Transgender Q & A

[Jenvas1306]

Jayemsal makes a thread offering answers, and others take the responsibility of answering them! Which actually works given Jayemsals edit stating it's just his opinion and he doesn't talk for the entire community since more thoughts and feeling from more sources offers better information.


As to not spam I'll ask a question actually. For those who have had or desire an operation, For example. You have all no doubt had to suffer a lot of hassle from ignorant people but if there was a LOT more acceptance to the point you were treated 100% fairly and seen as the gender you personally felt regardless of anatomy do you think you'd still feel compelled to have the operation because regardless of society you still feel something doesn't feel right? Or does society stating MEN = PENIS AND WOMEN = VAGINA play a big role in your choice?

I am not running around naked, so people dont really see my gential often, therefor they cant judge me by them. So for me it was a decission I made just formyself. I had a good passing before and now I just dont need to worry if I wear tight jeans.
When my body began to show obvious changes due to the hormones, it felt more and more comfortable to me, but naturally there was still that part that just didnt change, that just kept reminding me. Getting rid of that and gaining new very nice possibilities seemed very clear to me.

to put it simply, society could change in a way to not have transgender anymore, as it would be no deal how you are in relation to your anatomy, but that wouldnt change that I am transsexual.

 

[00slash00]

Hello Escapists!

I am a transgender individual, its a big part of my identity and I am very open about it.

I'm making this thread because it seems a great deal of people have questions about this topic, and they dont quite know when its appropriate to ask.

So go ahead and ask whatever questions you may have on the subject.

But please, try and keep it tasteful!

(By the way, if any other Transgender Escapists want to cut in on the discussion, all are welcome.)

EDIT: I should make it clear that what I may say does not represent the Transgender community at large, and I can only give a personal perspective.

hello, im a trans lesbian. i havent really come out though, ive told a couple people when i was either very drunk or very confident that they would be accepting of it. i guess i have two main questions. one is how you got over your doubt. transitioning is obviously very expensive and permanent. after dressing as a woman last halloween (the night of the secret transsexual) i am finally confident that i could make an attractive woman but even though i feel certain that i should have been born a woman, its hard to quiet that voice in the back of my head that keeps asking if transitioning is the right choice. i mean, hiding is very safe but how do you get past your nervousness and push yourself to make that big jump? and while we're on the topic of overcoming nervousness, how did you dig up the courage to come out to your parents?

another question i have is how this change affects your resume. I mean, if you put your new name on your resume and your employer checks with employers you had before you transitioned, they won't know who the person is talking about. would i have to put my old name, in addition to my new name?

 

[ThePeon]

Do you think it is reasonable for a non-transgendered person to have someone being transgendered as a deal breaker as far as dating goes, even if they are otherwise completely accepting of trans-people?

I ask because while I do my best to not be discriminatory or prejudiced, I don't think I could date a transperson (I could be friends with one).

 

[an annoyed writer]

Why is transgender porn so popular? How can a guy who looks like a girl considered by some folks on the internet hot and wanna have sex with that person? Does having sex with a pre-transgender male considered gay??

I guess I'll take up this one.

Why is it so popular? It could be any number of things. Sexuality is not a rigid thing: there are many sexual preferences, and just as many people to practice them, so there's no doubt that there are going to be people who enjoy the sexual characteristics of both sexes combined into a single individual. I know of a few of my own kind that I'd love to have a round in bed with, but that's just me. As for the last question, I have no idea, nor do I care. That's for you to decide for yourself: depends on your perception, after all.

 

[an annoyed writer]

Do you think it is reasonable for a non-transgendered person to have someone being transgendered as a deal breaker as far as dating goes, even if they are otherwise completely accepting of trans-people?

I ask because while I do my best to not be discriminatory or prejudiced, I don't think I could date a transperson (I could be friends with one).

I think it's reasonable. The technology behind the transition is not perfect yet, nor will it be for a while. As long as you accept us for what we are and help us not get screwed over by society (your vote does matter!), you're good in my book.

 

[Starik20X6]

Funny this thread should pop up now- just the other day there was a documentary about transgendered people on TV that left me with a question: what part does sexual orientation play into transgenderism, if at all? For example, prior to having gender reassignment surgery, would a male-to-female person be considered homosexual?

 

[Rawne1980]

Does having sex with a pre-transgender male considered gay??

As for the last question, I have no idea, nor do I care. That's for you to decide for yourself: depends on your perception, after all.

Heterosexual Male jumping in (because we know everything amirite?).

Truth be told, from my perspective, I don't think it is "gay".

Take away the physical aspects of the body (beauty is skin deep, imagine how fucking hideous we'd be without that skin) the person is, for all intents and purposes, a woman (or man depending if they went MtF or FtM).

