Welcome to Sburb! (Dead and Over)

[Pappytech]

7/16/11. A very interesting day. The day Earth was destroyed. The day mankind faded away. The day the waking world was forgotten. The day all hope was lost.

The day a group of heroes rose above themselves. The day they fought a war. The day they battled to defend the future. The future of the fallen. The future of those yet to come. Their future.

But, more importantly, it?s also the day the most anticipated game of the year is being released! That?s right, Sburb is finally coming out!

The game?s been a bit of an oddity for a while now. Created and produced by a previously unknown company, Sburb has never had any screen-shots or trailers released. In addition, the beta version that was supposed to be released a few months back was mysteriously canceled, with no reason given. However, despite all the strange events and secrecy surrounding the game, the few reviews that have been released so far heavily praise the game.

Sburb has been lauded as a game that crosses the borders of multiple genres, and is well known for earning 1.5 hats out of 5 from Gamebro magazine, the editorial?s lowest and most ironic score ever! Oh, yeah, you know it?s gonna be good.

At this very moment, Skaianet, Sburb?s developer, is finally fulfilling the thousands of orders for the game. Envelopes are being sent all over the world, their eager recipients itching to play the long-awaited game packaged within. With their wait almost over, it?s natural that most, if not all, of the gamers are quite excited. No doubt they?ll spend the morning talking among themselves, planning out how they?ll play and, hopefully, win the game.

-------------------------------------------------------------

The hustle and bustle of an older sibling rouses Dirk Pace from his slumber.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chas Alder awakens to the sound of his alarm clock.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Cartoon sound effects stir Connor Lonske from his sleep.

-------------------------------------------------------------

In a small homestead in the middle of nowhere, Bethany James glances out a window and realizes that she?s been working all night again.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Greg Markos jolts awake when a hungry pet lets out an insistent meow.

-------------------------------------------------------------

A loud and rapid banging on his bedroom door rouses Rich Salvador from his dreams.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Xavier Lee wakes just in time to see the moon descend over the horizon.

 

[CJ1145]

Dirk Pace: Wake Up

Dirk rises from his bed and looks in front of him to be immediately greeted by a terrifying visage. Two massive figures loom at the end of his bed, their glinting eyes hidden behind intimidating SHADES. Their style of dress is as different as night and day, and yet perfectly complimentary. One is all business, his FINELY PRESSED SUIT adding to his image as a cold and ruthless killer. The other is a heavily tanned and muscled man, tattoos running up and down his body, the same color as his wild and unpredictable hair. His cape is flowing and and burning with fiery anger and courage. Who on earth ARE these two behemoths of men?

Spoiler: BEHEMOTHS OF MEN

Good morning, KAMINA AND AGENT SMITH. Dirk takes a moment to admire his IDOLS OF MANLINESS before jumping out of bed and throwing on some crap to wear.

Spoiler

Yeah, that looks pretty good. He takes a look around him. His ROOM is adorned with VARIOUS POSTERS filled with anime characters. Gurren Lagann, Durarara, FMA, even a little Lucky Star. It's all there, same as it was the night before. Dirk breathes a sigh of relief, knowing that his BIG SIS wasn't fucking around in his room while he slept. She had a tendency to do that. But considering he didn't wake up with any welts he feels he should have seen that coming. He also takes a moment to admire his ACTION MOVIE MEMORABILIA. FIGURINES, POSTERS, and OTHER COLLECTIBLES from all sorts of ACTION MOVIES could be found there.

He then moves onto PETS. The other thing his room was full of. The RODENT PEN, the LIZARD PAVILION, and the FISH LAIR are taken care of in order, filled with food and cleaned in the blink of an eye. Just one of Dirk's many HOBBIES, and he just doesn't have time to deal with shit right now.

He looks around. His ROOM is a mess, and his BIG SIS will probably kick his ass for not cleaning it. But then again, she will kick his ass for some other reason if he does clean it. So instead he decides to get on his computer and check PESTERCHUM.

