Things you WANTED to tell people on Facebook, but didn't

[The Funslinger]

First my uncle, who as soon as he got a Facebook account became more political and more religious than I ever saw him behave in real-life. He shares all sorts of snarky pictures from political groups, and on Sundays he posts all sorts of YouTube videos of old gospel and religious bands (as opposed to actually getting up and going to church, which he stopped attending years ago). But a couple of weeks ago he shared a picture which really burned me up. It was a bumper sticker which read "The government is not your baby's daddy." To top it off, the group he shared it from was called "Silence is consent." Who the fuck even joins a group like that? I wanted so bad to reply with, "No it's not, but it sure is interested in what we do with our reproductive systems." But, I figured waging war on my dad's brother would not in any way end well, so I refrained.

Yeah... crazy FB uncles are the worst. I come from a family of hunters, and my uncle keeps posting pictures of his kills.

I wish I were joking.

Other than that, someone posted a status that basically said "to all those saying soldiers should get footballer's wages, you shouldn't want to make war so financially viable."

Beside all the people pointing out that since the dawn of time, war has always been a big money free for all, I pointed out that when people say that, it's meant in the way that they deserve that money for putting their lives on the line for us, as opposed to a bunch of man children playing a game for a living.

I got this reply from some girl, basically saying "defending, or killing innocent people?"

This did, in fact trigger an argument, and it basically boiled down to her saying anyone who ever killed was just stupid. Personally, I'm training to join the Royal Marines, and I just wanted to say "you know what? Get the fuck off your pedestal, you high and mighty self righteous little c**t. You've never been in any situation where you might need to make the decision whether to kill someone. You're just passing out pseudo-philosophical pretentious generalization as fucking gospel. How dare you pass off the act of killing in any circumstance in black and white, just to put yourself above any soldier or war hero who ever had to kill?"

But I didn't, because you know how the pseudo-philosophical kiddies rally to each other's ill thought out points on Facebook, and I'd never hear the bloody end of it.

 

[The Funslinger]

"Shut the fuck up about your goddamned horse I don't give a flying shit that it's a nicer brown than yesterday it is a fucking brown horse."
Seriously, half my newsfeed is horses.
Do you know something interesting about horses? Nothing. There is NOTHING INTERESTING ABOUT HORSES! The can run, jump and shit and that's fucking it.

Oh god. This. Just. This.

I know a girl, quite a nice one, who has around 340 pictures of horses, and 12 of her.

They make me want to hurt myself with a rake.

I feel inclined to ask...

Did you make a joke about being unable to tell the difference? Please, I really hope you did...

 

[MammothBlade]

How I hated every single one of them and their inane bullshit before I quit Facebook.

 

[Frankster]

I know I should be thinking of some good ones but right now all I can think off is countless posts and pics on being "friendzoned" or stuff about how nice guys finish last.

By people whom I'd hardly qualify as "nice", rather too passive to say anything bad to someone's face (so only speaks behind the back) and who can't befriend a woman without a long term plan in their head and then are the first to complain about how much of a dick the new boyfriend is simply because they got beaten to the punch.

Oh wait I got a good one!!!!

It was this girl i knew a while back, never really became good friends (my friend had the hots for her so i was the wingman for him with this girl) but added each other on facebook, and it turns out this girl is rather wealthy and from a posh family.
The Queen's silver jubilee rolls by (this is in uk btw) and she goes on facebook all excited about how she was going to meet the queen and be one of those who will be standing at her procession and be on tv, etc

Then she posts on facebook the next day that her train was cancelled because some "selfish prick" jumped in front of the train and committed suicide.
What followed was a procession of fortunate and well off peeps, a courtesy facebook search showing impressive displays of wealth was common with these lot, as was education in top universities, all chiming in and ranting about the selfishness of people suiciding and how they are all weak individuals, and the always classic "lol nice of them to save the genepool from their idiocy" and other proclamations of modern darwinism (never mind that people often misrepresent his views big time, he said the one who survives is the one who adapts best to its environment, not "the strongest one").

As someone who works in a mental health clinic it irked me big time to see those people blessed with good fortune and health and from impressive backgrounds, showing such little compassion for those not as fortunate as them.

 

[Robert Ewing]

To girls who constantly friendzone boys, and ignore all the best boys, cheats on her boyfriends, and treats them like shit, and then tells the world that she hates being single and doesn't want to die alone.

I want to tell them to hang themselves.

 

[gusenborge]

Girl who is a shade of brown who is in a racist party against immigrants and support them wholly.

Though i did got stuck in a argument with her which i proceded to have a edge in until +8 other random party members joined the fray and claimed because of my age (18 at the time) didnt know anything, even though i had articles to support my claims.

