Unbelievable jealous rage - is it wrong?

[Saviordd1]

He's in a band, knows three languages, Works three jobs, knows everyone who matters in San Antonio, he uses girls for sex and satisfaction, he's conceited, he's rich, gorgeous, and travels all over the world all the time.

And he's also expressed an interest in my long term girlfriend, and he's going to be joining her in babysitting her new neice while she's away taking care of the new mother.
Now I'd just like to set this straight- I trust my girlfriend with my life, I really do. Him on the other hand, I'm pretty absolutely positively certain is going to at least try and do something, and that's bad enough for me.

I'm now more recently suffering bouts of jealous anger powerful enough to cause a knot in my chest and come very close to breaking my hand. I can't help but feel I might have something of a problem, as I never thought of myself as being the jealous type...

Am I wrong to be incredibly angry? At whom I don't know just... angry.
So fucking angry.

Why does this sound familar....oh yeah i have someone whos exactly like this in my school (Minus the san antonio and traveling part) Douche bag has my best friend on a leash and shes to naive to see it.

You could use my method of dealing with it, as in showing him you still have a stronger fist, but that tends to have backlash, so honestly discuss it with your girlfriend, voice your concerns and maybe see if she can not go.

Hope this helps

 

[LongAndShort]

I believe Joseph Stalin said something along the lines of: Death solves all problems. No man, no problem.

The police don't agree, so this isn't a good tactical guide.

But yeah, you have every right to feel jealous. If I were you though, I'd explain your fears to your girlfriend (and that while you trust her, you don't trust him). I've seen a few relationships go into meltdown not because of jealousy, but because it was misunderstood.

 

[Iwana Humpalot]

NO, nothing wrong whit that, i'm actually getting jealose to that guy just by reading this.
But you gotta watch that guy. He might/(is going to) try to hit on your gf, and based on the what i just red, i hope that your gf is fateful type.

A plan to get rid of him? Maybe try to make him hit you in a way that your gf sees him doing it and then she knows that that guy is a douchbag. Or then just try to make her aware of him using women for pleasures and shizzle.

 

[LostAlone]

Why does this sound familar....oh yeah i have someone whos exactly like this in my school (Minus the san antonio and traveling part) Douche bag has my best friend on a leash and shes to naive to see it.

You could use my method of dealing with it, as in showing him you still have a stronger fist, but that tends to have backlash, so honestly discuss it with your girlfriend, voice your concerns and maybe see if she can not go.

Hope this helps

Assuming that you don't break any bones or do lasting damage to him, the backlash is pretty minimal in my experience... Don't like choke him or poke out his eyes or anything. Just put him on the ground and make him stay down.

If you DO wanna do that, the trick is to be damn certain that he makes the first move. Get up in face, be loud, be vulgar, be aggressive. Make sure he has the choice to either fight or backing down and looking like a pussy.

 

[Scorched_Cascade]

So..uh..I hear there's this site...hitmanforhire

I suggest pre-warning your girlfriend, if she doesn't already know, that the guy is a massive womaniser who uses women and will likely try to make a pass. That way she can be better prepared and have a few classy putdowns ready to retaliate to him with.

 

[Gladiateher]

I'm not really the jealous type, but this sounds like the kind of person I would gradually phase out of my life a little at a time. Sounds like a total douchebag knowing people and traveling the world doesn't redeem a person's douchiness, just get rid of this ******.

 

[Rayne870]

He's in a band, knows three languages, Works three jobs, knows everyone who matters in San Antonio, he uses girls for sex and satisfaction, he's conceited, he's rich, gorgeous, and travels all over the world all the time.

And he's also expressed an interest in my long term girlfriend, and he's going to be joining her in babysitting her new neice while she's away taking care of the new mother.
Now I'd just like to set this straight- I trust my girlfriend with my life, I really do. Him on the other hand, I'm pretty absolutely positively certain is going to at least try and do something, and that's bad enough for me.

I'm now more recently suffering bouts of jealous anger powerful enough to cause a knot in my chest and come very close to breaking my hand. I can't help but feel I might have something of a problem, as I never thought of myself as being the jealous type...

Am I wrong to be incredibly angry? At whom I don't know just... angry.
So fucking angry.

Do not be angry, jealousy is normal, hell even i hate this guy for expressing interest in a taken woman...I would have driven him off already and very aggressively...but do as I say and not as I would do.

