Transgender Q & A

[an annoyed writer]

As a trans, can you have children? And if so, how does it work with the X/Y chromosomes?

Yes, but only as your birth sex. And after a while on hormones even that can sometimes become impossible (for MtF at least, I haven't researched as much about trans men).
Nitpick: Trans is an adjective, not a noun.

Beat me to the punch! But yeah, what she said, with a little addendum: As we get further along with medical science, uterine implants will be possible: there are already ciswomen that actually have Y-chromosomes, and have not in any way been affected by it, so we know it's possible to have a uterine implant coded to the patient's genetic code, and have the capability to bear children. We need to advance technologies such as stem cell research and application and organ printers before that's possible, however.

 

[SonOfVoorhees]

In that case, remaining a woman would indeed make it easier to date, but gender dysphoria is orders of magnitude worse than not having a boyfriend. Refusing to transition because it makes dating harder is just... no freaking way. Besides, relationships would also be a lot less fulfilling. Personally, and I believe I speak for quite a number of trans people, there is no effing way I would have sex pre-transition. And it's not just sex, any kind of physical intimacy becomes a horrible reminder of what my body looks and feels like. Even non-physical things, like someone looking at me lovingly. I know what she would be seeing, she would be looking at a man, loving him because he's a man and she likes men, and that idea is absolutely unbearable. I would gain an awful lot of advantages by remaining a man, but none of them could possibly be worth it.

Thank you for the answer. Sounds like its both a nightmare and a dream at the same time. Like your happy to make the change but knowing with that comes all the negativity. Im glad there is the internet, in that people can easily find others who have been through similar circumstances and can give help, support and understanding.

 

[an annoyed writer]

Honestly most of us don't mind that you wouldn't want to date us in our current state, and we're fine with that: It's telling us that you still see us as our birth gender that really lights the fuse. It's an insult that is so great and powerful that it can completely destroy the more fragile ones' psyches and lives. It's like telling a radical Muslim that Allah is nonexistent: to them you might as well have signed your death warrant. As long as the break-up doesn't result in that we're normally cool with the former partner's sexual preference.

Thanks for answering. I would never voice that as a reason as it would be cruel and insulting. I would politely say no. It would never stop me continuing a friendship....and you never know if opinions change down the line.

Thank you for asking. It's actually something that I'd wanted to voice but with the direction the last thread went, well, let's just say I'd rather observe the shitstorm from afar instead of being in the eye of it.

 

[Cry Wolf]

Agnes Torres Sulca: she was bound, tortured, immolated, had her throat slit, and was dumped in a shallow grave on the side of the road outside her hometown. She was 28 years old. The murderers'(there were four) motivations? That apparently she was a rapist, murderer, and pedophile, even though there was no evidence of the sort. None. Nada. Zip. FUCKING NOTHING, to support that ass-backwards claims. This happened last year, in Mexico. The US isn't much friendlier. It's cold, hard truth, and I hate it. I just want to live my life without worrying about this kind of thing happening to me.

Yes, but only as your birth sex. And after a while on hormones even that can sometimes become impossible (for MtF at least, I haven't researched as much about trans men).
Nitpick: Trans is an adjective, not a noun.

Oh cool, new question! How do you approach having children yourselves? For those of you on hormone treatments, have you had your genetic material stored? Do you just not expect to have kids? Plans to adopt? Not interested? etc.

 

[squeekenator]

Oh cool, new question! How do you approach having children yourselves? For those of you on hormone treatments, have you had your genetic material stored? Do you just not expect to have kids? Plans to adopt? Not interested? etc.

MtF-wise, you can have sperm stored if you want kids (you do have to store it ahead of time because hormones can make you infertile), but I personally haven't bothered, because fuck ki - ummm, I don't like kids.

 

[Cry Wolf]

Oh cool, new question! How do you approach having children yourselves? For those of you on hormone treatments, have you had your genetic material stored? Do you just not expect to have kids? Plans to adopt? Not interested? etc.

MtF-wise, you can have sperm stored if you want kids (you do have to store it ahead of time because hormones can make you infertile), but I personally haven't bothered, because fuck ki - ummm, I don't like kids.

Ha ha, I whole heartedly agree. I was just curious to how people approach the issue seeing as not being interested in children is, understandably, a minority opinion.

