The "Yep. I'm definitely going to Hell" moment.

[FirebirdXR]

I was in college when one of my classmates approached me with a question regarding a friend I knew back at elementary.

I lost touch with my "old" friend since middle school. But even then, he still didn't seem to change much from the few times we passed each other at the hallways through the years. So when I replied to my classmate, all I did was talk a lot sh*t at my "old" friend's expense, claiming that we haven't talked to each other in ages, and questioning as to what exactly the fat bastard was up to....

My classmate didn't reply, he just looked at me, sincerely said his goodbyes and left....
....only on that same day did I found out in a newspaper that he died in an car crash. He was my best friend in 4th Grade.


/
On lesser I-going-to-hell-moment; at my first workplace, I made a nice woman cry.
All I did was make fun my sister's soccer team she managed to coach at the time, and she briefly went into hysterics on how hard they worked and started tearing.

This wasn't the first time I poked fun at the team, so when she started crying, I felt bad and we didn't talk for week.

 

[Sir Thomas Sean Connery]

Confession time huh?

Where to begin...

I have those moments every single time there is a tragedy and I laugh my ass off at some aspect of it. It was after one of these tragedies (that involved my family no less) that I realized an implicit truth about the world.

Everything is funny. No exceptions.

Of course, that's just the stuff other people [i/]don't[/i] laugh at. We mustn't forget the dead baby jokes, holocaust jokes, and racist jokes.

Here is one of my favorite "I'm going to hell for laughing" jokes.

Spoiler: How do you keep a baby from crawling in circles?

Nail it's [i/]other[/i] hand to the floor

Single moment? I would have to go with recently when I was at a friends house playing video games.

We were playing "Run for the border" in Halo Reach. He is the Mexican, so he get's sprint, grenades(molotovs and rocks) and I am the border patrol, so I get a sniper rifle. He runs as fast as he can while dodging and spewing random Spanish. All in all, it was very fun, but at the end I just looked at home and said "We are so going to hell for this."

 

[The Code]

A black guy laughed at a racist joke I told once. It felt awkward and dirty.

EDIT: I also just laughed at Deckard's joke. ^

 

[Blobpie]

I once kicked a puppy... it was cute.

 

[BanthaFodder]

*sigh*
well... I... came up with this joke...
just... just read it...
"why did the black guy cross the road? he was chasing the chicken"
I felt so bad that I lol'd at it
I'm not racist, but it just sorta popped in there... and once it was there... I couldn't forget it...

 

[Dwarfman]

My hell moment came about 2-3 different times wile doing the same thing. Me and a mate were out cursing the streets and me being me said "look at her id like to bend her over and have a go at that tight ass" only to find out the girl in question is about 12-14. Fuck my life.

Not quite this but something very similar.

Then there was the time during my apprenticeship when we all went out after a really busy service. It had been freakin' hectic and we all needed to blow off steam. Within two hours we were all trashed. And in the local nightclub the song 'Finding it Hard to Believe We're in Heaven' started playing. Of course our kitchen had alternate lyrics to this song. I won't list the entire song but here in the middle of City Rowers about thirty of us - kitchen and floor staff from about four different restaurants - all started sing 'I'm Finding it Hard to Believe your Eleven'

Other patrons were horrified. Some of the bar staff may or may not have joined in. I honestly don't know how we weren't all kicked out for it, but one things for sure we all agreed we would all be going to hell for that one!

 

[Trogdor1138]

. . . cheese pizza threads. . .

Someone had to say it.

i don't get this..

is this a troll moment or..?


OT:

yeah, i remember one in particular from a couple years ago, we were walking out of this building, while it was really cold out, and we saw an old guy coming, so we stopped and held the door open...he was walking towards, saw us holding the door open, and instead walked into the glass right next to the door thinking it was the opening..without a doubt in his mind he believed that was the opening, his head hit that shit so hard, and he fell back like an old turtle and basically launched his walking stick in the process, in which i laughed so fucking hard, i felt so god damn bad but it was soo funny at the time..

ALSO

back in 5th grade, we went to the courthouse for a field trip, and we were able to sit in on a very serious case, in which someone was getting put away for some very serious financial fraud thing, in which right when the jury found them "guilty", in which in the dead silence my friend down the row had the loudest high pitch fart wrap right off the wooden bench..and being the easily giggled person i am, i started cracking up, in which the judge screamed at us to both get out, and we were suspended =[ so yeah i highly regret that..

