Welcome to Sburb! (Dead and Over)

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Think on next action

Well,you didn't find any other source of escaping.Sure,you could try to climb the walls,but there is no guarantee that that would lead to an exit.And what knowledge you do have of castles,gleamed from your reading about Knights and such, tells you that they don't tend to keep exits on the ceiling.Which leaves you with only one option.

Fight the creature in the center of the ROOM.Well,you suppose you could sit and wait for help,but there is a good chance the creature could wake up before then.And you don't have time to wait around.

You just look nervously over at the sleeping creature,the memory of your encounter with the OGRE still fresh in your mind.You don't want to go over there and just poke it.And you don;t really have anything to throw at it...actually..you do!

You pull out your DECK OF 52 SECRETS and look at it.It feels like its been months since you used this thing last.If you remember right,the hearts healed and either the spade or clubs gave you money.So it may be wise to try the diamonds.

You chuck the 2 of diamonds at the sleeping creature before quickly retreating into the safety of what shadows there are.

 

[Pappytech]

>Dirk: Luckily, a few minutes worth of shuffling later, you come across a RETURN NODE, and warp back to your home.

Things look pretty much the same; it looks like the IMPS and IGUANAS have finally finished KAMINASPRITE'S statue, and are now working on a (smaller) one of you. When he sees your condition, KAMINASPRITE flies over.

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>Greg: As you hurl the card monster-wards, it briefly flashes, before turning into a large pile of BOONDOLLARS. The currency bounces off the creature, eliciting a grumble from its mouth, but no other reaction.

Spoiler: OOC

Yeah, I kind of made up those first few cards on the fly. Then, I found this website: http://www.metasymbology.com/whatsyourcard.html

 

[CJ1145]

Spoiler: Pappy

I'll go ahead and leave Pesterchum up, so whenever you want to do a spritelog I'll at the very least be in the house if not immediately available tonight.

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Try again

Well,that wasn't as useful as you had hoped.

Though its not like you have anything else you can really do right now,so......

>Greg:Chuck the 3 of Spades and 3 of Clubs at the creature

 

[MetroidNut]

>MetroidNut: Make observation.

Shrugging off a bullet wound without flinching...where have I seen that before?

Spoiler: Is this you, Dirk?

 

[MetroidNut]

>MetroidNut: Appear-ify previous post.

I'm running out of unfunny ways to say I'm doubleposting because of that STUPID ANNOYING FORUM GLITCH.

 

[Pappytech]

>Dirk: Time for an epic SPRITELOG OF EPICNESS... or something. I don't know. Sigh... why are finals a thing?

