Transgender Q & A

[Ryan Minns]

Jayemsal makes a thread offering answers, and others take the responsibility of answering them! Which actually works given Jayemsals edit stating it's just his opinion and he doesn't talk for the entire community since more thoughts and feeling from more sources offers better information.


As to not spam I'll ask a question actually. For those who have had or desire an operation, For example. You have all no doubt had to suffer a lot of hassle from ignorant people but if there was a LOT more acceptance to the point you were treated 100% fairly and seen as the gender you personally felt regardless of anatomy do you think you'd still feel compelled to have the operation because regardless of society you still feel something doesn't feel right? Or does society stating MEN = PENIS AND WOMEN = VAGINA play a big role in your choice?

EDIT: I'd appreciate it if I could get many responses from any who desire/have had surgery so please feel free to respond even if someone has already

 

[Jenvas1306]

I have a couple:

1) When did you realize that you were in the wrong body, not just that something was wrong?

2) If you are post-op, how have you changed your behaviors, if at all?

3) If post-op: Have would you compare the social pressures from before surgery to after?

4) If you pre-op: Do you ever planning on getting surgery, and if not, why?

That is about it. Just some things I was always curious about.

well I'm gonny ansers this,
1) for a long time I just thought something was wrong with me, that I would just fail as a guy (also thanks to my father giving me that feeling all my life). I tried really hard to pass as a man, during school I had a hard time with that, cause especially there boys need to be hard, and I'm not. Only later when other people didnt cause me trouble anymore, when I was hiding enough of myself to pass, I noticed that I still didnt feel well, more of the opposite.
Some professional help and enough time and strength made me finally come to accept myself and realize that I am fine as a person, just that my body and the social role I was trying to fill didnt fit to me.

I felt what was going on with me already with 12 and more vague even in my childhood, but once I came to realize the consequences, I was really scared. I didnt and dont want to be transsexual, but it is a compromise that is unmeasureable better then trying to live on as I did before. It took me until I was about 18 to get the strength to fix it.

2) and 3) the surgery changes very little actually, it is mostly a very private thing. I dont need to worry about hiding something, which is very nice and makes life easier. I know I could go swimming in a bikini with no problems, or even be compleetly naked in a sauna. So it just opened some possibilities, but it doesnt affact direct social interaction.
If it changed anything about my behavior, then maybe that I am more confident now.

4) for me it was allways clear Id go for the surgery. without that step I just felt incompleet and I do have physical and emotional needs that required it aswell (sex is after all also a very emotional thing). When I found my surgeon, who offered a method far better than todays standard, I just was really happy about it and lost the last doubts I had before.

 

[Jenvas1306]

Jayemsal makes a thread offering answers, and others take the responsibility of answering them! Which actually works given Jayemsals edit stating it's just his opinion and he doesn't talk for the entire community since more thoughts and feeling from more sources offers better information.


As to not spam I'll ask a question actually. For those who have had or desire an operation, For example. You have all no doubt had to suffer a lot of hassle from ignorant people but if there was a LOT more acceptance to the point you were treated 100% fairly and seen as the gender you personally felt regardless of anatomy do you think you'd still feel compelled to have the operation because regardless of society you still feel something doesn't feel right? Or does society stating MEN = PENIS AND WOMEN = VAGINA play a big role in your choice?

I am not running around naked, so people dont really see my gential often, therefor they cant judge me by them. So for me it was a decission I made just formyself. I had a good passing before and now I just dont need to worry if I wear tight jeans.
When my body began to show obvious changes due to the hormones, it felt more and more comfortable to me, but naturally there was still that part that just didnt change, that just kept reminding me. Getting rid of that and gaining new very nice possibilities seemed very clear to me.

to put it simply, society could change in a way to not have transgender anymore, as it would be no deal how you are in relation to your anatomy, but that wouldnt change that I am transsexual.

 

[00slash00]

Hello Escapists!

I am a transgender individual, its a big part of my identity and I am very open about it.

I'm making this thread because it seems a great deal of people have questions about this topic, and they dont quite know when its appropriate to ask.

So go ahead and ask whatever questions you may have on the subject.

But please, try and keep it tasteful!

(By the way, if any other Transgender Escapists want to cut in on the discussion, all are welcome.)

EDIT: I should make it clear that what I may say does not represent the Transgender community at large, and I can only give a personal perspective.

hello, im a trans lesbian. i havent really come out though, ive told a couple people when i was either very drunk or very confident that they would be accepting of it. i guess i have two main questions. one is how you got over your doubt. transitioning is obviously very expensive and permanent. after dressing as a woman last halloween (the night of the secret transsexual) i am finally confident that i could make an attractive woman but even though i feel certain that i should have been born a woman, its hard to quiet that voice in the back of my head that keeps asking if transitioning is the right choice. i mean, hiding is very safe but how do you get past your nervousness and push yourself to make that big jump? and while we're on the topic of overcoming nervousness, how did you dig up the courage to come out to your parents?

another question i have is how this change affects your resume. I mean, if you put your new name on your resume and your employer checks with employers you had before you transitioned, they won't know who the person is talking about. would i have to put my old name, in addition to my new name?

