To be honest I think your use of the word "violent" is thoroughly misplaced here, I really don't know why you would use that word unless English wasn't your 1st language.
Violent women.
- Thread starter IrisEver
- Start date
English is my first language and when I say violent, I do mean violent. A quick temper, although I'm certainly not irrational and petty. Hot tempered. Aggressive. Likes that sort of interaction and bonding. Conviction.scumofsociety said:
Good-natured violence. Not beating each other up out of pure, malicious anger. I'm not talking about out of control violence or scumbag abuse.
Nah, I'm not explaining myself well.
Not all sociopaths kill kittens, but theyre all violent. Not that im saying your a sociopath, its pretty obvious you arent. Hell, even being violent doesnt always mean killing and maiming, it means using unnecessary and unwarrented physical force. Though your still using it in the same sentence as "loving and playfull", though I think I have enough to figure out what you mean.IrisEver said:
The reason that they expect differantly from women is because they dont look for the same things in girlfriends as they do in male friends. Ive got female friends who have that male-male attitude....I like them....but im not gonna date them. Kinda like how you dont look for the same qualities in your girl friends that you look for in men.
Standing up for yourself is not being a *****. heres an example. Not letting your BF cancel on you to see his boys.....standing up for yourself and being a strong woman. Telling your BF who he can hang out with, and what hes allowed to wear.....being a *****.
Maybe you've misdiagnosed the problem here. Maybe it's not that men are put off by your confidence but rather you may have a knack for offending people. While it's true that you shouldn't try to be someone you're not to please someone your interested in, sometimes you do need to change certain mannerisms in order for a relationship to work (eg, an easygoing but lazy guy may have to become more proactive, but he shouldn't have to act aggressive to please his significant other.)
On the other hand, it could just be that your going after the wrong guys, especially if you've drawn this conclusion from the results of one or two dates-gone-wrong. While you are correct that a lot of guys dislike a strong willed girl, I've heard enough opinions to suggest that just as many admire that trait in a woman. My guess is that less confidant guys feel intimidated by stronger willed girls, and confidence is not a trait typified by geeks. You see, your statement about guys liking strong women in video games doesn't really say much as, in a videogame, you interact with them through an idealized male protagonist (I'm sure the Grey Warden never has to deal with sweaty palms or acne).
Hope that helps.
On the other hand, it could just be that your going after the wrong guys, especially if you've drawn this conclusion from the results of one or two dates-gone-wrong. While you are correct that a lot of guys dislike a strong willed girl, I've heard enough opinions to suggest that just as many admire that trait in a woman. My guess is that less confidant guys feel intimidated by stronger willed girls, and confidence is not a trait typified by geeks. You see, your statement about guys liking strong women in video games doesn't really say much as, in a videogame, you interact with them through an idealized male protagonist (I'm sure the Grey Warden never has to deal with sweaty palms or acne).
Hope that helps.
Some wild women...no thanks I can't handle that, let alone a violent one. A women can be able to defend herself that's all fine and good.....but a violent one....nope.
I don't mind when women are strong and willful. I find it attractive. I don't find an uncontrolled attitude attractive, though. Volatile does not equal strong or willful; volatile equals bitchiness. Bitchiness equals immaturity and implies insecurity.
That said, it's not an immediate gamebreaker for me. If a woman is essentially kind and loving, I could fall head over heels regardless of her surface attitude, or even sometimes because of it (in the right circumstances). Without that or other extreme circumstances, I see no reason whatsoever to deal with violent people short of stopping them from hurting others. It's happened before, and probably will again.
That said, it's not an immediate gamebreaker for me. If a woman is essentially kind and loving, I could fall head over heels regardless of her surface attitude, or even sometimes because of it (in the right circumstances). Without that or other extreme circumstances, I see no reason whatsoever to deal with violent people short of stopping them from hurting others. It's happened before, and probably will again.
I think I do have a knack of offending people, yes.Lead Herring said:
I don't mean he should act aggressive. I simply mean that he wouldn't sway or run from a woman with a more aggressive personality. He would enjoy a woman initiating a 'playfight'. I mean simply enjoying a certain relationship dynamic.
From my standpoint, I find it hard to understand how someone cannot see how what I'm saying is different to 'I want to stab everyone and land people in hospital' or 'I want to terrify/lord it over any boyfriend I have'. I'm not saying a guy would just have to deal with my nature if he wants to be with me, or back down (I wouldnt like it if he did) I'm talking about a mesh of personality. I still mean both parties feeling safe and loved.
A certain dynamic that seems to be more accepted man-man than it is woman-man, and asking why men prefer more passive women but still admire strength and willfullness in general? Okay, maybe a lot of men don't admire outright violence in the most understood sense of the word. I can understand that. But crude violence is not what I mean.
Thank you for your insight. I do see a lot of people here saying they admire women who are not pacifists. Unfortunately, I still look like a sociopath! That's my fault. I think another problem is that, perhaps, maybe I'm just not 'usual'.
Forever alone.
Here's an idea, go to a BDSM club if you're old enough, I am more than sure you could find someone who would not only accept your nature but have it as a fetish.
This thread reminded me of this lol.
Don't worry OP I know what you mean. It would be nice to find a guy who doesn't mind me blowing up over the lack of female characters in computer games or the fact that Superman is getting divorced...
but maybe that's another issue...
Also Forever Alone
*hug*
Don't worry OP I know what you mean. It would be nice to find a guy who doesn't mind me blowing up over the lack of female characters in computer games or the fact that Superman is getting divorced...
but maybe that's another issue...
Also Forever Alone
*hug*
You sound like one of my friends OP, tall girl, some would say bossy, she would do a lot of organising socially which was good- confident, assertive, and won't take bull-shit. I'm going to imagine your like her.
