What are the weirdest/Funniest lines you heard in video games?

[Baradiel]

Most of the stuff guards in Conviction say. It's all super cheesy lines filled with as much profanity as humanly possible, like "You're going to fucking wish you hadn't fucked with me, fucker!"

Not really wierd but still stupid. Idiotic scriptwriters ruin games.

According to the game designers, the guards swore and spoke a lot because they thought it would help you identify the location of said guards.

It wasn't necessary, especially after getting the sonar goggles. And before you had them, the way you can see everything perfectly once you go into shadows makes it even easier.

Conviction might have passed as a Splinter Cell if the writing had been any good. Along with the dialogue, the story was ridiculous and didnt deserve the title 'Tom Clancy'

I'm just telling you the reason they had guards talk a lot. And I'm confused as to why you're arguing with me about conviction's story, as I haven't said anything about it.

I didn't mean to sound like I was arguing with you. I was merely pointing out that their reason behind the swearing was stupid and unnecessary. It wasn't aimed at you.

 

[Vault101]

"The NCR tries to put their stake in everything and no one's dick is that long, not even long dick Jhonson...and he had a fucking long dick."

 

[The Almighty Grigard]

Two guards standing around on the top of a cliff in Oblivion. I shoot one in the head with my bow, he dies and falls of the cliff tumbling into the abyss. The other guy shrugs and says "Ah, probably just the wind." then turns around and wanders off.

 

[Wuvlycuddles]

LUMBAAAGOOO LEMONAAADE!


Also,

¡Madre de Dios! ¡Es el Pollo Diablo!

 

[Yellowbeard]

Everything overheard in No One Lives Forever.

 

[Ashcrexl]

from everyone's favorite level of psychonauts-

"Although over time, my husband will desire me less sexually, he will always enjoy my pies."

 

[R4ptur3]

"Dont run, it's only ham" by heavy from TF2, along with many other TF2 quotes.

 

[sheogoraththemad]

Here, take this. It has been passed down in my family for many generators."

Generators?!?

what the fuck is that for orc?

 

[Nannernade]

This one was said by my character confronting Benny at the Tops Casino

[Black Widow] I'm a courier, remember? Don't you want me to handle your package?

Ha ha classic.

 

[ServebotFrank]

"What exactly is the size of this...ZONE?"


"I'm not sure that's entirely legal"
"...Call the cops"

 

[Rai^3]

Easily from TimeSplitters: Future Perfect.

*Cortez and Whatsername look down a dark trapdoor*
Whatsername: You go first!
*Cortez looks at her super-short skirt*
Cortez: Okay. :3

I'd look up a YouTube video, but I'm lazy.

 

[A Weary Exile]

Medic domination line from TF2

"Vould you like a second opnion? You are also ugly!"

 

[Raziel_Likes_Souls]

Hey, People deal with grief differently, right? Some people fuck at funerals. *beat* I cut off heads.

 

[Blair Bennett]

Barry, in the first Resident Evil: "Well I guess I just go outside and be eaten by a monster!"
In context, with the terrible, terrible voice acting, it was pant-wettingly funny.

I think it's because he was so unintentionally sincere about it.
I dunno, I always kind of laugh at Psycho Mantis' failed attempt at seducing Snake. "What's wrong, Snake?...Oh...you don't LIKE GIRLS?!?!"

 

[Sonofadiddly]

In Mario Party 8, on the board with all the hotels, if you get to ride in the Koopa's car, he says "Hang on to your grandmas."

That was the first time anyone ever told me to hang on to both my grandmas at the same time.

 

[fragmaster09]

"Are you just going to stand there like a lemon?" from Fable

I can see no way in which this simile makes sense, how could a lemon even stand? and if it could how could you stand like one?

that's an english saying, and since it's made by lionhead(an english company owned by microsoft)... then we (english people) automatically understand it, it's just not popular anywhere else

 

[fragmaster09]

Pretty much every line in Just Cause 2.

Also, Twing Twang? Just... just... what?

just jump on a car in JC2, you hear a guy go "ahgwagwagwagwgagwagwagwa!" like a chattering duck...

 

[ChupathingyX]

If you have the Lady Killer perk in New Vegas, when you talk to the Lonesome he says his mother was from Montana, you can then reply with...

"Wait, Montana? You wouldn't happen to be 17, would you?"

 

[varulfic]

"You N'wah!"

...I'm sorry, I'm a what? Was that supposed to be an insult or something? Well gee, cave-dwelling bandit #11, I might have been more offended if I knew what that meant... and if it didn't sound completely ridiculous. Here, hold this sword with your gut while I loot this chest.