Spoiler: Show Spritelog

[20:04] -- kaminaSprite [KS] began pestering stabsSalesman [SS] at 20:04 --
[20:05] KS: Woah woah woah woah! What happened to you?!
[20:05] SS: =]=> Well, first a big bull thing destroyed my jacket. Not cool.
[20:05] SS: =]=> Also my fingers got shot off by a black-skinned guy in a white suit.
[20:06] SS: =]=> By black-skinned, I mean literally black. Like an underling, but he looked and talked like a normal guy besides.
[20:06] KS: If there's one thing I've learned, it's to never trust anyone in a white suit.
[20:06] KS: And sounds like you ran into an Agent of Derse.
[20:06] KS: Those guys are pretty tough; you managed to beat him?
[20:07] KS: Well done!
[20:07] SS: =]=> Not... exactly. Me and my beta-self here teamed up him, but he knocked him unconscious and only took a scratch.
[20:07] SS: =]=> Then he shot my fingers off, and I went on a long speech to distract him, then went back in time and kicked him in the face.
[20:08] SS: =]=> And then... well, he kind of went insane and talked about how much he would enjoy killing me.
[20:08] SS: =]=> Then he said it would be even more fun if he waited until I got stronger, and he left.
[20:08] KS: ...Huh. Well then.
[20:08] SS: =]=> He was a lot tougher than I thought any of the Dersites were going to be.
[20:09] SS: =]=> I teamed up with my sis to fight some giant boss underling, but even that wasn't as tough as this guy.
[20:09] KS: Well, most of them aren't too dangerous. Some of them though...
[20:09] KS: Yeah, sounds like you had a run-in with one of the elites.
[20:10] KS: He may have been crazy, but he was right about one thing: You do need to get stronger.
[20:10] SS: =]=> I do. But to do that I have a bit of an issue.
[20:10] SS: =]=> With two of my fingers gone, my left hand is kind of useless.
[20:11] KS: Yeah, should probably try and get that fixed. Any ideas?
[20:11] SS: =]=> I do have one. But I wanted to ask you first if the game mechanics would allow it to work.
[20:12] KS: If they don't, then find a way to make them work! But, what's the question?
[20:13] SS: =]=> I'm thinking about alchemizing an automail hand to replace my current one.
[20:13] KS: Automail? The hell's automail?
[20:14] SS: =]=> Uh, it's from a show called Fullmetal Alchemist. It's basically like prosthetic limbs made out of steel.
[20:14] KS: Well, that sounds manly enough I suppose.
[20:15] KS: But, you want to replace your entire hand? Not just the fingers?
[20:15] SS: =]=> The joints at the fingers are a brittle point. They could snap off if it gets too stressful during battle.
[20:16] SS: =]=> And then my hand would be useless again.
[20:16] KS: Yeah, that would be a problem, wouldn't it.
[20:16] KS: Well, good news: As your Sprite, I do have healing abilities.
[20:16] SS: =]=> Can they replace fingers?
[20:17] KS: Maybe. Do you have the fingers with you?
[20:17] SS: =]=> No. The blast pretty much destroyed every trace of them.
[20:18] KS: Then probably not, no. I think I can handle minor wounds and bloodloss, but regrowing limbs is probably out of even my range.
[20:18] KS: Still, if you can come up with a replacment, I might be able to graft it on.
[20:19] SS: =]=> Well, if I alchemize the hand, and go through the amputation, do you think you could graft it on? And heal it fast enough so that it doesn't take too long to adjust to?
[20:20] SS: =]=> There's usually a long period of rehab for automail. And we're short on time.
[20:20] KS: ...You do realize that you're the Mentor of Time, right?
[20:20] KS: I thought we had established this.
[20:21] KS: You've got all the time you need.
[20:21] SS: =]=> Yeah, but I don't know if I can bring people back in time with me. And I might need you to keep up the healing.
[20:21] KS: Nah, once I make the initial graft, things should be fine. You'll probably just have to practice with it.
[20:22] SS: =]=> All right then. In that case, let's get started then. I want this to go as quickly as possible.
[20:22] KS: Right, go ahead then. Let me know when you've got the auto-thingy made.
[20:23] SS: =]=> OK. Thanks, Kamina.
[20:23] KS: Of course Bro!
[20:24] SS: =]=> I'll be back in a few minutes.
[20:24] -- kaminaSprite [KS] ceased pestering stabsSalesman [SS] at 20:24 --

KAMINASPRITE briefly turns his hand into an unnecessarily large drill, and zaps you with a ray of light, before floating off again.

Well, you're still missing a couple fingers, but you feel better.

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>Greg: The THREE OF SPADES morphs into a trio of shovels as it flies through the air, and the THREE OF CLUBS shifts into a small group of SHURIKENS. The newly formed projectiles slam into the slumbering beast, wounding it slightly, and finally awakening it.

Opening its mouth, the beast lets out a pained roar as it leaps to its legs. It spins in place for a moment, beady eyes scanning the chamber, but stops as soon as it spots you.

You find yourself facing some horrendous cross between a boar and a bull, a creature seemingly made of pure muscle and black fur, its head adorned by an enormous pair of horns and jaw clenched around twin razor-sharp tusks.

The monster ceases its cry, and narrows its eyes at you, their red irises glaring at you with hate and malice. A hoofed leg paws at the floor beneath it, ripping up stones and tiles effortlessly.

What will you do?

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>Chas: You manage to hide behind the rock, failing to notice the pair of IMPS also cowering behind it.

 

[MetroidNut]

>Rich: Fly off in frustration.

You couldn't keep up the charade any longer. You were too annoyed, too frustrated, and too worried about the future of your team.

You regret nothing.

>Rich: Seek out Future-Dirk.

You JETPACK to Dirk you mean Future Dirk. You think it's about time you two had a heart-to-heart about Chas.

You guess normal Dirk would probably work better, but he wasn't a participant in the HERO PILE, and you suspect Future Dirk might be more informed, anyway.