 

[an annoyed writer]

Agnes Torres Sulca: she was bound, tortured, immolated, had her throat slit, and was dumped in a shallow grave on the side of the road outside her hometown. She was 28 years old. The murderers'(there were four) motivations? That apparently she was a rapist, murderer, and pedophile, even though there was no evidence of the sort. None. Nada. Zip. FUCKING NOTHING, to support that ass-backwards claims. This happened last year, in Mexico. The US isn't much friendlier. It's cold, hard truth, and I hate it. I just want to live my life without worrying about this kind of thing happening to me.

Yes, but only as your birth sex. And after a while on hormones even that can sometimes become impossible (for MtF at least, I haven't researched as much about trans men).
Nitpick: Trans is an adjective, not a noun.

Oh cool, new question! How do you approach having children yourselves? For those of you on hormone treatments, have you had your genetic material stored? Do you just not expect to have kids? Plans to adopt? Not interested? etc.

I agree with you and the good doctor: this planet kinda sucks. When I first heard that story I couldn't help but break down and cry. The worst part of it was that she was an intellectual in every sense of the word: Her job was working as a psychologist. She was there to help, and now she's gone.

For your next question, I'm not sure. I should probably store what I have before I go infertile though, to prepare for such an eventuality should it come up. Right now I have no plans for kids though.

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

I was going to jump in on this, but apparently there's transpeople answering questions left, right and centre here. So I feel somewhat... Superfluous.

I am curious about the trans gender balance on here, though. (Also it's really weird to write "trans" and "gender" together but not as one word.)
Who here, who is happily being open about being trans, is of what identity? (I'm a transman, since I should probably answer my own question.)

Another Transwoman reporting in here. Open in online forums like this, not nearly as much in public since I don't like the unwanted attention(read: Molotov Cocktails) that I'd get around my area. And don't worry about feeling superfluous: answer the questions you want to. More perspective results in better education.

Molotov cocktails!? Please tell me hat is exaggeration! I know people tend on being cruel bastards but to try and set you aflame for something such as transgenderism (word?)? That is, I can't even describe how much bullcrap that is or even adequately describe how pissed and depressed that makes me.


OT: My various questions on transgender issues have mostly been answered by nice people on other threads and by my college Anatomy 2 professor (scientific knowledge woot!). But one I have deals with the more intimate side of things.

No need for anyone to respond if they are uncomfortable responding to the question.

For post-op people, how satisfying is sex now? Is there a loss of sensitivity, an increase in pain/discomfort? For MtF is your vagina self lubricating or is artificial lubrication needed? For FtM how does the penis function? And to both, can you orgasm?

I ask because I would gladlly date/marry a MtF but I wouldn't be entirely happy if I couldn't physically please my partner. Hell, I'd feel like a failure

I know the questions are really personal/intimate but they're the only ones I don't know and I don't know any transgender people in real life that I could ask.

Thanks for making this thread OP and thanks for all the other helpful people in it
Please enjoy these cookies.

Spoiler

 

[Myndnix]

I've no questions regarding transgender as I have three friends who are such- I already know everything I need to know.
However, what I do want to post about is that I'm very glad the transgendered people here can be so open about themselves. As I understand, that takes a lot of bravery.

That's...all I had to say, really.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

Okay, what makes someone think "I need to look more like a woman, so much so that I need surgery!" I just can't wrap my head around why surgery is necessary to achieve happiness, especially when it ends with you being put in harms way and needing firearms training just to feel safe. How is gender identity that important?

 

[an annoyed writer]

Molotov cocktails!? Please tell me hat is exaggeration! I know people tend on being cruel bastards but to try and set you aflame for something such as transgenderism (word?)? That is, I can't even describe how much bullcrap that is or even adequately describe how pissed and depressed that makes me.

I wish I was joking. I live out in the boondocks, in some hick-town in Wisconsin. You know, that state that just recently re-elected a homophobic, transphobic, overall asshole of a governor? Yeah I live in there. If it weren't so cold right now it could be mistaken for the gates of hell itself. You think some of the people in the southern parts of the US are bad? Here in the boondocks you get flogged if they even suspect that you're gay or trans, no matter where the damn boondocks are. North, South, East, West, doesn't matter. Life is not comfortable for those who do not fit into society's little boxes.

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

Molotov cocktails!? Please tell me hat is exaggeration! I know people tend on being cruel bastards but to try and set you aflame for something such as transgenderism (word?)? That is, I can't even describe how much bullcrap that is or even adequately describe how pissed and depressed that makes me.

