Violent women.

[IrisEver]

I've been using these forums for a while, but have changed my SN to break away from the people who don't share the same values. Start afresh, if you will.

I'm going to be straight with you guys. I'm not a calm, well-behaved lady. I can be quite fiery, quite aggressive, and you know what? I'm happy with that and who I am.

What I've found is, though, that people are not happy when women show even one ounce of strength or conviction in who they are. Even less so when they're aggressive rather than a pacifist. It's like men, in particular (if we're talking romantically) are looking for a relationship in which they are mothered. I'm not that sort of person, and don't want to be with someone who needs mothering. I've tried it once, it ended in disaster and I deviated so far from who I was, I just wasnt happy and neither was he. The relationship became monotone because I was so stifled by having to portray the 'expected' version of me.

So I come to you. What do YOU think about women with a more violent and hot-headed nature than the norm? Do you prefer women to be subtle? Mother you? Why do you prefer this? I'm supposing a lot of you play video games with particually 'strong' minded (and bodied) women, so when it comes to real life.. why do you want me down on my knees? (Hey, careful, I dont mean in that sense).

I'm not saying that I would go shank someone in the street or be completely irrational. I have a head on my shoulders. But I like violence (as play in a relationship, or as a happy relationship dynamic). I get a rise from it. And I'm fine with who I am.

Is it really so scary to men? I'm not looking for advice here, even though I do despair at the lack of relationship prospects for me. I can handle myself. I want insight into why so many men seem to need and expect passive women.

 

[Torrasque]

Personally, I like women with a bit of fire in their personality. Not unreasonable of course, no one wants that. I just like girls that can stand to be pushed, and are able to push back. I like women that will take a kitchen joke, and then pop a joke about how my lack of sports playing makes me un-masculine (or something. I don't know many anti-guy jokes, lol)

Of course, I don't want a girl that will bite and claw at me during secks, that is something entirely different.
But yeah, I like girls like you described yourself as. More in personality than attitude though.
I also put a lot of merit in a girl's intelligence, wit, and humor. But thats irrelevant for this discussion.

I lol @ the guys that like their girls meek and well behaved.

 

[IrisEver]

Expectations of the "fairer sex". That's basically it.

Then again, violence is never a good thing. You may be happy with it, but if your partner isn't, then you're just being selfish and childish. That really won't help you win someone over.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't happy with it. As I said, I'm not the sort to shank someone in the street and I'm certainly not talking about outright abuse. I don't want to abuse anyone, and wouldn't want to be in a relationship where the way I treated someone made them feel bad. I don't want to treat someone badly.

Okay, in terms that people may understand about what I mean when I say violence.. Playfights, for instance, although my nature does go beyond that. I don't mean going absolutely apeshit on a trembling figure in the corner of the kitchen, that's not what I mean at all and find people who act in such a way scum.

 

[Radelaide]

Expectations of the "fairer sex". That's basically it.

Then again, violence is never a good thing. You may be happy with it, but if your partner isn't, then you're just being selfish and childish. That really won't help you win someone over.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't happy with it. As I said, I'm not the sort to shank someone in the street and I'm certainly not talking about outright abuse. I don't want to abuse anyone, and wouldn't want to be in a relationship where the way I treated someone made them feel bad. I don't want to treat someone badly.

Okay, in terms that people may understand about what I mean when I say violence.. Playfights, for instance, although it does go beyond that. I don't mean going absolutely apeshit on a trembling figure in the corner of the kitchen, that's not what I mean at all and find people who act in such a way scum.

I'm pretty much like you. I CAN be calm, but I'm short tempered, impatient and entirely unfriendly on the occasion and this upsets people.

 

[IrisEver]

Expectations of the "fairer sex". That's basically it.

Then again, violence is never a good thing. You may be happy with it, but if your partner isn't, then you're just being selfish and childish. That really won't help you win someone over.

It really depends on what she means as violence, is it physical? If so then go fuck you lady! Physical violence is never okey in a relationship!

However if she means being violent in the sense that she can speak up for herself and really get mad and stand up for herself if needed, then I personally do not see a problem with it.