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Gregrepare for fight

Your eyes widen in terror as the horrendous cross between a boar and a bull thing roars at you.You give a gulp then shake your head to clear it.Now is NOT the time for fear!Your a Knight damnit and you need to be clear headed for this!

You raise your STEEL KATANA in a defensive manner and wait for the creature to make its move.Looks like all of the TRAINING you have had with your MOTHER is going to really get put to the test here.More then anything you have faced so far has anyway.

You breath a sigh of anticipation to rid yourself of the last of your doubts.You are the Knight of Space.You can do this.You have to.Too much is riding on your actions to fail now.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

>Xavier: Stab the basisilk in throat to establish dominance
You STAB the BASISILK closest to you, glaring at his comrade all the while.

 

[Connor Lonske]

>stop playing sax.

Yeah, that was some good practice. You put your sax in your case and then in your PIPvintory. You'll need it later for crafting.

>create some sick stuff, bro.

Awesome. You combined your old clock with your Aperture Science Coconut Bomb. You guess a clockwork Coconut Bomb would work better than something made directly by Cave Johnson from a alternate universe.

>craft that shit bro1

 

[Pappytech]

>Rich: Um...

Spoiler: OOC

CJ, is Future-Beta-Dirk still on LOGAF, or was he the one that jumped into your fight with LR? Damn time shenanigans, getting all confusing.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>Greg: The monster lowers its head, and charges at you.

You get the feeling that you should dodge. As in, right now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>Xavier: You manage to deal a good chunk of damage to one of the BASILISKS, who in turn backs off, giving you some breathing room. His ally glares back at you, neither advancing or retreating.

C-Diddy, in accordance with his newly established PIMP POWERS, flies around the ceiling of the room, being kind of useless but looking cool at the same time.

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>Connor: I'm going to assume that you're combining: ANALOG CLOCK && COCONUT BOMB.

You make the EXPLOSIVE ALARM CLOCK! Just set it to whatever time you want to wake up, and you'll be awoken by a refreshing spray of COCONUT MILK! And fire, lots and lots of fire.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

>PIMPTECH LVL 37: A PIMP NAMED SLAM-DOWN
Jumping into the air, you grab your fellow PIMP out of the sky and SLAM him BASILISK-ward.

 

[CJ1145]

>Rich: Um...

Spoiler: OOC

CJ, is Future-Beta-Dirk still on LOGAF, or was he the one that jumped into your fight with LR? Damn time shenanigans, getting all confusing.

Spoiler: OOC

Future-Beta-Dirk 1 is still on LOGAF. Future-Beta-Dirk 2 is the one with Dirk, and he came from an unspecified time except that it was approximately 1 hour after Alpha Dirk went "red and glowy".

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Quick,Dodge!

As the creature charges at you,you have a brief moment of panic.What do you do?!?You have to dodge!You have to move!

..Why aren't you moving?!?!

Just as the creature is about to hit you,you throw you arms up in defense,when you find yourself enshrouded in that familiar green glow,followed by the tingling feeling,then find yourself behind the monster,unharmed.

Oh wait..you have spacy powers!

You use the moment of confusion and try to deliver a LEGATO SLASH into the creatures back.

You also prepare to do another SCHERZO STEP if the creature tries to attack you.

 

[Pappytech]

>Xavier: Luckily for C-Diddy, PARROTS on LOCAF are in possession of notoriously hard skulls, and he takes very little damage from your spiking him into your foe. The BASILISK, on the other hand, is knocked unconscious.

However, his partner takes this opportunity to sneak up behind you, and attempts to wrap his serpentine body around you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>Rich: In that case, you're able to land next to Future-Dirk. Yay!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>Greg: The monster slams into the wall, causing a cascade of stones and dust to shower upon it. It seems somewhat shaken by the impact.

Your LEGATO SLASH hits the creature's back, but doesn't appear to do much more than shave some fur off. Man, this guy's got some think skin.

Swaying somewhat, the beast turns about, until it faces you again. It begins pawing the ground, and lowers its head.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>Chas: Even though you've never been to Prospit, you probably know what it looks like. Bustling city streets, tall golden buildings, magical clouds floating overhead. Which begs the question: Where the hell are you?

You seem to be standing on a floating isle of some grey rock, covered by nothing but similarly colored pebbles and dust. About 10 yards across the circular stone appears to be floating in a sea of oblivion; there's nothing else out there as far as your eyes can see.

