors and only move if people give me money (other trinkets like lollipops or gift cards to The Body Shop are fine too). No one has EVER been fine with that!

OT: Never seen or heard anyone get even slightly annoyed at the holder. The other way around perhaps once.

What are you, a modern day troll toll-taker?
Nobody passes your door (bridge) without the toll on pain of getting clubbed, is that it?

 

[McElroy]

I usually lean against doors and only move if people give me money (other trinkets like lollipops or gift cards to The Body Shop are fine too). No one has EVER been fine with that!

OT: Never seen or heard anyone get even slightly annoyed at the holder. The other way around perhaps once.

What are you, a modern day troll toll-taker?
Nobody passes your door (bridge) without the toll on pain of getting clubbed, is that it?

Most are able to push me aside. However, most children, elderly and disabled people can't (except the ones with electric wheelchairs, they just run over me and then some).

 

[KingsGambit_v1legacy]

I wouldn't say there's any written or even unwritten rules on etiquette in this regard, but as a courtesy/gentlemanly thing to do, I will hold a door for a few seconds for anyone behind me. Maybe 0-5seconds give or take, unless I'm in a hurry. Pregnant women, the elderly, disabled or infirm get longer.

I don't think I've ever had someone be offended by my holding open a door. Frankly, if someone were to get offended, I just wouldn't care. I don't care if they got offended or not. It's their prerogative whether or not to be offended and not within my control. I held the door because I was raised with manners and to be courteous and I will not change. I think anyone who chooses to be offended by a polite gesture to be very petty and small minded. I don't care for such people nor do i need or want them in my life.