I would have to agree with some of the above, it's best to simply move on. Although you claim it's easy enough for you to do, it may not be. Still, it's in your best interest to leave her alone, as that's obviously what she wants. Not to mention the way she treated you... Isn't worth it for anyone, but considering how much of a connection you had with her, and how close of friends you two were,certainly isn't something you should put yourself through.Hader said:Honestly, I can do either. I feel fine, just a bit confused I guess.
Well, could be that she was waiting for you to make a move on her in that first year or something, got fed up, and found a boyfriend. Could be an overreaction, if she did really like you, to keep herself from falling for you again (ie: trying to get over you). You never know. I'd say maybe send her a message telling her your feelings, or just forget about her. If you send a message and no reply/bad reply, no biggie, because you gotta get over her one way or the other. Or, if it's a good reply, then there you go... case closed either way.Hader said:Something I considered, but thing is I didn't move far away to merit that reaction (at least from my point of view). Only far enough to live on campus and make school easier for me since I am taking 15+ credit hours at the very least, but I can visit on weekends and some weekdays if I really wanted to. Plus, this is my second year here, and the same situation as far as travel goes, and we had no problems maintaining ties the first year, before this shit hit the fan.Wolfram01 said:You didn't really say it but I gather you moved away for Colledge? Maybe she was interested and then you moved away, which she took to mean "sorry, I don't like you"? And now she's mad...?
I am. The way I see it, I have done my part, and further additions are not up to me to begin.archaicmalevolence said:maybe she's been having a few issues that she doesn't want to mention to anyone. If so better off being nice, not acting like a jerk ( which you probably don't) and not asking here about it. Let her say it if she wants to in time. If not just try and regain your friendship with her, it's worth more than getting your heart broken.
Considering I could find who he actually is. Though I don't think that could be good. I haven't heard the best things about him, and while it's not always best to go off hearsay, I think confronting him randomly would piss of both of them more so that not. Neither of them seem to be acting completely rationally lately anyways.Robert632 said:There is one thing you don't seem to have tried. You could try to talk to her boyfriend. Who knows, it could lead to some revelation about this new attitude.
You are probably right, as much as I have a small urge to try and talk to her and sort things out, there's a bigger part of me that want's to lay any of those burdens on her. Seems a bit cruel to me at first, but in hindsight, I have little else to do and I feel plenty justified in being the more innocent party here.zombiesinc said:It's shit that your friendship took a complete 180 in such a short period of time, but eventually this won't be something that you care to feel confused or frustrated about. Although it'd be easier to find that 'sense of closure' I doubt you'd get it by trying to talk to her, and understand why she acted the way she did.
The bridge is burning, that's for sure. After reading what you say though, I find it funny that I am 100% confident in guessing what her first excuse could be to me. Which you got almost spot on as well.Outright Villainy said:I'd say cut ties. I don't think closure will help much in this kind of situation, and seeking contact with her again will probably make things more unpleasant.
You just need to keep in mind, that she cut ties with you without an explanation, in a pretty forceful manner. Like you said, you can't really trust her, and you shouldn't have to put with that shit from anyone. If she wants to contact you again, let her make the first move. I wouldn't recommend even being friends with her again though, unless she has a damn good excuse. If it's just something like "Oh I felt pressured at work" or whatever, then it's inexcusable.
You need to try and burn the bridge here.
To clarify, that first year she was still in a relationship with her ex. Despite the distance though we maintained a better friendship than some of my friends I was even going to school with. We hung out whenever I did visit and talked at least a little bit every single day.Wolfram01 said:Well, could be that she was waiting for you to make a move on her in that first year or something, got fed up, and found a boyfriend. Could be an overreaction, if she did really like you, to keep herself from falling for you again (ie: trying to get over you). You never know. I'd say maybe send her a message telling her your feelings, or just forget about her. If you send a message and no reply/bad reply, no biggie, because you gotta get over her one way or the other. Or, if it's a good reply, then there you go... case closed either way.
Yes, I did move away for college, but like I said the distance was fairly small, I would say. Enough for me to visit whenever I wanted, I just moved on campus because it would have been more costly in time and money to have stayed at home and driven 1-2 hours to school each day. And she never brought up any concern over the fact that I was away like that, so I never got the impression that distance mattered to her. I even asked her about it once, and she said it was of no concern to her. Don't know if that's true now, but still. OH, and on top of that, her old boyfriend also lived about an hour or so away from her, and they got to see each other only once a week at best. Seeing as that went on for two years I really got no impressions that distance was a huge problem to her. Annoying perhaps, but doable.JUMBO PALACE said:Your confusion and anger are definitely justified. I'm not sure what would suddenly change her attitude so quickly, and I'm sorry that she's being a royal ***** to you. Maybe she doesn't want to get caught up in a long distance relationship? You said you were at college right?