Craning your neck upward, you're able to spot a brightly glowing light, most likely your source of illumination. Although bright, it's incredibly small, no larger then a penny. Whatever it is, it must be miles away.

"Sup."

Spinning around, you face the area behind you, a place that was empty a moment ago. Now, however, you can spot two things occupying the space. First, a worn, dusty chair, one that looks like it came from your dining room. You're a bit more interested in the person sitting in the chair, however.

It's you. Well, not you you, but someone that looks remarkably like you. Dressed in the clothes and jacket that you had woken up in a few days ago, the being before you could be your twin, expect for the fact that his skin is chalk-white, and his eyes... pools of obsidian punctured only by magma-tinted pupils.

He smiles at you, revealing a set of slightly jagged teeth, as brilliantly white as his skin.

"You're late."

Spoiler: Show Soullog

-- otherChas [OC] began pestering snickeringSurrogate [SS] at 19:31 --
OC: You're late.
SS: i'm confused.
OC: Can't say I'm surprised.
SS: first off, nice taste in suits there...uh, me.
SS: by which i mean, terrible taste.
SS: because you're not wearing one.
OC: Yeah.
OC: Suits are dumb.
SS: i think the alpha chas here is clear, then.
SS: this must be some kind of psychological test.
SS: i have met my greatest adversary. the only person who could ever match me.
SS: me.
OC: Oh for crying out loud... No, I'm not a beta you.
OC: You're me.
OC: I'm you.
OC: Deal with it.
SS: i'm not saying you're a beta me!
SS: i'm saying i'm chas 1, you're chas 2.
SS: but let's get down to business.
OC: That's also wrong.
OC: But fine.
SS: clearly this is meant as some kind of meeting.
SS: that i am late for.
OC: You think?
SS: so, i'll sit myself down here.
SS: on this dusty chair.
SS: on a floating island.
SS: in the middle of nowhere.
OC: No, that's my chair.
OC: Get your own.
SS: but if i'm you, it's my chair too.
SS: classic psychological trip.
SS: it's like you don't even know what you're doing here, doppelganger.
OC: Are you really that annoying in real life?
SS: yes.
SS: what are you doing here, anyway.
SS: what am i doing here?
SS: why am i not in the marvelous towers of prospit?
OC: Well, I'm here because, well, I'm supposed to be here.
SS: and i'm supposed to be here too?
OC: No, you're here because Sburb thinks you're being a bit of a dick.
SS: sburb has a dick-meter?
SS: (hehehehehe.)
OC: And this is why I hate myself.
OC: Look, you're supposed to be the Hero of Light.
OC: And you're kind of sucking at it.
OC: Hence, Sburb decides to drop you in here.
SS: so!
SS: this is hell.
OC: No.
OC: Well, kind of.
OC: It's your soul.
SS: oh.
SS: that makes much more sense, hell isn't real!
OC: No, it is.
OC: It's not that bad really.
SS: oh.
SS: well.
SS: there goes my life philosophy.
OC: We both know you never really had one.
SS: so my inner soul is a dapper, creepy-looking buscemi-like motherforker.
SS: who knows me through philosophy.
OC: Yes and no.
SS: gotta say i'm not complaining!
OC: No, you're being annoying.
SS: so what's this getting to, inner-me?
OC: What, the blatent symbolism isn't enough for you to pick up on?
OC: Do I really need to explain this all to you?
SS: well, my life philosophy says symbolism is a trick played on us by the right-wing agenda.
SS: that part's true at least.
OC: Wow.
OC: You are incapable of doing anything with a straight face, aren't you?
SS: call me mr. facetious!
OC: You know what, I...
SS: you seem pretty mad, actually, i'm a little intimidated.