To an extent, I do mean physical yes. But not scaring someone, not trying to lord over them in a malicious manner. As I said, a term most may understand is 'playfighting'. Something mutual rather than one sided. But I don't just mean physically either. I'm talking about personality and nature in general. I can have a hot temper because I'm quite opinionated, and I like to stand by myself. I can see why some people would think that was a downside, if they want a woman who is yielding. But I'm asking, why should she be?

Simply out of fairness? Expected discourse? I suppose it makes sense, in the grand scheme of things. I just don't really want to tone myself down just to find a relationship anymore. I want a man who can match me and expects me to match him, not one who needs me to be below him.

 

[Doclector]

TBH, I hate the typical "damsel in distress". Sure, I'd protect a helpless woman, but I like a woman who can stand on her own feet, I respect it.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Honestly, I'm not a fan of overly passive women. I dated a girl for a long time who's tastes miraculously were the same as mine at any given time. It didn't matter the topic. If I liked it, she liked it. If I didn't like it, she condemned it.

When I finally caught on to her game, what I began to look for in a woman changed immediately.

I prefer people who are able to express their own opinions, even if they deviate from my own view of the world. It creates a rational dialog if handled correctly.

That said, I'm not entirely sure I know where you're coming from. I mean, I can understand being frustrated by a society that has traditionally placed females in a place of submission and mindlessly praised a lot of the brain-deadness that seems to come from being a guy. I know a lot of friends who still struggle with trying to find a place in those undercurrents. However...aggressive? Volatile? These aren't really traits I like in ANYBODY, not just women.

Maybe it stems from the society issues I brought up a second ago. Maybe you feel that we needlessly condone male aggression while forcing females into a place of submission. And you know, you'd probably be right.

Anyway, if it came down to it, I wouldn't have a problem with an aggressive woman. I would have a problem with a violent person.

That's just me though. :3

 

[excentric22]

there is a HUGE differance between playfighting and being violent. Your first post almost makes you sound sociopathic. maybe pick your words better....they dont match what you seem to be trying to describe

 

[Astoria]

There's nothing wrong with play fighting. Actually in my experience a lot of guys like acting that way with their girlfriends. Standing up for yourself and being aggressive when needed is a good thing too. I used to be a lot more forceful when I was single but now I'm in a relationship I'm a bit more laid back. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

 

[Cheesus333]

I like strong women, I really do (not to get Freudian or anything but I'm pretty sure I can place that entirely on my mother, who essentially clawed her way up in the world after being orphaned at age 11) but strong does not mean violent. That's something different.

A strong woman, much the same as a strong man, doesn't allow herself to be mistreated or abused and will tell people what she thinks without self-doubt or anxiety. A violent woman is irrational and easily provoked into physical hositility. I like strong people; I can respect them. I don't like violent people.

EDIT: Looking at some of the other posts it becomes apparent you meant violent in more of a joking and casual play-fighting way, which I guess is fine if both parties are interested. Personally, not my sort of thing, I'm averse to fighting and conflict in general.

 

[Kolby Jack]

Well, violence is never a positive trait. Whether you are a man or a woman, if people can describe you as violent, you are probably not a very good person.

Speaking from personal experience alone, most "hot-headed" women I've had the pleasure of knowing have been total bitches. Assert yourself if you must, but respect others too if you can.

While a good amount of the expected behavior of each sex is definitely a social construct, some of it can be attributed to biology. Different hormones, different ways of thinking, etc. No matter what anyone may tell you, guys and girls ARE different, and those differences can reflect themselves in behavior. It's not really wrong to expect women to act motherly, since after all, they ARE mothers. But there's nothing wrong if they don't either, unless of course they are being bitches.

 

[Hagi]

I'm happy with that and who I am.

That's the important part if you ask me.

You define your life and you define what you want from your partners and friends. Don't let anyone define it for you.

You just have to find the right person who wants from a partner what you want from yourself, and for some of us that's going to take a bit of searching.

Personally I'd be fine with a bit more volatile woman. As long as it's just short-term anger I don't really mind. Hell, I'm quite forgetful, so I'll probably deserve some of it .

