That is not what provoked the conflict.
Absolutely, it is. Ukraine attempted to take several voluntary actions that Russia deemed unacceptable, as they threatened Russian hegemony over Ukraine. You will not get past the fact that Russian integration was
dismally fucking unpopular in Ukraine; that European integration was vastly more popular; and that even Donbas voted strongly for independence from Russia.
It is following the popular wishes on this matter-- peacefully, and in accordance with the principle of self-determination-- that Russia (and yourself) find unacceptable. So the wishes of a hostile foreign state must be imposed at the barrel of a gun.
It has never been "OK", but they are responding to US provocations and have not been given an alternative that makes sense other than sacrificing their own security for the sake of morality-- something that no reasonable state does by choice in the current international order
Their security was not threatened by anything Ukraine was doing. Or Georgia, or Moldova. Or even NATO. They were not attacked. There was no serious threat to their sovereignty or territory. Their alternative was simply that they don't invade their neighbours, in which scenario they'd still exist perfectly securely.
I'm glad you acknowledge that no state should have to sacrifice their own security in the current order, though-- by which token, Ukraine is fully justified in continuing to resist occupation and invasion.
My thoughts on this matter tend to echo the views of a wide variety of Western intellectuals who know a lot better about what they are talking about than you, from Noam Chomsky to George Kennan; people whose values and life experiences are all over the place (including direct participation from the US side of official US/Ukraine or US/Russian relations in some cases) but whose grasp of the facts are all fairly similar.
Hmmm. They don't, though. Even those you've named above would find much of what you advocate to be either abhorrent or misdirected; Kennan was an cheerleader for containment who believed the Russian project to be inherently expansionist regardless of 'provocation'; and Chomsky supported allowing a self-determinant Ukraine to align with Western Europe so long as it didn't involve military bases (remember, the only military bases in Ukraine prior to this invasion were... Russian).
What you actually mean is that plenty of analysts have offered "realist" criticisms of US foreign policy. No shit. That does not, and did not, lead to the rank imperialist apologia you've tortuously stretched it to.