That thing about the courthouse just made me laugh so hard for like 3 minutes straight xD

 

[ReservoirAngel]

I also made a horrible comment recently that I didn't realise was horrible until a week later. Essentially, I'd heard my roomate and her boyfriend having sex, and the following morning she was looking really depressed in the living room. She told me not to worry, and as something intended as a light-hearted throwaway joke I said "hey, at least Jake's condom didn't break".

It did...she has an STD now...i feel horrible

I'm sorry but that is absolutely hilarious.

Then you are going to Hell my good man.

 

[KefkaCultist]

I once made a fire resistance joke about the jews in the holocaust... Before someone quotes me I would just like to say that I know I'm a terrible person for that and most of my quips are nowhere near that horrible.

Also I've cursed inside of a church, but I'm not religious so I don't give a fuck. The people around me sure as hell did though lol.

 

[dystopiaINC]

i had one when about five min after i had laughed my ass off to the point of not being able to breath, almost inducing an asthma attack, (and i don't even HAVE asthma)^^ the joke?

How do you make a little girl cry twice?

Spoiler

wipe you bloody phallus on her teddy bear!

yeah it had been a bad h=day and i needed a laugh so anything probably would have done it but it just happened to be THAT joke.

 

[Wintermoot]

although I made a few jokes about Priests that cant keep their hands to them selfs I never really felt ashamed about it (although if god is the Christian version he would send me to hell for making fun of people that believed in them)

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

i don't get it.

i don't get this..

is this a troll moment or..?

Made my day. No, it is not a troll post, but it is what we call a super-reference.

haha alright, i guess my internetz isn't strong enough for that one yet...maybe someday though..

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

...ALSO

back in 5th grade, we went to the courthouse for a field trip, and we were able to sit in on a very serious case, in which someone was getting put away for some very serious financial fraud thing, in which right when the jury found them "guilty", in which in the dead silence my friend down the row had the loudest high pitch fart wrap right off the wooden bench..and being the easily giggled person i am, i started cracking up, in which the judge screamed at us to both get out, and we were suspended =[ so yeah i highly regret that..

Oh, wow. That is awesome. I had a friend do something like that once, but it wasn't so serious.
That made my day though.

. . . cheese pizza threads. . .

Someone had to say it.

i don't get this..

is this a troll moment or..?


OT:

yeah, i remember one in particular from a couple years ago, we were walking out of this building, while it was really cold out, and we saw an old guy coming, so we stopped and held the door open...he was walking towards, saw us holding the door open, and instead walked into the glass right next to the door thinking it was the opening..without a doubt in his mind he believed that was the opening, his head hit that shit so hard, and he fell back like an old turtle and basically launched his walking stick in the process, in which i laughed so fucking hard, i felt so god damn bad but it was soo funny at the time..

ALSO

back in 5th grade, we went to the courthouse for a field trip, and we were able to sit in on a very serious case, in which someone was getting put away for some very serious financial fraud thing, in which right when the jury found them "guilty", in which in the dead silence my friend down the row had the loudest high pitch fart wrap right off the wooden bench..and being the easily giggled person i am, i started cracking up, in which the judge screamed at us to both get out, and we were suspended =[ so yeah i highly regret that..

That thing about the courthouse just made me laugh so hard for like 3 minutes straight xD

haha oh it was truly hilarious, my friend did the fart without missing a beat after the guilty part, that's basically why i died laughing (and idk if you know or not..but a fart clapping off a wooden seat doing a high C..priceless)

 

[Vault101]

Well, this girl (she's like 20. I think they make the mentally challenged stay until they're 21-22 or so) was out sick. We were told to make cards for her, and my friend muttered, "Let's make some cards for some 'tards." Now, she looks a lot like a bird, so I imitated the stereotypical voice of a Downs Syndrome patient and went, "I reawwy wike birds. I reawwy do, Jonafan." We both started laughing uncontrollably.

Do I feel bad?

Err... not really. I'm a horrible person sometimes.

stay where? in school?

 

[Tdc2182]

I have a friend that I am kinda "involved" with (not dating exactly), who's Mom died of Cancer about 4 years back.

When I am hanging around my good friends, we realized we have a completely idiotic sense of humor. So we always end up making jokes that have something to do with friends deceased mother. On accident of course. While she deals with it well, some of the things I realize I say are just absolutely fucking idiotic.

I was describing my Mom's new job and when she teased me about it (jokingly. We have a very mean but relaxed relationship with each other), I ended with "Oh yeah? What has your mom done"

God that was awkward. But yeah. Your story is effed up.