I only know a couple of Transgender people and only one closely so I can only go by his accounts.

My Cousin is a Female to Male Transgender who is, and has been for a while, in a a relationship with a woman. Neither of them saw it as a lesbian relationship even before my Cousin started treatments and underwent surgery.

All they cared about was that he was a man. The physical aspect of the body meant nothing to them.

Of course that will change from person to person but, in my eyes, they are who they want to be. The physical part means nothing.

 

[an annoyed writer]

Funny this thread should pop up now- just the other day there was a documentary about transgendered people on TV that left me with a question: what part does sexual orientation play into transgenderism, if at all? For example, prior to having gender reassignment surgery, would a male-to-female person be considered homosexual?

Sexuality, while somewhat connected, is nowhere near as important in transgenderism as many make it out to be. For example, I'm a transgender woman but I still find women to be more appealing sexually than men. For some this changes, for others it does not. It isn't a singular determining factor however, and that's a common perception that needs to be laid to rest. As for your example, externally, others will perceive that person to be a gay male, while they will view themselves as a straight female. It's all about the perspective.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Hmmmm...what mainstream movies/other works competently deal with transgenderism (or even just have a main transgender character that isn't depicted horribly), if any? That is, reflects reality as experience by you as a transgender person (acknowledging that not everyone is going to have the same experiences, but still).

 

[Starik20X6]

Funny this thread should pop up now- just the other day there was a documentary about transgendered people on TV that left me with a question: what part does sexual orientation play into transgenderism, if at all? For example, prior to having gender reassignment surgery, would a male-to-female person be considered homosexual?

Sexuality, while somewhat connected, is nowhere near as important in transgenderism as many make it out to be. For example, I'm a transgender woman but I still find women to be more appealing sexually than men. For some this changes, for others it does not. It isn't a singular determining factor however, and that's a common perception that needs to be laid to rest. As for your example, externally, others will perceive that person to be a gay male, while they will view themselves as a straight female. It's all about the perspective.

Thanks for clearing that up. I had though that would be the case, so it's good to know I'm not wandering around thinking wrong things.

 

[maninahat]

You mentioned earlier something about a sense of dysphoria; of feeling in the wrong body, or being perceived in a way that didn't suit you. At what point did this dysphoria go away? What did it take for you feel you were in the right place?

I've seen transgendered people going through hormone treatment, and it takes months for the changes to take visible, physical effects - I wondered at what point did they feel, during this transitional process, that they had reached where they wanted to be.

 

[Big hat Matt]

How are 'transgenders' ethically different from a white person getting surgery and claiming he's an African American or visa-versa?

Why do you insist that people must accept what you decide they must accept?

While I don't condone unjust abuse or harassment, don't you think it's fair that people consider you to be the gender you were born rather than whatever made-up gender you claim to be?

Don't you think it's strange that 'transgender" people claim to be open-minded yet the reason they change gender is because emotionally they subscribe to a particular set of stereotypes that they claim to be against?

 

[an annoyed writer]

You mentioned earlier something about a sense of dysphoria' of feeling in the wrong body, or being perceived in a way that didn't suit you. At what point did this dysphoria go away? What did it take for you feel you were in the right place?

I've seen transgendered people going through hormone treatment, and it takes months for the changes to take visible, physical effects - I wondered at what point did they feel, during this transitional process, that they had reached where they wanted to be.

It doesn't simply disappear one day, it fades. The effects are reduced to more manageable levels as time goes on: the further into the transition an individual is, the more like themselves they feel, and the less dysphoric feelings are experienced. The cutoff point is different for each of us: some would prefer to keep their original parts, others like myself don't. Constant truthful feedback and support are absolutely required to alleviate this though. The better the support, the smoother the process goes.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Hmm...

this... might be a bit depressing to talk about but...

1) What kinds of difficulties do you face as a result of this?

2) How much do you think you might have internalized the stereotypes there are about the transgendered community?


Also, I'm an asexual with no gender identity whatsoever, so if anyone wanted to ask me a quick question about that, I'd be glad to answer that.

First asexual stereotype for me to dispel: yes, we do exist.

 

[Syndarr]

What a cool thread. Thanks for stepping forward with this; a little education can never go wrong!

This might be kind of an icky line of questioning, and I apologize if I'm overstepping boundaries, and feel free not to answer. XD That said, my questions are aimed mostly at the post-op folks. What are the differences between your genitals now and previously? Do you experience a difference in sensitivity? How do you approach masturbation (if you do at all)? What are the differences between the genitals of a post-op transgendered individual and those of someone who has not undergone surgery? How has the rest of your body changed, besides the obvious sexual equipment?