I got mad as hell.

 

[Patrick Buck]

One of my friends posted, "You shouldn't hit a woman, after all, you came out of one."
And LOADS of people like it. He means well, but you shouldn't hit ANYONE, Male or Female, except in self defense.

 

[shadyh8er]

"Go fuck yourself, and if the universe is kind may that be the ONLY thing that fucks you."

I'm stealing this!

OT: One of my brother's friends is a Class A weeaboo. He has flat out stated that Japan is better than America in literally everything. Like how people look, the food, government, etc.

As for something I wanted to say but didn't, that same guy wished that the entire human race should be wiped out (dear god, I wish I was making this up). My response that never came to be would have been "Good idea! You should go first!"

 

[StoopidMonkey79]

There was this girl and she would post pictures and statuses every single day of her and her boyfriend. It took every ounce of my willpower not to write something like "Seriously, you two are so annoying you post statuses and pictures everyday. It's not cute and everyone wants you two to break up" but in not so kind words. Thank god i didn't because they broke up the day after

 

[shadyh8er]

...and other proclamations of modern darwinism (never mind that people often misrepresent his views big time, he said the one who survives is the one who adapts best to its environment, not "the strongest one").

Here's some more fuel for that argument; the "fit" in "survival of the fittest" refers to an organisms ability to reproduce. NOT how physically/mentally strong it is. (Only thing I remember from my Biology class).

 

[shadyh8er]

Ah Psychostick. The rock equivalent of Lonely Island.

OH! Almost forgot; my brother once put "I haven't pooped in three days" as his status. What I wanted to say was "Not surprising considering all the shit that's been coming out of your mouth lately."

 

[DarthSka]

Well, once one of my friends put up a sexist joke: "Show me an intelligent woman and I'll show you a transvestite," and a good number of his female friends (some of which were mine as well) exploded in rage. The funniest thing was that a good number of them had posted statuses before along the lines of "All guys are ____," and "Why are all boys so ___?" These of course didn't seem like jokes, but actual generalizations. Didn't stop there. My girlfriend (didn't comment, but saw the shitstorm) expected me to tell him he was wrong and apologize. Problem was, that I thought everyone took it too seriously, which I wanted to say in the comments section, but I knew everyone would pounce on me then. The best part, a week later after this was all but forgotten, one of the formerly enraged females had another "Every male is ," and oh god I wanted to call her out on it so bad. So freakin' bad. But alas, I got over it and moved on.

 

[AngloDoom]

Attention-whoring girl on Facebook posts for the eighteenth time that month about how the house is free and she can, of course, be naked. Then followed by 'jokey jokey' comments from friends like "tits or gtfo, lol! jk jk" and part of me just wants to write "JUST FUCK ALREADY! CHRIST!"

I don't, though. The inevitable man-brigade wouldst fell me for assaulting such a vulnerable damsel. *Grumble grumble*

There's a girl I'm friends with on Facebook and she's pretty hot. Every time she posts a status about ANYTHING, going to the shop say, there'll be 10 or 12 guys posting on it asking her if she'd like them to go with her or just telling her she's hot.

Every time she changes her relationship status, which isn't often, the amount of likes she gets is ridiculous. It's so funny because she doesn't really encourage it but some of the guys come across as so fucking desperate, they may as well be posting 'Please have sex with me, please!'.

Oh gods, stop right there. I already get scared when I feel like the mature one out of many of the men I know.

"Sarah Girlname has changed her relationship status to: Single"
7 Likes
Comments:
James Boyname:
Mick McManguy: What a dick! You could stay around mine, we could get drunk and help cheer you up.
Phil Blokeface: I'm always here if you need someone to talk to...or have a revenge rebound! jkjkjk =P


It's just...awful. No wonder some women try to chat guys up by basically saying "My place or yours?" - some stereotypes are sadly true in some circles.

 

[Rastien]

"Everything you have posted so far is the lowest form of attention seeking i can stomached, using an elipsis as your status and once people are biting you simpley say "i'm fine", your constant status updates quoting the most depressing lyrics you can find, rather than even creating some depressing words yourself. Please if your going to matar yourself to some grilled cheese sandwhich you fucked up this morning do you mind not doing it publicy."

Apprently i'm the bad guy for posting this back along as she was depressed and sad, great so is the rest of the world, you know what we do? We get up and deal with it rather than wallowing in shallow self pity because you ate box of cholcates and now your feeling disgustingly fat and unwanted.

This was about 2 years back, i upset alot of people by pointing this out to her, i don't plan to return to facebook anytime soon.