Just calmly and gently discuss things with your girlfriend and your concerns, and do your best to leave her smiling. Couple of basic rules for women are, don't end a phone conversation mad, and try to leave her floating on air. I know that's essentially the same thing but that is pretty much it.

While this guy is around kick it up a notch, not overboard but just a little, stick a couple of small short love notes in places she will find them around your house. Maybe have a bouquet of flowers sent to her if she isn't allergic. Just little things, if she has girl magazines around read those for ideas.

If however he does start really moving in on her...by all means let him know you rule your turf.

 

[Saviordd1]

Why does this sound familar....oh yeah i have someone whos exactly like this in my school (Minus the san antonio and traveling part) Douche bag has my best friend on a leash and shes to naive to see it.

You could use my method of dealing with it, as in showing him you still have a stronger fist, but that tends to have backlash, so honestly discuss it with your girlfriend, voice your concerns and maybe see if she can not go.

Hope this helps

Assuming that you don't break any bones or do lasting damage to him, the backlash is pretty minimal in my experience... Don't like choke him or poke out his eyes or anything. Just put him on the ground and make him stay down.

If you DO wanna do that, the trick is to be damn certain that he makes the first move. Get up in face, be loud, be vulgar, be aggressive. Make sure he has the choice to either fight or backing down and looking like a pussy.

Well his family tried to sue me but i threatened to point out the fact he's having sex outside the legal limit and that went away, but theres always fallout for hitting someone at my age level.

As for making fights i was so angry i didnt even think about it, Im a pretty heavy set guy (football and running ftw) so I just body slammed him into a bus then punched him a few times, he gave up pretty quickly

 

[LostAlone]

Why does this sound familar....oh yeah i have someone whos exactly like this in my school (Minus the san antonio and traveling part) Douche bag has my best friend on a leash and shes to naive to see it.

You could use my method of dealing with it, as in showing him you still have a stronger fist, but that tends to have backlash, so honestly discuss it with your girlfriend, voice your concerns and maybe see if she can not go.

Hope this helps

Assuming that you don't break any bones or do lasting damage to him, the backlash is pretty minimal in my experience... Don't like choke him or poke out his eyes or anything. Just put him on the ground and make him stay down.

If you DO wanna do that, the trick is to be damn certain that he makes the first move. Get up in face, be loud, be vulgar, be aggressive. Make sure he has the choice to either fight or backing down and looking like a pussy.

Well his family tried to sue me but i threatened to point out the fact he's having sex outside the legal limit and that went away, but theres always fallout for hitting someone at my age level.

As for making fights i was so angry i didnt even think about it, Im a pretty heavy set guy (football and running ftw) so I just body slammed him into a bus then punched him a few times, he gave up pretty quickly

While your young is absolutely the best time to get into fights. I mean there's SOME fallout, but nothing that's gunna land you in jail, assuming you don't set someone on fire. I mean, I understand that no-one wants to get into trouble, but its kinda relative .

I definitely couldn't get away with the crap I did when I was 16, just because whoever you end up being punished by isn't gunna exactly be screaming the roof down that two guys fought over a girl. Maybe it depends where you're from.

Still, doing ANYTHING is better than nothing, and TBH I've always preferred tackling people and pulling their hair to actual fighting (which by the way I am TERRIBLE at). It doesn't give them a chance to figure out that I don't know what the fuck I'm up to.

 

[deleted_by_strongbad]

Jealousy, while sometimes unavoidable, is ALWAYS self-defeatist. It will never work out positively for you and if you are able to, it would be best to quell it.

Worst case scenario she hooks up with him, chances are he's not looking for a long term relationship so you won't lose her unless you get rid of her. Yes it would suck for her to cheat on you, and if you can't deal with that take comfort in the fact that if she does, she would have done so at some point in the future with someone else, and now you don't waste more time, so it is sort of a bittersweet win. If you can deal with it by realizing it was a temporary action that has no true long term repercussions (unless she gets a disease or pregnant) and you were not actually injured by it, you could probably still have a good relationship with her, and so another bittersweet win.

Best case scenario, he tries something, she turns him down, your relationship is proven all the more solid, win-win-win.

See, according to logic there is no reason to stress, doing so is only going to eat at you and has a way of pushing those around you away, making them more likely to prove your jealousy right.