 

[ThePeon]

Do you think it is reasonable for a non-transgendered person to have someone being transgendered as a deal breaker as far as dating goes, even if they are otherwise completely accepting of trans-people?

I ask because while I do my best to not be discriminatory or prejudiced, I don't think I could date a transperson (I could be friends with one).

 

[an annoyed writer]

Why is transgender porn so popular? How can a guy who looks like a girl considered by some folks on the internet hot and wanna have sex with that person? Does having sex with a pre-transgender male considered gay??

I guess I'll take up this one.

Why is it so popular? It could be any number of things. Sexuality is not a rigid thing: there are many sexual preferences, and just as many people to practice them, so there's no doubt that there are going to be people who enjoy the sexual characteristics of both sexes combined into a single individual. I know of a few of my own kind that I'd love to have a round in bed with, but that's just me. As for the last question, I have no idea, nor do I care. That's for you to decide for yourself: depends on your perception, after all.

 

[an annoyed writer]

Do you think it is reasonable for a non-transgendered person to have someone being transgendered as a deal breaker as far as dating goes, even if they are otherwise completely accepting of trans-people?

I ask because while I do my best to not be discriminatory or prejudiced, I don't think I could date a transperson (I could be friends with one).

I think it's reasonable. The technology behind the transition is not perfect yet, nor will it be for a while. As long as you accept us for what we are and help us not get screwed over by society (your vote does matter!), you're good in my book.

 

[Starik20X6]

Funny this thread should pop up now- just the other day there was a documentary about transgendered people on TV that left me with a question: what part does sexual orientation play into transgenderism, if at all? For example, prior to having gender reassignment surgery, would a male-to-female person be considered homosexual?

 

[Rawne1980]

Does having sex with a pre-transgender male considered gay??

As for the last question, I have no idea, nor do I care. That's for you to decide for yourself: depends on your perception, after all.

Heterosexual Male jumping in (because we know everything amirite?).

Truth be told, from my perspective, I don't think it is "gay".

Take away the physical aspects of the body (beauty is skin deep, imagine how fucking hideous we'd be without that skin) the person is, for all intents and purposes, a woman (or man depending if they went MtF or FtM).

I only know a couple of Transgender people and only one closely so I can only go by his accounts.

My Cousin is a Female to Male Transgender who is, and has been for a while, in a a relationship with a woman. Neither of them saw it as a lesbian relationship even before my Cousin started treatments and underwent surgery.

All they cared about was that he was a man. The physical aspect of the body meant nothing to them.

Of course that will change from person to person but, in my eyes, they are who they want to be. The physical part means nothing.

 

[an annoyed writer]

Funny this thread should pop up now- just the other day there was a documentary about transgendered people on TV that left me with a question: what part does sexual orientation play into transgenderism, if at all? For example, prior to having gender reassignment surgery, would a male-to-female person be considered homosexual?

Sexuality, while somewhat connected, is nowhere near as important in transgenderism as many make it out to be. For example, I'm a transgender woman but I still find women to be more appealing sexually than men. For some this changes, for others it does not. It isn't a singular determining factor however, and that's a common perception that needs to be laid to rest. As for your example, externally, others will perceive that person to be a gay male, while they will view themselves as a straight female. It's all about the perspective.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Hmmmm...what mainstream movies/other works competently deal with transgenderism (or even just have a main transgender character that isn't depicted horribly), if any? That is, reflects reality as experience by you as a transgender person (acknowledging that not everyone is going to have the same experiences, but still).

 

[Starik20X6]

Funny this thread should pop up now- just the other day there was a documentary about transgendered people on TV that left me with a question: what part does sexual orientation play into transgenderism, if at all? For example, prior to having gender reassignment surgery, would a male-to-female person be considered homosexual?

Sexuality, while somewhat connected, is nowhere near as important in transgenderism as many make it out to be. For example, I'm a transgender woman but I still find women to be more appealing sexually than men. For some this changes, for others it does not. It isn't a singular determining factor however, and that's a common perception that needs to be laid to rest. As for your example, externally, others will perceive that person to be a gay male, while they will view themselves as a straight female. It's all about the perspective.

Thanks for clearing that up. I had though that would be the case, so it's good to know I'm not wandering around thinking wrong things.