It appears all of his friends are on his CHUMROLL today. Dirk wonders who to talk to first, and check in on their status of the Sburb release.

 

[Connor Lonske]

>Connor:Turn of your the cartoon alarm and go back to sleep.

You not being in the mood for BULLSHIT, you turn off the stupid MY LITTLE PONY ALARM your dad got you a while back. You go back to sleep for a few hours.

Five minuets later of NO sleep, you remember that Sburb was coming out today and you were goint to play it with your cool guy internet friends. You get us and find it is extremely CHILLY for some reason. Why? You live in a TEMPERATE CLIMATE, yeah, but it's shouldn't be cold THIS TIME OF YEAR if there are no air conditioning in your room.

You put on your GREY jeans, your GREEN and GREY skate shoes, your SAX polo, and your FAVORITE NYLON jacket.

Felling quite SUNG now, you look around your room for INSPIRATION.

You have various posters of cartoon and video game verity, some for Adventure Time, some for Fallout: New Vegas, some for Rocco's Modern Life, and even a copy of a LIBERTY CITY SUBWAY MAP, which is ironic because you live in NEW YORK CITY.

You go on your computer and sign into PESTERCHUM and try to contact one of your better internet friends, Chas.

Spoiler: Show Pesterlog

-- backroomSix [BS] began pestering snickeringSurrogate [SS] at 01:05 --
[01:05:38] BS: Hey Chas, what's up?
[01:05:59] BS: ...You there cool guy?
[01:06:27] BS: Come on, hurry up!
[01:07:18] BS: Ugh, nevermind then. Guess I will just go on 4chan.

While you wait you browse 4CHAN'S /v/ and post in OFF TOPIC threads.

 

[CJ1145]

>Dirk: Get that disk!

Spoiler

Fuuuuuuuuuuck that! You changed your mind! There is no fucking way you are going out there just to get your ass handed to you by your PSYCHO SISTER for a stupid game. There is no way you are going, and there is no way anyone is going to make you!

>Dirk: I am serious you little maggot, get that disk!

Spoiler

On second thought, Sburb DOES sound pretty cool. You step outside your door and into your hallway. You can't even leave the little indent your door is within before you are assaulted by your BIG SIS' D&D SHIT. You take a moment to ADMIRE HER FINE ELADRIN ART.

Spoiler

BLUH! This is UTTER SHIT! You don't know why your BIG SIS is into this stuff. You are THANKFUL for it though, since she leaves you alone on nights where she's off playing D&D. However, today is not one of those days. You must be prepared for a FIGHT.

 

[senorcromas]

>Rich: wake up and Freak out.

You wake up to the sound of somebody knocking on your door. That can mean only one thing: your UNCLE is ready for his MORNING WORKOUT.

This must be the end. It figures. Today was the day you were finally supposed to get your copy of SBURB. But, no. Instead there will be only death. Sweaty, 80s singlet-clad death.

You pull off your sheets reluctantly, and get dressed. Your UNCLE may enjoy the comfort and support of spandex while he is 'feeling the burn',but that is something you just can not do. All respect for the man ends at spandex. No, it is your usual attire for you.
<spoiler=the usual attire>

you decide to take one last look around your room, one last look at your achievements. You eye the VARIOUS PICTURES OF BIRDS you have accumulated over years of watching. Lucky bastards. You never did find their secret.

You look over to the other side of your room, where you have set up a FAIRLY COMPLEX SOUND SYSTEM. Oh, the sweet tunes you have heard from that setup. So great.

While ogling your sound system, you spy your computer. You decide to change your pesterchum mood to reflect your new-found morose personality.

Having done all you can to avoid it, you open your door and prepare for the worst.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

> Xavier: Wake up.
You begrudgingly wake up out bed and watch as the MOON descend in the horizon.

