Transgender Q & A

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

Right now I don't have much ability to get out of here just yet. I am putting together a crazy plan that will get me the hell out of here though: I kinda need a new vehicle first. Lost mine in a rather grisly car crash last fall. Luckily no one was seriously hurt, but It did kind of fuck up quite a few things.

Well damn that would put a damper on leaving quickly. I hope that your plan falls together and you can get somewhere much more accepting and be happier. Thats no damn way to live.

I really hope this works out as well. Maybe I'll get a nice little Blazer or something to replace that old junker too I want to be able to get to the other side and help others of my kind in whatever way I can: I'll probably write a few books about it or make a film about it or something. Anything to help others like me get out of their living hells, and help those who do not understand us try to understand.[/quote]Best of luck to you! You got one more person out there rooting for you (I could use some new reading material anyway ;D)

 

[Cry Wolf]

Anything to help others like me get out of their living hells, and help those who do not understand us try to understand.

Except my plan does not involve theft.

Fuck yeah! Does your plan involve assembling a dashing gang of loveable rogues, or are you the lone wolf?

 

[maninahat]

Oh, another question about pronouns. Suppose we were talking about a male to female transsexual or transgendered person, post op. In the present tense, we'd refer to her as "she", but if we were describing her previous actions done before the change, do we still say "10 years ago, she did this" or should we use "he" in this case?

For instance, Lana Wachowski is a she, but when she made the Matrix movies, she was a he. So if I'm describing something she did during that time, would I say "and he took part in making this action scene" or would I say "and she took part in making this action scene"?

 

[an annoyed writer]

Anything to help others like me get out of their living hells, and help those who do not understand us try to understand.

Except my plan does not involve theft.

Fuck yeah! Does your plan involve assembling a dashing gang of loveable rogues, or are you the lone wolf?

The plan involves teaming up with two of my closest friends, who are more than willing to help: while they're not trans, they're still outsiders which are incomplete if alone, but together we turn into something much greater: a powerful creative engine. One is a pyro, musician, actor, and martial arts specialist, while the other is a gunsmith, actor, and metalhead. I am a writer, director, actress, animator, and 3D modeler, and if one thing is for certain, you could never rightfully accuse us of being boring.

Also of note: Captcha says "glass ceiling". How appropriate: my plan involves breaking ours.

 

[7moreDead_v1legacy]

I was going to jump in on this, but apparently there's transpeople answering questions left, right and centre here. So I feel somewhat... Superfluous.

I am curious about the trans gender balance on here, though. (Also it's really weird to write "trans" and "gender" together but not as one word.)
Who here, who is happily being open about being trans, is of what identity? (I'm a transman, since I should probably answer my own question.)

Another Transwoman reporting in here. Open in online forums like this, not nearly as much in public since I don't like the unwanted attention(read: Molotov Cocktails) that I'd get around my area. And don't worry about feeling superfluous: answer the questions you want to. More perspective results in better education.

Pretty much my answer to Ren Li xD Albeit it's probably just paranoia for me - I've been attacked (read bricked/stabbed at/gangs chasing me etc) for liking metal on numerous occasions so I expect to get targeted for whistling a ditty out of tune these days xD

first of all. i admire you, not many people have the guts to come out with something like that and there are even fewer with the bravery to go "any questions?" afterwards. you deserve a big cake. or sugary treat of your choice.

I'll take a cake fulled of cookies

Spoiler: My answers

1. how young were you when you figured out you were not like other boys or girls? I was about 5-7 when I was properly sure something was a miss

2. in a relationship. which gender do you prefer? or are you bisexual? Female but everything is subject to change xD

3. me and a friend have this theory that in about 50 to 100 years, being transgender will be as average as being a male or female. do you see that happening? Would be nice.

4. any plans involving your sexuality for the future?[footnote]that sounded like an extremely posh perv hitting on someone[/footnote] family for example? It would be nice to have a family and I am all open for adoption being adopted myself (All things considering I turned out fine ^^)

5. what do your parents think about it? - My Mum's trying to be supportive but she's a bit confused about it all, not had a chance to sit down with my Dad to discuss it.

6. can you give a little sumary of your relationships (i am sorry for asking so much about your lovelife) - I was married (for 6 months - Go me.) Been single for a few years (sorting my head/life out).