And it sounds like you're a confident and independent woman, for me that's a massive plus. I've no desire to be some sort of surrogate father who needs to make every decision for my girlfriend. I've no desire to spend time with someone who feels the need to justify her every action to others.

Besides, if you carry that active and fiery attitude to the bedroom?

Spoiler: Ooooh Yeah! Such a good time, real good time! Beautifull! Oooh Yeah!

 

[tthor]

idk exactly what kind of 'violent woman' you are, but the violent female friends I know, they are just incredibly annoying. atleast the ones I know, seem to have very immature/poor social-skills, (which is probably why they resort to violence so often).

I don't mind a woman who can be strong and independent, but one thing EVERYONE has to learn at some point, is that aggression does not equal strength and independence, infact most of the time it says the very opposite. (I use to be quite aggressive when i was younger,)

In short, lose the aggressive attitude and grow up x_x

EDIT: after rereading your post, it looks like your not so much the pointlessly violent person, but rather the type that get their jollies off of violence...yaaah, thats an entirely different cup of tea,. Not my thing, personally. Tho i don't want to be mothered, i also don't see the point in a relation with someone who craves violence, making every time spent with just another battle...

 

[Lyiat]

My fiancee' could kick my arse right out of this chair and across the floor if she wanted to, so I must say I don't have anything really wrong with women who can be violent. I love my hot-blooded sweetheart, though, even when she gets angry.

 

[Dr. Pepper Unlimited]

There's a huge difference between wanting to be "mothered" and, as you call it, a women who is "volatile" and "...more violent". If I wanted to be mothered, well, I never want to be so that is beside the point. If I wanted a volatile and violent girlfriend, I'd date a crack addicted sociopath. I want neither of these things. I'd rather have a well balanced, independent person that can take care of themselves. No mother, no violence. We can have the middle road of the spectrum, or am I asking too much by wanting a sane partner?

If my girlfriend was ever "violent" towards me, she would be kicked to the curb without hesitation. I'd expect her to do the same for me. I can understand you want to be taken seriously and not treated as the typical passive female, but you can also do that without the volatile persona.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Personally I don't like overly aggressive people, flipping out over everything is easy keeping your cool is the hard part.

In relationships I don't expect to be mothered but I also don't want to have the equivalent of an ongoing bar fight... been there before and it's nothing I want in my life.
I expect serenity, outside my friend and family circle is the battlefield of life, kill or be killed, screw or be screwed, inside it tho I expect peace... and if you haven't got the manners to play along then get the fuck out.
It seems alot of girls just can't live without a nice juicy drama from time to time, even when everything is going great they will save up all the little things till they got enough to bust out all their theatrical skills.

But I know plenty of guys who love the roller coaster, simply find the meanest looking ************ in a bar / club and you are set, don't complain if you get beat up tho... then again you said violence is your thing.

 

[IrisEver]

there is a HUGE differance between playfighting and being violent. Your first post almost makes you sound sociopathic. maybe pick your words better....they dont match what you seem to be trying to describe

Yeah, I don't seem to be getting what I mean over in a way people can grasp. I'll try again.

I dont want to kill kittens.
I dont want to dismember children.
I dont want to murder anyone.
I dont want to make anyone feel bad or put them down maliciouslly out of the blue.
I dont want to abuse or be abused.

I like playfighting.
I'm quite hot tempered.
Yes, I would call myself quite violent. But please see the 'I dont wants' above. I'm talking about it being mutual. A relationship dynamic. Not an abuse relationship at all. Loving, playful if you will.
I don't want to mother anyone.

I dont think I'm a sociopath, as I do care for the people close to me. But I am far from passive, and do like a certain dynamic in a relationship. Men get closer to this relationship dynamic when it's two men together - the playfighting, the good-natured "violence" interaction and talk. But when it comes to women, men seem to expect something entirely different. And if we do like that sort of 'violent' relationship dynamic or have that sort of personality, we're considered "bitches". Stand up for ourselves, we're considered the same. I was just wondering -why-?