>Real Connor: Post months after everyone left so the irony of no one seeing your post is fulfilled.(That was a joke, I stopped trying to be cool a long time ago)
I'm pretty sure I have no right being here, at this point. But I've been trying to figure out a concussion to the events that happened to my stupid self insertion for months now, and also had to disappear for pretty obvious reasons that I'd like to not get back into. Hence why I'm assuming when I post an explanation of (Beta) Connor death, that none of the original members of the RP will see it, but whoever may find this thread and read all of it in the future may at least hear a logical end to his death, and why IC he chose to do what he did.
I deserved to have myself kicked out of the RP, but my dumb ass character deserved better than me.
>Sburb Writer Connor: Explain yourself before I smite you for returning.
This is mainly because, after all his studying into the medium, and his time spent walking through that path on one of the many islands, he figured something out. Something he wasn't supposed too so early, and for which not for his poor tactical choice of trying to kill a much higher ranking player(for which he was aware entirely of this, but chose to do anyways due to his own self proclaimed idioticness), he might of been helpful to others.
A short time before he attempted his knowingly stupid choice which resulted in the complete failure of his session(during the time right before he jumped into the 3 gate of his world and ended up at Chas's house), for which is due to the fact he was by removing their chance of figuring out the Ultimate Riddle entirely, which would of given everyone in his session a chance to enact better choices that did not have to lead to a scratch, creating another assumed to be failed session as the other RPs have out right stopped posting on the newer thread.
The reason for Connor to of lost his mind(for which, assuming the character is like me, would be an inaccurate phrase considering the circumstances IC), was because of one main reason.
First of all, like me, he took medications for his bipolor disorder NOS, and since he entered the medium, he had completely forgotten to take them(one of his many character traits i forgot to mention, as I assumed logically they would be more mine than his at the time.) If memory serves he would of been off his mood stabilizers for about 2 days, perhaps 3.
This would have driven him, much as it did me, in a very manic state. As at the time I couldn?t comprehend RPing someone other than me, he acted a lot like I would of if in that kind of state, and both of our traits to be insufferable were strongly showing to both the characters in the RP and my fellow RPers. For the fact it took me over, and reflected on my character, is something I?m sorry for, and I have no excuse.
But I think it still works for the character we?ve built up for him, and here?s why.
If memory serves, my character had several conversations with the Trolls, on various points in the timeline. Near the end, according to the canon of the RP, Connor was contacted by Sam T?s rust blooded troll, asking if he were dead yet. When we wrote the conversation, it was assumed this was much more far in the future than the time Chas killed me for trying to kill him.
This is when he told ?Red? to tell the other, noble blue blood troll, ?Blue?, to contact him in the past, and according to most people would be the unstoppable stable paradox loop that caused by the powers that be (most likely the Horrorterrors, as you might think), for Connor to start going insane via a single conversation about pointless things related to troll society that had no importance to be argued over, whether she felt strongly about the subject or not.
This also annoyed Chas enough to be willing to kill Connor so easily, but I would assume only in the self defence sinaro that Connor put him in assuming he did not try to defeat Chas without listening to his annoyed commented on being beaten with a baseball bat violently but also kinda pathetically due to Connor?s low level on the latter.
However there?s a lot more to the story then that, a lot I didn?t post due to fear of backlash for even being there in the first place, and stuff that I?ve thought or recently that makes more sense in some ways and would probably fill the plot hole of my avatar?s death pretty well.
Now, according to this RP?s canon, the mind aspect is similar to light in the sense where you can make predictions. And the Bard aspect, as described in the main Homestuck canon, is a class though the actions of their own they will cause the ultimate failure or total success of the session.
My character fit both these requirements, due to information explaining why he would EVER chose to try to get himself killed when he knew it would. That is thanks to the Totem of Mind, or the Glasses for which he could get strange visions of the future with, for which he could change thanks to his class of mind.
Though these glasses, during the one time he wore them, he realized something. Something that explained his theory of looping paradoxes and how they don?t affect the causality of his actions, hence why he was so weak and weird after he took them off.