I do understand that it can be very difficult, and sometimes impossible to not be jealous, but just try. One thing that helps me (I am naturally prone to worry/jealousy) are the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, that old ass emperor really puts things into perspective.

 

[Chefodeath]

he uses girls for sex and satisfaction

Should you be angry? Nope, because that right there shows that no matter what he may seem like, one who just plays and uses people is a hollow shell of a person.

Not according to Nietzche. Sounds like you're spouting a bit of bullshit slave morality in order to make yourself feel better about getting stepped on by the supermen. Not that Nietzche is neccesarily right of course, it just sounds kind of pathetic when a person unabashedly calls another a hollow person when all they know about them is something written by a VERY biased observer on the internet.

OT: How can a feeling be wrong? Its a feeling, uncontrollable, unconcious. If you go on a mass-murdering spree, then we can talk about it, but a feelings just a feeling.

Now are you justified in feeling jealousy and anger? Hell, I feel pretty jealous and angry just from reading your description. Tell him to fuck himself when next you see him.

 

[Saviordd1]

Why does this sound familar....oh yeah i have someone whos exactly like this in my school (Minus the san antonio and traveling part) Douche bag has my best friend on a leash and shes to naive to see it.

You could use my method of dealing with it, as in showing him you still have a stronger fist, but that tends to have backlash, so honestly discuss it with your girlfriend, voice your concerns and maybe see if she can not go.

Hope this helps

Assuming that you don't break any bones or do lasting damage to him, the backlash is pretty minimal in my experience... Don't like choke him or poke out his eyes or anything. Just put him on the ground and make him stay down.

If you DO wanna do that, the trick is to be damn certain that he makes the first move. Get up in face, be loud, be vulgar, be aggressive. Make sure he has the choice to either fight or backing down and looking like a pussy.

Well his family tried to sue me but i threatened to point out the fact he's having sex outside the legal limit and that went away, but theres always fallout for hitting someone at my age level.

As for making fights i was so angry i didnt even think about it, Im a pretty heavy set guy (football and running ftw) so I just body slammed him into a bus then punched him a few times, he gave up pretty quickly

While your young is absolutely the best time to get into fights. I mean there's SOME fallout, but nothing that's gunna land you in jail, assuming you don't set someone on fire. I mean, I understand that no-one wants to get into trouble, but its kinda relative .

I definitely couldn't get away with the crap I did when I was 16, just because whoever you end up being punished by isn't gunna exactly be screaming the roof down that two guys fought over a girl. Maybe it depends where you're from.

Still, doing ANYTHING is better than nothing, and TBH I've always preferred tackling people and pulling their hair to actual fighting (which by the way I am TERRIBLE at). It doesn't give them a chance to figure out that I don't know what the fuck I'm up to.

Meh I don't normally seek fights unless the person goes against everything i believe in or does something horrible, and even then there are better ways to ruin someone. Since im an information broker of sorts in my school I have the ability to make peoples lives a living hell, but in that case direct intervention was, in my opinion necessary

 

[Paksenarrion]

I can't believe we're all forgetting the lesson we learned just a few weeks ago...

Just ask yourself: "What Would Little Zangief Do?"

"espard revolution" indeed, CAPTCHA. espard revolution, indeed.

 

[Chefodeath]

Jealousy, while sometimes unavoidable, is ALWAYS self-defeatist. It will never work out positively for you and if you are able to, it would be best to quell it.

Worst case scenario she hooks up with him, chances are he's not looking for a long term relationship so you won't lose her unless you get rid of her. Yes it would suck for her to cheat on you, and if you can't deal with that take comfort in the fact that if she does, she would have done so at some point in the future with someone else, and now you don't waste more time, so it is sort of a bittersweet win. If you can deal with it by realizing it was a temporary action that has no true long term repercussions (unless she gets a disease or pregnant) and you were not actually injured by it, you could probably still have a good relationship with her, and so another bittersweet win.

Best case scenario, he tries something, she turns him down, your relationship is proven all the more solid, win-win-win.

See, according to logic there is no reason to stress, doing so is only going to eat at you and has a way of pushing those around you away, making them more likely to prove your jealousy right.

I do understand that it can be very difficult, and sometimes impossible to not be jealous, but just try. One thing that helps me (I am naturally prone to worry/jealousy) are the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, that old ass emperor really puts things into perspective.