> Xavier: Make a solemn vow to the Moon.

I shake my fist at the moon in determined rage.

YOU SOLEMNLY SWEAR THAT YOUR TWO FEET SHALL WALK THE SURFACE OF THAT DAMNED MOON.
YOU SWEAR IT!

> This is stupid. Inspect your room or something.
YOUR ROOM is always messy, littered with VICTIMS ready to MONSTERFIED and books on ASTRONOMY and PARAPSYCHOLOGY. You never clean it up because you have PLANS TO MAKE and MONSTROSITIES TO CREATE. Adjacent to your bed is your WORK DESK where make said MONSTROSITIES. You probably should it though, a clean work space is a happy work space! On your shelf are more ASTRONOMY and PARAPSYCHOLOGY books and few GAMEBRO magazine that you are ashamed to say you like. Your computer is a PIECE OF SHIT, that's you have to say on that matter. On your walls, is posters of your idols, both real and fictional: DEADPOOL, WILLIAM JAMES, SIGMUND FREUD, KAKASHI, GRIGORI RASPUTIN and...MUHAMMAD ALI?

> ==>
I slash the Muhammad Ali poster.
Goddammit, Father! You don't wanna boxer!

Xavier: Turn on your piece o' shit computer and pester someone
You decided to pester AL.

Spoiler: Show pesterlog

-- lionizedAnon [LA] began pestering avouLeance [AL] at 12:34 --
[12:34] AL: Hey
[12:34] AL: Yeah
[12:34] LA: Sup blondy&#65532;
[12:34] AL: Not much
[12:34] AL: How about you?
[12:34] LA: Cool&#65532;
[12:34] LA: So &#65532;
[12:34] AL: yes?
[12:34] LA: You excited for the Sburb&#65532;
[12:34] LA: ?&#65532;
[12:34] AL: Pretty excited
[12:35] LA: ?&#65532;
[12:35] AL: Just a sec
[12:35] LA: Hell yeah!!!1&#65532;
[12:35] LA: K&#65532;
[12:35] AL: I just got my have you injected today reminder]
[12:35] AL: I'll be back soon
[12:35] LA: K&#65532;
[12:35] AL: Ok that's done
[12:35] AL: sorry i took so long
[12:35] LA: ...&#65532;
[12:36] LA: It was 5 secs&#65532;
[12:36] AL: Oh right
[12:36] LA: *rolls eyes*&#65532;
[12:36] AL: Feel longer when the needles in you
[12:36] LA: ...&#65532;
[12:36] LA: Giggety&#65532;
[12:36] AL: But yeah I'm all set for today
[12:36] AL: Installing as we speak
[12:36] LA: Coolio!!!1&#65532;
[12:36] LA: I'm still wating for it...&#65532;
[12:37] AL: You know you didn't have to pay for it right?
[12:37] LA: I don't think so...&#65532;
[12:37] LA: I hope not...&#65532;
[12:37] AL: I offered to send it to you
[12:37] AL: like 5 times
[12:37] LA: And I'm still waiting for it!!!1&#65532;
[12:37] AL: And i said the files were all safe
[12:37] AL: Yeah
[12:38] LA: Goddamn adpotive father...&#65532;
[12:38] LA: Gonna have to strife with him to get it.&#65532;
[12:38] AL: yeah
[12:38] LA: Well, I better get a move on...&#65532;
[12:38] LA: Later blondy.&#65532;
[12:38] AL: L8r
-- avouLeance [AL] ceased pestering lionizedAnon [LA] at 12:39 --

 

[CJ1145]

Spoiler: avouleance

Well, that's a nice basic summary, but Homestuck is a LOT more than the average adventure game. Problem Sleuth has got nothing on the sheer complicated workings of Homestuck. I highly recommend you start reading if you intend to keep up with this, otherwise a lot of the terminology and other mechanics are probably going to confuse the hell out of you.