7. i have no idea how to say this but.....uhmmmm, was it hard to learn, uhmm. how to use your ehhhh "new tools"? I am still rocking the old black and decker atm

EDIT (sorry about that, these came to my mind a little later):
8. if you are in a relationship. do your significant other know and how did he/she react when you told him/her? N\a

9: if you have siblings, hat do the think? My Brother is in the same boat as my Mum

10: have you noticed any personalty changes after the operation? anything really from liking a food you didn't like to having completely new interests. N/a yet

11: is it weird looking back? to spending childhood as a boy and adulthood as a women is still sort of surreal to me. N/a yet[/quote]

 

[an annoyed writer]

Oh, another question about pronouns. Suppose we were talking about a male to female transsexual or transgendered person, post op. In the present tense, we'd refer to her as "she", but if we were describing her previous actions done before the change, do we still say "10 years ago, she did this" or should we use "he" in this case?

For instance, Lana Wachowski is a she, but when she made the Matrix movies, she was a he. So if I'm describing something she did during that time, would I say "and he took part in making this action scene" or would I say "and she took part in making this action scene"?

I'd honestly prefer the current female pronouns in that position: while historically correct, using the male pronouns is simply disrespectful to the person in question. Also, funny that you mention her: In terms of content, style, and influences, I view her as an idol of sorts and I'd very much love to meet her sometime in my life.

 

[Rawne1980]

so I expect to get targeted for whistling a ditty out of tune these days xD

I don't mind what anyone does with themselves, how they live, how they breathe, how they dress, what music they listen or even if they poke puppies with pointy sticks on a weekend....

But don't you dare go whistling a ditty out of tune or we'll be having harsh words *insert scowling face here*.

 

[Cry Wolf]

Hey! I thought of a new question (I feel special!).

Many of you have reported anxiety and associated problems from gender dysphoria. Do you think this ends/does it end when you have brought your body in-line with your gender?

Side Note: Phrasing questions using a vocabulary I was almost completely unfamiliar with before the last week or so - especially when I keep talking to my... less refined mates in between. A few posts ago I made an edit to add an image of a beautiful transwoman to try and illustrate my point and added "if you didn't get it, it's a dude" by accident. >.< I need to proofread.

 

[Angelowl]

Speaking purely hypothetically.

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

I mean, no offence, but, I've always saw resolving gender dysphoria with a sex change as resolving suicidal tendencies with suicide.


The majority of trans-gender people I seem to meet seem to be generally pretty miserable, before before and after any treatment.

Post-op and treatment, a lot of those I've known tend to find something new to thing feel awful about, a lot of the time it seems like trading one unhappiness for another and never addressing the underlying issues that make them feel that way in the first place.

Been there done that. Suicidal thoughts basically instantly, tried to get help and gets ignored everywhere. I hated everything masculine, felt that my body no longer was my own, couldn't recognize my mirror image. Nevertheless I tried, but as time went by everything got worse. The impulses to hurt others, the depression, the paranoia. The reason that pushed me into action was that I realized that I couldn't go on anymore, either I changed or I would end up killing myself.

Novaday I'm kind of functional: I can trust people, the destructive impulses disappeared with the testosterone, I actually kinda like my body, I,m surprisingly comfortable being masculine every now and then, I can enjoy being alive, I'm way more positive etc. On the other hand I do get panic attacks and suicidal thoughts from time to time and I can't handle school yet, too much pressure. I admit that if my best friend disappears then I would most likely collapse.

My first psychiatrist (going to meet my seventh next week) considered suicidal behaviour since the age of twelve "nothing out of the ordinary and nothing to worry about". On the other hand she was shocked to learn that I like girls, which was impossible. I can't be a girl and like girls because she had never heard of it. Then we have the trans-specialists who literally said that I showed symptoms for ALL POSSIBLE PSYCHOSISES, despite the psychosis-specialist concluding that my problems stemmed from depression and anxiety related to gender dysphoria.

TLDR: Quite frequently we try to do what you suggest, it never works. where do you think the trauma comes from? Those of us that seem "sane and sensible" are the ones getting help and support early. And the mental healthcare often makes things worse through incompetence and unprofessional behaviour.

 

[Angelowl]

Speaking purely hypothetically.

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

I mean, no offence, but, I've always saw resolving gender dysphoria with a sex change as resolving suicidal tendencies with suicide.


The majority of trans-gender people I seem to meet seem to be generally pretty miserable, before before and after any treatment.

Post-op and treatment, a lot of those I've known tend to find something new to thing feel awful about, a lot of the time it seems like trading one unhappiness for another and never addressing the underlying issues that make them feel that way in the first place.

Been there done that. Suicidal thoughts basically instantly, tried to get help and gets ignored everywhere. I hated everything masculine, felt that my body no longer was my own, couldn't recognize my mirror image. Nevertheless I tried, but as time went by everything got worse. The impulses to hurt others, the depression, the paranoia. The reason that pushed me into action was that I realized that I couldn't go on anymore, either I changed or I would end up killing myself.