Well, I pretty much disagree with everything you said.

Jealousy is not always self-defeatist. Have you not considered the possibility that people can MAKE themselves great when motivated by their jealous emotions? Sure its not wise to channel your jealousy destructively, or just sit there and stew in it, but it shouldn't be discarded all-together.

You seem to be the one with the self-defeatist attitude. Speaking as the girlfriend, I sure as hell wouldn't want a boyfriend who thinks "Aw well, worst case scenario is she cheats on me, maybe we can still be friends afterwards ;D" thats just bloody pathetic, not to mention a self-fulfilling prophecy as you make yourself someone very, erm, cheatable.

I'm all for not worrying needlessly, but hey, evolution or God or whatever put worry there for a reason.

 

[LostAlone]

Meh I don't normally seek fights unless the person goes against everything i believe in or does something horrible, and even then there are better ways to ruin someone. Since im an information broker of sorts in my school I have the ability to make peoples lives a living hell, but in that case direct intervention was, in my opinion necessary

Heh you sound like me when I was at school. May you prosper young grass hopper.

It's true though. Fighting is practically never needed, and even then its even less often a good idea. Mostly its way better to get at them some other way, but its not always possible, particularly if the guy after your girl is from outside your sphere of influence.

Sometimes you just have to be a man. ALWAYS try everything else first, but its just not something you can compromise about.

 

[LostAlone]

Well, I pretty much disagree with everything you said.

Jealousy is not always self-defeatist. Have you not considered the possibility that people can MAKE themselves great when motivated by their jealous emotions? Sure its not wise to channel your jealousy destructively, or just sit there and stew in it, but it shouldn't be discarded all-together.

You seem to be the one with the self-defeatist attitude. Speaking as the girlfriend, I sure as hell wouldn't want a boyfriend who thinks "Aw well, worst case scenario is she cheats on me, maybe we can still be friends afterwards ;D" thats just bloody pathetic, not to mention a self-fulfilling prophecy as you make yourself someone very, erm, cheatable.

I'm all for not worrying needlessly, but hey, evolution or God or whatever put worry there for a reason.

I absolutely agree with you. Taking someone back who's cheated on you is an absolute no, and particularly if you could have stood up for yourself and stopped it.

There is something really wrong with you when you won't even confront someone to protect your own feelings. Being cheated on is the WORST feeling you can ever have. Like you need to bath in bleech and can't stop screaming.

If you are so laid back about your relationship that you can even manage to think 'Worst case she cheats on me' then you don't have a relationship. Where's your passion ?

And much more importantly, WHERE IS YOUR SELF RESPECT ?

 

[Saviordd1]

Meh I don't normally seek fights unless the person goes against everything i believe in or does something horrible, and even then there are better ways to ruin someone. Since im an information broker of sorts in my school I have the ability to make peoples lives a living hell, but in that case direct intervention was, in my opinion necessary

Heh you sound like me when I was at school. May you prosper young grass hopper.

It's true though. Fighting is practically never needed, and even then its even less often a good idea. Mostly its way better to get at them some other way, but its not always possible, particularly if the guy after your girl is from outside your sphere of influence.

Sometimes you just have to be a man. ALWAYS try everything else first, but its just not something you can compromise about.

Hahaha, exactly, but sometimes it just feels good to pound a douchebag into a wall

 

[DuelLadyS]

As my fiance always says, it's not that he doesn't trust me- he doesn't trust them. It doesn't mean that he somehow thinks they'll use their charms to sway me beyond my normal reasons... more that they'll render me physically incapable of resisting. To be short- do think this guy is sleazy enough to try and force her if she says no? I'm guessing that, if you trust her, it's crossed your mind.

You need to talk to her- tell her know you she doesn't think much of it, but it's eating at you, and why. Try to be unemotional and logical about it- telling her her friend's a slimy douche isn't going to win you points, even if that's what you think.

If possible, try and go babysit with her- you get to be around to block any attempts by this fellow, show your support for your girlfriend and her new niece, and demonstrate your willingness to commit to taking care of a family. Unless there's some special circumstance you're not mentioning, that seems like a super-win solution.

If all else fails, buy her a taser, some mace, and/or a switchblade. Tell her if the worst happens, you'll pay bail and the attorney.