He figured, that if he can see the future, and change the events in motion, then wouldn?t he be able to control his actions in a way against fate? He pondered what he already knew about time travel in paradox space, at least for how trollian loops through time forever, but he thinks that if fate is not chosen by the players/heros of the sessions(for which due to his theory on time travel at the time made little sense, thanks to his understanding of Causality [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causality] mixed with the Trollian time paradox that acts as a stable time loop), then it must be controlled by someone else. From all he knew from everything he?s seen on his planet, there is light, and then there is darkness, which in his session is represented by prospit and derse respectively, but from his experience with derse personally, not everyone there is evil. And what is really evil is basicly just corrupt, but not fair to say evil unless you?re talking about leadership, and even that, that?s pushing it.
He assumed that meant that if Derse wasn?t fully evil, then what they represent isn?t fully evil ether.
So that means that, if the powers that be (for which we know as readers of homestuck as Skia and the Horrorterrors) control fate, but Derse is conflicted between indifference and corruption and has little evil beyond circumstance, then it?s possible to do something that conflicts with both the motivations of light and darkness in fate, leading to either free will or subconscious influence of the person?s mind that causes them to commit the actions they commit. But that means all heros have free will, whether they are aware of it or not, regardless, as it?s doubtful either party, light or dark, would be willing to ASSUME DIRECT CONTROL as he would've put it at the time.
This, is the basic idea behind the answer to the Ultimate Riddle(for which is Connor made a different choice, he could've learned the whole answer). The idea that the actions committed are not a part of a weird time travel related fate, but due to the motivations the heros have, unaware of their ability to use free will, assuming that every action is pre mandated by time, when really, if they didn?t have the will to go on, they wouldn?t.
Connor had free will by the point he accepted the Horrorterror?s offer to become grimdark, for which he was able to do thanks to his personal land in the medium and said Horrorterrors, and because at that point he had no will to live, nor to help his friends and nor to fulfill his role as a hero, which in fact because he made the choice that caused ultimate failure, means he was making the choice his role as the Bard of Mind was meant to fulfill and in fact was fitting his role. His actions were the direct cause of their failure, because when it comes down to it, Connor's choice wasn't based on logic or reason, but personal feelings. He had given up with the game, and although he knew the basic idea behind the riddle, and could of learned the rest if he continued playing, he couldn't go on with it. He was too weak from his distressing thoughts about his friends, hate friends, sexuality, troll society, and his own self loathing, that he just made the choice to go out with a bang, because he knew that's what he wanted to do. Even if the Horrorterrors didn't mind destroying any bit of the Riddle they could find, and even if Connor had the mind to figure it out and he knowledge that he can choose his fate, he was weak of heart and he could do to stop him from filling his role as a Bard of Mind and, you know.
Obviously this means he does have free will to fate, but not to himself. In the end, the Ultimate Riddle he will never of told anyone nor finish figuring out will not even have the chance to fall on deaf ears or otherwise.
He died with more regret than anything else.
And as a character in a story, I think I could've done worse with him.
Although, if my character was never written in the first place to attack Chas against my intentions, then chances are I would've never been able to think of an explanation for his death while I was being kicked out of the RP that made sense, and would of been upset over not having a conclusion in my head like the one I just wrote that made sense with his aspect and class, gave him some development, and made him into the "row row fight the power" kinda guy I always wanted him to be. And I guess the RP realistically was gonna die anyways from how I remember it, so if I wasn't kicked out then I wouldn't get a conclusion anyways, so over all having this ending seems preferable to me to it just being unfinished. I dunno.
Also, if anyone from the RP read all that and didn't think they wanted to murder me for any part of it, then I apreciate it and I'll say thanks in advance if you don't report this post.
Original Theory for what the Ultimate Riddle's Answer is from this tumblr post. [http://bladekindeyewear.tumblr.com/post/32791870832/the-answer-to-the-ultimate-riddle]
).I loved the story and the characters,watching them grow as people and adventured in this new world they found themselves in.It inspired me to want to play in this world.And one day while looking over the Roleplaying Forums on this very site lo and behold a sign up for a Homestuck PbP.I remember debating about giving it a go and through I was rusty decided I would try and do as good with this game as possible.And while I don't know if I succeeded in that or not,I know that I had alot of fun.Heck,I know I made mistakes,but all part of the fun right?Ill admit that I'm sad we never were able to finish the story,but otherwise no regrets.