Now for a much less intimate and more hypothetical question. I have a friend who was born male but has begun transitioning to female. During this process, he would frequently update me as to how things were progressing, and honestly, I got kind of sick of hearing about it. I never said so, though, because I knew how important it was to him and I wanted to be supportive. If you were telling someone about your transition, and they asked you to stop telling them about it, how would you react? What would you think of that person? Would your first assumption be that they were uncomfortable with your transgender nature, or that they're just an insensitive jerk, or something else entirely?

Finally, how do you deal with people who make unpleasant comments to or about you regarding your gender presentation? You know the type, the ones who screech "SHE'S A MAN" and "NICE ADAM'S APPLE" and stupid shit like that.

 

[an annoyed writer]

Hmmmm...what mainstream movies/other works competently deal with transgenderism (or even just have a main transgender character that isn't depicted horribly), if any? That is, reflects reality as experience by you as a transgender person (acknowledging that not everyone is going to have the same experiences, but still).

This is a difficult one, since there really isn't a whole lot out there. There's a few films that deal with it fairly maturely, like Breakfast on Pluto, but in the mainstream western media we're still stereotyped as all hell. Eastern media is a bit different, but we're still marginalized to some degree. The Persona series has a Transman that's generally well done, if a little sparse.

Metaphorically you can find a lot more however: for example, the Tron series has a faction that could be viewed as a metaphor for us. The Isos, whose primary characteristic is generally extreme malleability (read: changeling) were oppressed for this reason and after a period of strife were all but exterminated, not unlike transpeople after the Abrhamic religions took hold. Tron's history with our kind indicates that this was not unintentional: the person that they contracted for the original film's score was none other than Wendy Carlos, an innovator in electronic and ambient music, as well as a transwoman.

 

[wottabout]

Also, I'm an asexual with no gender identity whatsoever, so if anyone wanted to ask me a quick question about that, I'd be glad to answer that.

First asexual stereotype for me to dispel: yes, we do exist.

I have a friend who is asexual agender! Which pronouns do you prefer? My friend goes by "they," but I've had some trouble using the correct pronouns in my head. Then again, I get confused whenever other people refer to my friend by gendered pronouns, so maybe I'm improving at thinking of them correctly?

EDIT: Actually, scratch that, they are neutrois, not agender. Slightly different.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Also, I'm an asexual with no gender identity whatsoever, so if anyone wanted to ask me a quick question about that, I'd be glad to answer that.

First asexual stereotype for me to dispel: yes, we do exist.

I have a friend who is asexual agender! Which pronouns do you prefer? My friend goes by "they," but I've had some trouble using the correct pronouns in my head. Then again, I get confused whenever other people refer to my friend by gendered pronouns, so maybe I'm improving at thinking of them correctly?

EDIT: Actually, scratch that, they are neutrois, not agender. Slightly different.

Hmm... to be honest, I haven't given the pronoun thing much thought.

But I tend to use the pronoun that matches my physical gender for the sake of convenience... you know...

when 'I' or 'me' won't work for whatever reason. Then again... never really cared too much about which pronouns I use to refer to myself with... or others like me. As you can imagine, I haven't met many, so the issue of using plural pronouns hasn't come up until now.

 

[an annoyed writer]

How are 'transgenders' ethically different from a white person getting surgery and claiming he's an African American or visa-versa?

Why do you insist that people must accept what you decide they must accept?

While I don't condone unjust abuse or harassment, don't you think it's fair that people consider you to be the gender you were born rather than whatever made-up gender you claim to be?

Don't you think it's strange that 'transgender" people claim to be open-minded yet the reason they change gender is because emotionally they subscribe to a particular set of stereotypes that they claim to be against?

Hoboy. Talk about loaded questions. Let's see if I can pull this little braindance off.

For your first question the truth is I really can't say for sure. I only know of a couple trans-racial people, and the most prominent one is kind of dead. What I can say is how we're different from people who say, have the apparent need to be Japanese: a while ago I ran into a user here who exhibited such a desire. He was adamant about getting plastic surgery to look Japanese and soaking up the culture of Japan to the fullest extent. I don't have much of a problem with it, but I can't really explain it. With transgender studies we at least have a basic understanding of how we occur, and the results of treating one incorrectly with methods that aim to change their mind to match their body and not the other way around. Honestly I'd love to see more studies done in that area, that don't have an unrealistic grounding in age-old tradition.

As for part two: I don't think it's fair. Let's frame the question this way: say you are a man, you know you are a man, you've got the equipment of a man, and have a generally masculine personality, but everyone uses female pronouns and the like to refer to you. To counteract this you compensate by doing things in an excessively masculine manner, but they keep insisting that you're a woman: wouldn't you feel abused? Wouldn't you feel harassed? Treat others like you want to be treated. This answer covers questions two and three.