SS: intimidated by myself.
SS: that's some mad symbolism right there.
OC: Mad?
OC: Oh yes, I'm quite mad. We're all mad down here.
SS: we?
OC: Lewis Carrol? No?
OC: Great, the dominant side doesn't read. Wondeful.
SS: sorry! i haven't touched a book in ages.
SS: what is that, alice in wonderland?
OC: Yes.
SS: oh! sweet, i was right.
SS: hehehe. you quote stuff.
OC: Yes, it turns out we can do that.
SS: but seriously! we're getting sidetracked here.
OC: That we are.
SS: i'm not gonna stay in my soul and just make chit-chat with...admittedly pretty cool dormant me.
OC: Very well, try leaving if you can.
SS: no, no.
SS: i wouldn't just shun me, either!
SS: hardly gentlemanly to myself.
SS: i need to know what the fork the point of this is.
OC: Fine. I'll clue you in.
OC: You see that light, all the way up there? The tiny one?
SS: yes, i do.
OC: That's you.
SS: ...i see.
SS: very existential.
OC: That's your strength, your skill, your empathy, your power, everything that makes you a great hero.
OC: The stronger you get in real life, the closer this island gets to that light.
SS: that's pretty fantastic.
OC: Typical Sburb. Flowerly bullshit galore.
OC: Now, as the Hero of Light, it's your job to reach that light up there.
OC: You're going to need it to help your team succeed.
SS: is there some other choice we're getting to here that isn't flowery bullshit?
OC: Well, you could remain a pathetic weakling.
OC: But I don't think either of us would enjoy that.
SS: could i just take the plunge into evil and reach it right now?
OC: ...Uh, wow.
OC: Didn't think you'd just ask like that.
OC: Seriously?
OC: I mean, yeah, sure, go ahead. That'd be great.
OC: It'd get me the hell out of this dump.
SS: wait.
SS: so you're telling me you're the inside of my soul, and you expect me to cling onto some flowery bullshit like reaching the apex of herohood, when i could cheat and ascend to be super-powerful and, most importantly, better than all my peers.
SS: you're really bad at being chas motherforking alder.
OC: No, I'm really good at being a Chas Alder that isn't you.
SS: so what are we getting at here?
SS: i let loose your influence on my personality and learn how to fight dirty and kick ass?
SS: and maybe add some words to my vocabulary?
OC: Right, let's finish up the moronic exposition.
SS: go ahead.
OC: So, obviously you're you, and while I'm you, I'm not "you" you.
SS: right, i can get that.
OC: To keep things simple, let's just say I'm your shadow.
OC: Now, interesting thing about shadows.
SS: i like where we're getting at.
OC: When you're standing in the dark, without anything to light your way forward, you can't cast one.
OC: But, when you see a light, like the one way above us, you get a very, very faint one.
OC: The closer you get to said light, the larger and more defined your shadow becomes.
SS: right.
OC: Normally, you're supposed to some paragon of virtue, and I'm the darkness lurking inside you, a hint of what you might become if you should ever fall.
SS: so basically what you're saying is - yeah, that.
SS: more of sburb's symbolism!
OC: But, as I've already said, you're kind of being a dick.
OC: So, now we're both stuck here.
SS: pretty much, sure.
OC: To tell the truth, I didn't even know this was possible.
OC: It's a crazy game.
OC: A mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad world.
SS: well, it's better than randomly going apeshit and grimdark from being some virtuous hero. i mean that's just lame.
OC: Obviously you've yet to meet a horror-terror.
OC: But, let's worry about that another time.