Novaday I'm kind of functional: I can trust people, the destructive impulses disappeared with the testosterone, I actually kinda like my body, I,m surprisingly comfortable being masculine every now and then, I can enjoy being alive, I'm way more positive etc. On the other hand I do get panic attacks and suicidal thoughts from time to time and I can't handle school yet, too much pressure. I admit that if my best friend disappears then I would most likely collapse.

My first psychiatrist (going to meet my seventh next week) considered suicidal behaviour since the age of twelve "nothing out of the ordinary and nothing to worry about". On the other hand she was shocked to learn that I like girls, which was impossible. I can't be a girl and like girls because she had never heard of it. Then we have the trans-specialists who literally said that I showed symptoms for ALL POSSIBLE PSYCHOSISES, despite the psychosis-specialist concluding that my problems stemmed from depression and anxiety related to gender dysphoria.

TLDR: Quite frequently we try to do what you suggest, it never works. where do you think the trauma comes from? Those of us that seem "sane and sensible" are the ones getting help and support early. And the mental healthcare often makes things worse through incompetence and unprofessional behaviour.

EDIT: WHAT THE?... how the hell did that become two posts, I swear Ionly went through the procedure once.

 

[Lazy]

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

Now I could be wrong about this, not being trans myself, but seems akin to saying "Have you ever considered just not being transgender?"

 

[Angelowl]

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

Now I could be wrong about this, not being trans myself, but seems akin to saying "Have you ever considered just not being transgender?"

Pretty much, and just as people try to "not be gay" etc. It tends to not work and end up in psychological disaster, it did for me.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

Snip.

Snip.

Snip.

Of all three of you, Cry Wolf did the best job at actually answering me. So it's a mental inability to grasp your true gender and a desire to fundamentally be the different gender. It's no rational decision, it's an impulse similar to that of what someone who suffers from OCD feels or when someone with Bipolar Disorder flips from ecstasy to manic depression, yeah?

 

[Angelowl]

Hello Escapists!

I am a transgender individual, its a big part of my identity and I am very open about it.

I'm making this thread because it seems a great deal of people have questions about this topic, and they dont quite know when its appropriate to ask.

so how does it work with your sex life i.e. sexual orientation?
since if you are a guy and like girls, dressing as a girl might put some off.
(if you are a girl, some guys might be put off)

if you are gay and a guy, some guys might be put off with that.
(same with being a girl)

dont want to be rude even though this is kind of rude to ask.
(even though even if you are bisexual, some other bisexuals might be also put off with this, making this question kind of redundant....)

also what was the situation/cause that made you say, i am going start with changing my gender from this point on.
and at what age?

how did your relatives react?

Bisexual here, virgin too. The latter I blame on my best friend, he got in a serious relationship before I got a chance to convince him to have some fun. *pouts*
Personally I'm aiming for other bisexuals, more compatible (and not because of gender) and more fun tbh. My style is pretty much goth, but with an androgynous flair. More comfortable that way, and most bisexuals I've met (myself included) prefer that. Should make sense, we are attracted to both masculine and feminine features so we are most attracted to people with both.

When I realized that I would end up dead otherwise, was nineteen I think.

Cousins, aunts and grandmother are very supportive, parents not so much. They don't like and they can't comprehend me or it, but seeing that I feel better due to the transition they aren't trying to stop me. Pretty dysfunctional family I might add. Friends are more important to me tbh.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Hmm...

this... might be a bit depressing to talk about but...

1) What kinds of difficulties do you face as a result of this?

2) How much do you think you might have internalized the stereotypes there are about the transgendered community?


Also, I'm an asexual with no gender identity whatsoever, so if anyone wanted to ask me a quick question about that, I'd be glad to answer that.

First asexual stereotype for me to dispel: yes, we do exist.

The difficulties that us transgender people face in today's world are widespread, but dependent on the country that we live in, so I'll discuss some that have cropped up most commonly.

Discrimination is a big one, especially in western countries: getting a job and holding one can be difficult, especially in places run by relatively conservative people like Wal Mart and Domino's. In some places we're outright fired just for existing as we are: in others, company policy may say nay but other employees may practice personal discrimination. There's an increased risk of being maimed, raped, tortured, and murdered wherever we go. We have to tread lightly for this reason: many of us go stealth to avoid that fate.

Getting proper medical care is also difficult: there are several cases of where our kind were killed in emergency situations when their lives could have been saved, due to medical malpractice stemming from the practitioner's personal discrimination. Finding a good doctor is key.