Your final question is grounded in the assumption that all transwomen are overly girly girls and all transmen are overly manly men. This is simply untrue: I've met transwomen around here that are tomboys, and transmen that are still into some feminine stuff. The truth is that we come from all walks of life and many different heritages, and thus unique perspectives. The reasons we change gender are as numerous as we ourselves are. Stop talking about us like we're a hive-mind: we're not.

Drop the Bill O'Reilly schtick next time you ask about us. No one appreciates that shit.

 

[squeekenator]

Hmmmm...what mainstream movies/other works competently deal with transgenderism (or even just have a main transgender character that isn't depicted horribly), if any? That is, reflects reality as experience by you as a transgender person (acknowledging that not everyone is going to have the same experiences, but still).

I've never seen or heard of a work that competently deals with the issue, and if I did hear that a mainstream work were to include a trans character I would be very pessimistic about the idea. It isn't a topic that mainstream media or culture have ever handled in a respectful manner.

Funny this thread should pop up now- just the other day there was a documentary about transgendered people on TV that left me with a question: what part does sexual orientation play into transgenderism, if at all? For example, prior to having gender reassignment surgery, would a male-to-female person be considered homosexual?

I don't remember the source, but I did at some point see some rather interesting stats which indicated that, for trans women at least, it's basically an even split between heterosexual and homosexual, with a large number of bisexual and about 5% asexual, which backs up by my totally subjective and unscientific experience. So being trans does affect your sexuality, but not in the way most people assume, ie, that all trans women like dudes and all trans men like chicks; rather, it gives much greater variance. As for whether you're gay or straight, that's a bit of a philosphical question. If you consider a trans person to be the gender they identify with and they're into people of that gender then you'll consider them gay, and as pretty much every trans person does believe that you are the gender with which you identify that's how we tend to see things.

How are 'transgenders' ethically different from a white person getting surgery and claiming he's an African American or visa-versa?

Why do you insist that people must accept what you decide they must accept?

While I don't condone unjust abuse or harassment, don't you think it's fair that people consider you to be the gender you were born rather than whatever made-up gender you claim to be?

Don't you think it's strange that 'transgender" people claim to be open-minded yet the reason they change gender is because emotionally they subscribe to a particular set of stereotypes that they claim to be against?

In order:
- There are some clear differences between being transgender or transethnic (I think that's the correct word?), but does that matter? You seem to be coming at this from the perspective that changing your race is clearly wrong (ethically wrong, even) and trying to make us prove that changing gender is better, I don't see the problem with someone changing their race as long as it does genuinely improve their quality of life.

- I can't speak for everyone, but it's a rather sensitive subject. Basically, being trans is a really shitty experience in general and whenever someone decides to make a stand and tell those trannies what's what it just adds insult to injury. I don't encourage the idea of thought policing and such, if you don't believe that someone can actually change their sex then that's fine, but you really don't need to run around telling every trans person that "you're really a woman and you can never change that, stop pretending to be a man" or whatever when that's clearly rather upsetting to them. Even if it is true, you don't have to rub it in - if your friend/spouse/parent/pet/whatever died, would you approve of people saying "ha, that's the person whose friend/spouse/parent/pet/whatever just died, sucks to be you" and then, when you got upset, acting like they're the wronged party and you're oppressing their right to free speech?

- Most of this is covered in my previous answer, but I would have extra objections to this if it wasn't actually a logical position. If someone has all the visible primary and secondary physical characteristics of a woman but the chromosomes of a man, is it really rational to say that a single male characteristic overrides every single female characteristic they may have? If someone is pre-transition and is still entirely physically the gender they were born as then I don't have any particular objections to someone considering them a member of that gender - I don't agree but I understand where they're coming from. If they've fully transtioned and are for all practical intents and purpose the physical sex with which they identify, insisting that they're still really a man/woman because, I dunno, they have boy germs or something is ridiculous and a little bit childish.

- That's not really the case though. Being trans isn't a matter of social gender roles. I mean, I sit around in front of a computer all day, arguing with people on the internet, making dick jokes, insulting my friends over Skype, playing Starcraft and DotA2 and occasionally telling people who play LoL that they're filthy casuals who need to find a real game ('tis all in jest though), I like superhero movies and other movies with lots of guns and explosions and Game of Thrones and D&D and Warhammer 40K and Magic and My Little Pony (let's be honest, that's a guy thing now) and I don't have any particular interest in pink or skirts or whatever (don't mind them, but no real love for them either) and I can't stand any stereotypical 'girly' stuff like romantic movies or barbie dolls or whatever other crap. I fit perfectly into the male gender role, and find the standard female gender role utterly unappealing. I still want to be a woman though. It's nothing at all to do with gender roles and everything to do with some part of my brain deciding that my body is supposed to be a female one.