SS: that sounds pretty interesting!
OC: Bottom line, you shouldn't be here. You should be flying about on Prospit, getting into mischief and whatnot.
OC: But, Sburb decided you needed to learn a lesson. So, here we are. Together. Forever.
SS: right, but i've got shit to do!
SS: i'm midway through leadering here.
OC: You call that leadering?
OC: You honestly think you've got a chance in hell of leading your team to victory.
OC: Chas, look at yourself.
SS: well...i could use a cleaner suit.
SS: and a good few levels.
SS: i need to make sure i'm the best.
OC: You're selfish, arrogont, stuck-up, stupid, and petty.
SS: oh.
SS: well i mean
SS: uh
OC: You refuse to listen to your allies, and berate them when they try to help you.
OC: You're driving your friends apart.
OC: If you stay the way you are, everyone's going to die. And it will be all your fault.
SS: oh...
SS: uh...
SS: i don't want that happening!
SS: no more deaths!
OC: What do you mean?
OC: Of course you want that.
OC: You want to be the leader.
SS: fuck you!
SS: i'm looking out for them by making sure i'm strong enough.
OC: What, no "fork" puns?
SS: fuck you!
OC: You honestly think that's enough?
SS: no.
SS: but i want to be a god among gods so i can protect them.
OC: Tch. Don't make me laugh.
OC: Protect them?
OC: You fight them every step of the way.
SS: because they fight me!
SS: i'm right!
OC: You're a fool.
SS: i'm always fucking right they just need to sit down and listen to me.
SS: okay, fine, what the fuck do you think i should do?
OC: Learn some humility, and some subtlty.
OC: But, first things first.
OC: Get the hell out of here, and leave me alone.
OC: I can barely think when you're standing around whining like that.
SS: what's that supposed to mean.
SS: wait, no, i don't care.
SS: what the fuck happens to me now?
OC: Hopefully, you get out of here, learn some lesson, and better yourself.
SS: where is 'out of here'!
OC: Well, right now, it'd be waking up on Prospit I'd imagine.
SS: do i just...leave?
SS: what happens to you?
OC: I stay here, and find something to pass the time.
SS: are you just going to be useless then?
SS: not going to give me the fantastic powers of the dark arts?
OC: If you want them, I'll be here. You can probably find your way back.
OC: Or, just give me a shout if you feel like it.
SS: right. i'm assuming the first thing is some sort of grim foreshadowing.
SS: or an insult, i don't know.
OC: It's the latter, I assure you.
SS: i figured.
SS: so. i just...snap my fingers or close my eyes and wish really hard, or...
OC: You pay a toll.
SS: what.
OC: What, did you think getting out of here was easy?
OC: Why the hell would I still be here if it was?
SS: well, i was kind of expecting some kind of shadow dungeon, and then a boss fight with you
SS: .
SS: so that might just be better.
OC: Eh. Not really interested in fighting you.
SS: it'd be really symbolic.
OC: I thought symbolism was a right-wing ploy?
SS: i was lying about that.
OC: Obviously.
SS: so what's this toll?
OC: Here, catch.
OC: *Tosses you a steak knife*
SS: woah what the fuck i can't catch knives!
OC: Don't capcthalouge it you idiot, just hold it.
SS: i...i mean, just, don't fucking throw that shit at me.
OC: Oh for crying out loud...
SS: okay, okay, fine.
SS: just gonna hold it.
OC: That's not going to be enough.
OC: You're going to have to lose something if you want to leave.
SS: which finger?
OC: You think a finger's going to cut it?
OC: You're the Hero of Light. Figure it out.
OC: Later.
-- otherChas [OC] ceased pestering snickeringSurrogate [SS] at 20:25 --