 

[Sexy Devil]

Alright fellas just got a new one. Guy says "so hard to find a girlfriend without being a sensitive poofter. not good stuff" I respond with "Your hand will never judge you."

Got deleted. I thought it was witty 8(

 

[tmande2nd]

Oh yeah one of my "friends" who bitched about veteran's day.
Saying "who gives a shit about a bunch of dead old guys"

I wanted to post long angry rants at him, I wanted to defend my family who has had soldiers in it for generations, I REALLY wanted to tell him to STFU.

All I did was delete him from my list.
Sometimes its better to say nothing.

 

[Padwolf]

I get those urges often. I recently deleted a girl who made so many stupid comments and couldn't spell correctly. She once went on a huge rant detailing that she hates skype because everyone seems to be using it. Her next status said that she loves skype and can't wait to see her family on it again.

Another guy on my friends list keeps making a status with something he thinks is deep and meaningful, and he makes it out like he comes up with them himself. A girl on my facebook keeps posting pictures of herself that were taken in front of a mirror, you can see her phone, you can't see her though, the flash from her phone makes it impossible to see her. I should really delete those people. A lot of others I just want to say "Stop being so damn emo, you won't get a boyfriend or many friends by being so emo. Just stop. No one is interested." Some of them also post saying how upset they are, then go on to say they don't want to talk about it over facebook.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Just my idiot teenage acquaintances or friends or friends posting out-of-context depressive bullshit, or ?meaningful? quotes from celebrities like Wiz Khalifa, thinking that they?re SO fucking deep and everyone really wants to know about it. It just smacks of pretention. And yes, I know I probably sounded pretentious using that word, but it?s one of the best ways to describe it.

So many times I?ve wanted to say, ?Hey attention-seeking angsty *****, quit being so fucking vague in your pseudo-philosophical posts that no-one gives a shit about! And stop pretending that your shitty relationships with the opposite sex is actually worth a damn and you apparently know so much about them; you?re 15 years old, you bland fuck!?

I actually dislike Facebook, and the only reason I reactivated my account a while ago is because it?s convenient for chatting to friends online, most of whom have become far too comfortable with it. But most of the time I use it, I just keep a tab open and then get on with something else.

 

[IndomitableSam]

Most of the time it's "Fuck you." because we're all around 30 and trying to remind everyone how much better our grown-up lives are better than each other's. Kids do not make you a better person than me. Buying a motor home doesn't make you better than me. 300 updates a day about your kids just annoy me. I know you like to paint, but, seriously? You paint like one "abstract" painting a day and they all look like half-assed Pollocks. Meaning - crap.

Stop posting pictures of your garden. Seriously.

Stop talking about money. We all make money - we're adults.

... I post on Facebook maybe once every couple weeks. Usually I look at it once or twice a day to keep up with my family in Australia, as most of them live there.

Most of my friend list is people I went to high school with... and, honestly, I keep most of them on there just to show myself that they aren't any better than me. (No, you never get over High School.)

Also, I like reading girls I hated in school complain about their lives. It makes me feel good. I'm an asshole.

 

[V TheSystem V]

Ones that I can remember -

1) Gay dude on my Facebook keeps on throwing his sexuality in people's faces, promotes his photography work just because he has an expensive camera, can use Photoshop, and has HELPED photograph a wedding. Have told him to his face about his making a point about his sexuality, albeit in a kinda offensive way, which made him cry. Someone did tell him once when he was claiming stress that it was stressful for everyone working with him. Needless to say, I had to like that comment.

2) Girl I used to be best friends with tweeting about how she hates cheaters, despite the fact that she cheated on her boyfriend about a year and a half ago and was only staying with him because she didn't want to be lonely. I would have said something, but she's friends with my girlfriend, so my balls would have been ripped off.

3) My ex turned lesbian about 3 years after we broke up, her and her girlfriend (at the time) would have public arguments and displays of affection over Facebook. The former I actually commented on to try and diffuse the situation, attempting to help my ex; was told to go fuck myself by BOTH OF THEM. The latter - many of us thought the messages were cringeworthy and should have been saved for in private, and somebody made a point about it and were met with hate messages from both girls.

4) My ex's ex-girlfriend in story number 3? Claimed to have depression and an anxiety disorder, and also attempted suicide. One day, my ex puts up pictures on Facebook of the girl with new scars on her arms, and then went mental with people who claimed that it was graphic and shouldn't be on Facebook, telling them that they should care about the girl's feelings. If she's willing to put these pictures on Facebook, she's crying for attention. Personally, I would have said what everyone else was saying, but I've been in a fight with my ex - doesn't end well.