What do you do when a telemarketer calls?

[Sifter49]

When a telemarketer calls, I go horror movie on their asses! I get a little recording of some girl screaming while I use an electric knife on some turkey/ ham with a bone. I pause that, then go outside with my shotgun and say, "Whoops, I think she's dead. Gimme a sec...," I fire a shot right by the phone, then I reply, "well, she is now. Sorry, what were you selling again? Was it something about a phone bill?" Tip: If you try this, live in the country; people tend not to ask questions when there aren't any people around.

Also, I occasionally go for the classic, "Seven Dayssssss," then hang up.

 

[Arehexes]

I always say "Hey can you call back I'm on the toilet and this will take a while (me playing pokemon haha)".

 

[redisforever]

When a telemarketer calls, I go horror movie on their asses! I get a little recording of some girl screaming while I use an electric knife on some turkey/ ham with a bone. I pause that, then go outside with my shotgun and say, "Whoops, I think she's dead. Gimme a sec...," I fire a shot right by the phone, then I reply, "well, she is now. Sorry, what were you selling again? Was it something about a phone bill?" Tip: If you try this, live in the country; people tend not to ask questions when there aren't any people around.

Also, I occasionally go for the classic, "Seven Dayssssss," then hang up.

Both of those are quite good, actually. Next time...

 

[Arehexes]

I got a new profile picture for you.

I just say "not interested" and hang up before they have a chance to respond

How is he the bad joke chicken, he should be like "Yeah I'm interested *hang up*"

 

[SpiralDots]

I say no, if they persist then I say something along the lines of "I'm a poor student and I can't even afford to buy food other than pasta, what makes you think I can afford to buy whatever you're trying to sell me?"

Unless they're trying to sell me a mobile phone contract, then I politely explain that I top up my phone with £10 every two months and if they can give me a better deal then I will happily take it. That gets them to hang up pretty easily.

 

[Cryptotom]

I immediately try to sell them something.

"Good day sir. Are you interested in..."
"I think the real question is 'Are YOU interested in this fabulous folding lawn chair, yours today for only 24.95!"

I keep going with different products until they hang up.


On a similar note, my friend's brother once opened the door to some Jehovah's witnesses and before they could say anything said politely "Sorry. I'm a baby-eating satanist." and closed the door.

 

[ScrubberDucky]

I take the boring approach and be as polite as I can while declining whatever they offer. I know being a telemarketer is a miserable job and 99% of the people just make them feel terrible, so I try not to make it worse.

 

[Abbyrose07]

I never answer the home phone...if it's telemarketers I just let the machine get it, if it's an important call, then I pick up the phone.

 

[Kasawd]

I used to do some tele-marketing. Of course, I wasn't selling anything other than the chance to donate to what I made sound like a worthy cause. Oddly, I'd never encountered any truly lewd or aggressive behaviour while on the phone. Generally, people just ask to not be called again or make an excuse as to why they couldn't contribute.

When I'm called by a tele-marketer, I'm polite with them, as, after all,they like performing that job just as much as I like being called by one. There is very little reason to make their day worse. So, put me down for a:

"I'm not interested, sir, but have a good day."

 

[Jake0fTrades]

Pretend you just called 911 and frantically insist there is someone inside your house.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

I hang up as soon as I realise. They are wasting my time so no manners for them.

 

[liamwazhere]

I got a new profile picture for you.

I just say "not interested" and hang up before they have a chance to respond

How is he the bad joke chicken, he should be like "Yeah I'm interested *hang up*"

Because it's a realistic answer, like "Knock Knock" "Come in". By the way I laughed so hard when Arehexes actually switched it.

 

[sgt. soap mctavish]

i use a soundboard.

 

[Kenko]

After about a minute I say "Goddamn telemarketer robots!"
either it's a machine and just keeps on going, in which case I just hang up, or it's a person and they say something like:
"Uh sir, I'm not a machine"
"You will not fool me you Cylon sonofabitch!"
Then I hang up.

That is fucking awesome....*Writes that down*

OT: I'm usually nice to them, that job sucks balls. If they are unusually stubborn I give them rage.

 

[Bobbity]

First of all people, I feel obliged to remind you that they're human too, and that they're just trying to make a living.

Now, with that out of the way, I can start.

I usually let them get about halfway through their talk, and then interrupt them, rather loudly, and ask them about their day, or tell them about mine, or something of the sort.

Sometimes I even let them finish, and then when they ask if I have any questions, I'll go for that. Well, sometimes. Sometimes I start flirting with them, or asking their opinion on stuff that's in the news at the time.

I have a lot of fun with telemarketers, actually.

 

[Viral_Lola]

It depends.

I pretend to masturbate, vocally.
"Hello, may I speak with the purchaser of the long distance plan in the house please?"
"One sec... zip... yeah... Okay, shoot."
"Are you satisfied with your current long distance providers?"
Uh... mmmmmm... yeah... pretty satisfied. Why, what are you offering?"
"Well, we have a limited time introduction offer..."
"Mmmm... introduction... nice... *heavy breath*... what kind of... introduction?"
"To start with"
"yes, YES?"
"We offer our new members a discount rate of..."
"Tell me about YOUR member!"
Excuse me?
Never mind, just uh.. just keep going.
Well... uh... we could offer you a discount rate...
Don't stop!
uh... a discount rate of 11.95 per month and a
Oh my GOD! Huh... huh... That is SO GOOD!
Well yes, but it gets even better if you agree now...
OH OH OH OH OH OH NNNNnnnn YEAH!
So does that sound good?
Oh, you sound great... just... fantastic...wow...
Alright, so if I can just get your credit car number...
What?! My credit card?! I've never paid for this in my life! How dare you! Don't you ever call here again!

Then I hang up.

You sir, have made my day. That is hilarious.

 

[Watchmacallit]

Insult them in another language...Because I can.

 

[FalloutJack]

Heckle 'im. What else are they good for?

 

[thecoreyhlltt]

nowadays i just hang up on them or tell them to fuck off.
in my younger years, when i was more creative, i acted like someone was following me but i'd lost them. i then took a mallet and whacked this rusted bolt head and it made a gunshot-like sound, and i started screaming and telling her to call 911 for me. i hit the bolt again and cut the phone off.
ahhhh, those were the good ol' days...

 

[XIII's Number XIV]

*picks up phone* "Hello?"

"Hi, are you interested in this gr--

*hang up*