 

[Shadowtek]

I was sitting in a courtroom for a family members trial and as the judge started to read off the charges and what the punishments are going to be the other people(prosecutors people?) started laughing. When the judge mentioned "prison" these other people started joking and laughing more. I started staring... nothing more than a stare, and the judge called me out. He took all of my info on the spot. (I wasnt on trial, I was on the third row back.) He then gave ME a restraining order for not only the one person involved but the judge stated "you, nor anyone in your family is to go anywhere near any of the others involved in this case, or their family members. This includes any and all contact, phone, internet, postal. If I even hear rumor of anything then there will be jail time". DAMN! He got it all covered in one clause. (I must have been staring pretty hard)lol

I might be going to hell, but im gonna enjoy the ride. (it was that kind of look)

 

[Atheist.]

SWIM got his friend addicted to cocaine. Said friend killed himself the following year after a binge.

Sad times.

 

[InnerRebellion]

Well, this girl (she's like 20. I think they make the mentally challenged stay until they're 21-22 or so) was out sick. We were told to make cards for her, and my friend muttered, "Let's make some cards for some 'tards." Now, she looks a lot like a bird, so I imitated the stereotypical voice of a Downs Syndrome patient and went, "I reawwy wike birds. I reawwy do, Jonafan." We both started laughing uncontrollably.

Do I feel bad?

Err... not really. I'm a horrible person sometimes.

stay where? in school?

No, in Imaginationland.

Sorry, rude sarcasm is uncalled for.

Yes, in school, I believe in the Charms program.

 

[Murais]

Thanks for the grief-counseling, folks. I mean, it wasn't the point of the thread, but it helped. So, thanks.


I also remembered that I had another great one. I was in my senior year of high school, in my math class. Now, I'm not a very good math student, I tend to space in and out of the lesson, and when my mind ventures too far, I tend to verbalize something to draw myself back to consciousness. This gets me in trouble a lot.

Now, on this particular day, we were going over our homework in class. And this ginger kid who I don't really like was sitting in the back corner of the room by the teacher's desk. Every time the teacher would ask the answer to a question, this kid would shoot his hand up and answer immediately. This was unexpected, because he's considered a bit of a meathead.

But, of course, he was actually doing really well today (from what I grasped). And the teacher would commend him almost every time with something like "Wow, you're doing great today!" or "Wow, you're really on a roll!". The last time he complimented, the kid jumped out of his chair and said "I'm on FIRE!!!".

And of course, my brain finally chimes in on this one line, and is about to verbalize the statement "Like father, like son!". And then I bite my lip. I bite my lip until it bleeds to keep from saying this just in the nick of time.

Why was it good that I stopped, you ask? His father was a firefighter who had died a "hero" in a high profile fire disaster in the area. He would have fucking hit me on the spot. And I don't think I would have even put my hands up.

Also;

I said to a group of my buddies "How could anyone get depressed talking about the HA-HA-Halocaust? There's even laughter in the name!".

Yep. I'm a bad person.

 

[the clockmaker]

Okay, two things,

1-When I was in cadets, I had been told to give a brief speech to the other kids (who were just about to get their learners) on the dangers of speeding. This speech was mostly jokey, because that's how I teach and it ended with 'And if you crash your car over the speed limit, you'll look like a total cock head and still not get to the movie on time' one of the girls burst into tears and ran out. Turned out her brother had just died in a car accident.

then, on black saturday, our unit was only a few ks away from the fires, so we were all in a bit of shock, so I wasn't really thinking straight, so my lesson ended with, alright, i've taught you enough, piss of back to you homes. That same girl ran off crying, turned out she had just lost her house.

THEN, in a lesson about safety with batteries, I made a crack about being on fire and people thinking that you were simply waving hello, same bloody thing and the officer comes by to tell me that the girls uncle was in hospital with severe burns or something.

I was frustrated and so maybe I snapped a little bit, because I said, 'Fuck it, I'm not gonna pussyfoot around every potential little thing because the sound of piss hitting a urinal reminds her of the time she almost drowned!' I did appologise afterwards, but I had gotten some pretty stern warnings about the other two incidents and so was fairly frustrated.

2-I am very good at lying, I don't want to blow my own trumpet but it is true, but when it is something as easy as convincing south africans or yanks to spend weeks at a time with their necks slathered in toothpaste and vegimite to ward off drop bears, well its like kicking a drunk baby.