Useless Superpower

[Knight Captain Kerr]

The power of seizures that allows me to become, Seizure Man!

 

[PureIrony]

The power of Heart. What the fuck can you do with heart?

Given what I've seen of that show, you can manipulate the minds of people and animals and know when someone is planning on opposing you.

Heart is actually more useful on a global scale than all the others.

 

[blazeion212]

The ability to make others poo, but only when they are about to.

 

[AnAngryMoose]

The ability to perfectly impersonate Adam West's Batman.

I would get insane amount of entertainment out of that.

X-Ray vision... But you must be blind for it to work.

 

[AnAngryMoose]

Heard this one the other day on the radio, in an interview with Kevin Bacon about the new X-Men movie.

They asked him what his mutant power would be and he responded with "The ability to absorb plastic bottles and transform them into sexual energy."


Fucking. Epic.

This man/woman has officially won this thread.

 

[jimahaff]

The power to see one second into the future.

That's great if you're a martial artist, but yeah I probably wouldn't benefit much.

HURGGGG... I see myself eating Cheetos, I getter go get the cheetos.

But my useless super power would be the ability to read minds, but only what they were thinking exactly ten minutes ago.

 

[C2Ultima]

The ability to make cheese go bad twice as fast.

You don't know much about cheese, my man. In France that'd be a goldmine.

OK, how about the power to hover over the ground, but you can only go forward 1ft at a time.

 

[SuperSamio64]

The ability to produce fire, but not be fireproof.

Or be magnetic. Not control things or anything, metal objects just fly at you when you're walking down the street.

Perhaps the ability to draw curtains telepathically.

 

[helltime37]

to shit cactus

 

[thetruefallen]

the ability to instantly destroy anything i touch over $100.

 

[Twilight.falls]

The ability to control the direction the fur of animals grows.

 

[RedgraveStorm]

The Ability to painlessly circumcise men at will.

 

[Viral_Lola]

I thought of another useless ability. The ability to customize your farts. Smell wise.

 

[lordlillen]

the ability to remmember shit no one cares about.

 

[Lancer873]

InB4SomeoneSaysHeart.

I have no intention of reading through five pages of replies to ensure no one has said this yet, but:

Heart was an awesome superpower in the context of that show, if you actually think about it. The guy/girl (I forget) who had that power basically had the power of mind control. But since s/he was a goody two-shoes, s/he would never use it on innocents, and the villains were always immune because "YOU'RE HEARTLESS!" (As the Planeteers would shout). But if Joe Shmo had that power, it'd kick ass.

My useless super power: A photographic memory. But only for print ads.

Well, at the time I posted it, nobody had said heart. And I never really claimed heart was a lame superpower, that's just the way most people tend to view it if they only know a little bit of the Captain Planet canon, and I just knew someone would probably end up saying it.


Edit:

The power of Heart. What the fuck can you do with heart?

I totally called that.

 

[DEATHROAD]

The ability to instantly teleport my boxers anywhere within a 1/2 mile radius. No, no. Not me wearing my boxers, just the boxers themselves.

If you left boxers at 2 mile increments around the globe you could kill anyone by teleporting the boxers inside their brains or something, actually, if you simply carried a pair around with you then you'd have a deadly weapon on your hands, also you would never get convicted: "Sir, We found these boxers inside the brain of a dead man with no entry or exit wounds, by the fact that we dont have a clue what the fucks going on your under arrest" <-- Me thinks that wouldn't hold up in court

YOU MONSTER!

 

[DEATHROAD]

I want the power of anti tikbalang so that no tikbalang will ever find me and steal me away to the treetops. Points for the rather obvious refference.

 

[Bassman_2]

The ability to post in a thread about useless superpowers. Superpowerfully.

 

[Connor Lonske]

The ability to be very lucky yet be stupid enough to mess up anything lucky that happens to me.

 

[Continuity]

The ability to solve any problem... but only in ways so complicated that no one understands.