I know you want closure, and I think that's all you can expect at this point, at the very best. I don't think you and her will ever have a relationship after this debacle, and I'm pretty sure you already knew that. Give it some time. Maybe she'll tell you on her own.
Edit: Just read the post above me. Well since you didn't even more that far my theory is kind of moot. Then again, I come home from college almost every weekend and it's still not enough for my girlfriend :/ She's very clingy and I'm thinking about ending it, but that's a different thread from a different time. Anyway, she just sounds like a girl who doesn't know what she wants.
Welcome to women.Hader said:Now from my standpoint, I cannot see how she would justify building up our relationship to that point only to crash and burn it so quickly and suddenly. I stopped trying to speculate on her reasons for this but I can't help but think now if she maybe regrets being harsh about it...which I think is putting it mildly at best, but that's just my standpoint, however bias it sounds. At the very least, even if she truly hates my guts now, I can't see us going on with the rest of our lives without saying another word to each other, we were such good friends and to let all that go with a simple "Fuck off" just doesn't seem like how it will really end someday. I guess I can't decide whether to look forward to even the most bitter closure on it possible, or put it all behind and never think of it again. Honestly, I can do either. I feel fine, just a bit confused I guess.
You know, I read this and I can't help but wonder why on earth she told you to fuck off. You haven't said anything that you may have done to warrant it as such.Hader said:I had originally posted this in another thread of a similar question but I guess it warrants its own thread for now. Copy pasted the text I posted too, let me know if I am too vague somewhere.
Right now the state is that of her ignoring me, after telling me to fuck off a few times when I tried to be nice and reasonable to her. So we stopped talking, and haven't talked in about a month now. As far as moving on, I would say I'm good in that department. There is one thing that gets at me though...and that's just closure, I guess. Thing is, we were reeeeeeeally good friends, and we met each other when she started working at the grocery store I had been working at for two years. Eventually we became good friends, and by coincidence I ended up mentoring her in everything I had learned, so we really developed a bond that went past a simple friendship. And for two years after just that, we were good friends, with only a few on-off moments of 'discontent' with each other.
I guess the important catch here is that we never actually went out. At the time I met her she was in a long-standing relationship, but I think it's safe to label that as shaky, at best. And after we really started to hit it off as friends, we both made it pretty clear that we were attracted to each other...mind you, I was very careful not to come off as trying to steal her from her boyfriend or anything. I wouldn't do anything to anyone that I wouldn't want done upon myself. But eventually her relationship did come to an end, and it seemed very likely we might, at the very least, date somewhat soon afterward. And in fact, we almost did. I told her I was visiting my family for the weekend, on a trip down from the University I am at, and her birthday was a few days after that weekend. So I asked to take her out as a birthday gift, from me to her. Well, she cancelled it virtually last minute, and I kinda found myself stuck at home thinking I had a night to spend with her but instead with nothing to do. But that was easy to cope with, just a slightly more boring weekend than I had planned on. When her actual birthday came around though, and I wished her a happy birthday, I got quite the cold shoulder, about a step away from telling me to fuck off. Which she did...three days later. So little after a week where we were going on a date we were both excited for and she does this shit, and I eventually find out she is dating (and now in a relationship with) a guy from our old workplace who is literally 10 years older than her.
Now from my standpoint, I cannot see how she would justify building up our relationship to that point only to crash and burn it so quickly and suddenly. I stopped trying to speculate on her reasons for this but I can't help but think now if she maybe regrets being harsh about it...which I think is putting it mildly at best, but that's just my standpoint, however bias it sounds. At the very least, even if she truly hates my guts now, I can't see us going on with the rest of our lives without saying another word to each other, we were such good friends and to let all that go with a simple "Fuck off" just doesn't seem like how it will really end someday. I guess I can't decide whether to look forward to even the most bitter closure on it possible, or put it all behind and never think of it again. Honestly, I can do either. I feel fine, just a bit confused I guess.
Let me know if my above clarification helps.Lyri said:You know, I read this and I can't help but wonder why on earth she told you to fuck off. You haven't said anything that you may have done to warrant it as such.
Thus, I am perplexed.
Any insight OP?
Which is the confusing part. From my perspective, it's not like her at all. It's a whole new person I am seeing.Nieroshai said:Wall of text on my part aside, I have never seen anyone genuinely do a complete 180 in personality overnight. Something has to be up.
Thanks for the post, wrote much more than mewulfy42 said:snip