I wish I was joking. I live out in the boondocks, in some hick-town in Wisconsin. You know, that state that just recently re-elected a homophobic, transphobic, overall asshole of a governor? Yeah I live in there. If it weren't so cold right now it could be mistaken for the gates of hell itself. You think some of the people in the southern parts of the US are bad? Here in the boondocks you get flogged if they even suspect that you're gay or trans, no matter where the damn boondocks are. North, South, East, West, doesn't matter. Life is not comfortable for those who do not fit into society's little boxes.

I just can't wrap my head around such hatred and nonsense. Shit, in my poor and crime filled neighborhood growing up we still looked out for everyone that was in our territory no matter their sex, race, sexual preference or gender identity. But what you're describing is just fucking disgusting. I'm sure you hear this plenty but I'm really sorry you and others have to suffer through that shit
I wish nobody had to suffer through that kind of garbage.
Is there any chance of you getting out of that hick place anytime soon?

 

[an annoyed writer]

Okay, what makes someone think "I need to look more like a woman, so much so that I need surgery!" I just can't wrap my head around why surgery is necessary to achieve happiness, especially when it ends with you being put in harms way and needing firearms training just to feel safe. How is gender identity that important?

As I've said before, it's a physical incompatibility issue. Hell, one of my favorite games, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask illustrated this perfectly: Early in the game, our hero, Link, is Transformed into a Deku scrub: he finds the experience of it absolutely terrifying: now imagine living an entire life like that: trust me on this: you will never get used to it. Sooner or later suicide looks to be the best way out, because living like that is no life at all. The surgeries are to bring our physical selves in-line with our mental selves: when that is achieved, we can finally feel peace within ourselves. We can finally carry on with our lives.

 

[an annoyed writer]

I just can't wrap my head around such hatred and nonsense. Shit, in my poor and crime filled neighborhood growing up we still looked out for everyone that was in our territory no matter their sex, race, sexual preference or gender identity. But what you're describing is just fucking disgusting. I'm sure you hear this plenty but I'm really sorry you and others have to suffer through that shit
I wish nobody had to suffer through that kind of garbage.
Is there any chance of you getting out of that hick place anytime soon?

Right now I don't have much ability to get out of here just yet. I am putting together a crazy plan that will get me the hell out of here though: I kinda need a new vehicle first. Lost mine in a rather grisly car crash last fall. Luckily no one was seriously hurt, but It did kind of fuck up quite a few things.

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

I just can't wrap my head around such hatred and nonsense. Shit, in my poor and crime filled neighborhood growing up we still looked out for everyone that was in our territory no matter their sex, race, sexual preference or gender identity. But what you're describing is just fucking disgusting. I'm sure you hear this plenty but I'm really sorry you and others have to suffer through that shit
I wish nobody had to suffer through that kind of garbage.
Is there any chance of you getting out of that hick place anytime soon?

Right now I don't have much ability to get out of here just yet. I am putting together a crazy plan that will get me the hell out of here though: I kinda need a new vehicle first. Lost mine in a rather grisly car crash last fall. Luckily no one was seriously hurt, but It did kind of fuck up quite a few things.

Well damn that would put a damper on leaving quickly. I hope that your plan falls together and you can get somewhere much more accepting and be happier. Thats no damn way to live.

 

[Cry Wolf]

Okay, what makes someone think "I need to look more like a woman, so much so that I need surgery!" I just can't wrap my head around why surgery is necessary to achieve happiness, especially when it ends with you being put in harms way and needing firearms training just to feel safe. How is gender identity that important?

I probably should let somebody transgendered respond, but I'd like to see how my perception of the experience lines up with the reality.

I assume that the gender dysphoria (is that the right term?) is quite like some of the states I sustain in months where I'm less stable, only much worse. I'll have a drive to make a very specific change, usually significant to life changing, and I'll suffer chronic anxiety, depression, unstable moods, emotional distress and destructive behaviour if I don't take steps to achieving the desired end result. This desire to achieve this end result is usually one I cannot explain rationally - it's just something I have to live with. It's even worse when I try to ignore or deny it - like I did with leaving high school - and I'll usually be at least contemplating suicide.