 

[maninahat]

You mentioned earlier something about a sense of dysphoria; of feeling in the wrong body, or being perceived in a way that didn't suit you. At what point did this dysphoria go away? What did it take for you feel you were in the right place?

I've seen transgendered people going through hormone treatment, and it takes months for the changes to take visible, physical effects - I wondered at what point did they feel, during this transitional process, that they had reached where they wanted to be.

 

[Big hat Matt]

How are 'transgenders' ethically different from a white person getting surgery and claiming he's an African American or visa-versa?

Why do you insist that people must accept what you decide they must accept?

While I don't condone unjust abuse or harassment, don't you think it's fair that people consider you to be the gender you were born rather than whatever made-up gender you claim to be?

Don't you think it's strange that 'transgender" people claim to be open-minded yet the reason they change gender is because emotionally they subscribe to a particular set of stereotypes that they claim to be against?

 

[an annoyed writer]

You mentioned earlier something about a sense of dysphoria' of feeling in the wrong body, or being perceived in a way that didn't suit you. At what point did this dysphoria go away? What did it take for you feel you were in the right place?

I've seen transgendered people going through hormone treatment, and it takes months for the changes to take visible, physical effects - I wondered at what point did they feel, during this transitional process, that they had reached where they wanted to be.

It doesn't simply disappear one day, it fades. The effects are reduced to more manageable levels as time goes on: the further into the transition an individual is, the more like themselves they feel, and the less dysphoric feelings are experienced. The cutoff point is different for each of us: some would prefer to keep their original parts, others like myself don't. Constant truthful feedback and support are absolutely required to alleviate this though. The better the support, the smoother the process goes.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Hmm...

this... might be a bit depressing to talk about but...

1) What kinds of difficulties do you face as a result of this?

2) How much do you think you might have internalized the stereotypes there are about the transgendered community?


Also, I'm an asexual with no gender identity whatsoever, so if anyone wanted to ask me a quick question about that, I'd be glad to answer that.

First asexual stereotype for me to dispel: yes, we do exist.

 

[Syndarr]

What a cool thread. Thanks for stepping forward with this; a little education can never go wrong!

This might be kind of an icky line of questioning, and I apologize if I'm overstepping boundaries, and feel free not to answer. XD That said, my questions are aimed mostly at the post-op folks. What are the differences between your genitals now and previously? Do you experience a difference in sensitivity? How do you approach masturbation (if you do at all)? What are the differences between the genitals of a post-op transgendered individual and those of someone who has not undergone surgery? How has the rest of your body changed, besides the obvious sexual equipment?

Now for a much less intimate and more hypothetical question. I have a friend who was born male but has begun transitioning to female. During this process, he would frequently update me as to how things were progressing, and honestly, I got kind of sick of hearing about it. I never said so, though, because I knew how important it was to him and I wanted to be supportive. If you were telling someone about your transition, and they asked you to stop telling them about it, how would you react? What would you think of that person? Would your first assumption be that they were uncomfortable with your transgender nature, or that they're just an insensitive jerk, or something else entirely?

Finally, how do you deal with people who make unpleasant comments to or about you regarding your gender presentation? You know the type, the ones who screech "SHE'S A MAN" and "NICE ADAM'S APPLE" and stupid shit like that.

 

[an annoyed writer]

Hmmmm...what mainstream movies/other works competently deal with transgenderism (or even just have a main transgender character that isn't depicted horribly), if any? That is, reflects reality as experience by you as a transgender person (acknowledging that not everyone is going to have the same experiences, but still).

This is a difficult one, since there really isn't a whole lot out there. There's a few films that deal with it fairly maturely, like Breakfast on Pluto, but in the mainstream western media we're still stereotyped as all hell. Eastern media is a bit different, but we're still marginalized to some degree. The Persona series has a Transman that's generally well done, if a little sparse.

Metaphorically you can find a lot more however: for example, the Tron series has a faction that could be viewed as a metaphor for us. The Isos, whose primary characteristic is generally extreme malleability (read: changeling) were oppressed for this reason and after a period of strife were all but exterminated, not unlike transpeople after the Abrhamic religions took hold. Tron's history with our kind indicates that this was not unintentional: the person that they contracted for the original film's score was none other than Wendy Carlos, an innovator in electronic and ambient music, as well as a transwoman.

 

[wottabout]

Also, I'm an asexual with no gender identity whatsoever, so if anyone wanted to ask me a quick question about that, I'd be glad to answer that.

First asexual stereotype for me to dispel: yes, we do exist.

I have a friend who is asexual agender! Which pronouns do you prefer? My friend goes by "they," but I've had some trouble using the correct pronouns in my head. Then again, I get confused whenever other people refer to my friend by gendered pronouns, so maybe I'm improving at thinking of them correctly?

EDIT: Actually, scratch that, they are neutrois, not agender. Slightly different.