The other version of you stands up, winks at you, and begins walking away. As he gets further and further from you, both he and the chair begin to fade away, becoming transparent, before utterly disappearing.

You're alone in this world, with just your clothes and the knife.

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Find the creatures movements strange

You cock your head to the side in thought as you watch the strange creature.Its movements don't strike you as actions of aggression.Could it be hurt possibly?Or more hurt then what you did?..Or it could be planning on charging you...

Only one way to find out.And sometimes Knights have to take a leap of faith.

You put away your STEEL KATANA,and putting you hands up in a non hostile manner so that the creature sees that you mean no harm,slowly start making your way toward the creature.

There is always more then one way to win a fight.You just hope that a peaceful solution is possible here.You would rather not have to kill this creature.You kinda came in and attacked it in its home after all.

 

[MetroidNut]

>Rich: Be trolled mid-flight.

Spoiler: Show Pesterlog

[17:37] -- unopressedAgitator [UA] began pestering truculentConservationist [TC] at 17:37 --
[17:37] UA: quitE thE show you GAvE us
[17:37] TC: I'm sure it was.
[17:37] UA: but youRE RiGht
[17:38] TC: About which part?
[17:38] UA: wEll About fuckiNG ARouNd too much
[17:38] UA: im GoNNA puNch you iN thE mouth foR suGGEstiNG wERE tRyiNG to RuN thE plAcE
[17:38] UA: ykNow
[17:38] UA: EvENtuAlly
[17:38] TC: Well, let me put it this way.
[17:39] TC: I'm not saying you're evil and trying to manipulate us to our doom.
[17:40] TC: But I'm saying we don't have any proof that you aren't, and we should at least consider all our options before blindly following you.
[17:41] UA: id sAy tRyiNG to kEEp you Guys fRom dyiNG with fuckiNG bRilliANt AdvicE ANd fREE Gifts ANd shit is pRoof ENouGh
[17:43] TC: Maybe - but I guess my point is that your role shouldn't be that of our leader.
[17:43] TC: Basically, that Chas should stop being a spineless sack of useless shit and either start leading us or give up the position to someone more capable.
[17:44] UA: likE who
[17:44] TC: Don't jump to any conclusions here.
[17:44] TC: I'
[17:44] TC: m staggeringly unqualified for the job.
[17:44] UA: im jumpiNG likE hEll hERE
[17:44] TC: I haven't really been in contact with the others very much, unfortunately.
[17:45] UA: wEll lEt mE bREAk it dowN foR you
[17:45] UA: diRk is A vAGuE cRyptic douchE
[17:45] UA: so A timE plAyER
[17:45] TC: Uh-huh.
[17:45] UA: coNNoR is stAGGERRiNG impREssEd with his mENtAl powERs
[17:45] UA: chAs is thE spiNElEss sAck of usElEss shit likE you kNow
[17:45] UA: GREG is too timid ANd too much of A wuss to lEAd
[17:46] UA: xAviER is EvEN moRE usElEss thAN chAs
[17:46] UA: ANd you AppARENtly ARE stAGGERiNGly uNquAlifiEd
[17:46] UA: ANd oN you hiNGEs ouR fuckiNG livEs hERE
[17:47] UA: why thE HELL wouldNt wE tAkE chARGE
[17:47] TC: It's understandable, yes.
[17:47] TC: I can't blame you for it, but we should still try to run our own session.
[17:48] UA: iNto thE fuckiNG GRouNd moRE likEly
[17:48] TC: From what I can tell, your current number of fucked-up sessions is one.
[17:49] TC: Ours is still zero.
[17:49] UA: dudE shut thE fuck up About thiNGs you doNt uNdERstANd
[17:51] TC: At any rate, if I had to pick a leader, it would probably be Dirk.
[17:51] UA: dudE is too fAR stuck up his owN shENNANiGANs to lEAd
[17:52] UA: if hE misstEps oNcE you Guys ARE toAst
[17:52] TC: If he missteps, can't he just correct it?
[17:52] TC: His main ability is time travel.
[17:52] UA: thAts Not how it woRks
[17:53] UA: if hE stEps off thE bEAtEN pAth EvEN oNcE it is iRREvocAbly RuiNEd
[17:53] TC: Then couldn't he just go to the future and find out what the beaten path is?
[17:56] UA: yEAh but thEN hEd still bE cAuGht iN thAt fuckiNG timE bAllEt to plAy out whAt thE futuRE GAvE him
[17:57] UA: bEttER to stick to thE pREsENt ANd fuck ARouNd thERE RAthER thAN tRyiNG to AdhERE to thE timEliNEs ExpEctAtioNs
[17:59] TC: If he goes into the future and finds out, "welp, we fucked it up," it would imply that our fucked-up future is and always was unavoidable.
[18:00] UA: AlRiGht