The worst part is when I try to explain my behaviours or reach out for help. The responses I get range from the entirely unhelpful, somewhat hurtful, and incredibly frustrating "it's in your head, you'll just get over it - it'll be fine!" to the "you're a fucking crazy, just looking for attention". One of my parents actively tries to convince me these are just thing I can 'get over'.

Anyway, how close is that to the reality of the situation?

Right now I don't have much ability to get out of here just yet. I am putting together a crazy plan that will get me the hell out of here though: I kinda need a new vehicle first.

Please, please tell me it's some kind of ridiculously elaborate heist-movie plan.

 

[an annoyed writer]

Well damn that would put a damper on leaving quickly. I hope that your plan falls together and you can get somewhere much more accepting and be happier. Thats no damn way to live.

I really hope this works out as well. Maybe I'll get a nice little Blazer or something to replace that old junker too I want to be able to get to the other side and help others of my kind in whatever way I can: I'll probably write a few books about it or make a film about it or something. Anything to help others like me get out of their living hells, and help those who do not understand us try to understand.

 

[maninahat]

Hmmmm...what mainstream movies/other works competently deal with transgenderism (or even just have a main transgender character that isn't depicted horribly), if any? That is, reflects reality as experience by you as a transgender person (acknowledging that not everyone is going to have the same experiences, but still).

I've never seen or heard of a work that competently deals with the issue, and if I did hear that a mainstream work were to include a trans character I would be very pessimistic about the idea. It isn't a topic that mainstream media or culture have ever handled in a respectful manner.

Can I recommend Virginia Woolf's Orlando? The protagonist involuntarily changes sex early on in the story, so it's about the expectations and treatment that comes with each gender. I don't know whether it competently examines transgenderism as it doesn't raise the issue itself, whilst Woolf probably was using the sex change as a trick to write a lesbian romance in disguise. Nevertheless, it is the story of a gender switching character, and probably worth watching anyway just because its that good.

There's a decent Tilda Swinton movie version, but I'd recommend the book. There is another couple of books I want to recommend which play with gender vs sex themes, but this being a thread about sex changes, mentioning them actually spoils the twist in those stories.

Spoiler: the books in question

The children's book series The Turbulent Term of Tyke Tyler and The Wasp Factory.

CAPTCHA QUESTION:
"Which tv show returns to channel 4 on 11 february?"

How am I supposed to fucking know?

 

[an annoyed writer]

Okay, what makes someone think "I need to look more like a woman, so much so that I need surgery!" I just can't wrap my head around why surgery is necessary to achieve happiness, especially when it ends with you being put in harms way and needing firearms training just to feel safe. How is gender identity that important?

I probably should let somebody transgendered respond, but I'd like to see how my perception of the experience lines up with the reality.

I assume that the gender dysphoria (is that the right term?) is quite like some of the states I sustain in months where I'm less stable, only much worse. I'll have a drive to make a very specific change, usually significant to life changing, and I'll suffer chronic anxiety, depression, unstable moods, emotional distress and destructive behaviour if I don't take steps to achieving the desired end result. This desire to achieve this end result is usually one I cannot explain rationally - it's just something I have to live with. It's even worse when I try to ignore or deny it - like I did with leaving high school - and I'll usually be at least contemplating suicide.

The worst part is when I try to explain my behaviours or reach out for help. The responses I get range from the entirely unhelpful, somewhat hurtful, and incredibly frustrating "it's in your head, you'll just get over it - it'll be fine!" to the "you're a fucking crazy, just looking for attention". One of my parents actively tries to convince me these are just thing I can 'get over'.

Anyway, how close is that to the reality of the situation?

Right now I don't have much ability to get out of here just yet. I am putting together a crazy plan that will get me the hell out of here though: I kinda need a new vehicle first.

Please, please tell me it's some kind of ridiculously elaborate heist-movie plan.

You've pretty much got it right on both accounts, good sir. Except my plan does not involve theft.

 

[The Lunatic]

Speaking purely hypothetically.

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

I mean, no offence, but, I've always saw resolving gender dysphoria with a sex change as resolving suicidal tendencies with suicide.


The majority of trans-gender people I seem to meet seem to be generally pretty miserable, before before and after any treatment.

Post-op and treatment, a lot of those I've known tend to find something new to thing feel awful about, a lot of the time it seems like trading one unhappiness for another and never addressing the underlying issues that make them feel that way in the first place.