And i'll say, i'm perfectly fine with all that as a personality trait in a woman, it can be a pretty useful trait to have at times. In terms of a romantic relationship though it's kind of different, some guy's like to take charge and so would be put off by an overly dominant woman. This is partially because guy's are socalised to do that, and would find it strange say if a woman did all the approaching, flirting, asking out for a date etc. Likewise, women are partially socialised to expect the guy to do all off the above, which is why not-so-confident nice-guy's don't get laid. Basically OP, your going against old sexist norms about male and female behaviour.
That said, screw social norms, a lot of people can freely do that in the 21st century. There are a lot of guy's whom would like a fiery, confident and dominant woman, you've just got to find them.
I know one girl whom i quite like, but her flaw is that she's too nice and polite- if i found the opportunity to ask her out, she'd probably go along with it just so not to offend me- tbf, i'd rather her tell me no outright so i'm not wasting my time. I do know a female acquaintance whom i would like to get to know better whom appears to strike the right balance between submissiveness and dominance[footnote]Not the BDSM kind obviously[/footnote], in fact i know a couple of girls whom do coming to think of it- basically i like girls to be confident, talkative, moderately forward but not overbearing and not too shy and quiet. It's all about striking the right balance, but every guy has their different preference.
And i'll say, i'm perfectly fine with all that as a personality trait in a woman, it can be a pretty useful trait to have at times. In terms of a romantic relationship though it's kind of different, some guy's like to take charge and so would be put off by an overly dominant woman. This is partially because guy's are socalised to do that, and would find it strange say if a woman did all the approaching, flirting, asking out for a date etc. Likewise, women are partially socialised to expect the guy to do all off the above, which is why not-so-confident nice-guy's don't get laid. Basically OP, your going against old sexist norms about male and female behaviour.
That said, screw social norms, a lot of people can freely do that in the 21st century. There are a lot of guy's whom would like a fiery, confident and dominant woman, you've just got to find them.
I know one girl whom i quite like, but her flaw is that she's too nice and polite- if i found the opportunity to ask her out, she'd probably go along with it just so not to offend me- tbf, i'd rather her tell me no outright so i'm not wasting my time. I do know a female acquaintance whom i would like to get to know better whom appears to strike the right balance between submissiveness and dominance[footnote]Not the BDSM kind obviously[/footnote], in fact i know a couple of girls whom do coming to think of it- basically i like girls to be confident, talkative, moderately forward but not overbearing and not too shy and quiet. It's all about striking the right balance, but every guy has their different preference.
This is NOT a fetish, and certainly not a sexual one. I am not wanting to be a leather clad dominatrix. Sex is a different issue. Again, this is about a relationship as a whole. Interaction, bonding, natures.Boris Goodenough said:
I actually tried forming a relationship with a fetishist to see if it could work. It was so far from what I wanted. We wouldn't have pleased each other.
I didn't say it was a fetish for you, I meant that it would be for your partner. Also it's not everyone who is into the whole leather and bullwhip thing, there are various degress of it.IrisEver said:
Who doesn't liek to get tied down once in a while? BDSM "lite" is the most prevailent fetish there is.
But if you have already tried it, then I don't know anything else than to keep looking, there's bound to be at least a few out there.
Well there should be more than just a handful of those out there, Britain (well the England part anyway) is the most compact ("real") country out there when it comes to people.Hagi said:
As I am not a fan of violence (at least not in the REAL world), I would personally not lika a violent woman. However a non-violent woman is not nessecarily a woman who isn't strong. Most importantly is that a relationship is fair and that both parts enjoys it and wants it.
I guess I could see how that could have its advanta-
Seriously though, I don't want to be "mothered" per se in a relationship, but if you're completely unaffectionate and bitchy all the time then, what would make someone like you? I mean they're fine qualities for a FWB or something, but girlfriend? I dunno.
To be honest I don't really know you and I'm probably jumping the gun a bit, but by how you describe yourself I guess the first impression makes any commitment sound unappealing.
oh.IrisEver said:
Seriously though, I don't want to be "mothered" per se in a relationship, but if you're completely unaffectionate and bitchy all the time then, what would make someone like you? I mean they're fine qualities for a FWB or something, but girlfriend? I dunno.
To be honest I don't really know you and I'm probably jumping the gun a bit, but by how you describe yourself I guess the first impression makes any commitment sound unappealing.
I like women to have a bit of fire and backbone.
I don't need mothering.
I like a woman who puts me in my place and calls me out on shit and won't put up with any bollocks.
My wife is the boss of the house and thats how I like it. She doesn't take my crap. We had an argument when we first lived together and she told me to shut the fuck up, it was new, i'm used to people backing down from me and she didn't. She got my respect 100% from then on.
I was born and raised on rough arse estates. I've done Jeet Kune Do since I was 7, spent 12 years in the army and have a few friends who love bar fight.
Violence has been part of my life since I was a kid.
When it comes to my women, much like my wife now, I need one who can handle me and not be subservient.
I don't want a mother I want a women to be my partner.
I don't need mothering.
I like a woman who puts me in my place and calls me out on shit and won't put up with any bollocks.
My wife is the boss of the house and thats how I like it. She doesn't take my crap. We had an argument when we first lived together and she told me to shut the fuck up, it was new, i'm used to people backing down from me and she didn't. She got my respect 100% from then on.
I was born and raised on rough arse estates. I've done Jeet Kune Do since I was 7, spent 12 years in the army and have a few friends who love bar fight.
Violence has been part of my life since I was a kid.
When it comes to my women, much like my wife now, I need one who can handle me and not be subservient.
I don't want a mother I want a women to be my partner.