 

[LostAlone]

Now I'd just like to set this straight- I trust my girlfriend with my life, I really do. Him on the other hand, I'm pretty absolutely positively certain is going to at least try and do something, and that's bad enough for me.

If you trusted her then you know that if he made a pass, she'd reject it and give him the boot. One must conclude that you either don't trust her, or that you are being unreasonably jealous.

Figure out which. If you really don't trust her, decide if that's you being insecure or if she is untrustworthy.

If you really trust her, get over it. You should be able to sleep at night while she goes out with the biggest dog in town, knowing he will get nowhere.

Its so easy to say you either trust someone or you don't trust them. Its just not that black and white.

Just because you are pretty certain that your partner wouldn't cheat on you doesn't mean that you don't worry about it. You can only ever be a certain amount of sure with these things... People don't cheat on their partners because they are bad people who you could never trust, they do it because they lost self control or had an argument or wanted someone to listen to them or whatever...

Particularly, I find the idea of 'You should be able to sleep at night while she goes out with the biggest dog in town, knowing he will get nowhere.' laughable. I'd be upset and more than a little hurt that she wants to go out with some player instead of me, her boyfriend. That's a massive red flag right there that your relationship is in BIG trouble.

When someone shows up and makes you look like a loser, you always have doubts.

Also, how many people have had their partner break up with them and immediately go out with the smooth douche they've been friends with ? A large number...

Just because she wouldn't cheat on you doesn't mean its harmless.

 

[deleted_by_strongbad]

Jealousy, while sometimes unavoidable, is ALWAYS self-defeatist. It will never work out positively for you and if you are able to, it would be best to quell it.

Worst case scenario she hooks up with him, chances are he's not looking for a long term relationship so you won't lose her unless you get rid of her. Yes it would suck for her to cheat on you, and if you can't deal with that take comfort in the fact that if she does, she would have done so at some point in the future with someone else, and now you don't waste more time, so it is sort of a bittersweet win. If you can deal with it by realizing it was a temporary action that has no true long term repercussions (unless she gets a disease or pregnant) and you were not actually injured by it, you could probably still have a good relationship with her, and so another bittersweet win.

Best case scenario, he tries something, she turns him down, your relationship is proven all the more solid, win-win-win.

See, according to logic there is no reason to stress, doing so is only going to eat at you and has a way of pushing those around you away, making them more likely to prove your jealousy right.

I do understand that it can be very difficult, and sometimes impossible to not be jealous, but just try. One thing that helps me (I am naturally prone to worry/jealousy) are the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, that old ass emperor really puts things into perspective.

Well, I pretty much disagree with everything you said.

Jealousy is not always self-defeatist. Have you not considered the possibility that people can MAKE themselves great when motivated by their jealous emotions? Sure its not wise to channel your jealousy destructively, or just sit there and stew in it, but it shouldn't be discarded all-together.

You seem to be the one with the self-defeatist attitude. Speaking as the girlfriend, I sure as hell wouldn't want a boyfriend who thinks "Aw well, worst case scenario is she cheats on me, maybe we can still be friends afterwards ;D" thats just bloody pathetic, not to mention a self-fulfilling prophecy as you make yourself someone very, erm, cheatable.

I'm all for not worrying needlessly, but hey, evolution or God or whatever put worry there for a reason.

How is it pathetic to not claim to have control over someone's actions/will? It is the only rational outcome. Being worried about whether or not a person is going to act in a certain way is insane. There is no way to determine how someone will act for sure, everything else is stress caused by needless speculation which will most likely just lead to paranoia. If you solely invest ownership of the outcomes/sources of your action you won't need some misguided inspiration for "greatness" and you won't be worried by the actions of others. If some girl needs me to be jealous to hang around so she can fulfill some vain desire to feel wanted or fought-over she isn't worth my time or effort, and as I have by no means any reason to get desperate over a particular girl's interest, there isn't a reason for to put up airs that I want to deal with someone else's vanity (I've got plenty of my own.).

You are right we have worry for a reason, it was an evolutionary advantage for survival, but now as we are not being actively hunted by predators in the wild it has become superfluous and only gets in the way of concentration on realizing your own will and potential. Sure we'll never be free of these impulses, you can't get completely past them with so much biochemistry behind it, but being nothing more than a base animal who refuses to fight and overcome their primal mechanisms like fruitless worry is pathetic.