As for the second one: personally I have no idea of if I've internalized any popular stereotypes of transwomen or not. My physical appearance is generally feminine, rather than the "Masculine woman" stereotype so many outsiders think of when they hear about us. I have feminine mannerisms and styles of dress, but not to the point of overcompensation. The only one I can think of that would apply to me is that I'm something of an activist: I think that us transpeople should speak for ourselves, rather than have others who don't know from experience speak for us.

Hmm... truly is a cruel, stupid world we live in.

I got a brief taste of some of similar bigotry when I was in middle school. I was mistaken for gay at the time. The rumor mill built up all kinds of crap that I'm not really willing to repeat. But, long story short, I was bullied because of a rumor, and then, eventually, assaulted. Not... fully... but it could have easily gotten worse if the bastard had more time. School basically gave him a week-long vacation for it.

See, I have a transgendered friend (who lives on the other side of the country from me), but she doesn't really like to talk about it that much. I can see why.

 

[Jayemsal]

Oh boy, sorry if I set you off, not my intent.

1) Did you always know you were trans?

2) What are your views on both pre-op and post-op trans?

3) Can a cross-dresser be considered trans?

1.) No, this was a realization over time.

2.) Pre-OP and post-OP are a bad way to look at it, some people never get the full surgery done, as it can be insanely expensive.

3.) No, they are two very different things. Cross-dressers dont tend to identify as the dressed gender.

 

[Jayemsal]

snippy

It is different for everyone, but the experience is known as gender dysphoria. An inability to relate/identify with the gender you've been assigned. For myself, I always fit in more with the female peers, I never fit in with males. I hated masculinity, and gender norms that forced me to abide by them. I can only describe it as feeling like a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing, I just was not complete as a male, and I never could be. As I've transitioned, those pieces have fallen into place.

Again, different for everyone.

I have a couple:

1) When did you realize that you were in the wrong body, not just that something was wrong?

2) If you are post-op, how have you changed your behaviors, if at all?

3) If post-op: Have would you compare the social pressures from before surgery to after?

4) If you pre-op: Do you ever planning on getting surgery, and if not, why?

That is about it. Just some things I was always curious about.

1.) I've always had a sort of dysphoria about my body, I suppose I realized exactly what the problem was about 1-2 years ago.

2.) See my above post, "post-op" is not the best term to use, as some never get SRS. Also no.

3.) Also, I understand you may have many questions about SRS, But how often do you ask other people about the conditions of their genitalia? Many people dont find it appropriate to share this with others.

4.) I am not sure, as of yet. Its a big decision that I cant un-make. I'm still considering.

 

[lechat]

tricky one to word

1. does it offend you that the average person may not want to be in a relationship with your chosen gender even if it is their preferred gender because they still associate your actual identity as your previous gender?
also gender. cause i didnt say gender enough

 

[Jayemsal]

When I realized that I would end up dead otherwise, was nineteen I think.

Cousins, aunts and grandmother are very supportive, parents not so much. They don't like and they can't comprehend me or it, but seeing that I feel better due to the transition they aren't trying to stop me. Pretty dysfunctional family I might add. Friends are more important to me tbh.

wait. wait. wait. end up dead? why?

did you had some serious depressions or a medical condition?

The suicide rate for many trans people is around 50%, 75% for Black transgender individuals.

Its a very stressful situation, especially when a family is not supportive.

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

Now I could be wrong about this, not being trans myself, but seems akin to saying "Have you ever considered just not being transgender?"

This is exactly what it is akin to.

Go tell that to every oppressed minority.

Have we ever tried not being gay, black, hell anything other than heterosexual caucasian.

Oh, another question about pronouns. Suppose we were talking about a male to female transsexual or transgendered person, post op. In the present tense, we'd refer to her as "she", but if we were describing her previous actions done before the change, do we still say "10 years ago, she did this" or should we use "he" in this case?

For instance, Lana Wachowski is a she, but when she made the Matrix movies, she was a he. So if I'm describing something she did during that time, would I say "and he took part in making this action scene" or would I say "and she took part in making this action scene"?

Use whatever they are most likely comfortable with, you cant go wrong with She.

 

[Jayemsal]

tricky one to word

1. does it offend you that the average person may not want to be in a relationship with your chosen gender even if it is their preferred gender because they still associate your actual identity as your previous gender?
also gender. cause i didnt say gender enough

This is tricky for many people. You just need to associate with the right people. I make it clear that I am transgender, some dont. Its different for everyone.