[18:00] UA: without GiviNG ANy spoilERs
[18:00] UA: hEREs mE sAyiNG you Guys woNt fuck up
[18:01] UA: Not THAT bAd ANywAy
[18:01] UA: but thAt doEs Not mEAN you Guys cANt just sit bAck ANd lAzE ARouNd
[18:01] TC: All the more reason to remove Chas as leader.
[18:01] UA: bRo i hoNEstly doNt GivE A fuck who bEcomEs thE lEAdER
[18:02] TC: Good.
[18:03] TC: Then we get rid of Chas, take charge of our own session, and get down to business.
[18:03] UA: ANd whAt pRAy tEll is this buisNEsss
[18:03] TC: Getting our asses in gear.
[18:03] TC: Coming up with a plan to beat this game.
[18:04] TC: Making it hapen.
[18:05] UA: you hEARd of thE ENtiRE thiNG hAppENiNG with pRospit ANd dERsE AlREAdy
[18:23] TC: Not really, no.
[18:23] UA: IN About 17 ANd A hAlf houRs PRospit is GoiNG to AttAck DERsE EN mAssE.
[18:23] UA: BEcAusE dEAls hAvE bEEN stRuck bEtwEEN AN iNfoRmANt oN dERsE
[18:23] UA: ANd thE whitE quEEN.
[18:24] TC: Prospit and Derse. Those are...?
[18:24] UA: thE fuck
[18:24] UA: THE fuck
[18:24] UA: sERiously
[18:24] UA: thE dREAm plANEts?
[18:24] TC: "Dream planets"?
[18:26] UA: i
[18:26] UA: oh fuckiNG hEll
[18:26] TC: This is why I'm unqualified to be leader, if you were wondering.
[18:26] UA: I AM KINDA WONDERING WHERE YOU GET OFF BEING ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY
[18:26] UA: sERiously youRE GiviNG othERs lip foR bEiNG uNfocussEd whEN youRE so out of thE loop
[18:27] TC: I was unfocused because nobody clued me in to the whole "time limit" thing.
[18:28] TC: Now I know, and understand I need to make up for wasted time.
[18:28] TC: Getting competent leadership seemed like a start.
[18:28] UA: do you EvEN NEEd A lEAdER At this poiNt mAN
[18:29] TC: Why wouldn't we?
[18:29] UA: EvERyoNE is off doiNG thEiR owN thiNG ANd GEttiNG bEttER At it
[18:30] UA: do you REAlly NEEd oNE pERsoN to stEER it All who cANt possibly uNdERstANd it All
[18:30] UA: i mEAN chAs is hARdly A lEAdER At All
[18:30] UA: ANd you All Got off to A Not thAt bAd A stARt
[18:31] TC: If so, it probably came down to luck.
[18:31] TC: In the future, I'd rather like having someone to keep the team doing what it's supposed to be.
[18:31] UA: AlRiGht fiNE
[18:32] TC: And orchestrating not-terrible plans.
[18:33] UA: i put GREG foRwARd
[18:34] TC: I thought you said he was too timid.
[18:34] UA: hE wAs
[18:34] UA: but hE oRchEstRAtEs plANs likE A ************
[18:34] UA: ANd kEEps All of you fuckERs sANE
[18:35] TC: I dunno.
[18:35] TC: Good planning or not, I can't envision him displaying leadership.
[18:36] UA: yEAh ok im Not GoiNG to mEss iN youR iNfERNAl politics
[18:37] TC: You never explained Prospit and Derse.
[18:38] UA: ok so
[18:38] UA: whEN you fAll AslEEp you dREAm
[18:38] UA: you dREAmiNG howEvER is you bEiNG AwAkE iN youR dREAm sElf
[18:38] UA: you AwAkE oN EithER pRospit oR dERsE which ARE two plANEts
[18:38] UA: pRospit is AlliGNEd with thE whitE kiNG ANd quEEN
[18:39] UA: dERsE with thE blAck kiNG ANd quEEN
[18:39] UA: ANd thAt is pREtty much it
[18:40] TC: Hm.
[18:41] TC: I guess that's really not any more unusual than the Earth being destroyed by meteors and having my house teleported onto a planet made of glass.
[18:41] UA: oR hAviNG AliENs tAlk to you oN thE sAmE dAy
[18:41] TC: All things considered, that was probably the least unusual thing.
[18:41] UA: yEAh likEwisE
[18:42] TC: So...I guess Derse is the bad guy?
[18:42] UA: iN A sENsE
[18:42] UA: thEy sENd thE uNdERliNGs At you ANd fiGht thE 'Good' sidE
[18:42] UA: but thEy Also hARbouR sEvERAl of youR plAyERs
[18:43] TC: Odd.
[18:43] TC: Why are they trying to stop us?
[18:43] UA: bEcAusE
[18:43] TC: And why do they harbor us anyway?
[18:43] UA: cAusE thEy do
[18:44] TC: How mind-bogglingly not vague.
[18:45] UA: hoNEstly mAN thEy just do
[18:45] UA: dARk fiGhts liGht
[18:45] UA: bEcAusE thAt is whAt dARks is mEANt to do
[18:45] UA: doNt foRGEt this is still A GAmE with cAREfully stRuctuREd RulEs ANd shit
[18:46] TC: I guess that makes sense.
[18:51] UA: im GoiNG to lEAvE you to youR flyiNG ARouNd ANd shit
[18:51] UA: just kNow thAt wE woNt livE uNlEss you Guys GEt shit doNE
[18:51] UA: so wERE couNtiNG oN yA
[18:51] -- unopressedAgitator [UA] ceased pestering truculentConservationist [TC] at 18:51 --