> Dirk: Ignore the shitty art and get to finding that disk!

Okay, okay. Sheesh, voice in your head, you think. Calm down a bit it's not like the world is ending.

Spoiler

You head into your BIG SIS' GAME ROOM. No disk here, but you're getting closer. You can smell it. And by it, you mean WAFFLES, because the KITCHEN is through the next hallway. There sure are a lot of hallways in this house. Your SIS probably chose this place so she would have plenty of places to AMBUSH YOU.

You take a look at the GAME ROOM while you're there. To your left is the GAME TABLE, where your SIS plays D&D with her FRIENDS. You've never seen them, since you're stuck in your room during those times, but there are apparently three of them, based on the number of PILLOWS. You look at the TV to see the D&D movie is on. Oh god, how does your SIS even tolerate that shit? You can't even remember the plot, something about dragons? Oh well, whatever. Time to get the disk and get the hell out. You prepare to enter the KITCHEN...

 

[CJ1145]

Spoiler: OOC

That's good but you don't need to make THAT many commands per post. Stretch each out a bit. But that is a definite improvement.

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Wake Up

You WAKE UP to find that bloody cat MEOWING for food.You STUMBLE out of bed as the cat continues to MEOW.

>Look around room.

You LOOK AROUND your room and see your usual items of INTEREST.BOOKSHELVES stacked with BOOKS make up most of the walls of your ROOM,each filled with a subject dedicated to your various INTERESTS.Your COMPUTER sits on a desk in a lone corner of your room,and while you aren't an expert at it,it has proven a useful TOOL for keeping in touch with your FRIENDS and various INTERESTS.Atop the COMPUTER sits a LITTLE ANGEL DOLL that you have had for as long as you can remember.A HEROIC KNIGHT CALENDER is open to this MONTH with today circled with the word SBURB
written in the box.

>Get Dressed

You stroll to your closet,pulling out your USUAL SET OF CLOTHES of WHITE TEE,BLUE JEANS and BLACK/GREY SNEAKERS.You keep many different color SHIRTS in your closet but prefer the white ones.However you do have a AWESOME PHOENIX SHIRT that you sometimes wear but only on special occasions.You also don your pair of BROWN/GOLD FRAMED GLASSES that you left laying on your COMPUTER TABLE.

>Turn on the Computer

You decide to check to see which of your CHUMS are on before you begin the TASK of FEEDING THE CAT.

 

[Pappytech]

>Chas: As you near the dining room, you hear your FATHER going about his daily habit of polishing all the cutlery in the house. Right now, it looks like he's about half-way through the good SILVERWARE, and will probably be finished in about an hour. A quick peek also reveals an OPENED PACKAGE sitting on the table next to your father.

If you approach your FATHER about the package now, odds are he'll want you to work on your polishing skills. Of course, you could always STRIFE and attempt to swipe the package. Or, you could use some of your SALESMAN SKILLS to convince him to give you the PACKAGE. Then again, it might be best to simply ABSCOND for now, and wait for your FATHER to leave.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>Dirk: Not seeing your SIS in the kitchen, you cautiously step into the room. Not cautiously enough, however, as a sudden tug at your feet indicates that you've just walked into a TRIPWIRE! A large GRUE falls from a compartment in the ceiling, and lands in front of you. Will you STRIFE or ABSCOND?


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>Rich: Before you, in all of his horrifying spandexy glory, stands your UNCLE. Dressed in a rather large T-SHIRT and a pair of SPANDEX SHORT SHORTS, he's ready to GET HIS WORKOUT ON! He clearly expects you to feel the same.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spoiler: OCC

Alright, still working on the sprites for the guardians. Should have Chas' and Rich's up either tonight or tomorrow. Hopefully also have a picture up for Dirk's kitchen situation.

Avouleance, you're definitely on the right track. Benndak and CJ gave some great advice. Again, I would recommend reading Homestuck.