Video Game Characters that it Would Suck to be

[immortalfrieza]

The princess.

A helpless dumb girl who gets captured by the villain so easily and so often is pathetic

It doesn't help that between kidnappings that they never seem to do anything to prepare for next time the villain shows up to kidnap Peach, including Peach herself. The Mario Bros. themselves are guilty of this, in the RPGs they are just as weak at the beginning of the next game as they were at the beginning of the LAST one. I pity the Mushroom Kingdom's guards more than anything, they're basically useless at protecting Peach or anyone else and the usually end up getting captured, and just have to wait for a plumber to show them up and save everybody.

 

[docSpitfire]

Anyone standing on a street in a rockstar game while I'm driving...

How about anyone living in the Megaman Battle Network world...
They get hacked all the time and since everything is computerized, their whole world ceases to function... and the police have decided to recruit 4th graders to deal with the problem instead of doing it themselves.

 

[VanTesla]

Prometheus is a character I would never want to be.... Love the guy for what he did for humanity, but what he got in return was not worth it... Zeus is the biggest douche in all of the Greek Pantheon, even beating Hades in how much of a asshat he is.

 

[ShadowsofHope]

..Redcoats. Just.. redcoats.

They only exist to distract enemies for as long as it takes to either be a meatshield for the main cast to escape, or for the main cast to get the killing shot in while you are being shot an excessive amount of times and usually by red-hot laser beams.

And yes, this does work in video game context! Star Trek Online, no less.

Oh, and Stormtroopers in any Force Unleashed game. Protagonist is a fucking sadist with the lot of them, frying them with electricity to tossing vehicles at them at extreme speeds, flinging them about like rag dolls or just simply crushing your body with lethal, invisible force fields.. and they can't do shit about it. And if they are lucky, they just get eviscerated/impaled/bisected by a laser sword that vaporizes flesh upon contact before the invisible force gets them. And then, if they don't die by the protagonist, they either die from a lack of health insurance (being a clone, no less) in the Imperial Army, or get choked out later on by an even more sadistic bastard with a laser sword and lethal invisible forces of his own.

There is just no winning.

 

[Jungy 365]

Ethan from Heavy Rain. As Yahtzee put it, he spends most of the game getting the shit kicked out of him.

 

[Pyroguekenesis]

Any mooks in-game. You will get killed, no matter who you are.

 

[Jorge Gonzalez]

Aliens in Space Invaders , worst invasion strategy ever.

 

[Corax_1990]

Any class in TF2.

 

[BrownGaijin]

Three words.

"Welcome to Corneria!"

Three more words: "I like swords!"

Sorry I couldn't resist.

OT: Persona 3. Especially if the player picks the bad ending.

 

[Henkie36]

Alcatraz from Crysis 2. He is held together by his suit, which means he is bound to that thing for the rest of his life. At first it's kinda cool, turning yourself invisble, but after a while, I imagine that starts to get really boring.

 

[Nansen]

Daniel from Amnesia or just about every Silent Hill protagonist.
My life would consist of painfully slow progress (if any), crying, and violently emptying my bowels every few minutes.

 

[vance32]

The God emperor of Mankind
It must hurt with your body burnt your face gone and your lower body obliterated and having too sit in a golden throne.....The last thing might not be so bad.

 

[kayisking]

Commander Shepard,

not only does he have the weight of humanity on his shoulders, but the whole damn Milky Way Galaxy.
That would be way to much for me to handle i think.

But you would be Commander Shepard, the biggest badass in the galaxy. You wouldn't even have any trouble saving the galaxy.

OT: The Protagonist in Amnesia: The Dark Descent. I think you can guess why.

 

[Gregg Lonsdale]

The player character from Crysis 2. since he's basically just a pile of organs and skin being held together by the suit. Or subject delta from bioshock 2, that guy really had it rough.

 

[kayisking]

I'd hate to be the main character in just about any rpg. You're basically a glorified babysitter and errand boy for half of the games and people (especially shopowners) never really seem to appreciate you saving their lives.

"I just rescued your entire family and all you can give me a discount!!"

I especially hated being the main character in fallout 3 and doing errands for people for basically nothing and then being yelled at for asking for more money even though I'm on the verge of dying and need health.
And if you steal from one person, the entire town tries to gun you down like they're all part of a hive mind.

I pity the random guards, military, whatever fighters in any game that has them far more than the heroes. I mean, they constantly have to ask for help from the main character to take out some monster that they should be able to handle themselves, and whenever any monster/villain attacks them they always die instantly in spite of the fact that in many cases they are or should be combat specialists that are trained even better than the heroes are, and if they fight alongside the heroes they die even faster.

There are exceptions of course. The guards in Oblivion are pretty much Gods.

 

[Grotch Willis]

one of the Carmines from the Gears of War games. from getting sniped in the head to eaten alive by acid and worms inside a megaworm, it does not end well for them.

 

[radioactive lemur]

I couldn't imagine a worse fate than living as a collector from ME2.

 

[Purkki]

Being a Baneling would suck. Or maybe it's the Half-Life zombies.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

Richard Aiken from Resident Evil

Poison, giant snake, or giant shark. Take your pick. Death is inevitable.