What do you do when a telemarketer calls?

[M0rp43vs]

Marketer: Could I perhaps interest you in-
Me:Oh my god he has a gun!
*Slamming door incredibly hard repeatedly*

Then I drop the phone without hanging up.

Sequential art? I was gonna do that.

One time I got into a nice conversation with a rather decent one. Until I reminded him that he was supposed to sell me something then told him I wasn't interested.

Though another time I just played a Megadeth song on my strongest speaker down the phone.

That or just breath unsettlingly into the phone without speaking. Scares them off eventually

 

[Voxgizer]

This usually works. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_whw4sLCgyY&feature=BFa&list=PL1DE0123FBACB9D97&index=36]

 

[Booze Zombie]

I usually just say I don't need anything, my dad was having a bad day and got one of those scammers pretending to be tech support? Told 'em to fuck off.

 

[pspman45]

I troll the telemarketers
make it clear that I am doing nothing but waste their time, until I make them hang up

 

[lord.jeff]

Listen to their pitch and politely tell them I'm not interested because on the other end is a human being who doesn't need an asshole making an already crappy job worse.

 

[CthulhuMessiah]

"Hello, blah blah Shaw blah blah"
"Hello *Insane laughter*"

 

[Akytalusia]

usually i just hang up without saying anything as soon as they're identified as a telemarketer. i've allways wanted to do something more creative though.

 

[CthulhuMessiah]

I'm not for being rude to telemarketers. Yeah, messing with them and joking around is fun, but just don't be outright mean. They don't WANT to interrupt your life, they HAVE to do it so they can buy food to live. Besides, you're probably the third person in a row that's chewed them out for calling at dinnertime, so try to keep that in mind.

You know who was only doing their jobs? Nazis.

 

[bootz]

I tell them to hold for the desicion maker or home owner.
and just leave them on hold,put the phone down till they hang up.
It wastes their time, not yours

 

[Apprentice88]

This Really Happened

Ring Ring

Me: "Jason's Fried chicken. We fry 'em, you buy 'em."

Caller (some bloke with an indian accent and a really bad connection): "Hello, may I speak with the home owner? please."

Me: "Yes I'm the manager, how can I help you?"

Caller: "Hello sir, I am calling because your number has been selected for a special offer, a free all expenses paid Holiday, however before I can give it too you I will need to know a few details, OK"

Me: "What? Mate, are you going to order something or what?"

Caller: "Excuse me?"

Me: "This is a take away chicken shop, we sell fried chicken, which you buy and pick up, and then take home to eat."

Caller: "Is this # 9***-****?"

Me: "Nah mate you've got the wrong number. Besides you don't want to call that number anyway."

Caller: "Why not?"

Me: "Well everyone knows that it's a front for ASIO (The Aussie equivilent of the FBI/CIA whatever)"

Caller: "Oh I'm sorry for bothering you, goodbye."

Me: "Hoo'roo (Cya)"

Hangs up

2 minutes later...

Ring Ring

Me (in secret agent style accent, think James Bond with an Aussie accent): "ASIO headquarters, how may I help you?"

Caller (that same indian bloke): "Hello, may I please speak to the home owner?"

Me: "I'm sorry?"

Caller: "May I please speak to the home owner?"

Me: "Strange code you are using hold on while I switch you to a secure line"

Presses numbers on the keypad at random to make tone noises

Me: "OK it should be safe to talk now, what's your report?"

Caller: "Hello, I'm calling because your number has been selected for a special offer, a free all expenses paid Holiday, however before I can give it too you I will need to know a few details, if that is alright."

Me: "Speak english man, we're on a secure line you don't have to use a code, alright"

Caller: "Excuse me but who am I talking too?"

Me: "I'm an agent at ASIO you don't need to know my name, who the bloody hell are you?"

Caller: "Is this 9***-****?"

Me: "Yes"

Caller: "Does the ******** family live here?"

Me: "Wait a minute you're a telemarketer aren't you, only a telemarketer would fall for that. Anyway this is the number of an Australian Intelligence organization, something you have very little of. I recommend that you forget that you called this number, and erase all information regarding this number and call from you computer archives, or there will be hell to pay as we have already traced the origin of this call. do you understand?"

Caller: "Yes I understand completely, I never called, 9***-**** doesn't exist."

Me: "I should think so, make sure you don't forget it. Goodbye."

Hangs up

*Starts Pissing myself with hysterical laughter*

No seriously this really happened

 

[DarkNazgul]

An old friend of mine had a good one for this. It goes as follows...

Hello?
TM: blah blah blah
Why yes, I'm interested.
TM: blah blah blah
Of course. I'll be glad to. Oh one second just wait, I need to go do something quick...be right back. Please don't hang up. *Turns on our band music* *Waits for the entire song to play*
Ok I'm back. Now what were you saying?
TM: blah blah blah...
Yes well, oh dang it not again. Sorry about this give me a minute here.
TM: No I'll just call back later...
No no no, really. Just wait please, I'll only be one minute.
*Turns on our band music (different song)* *Waits for the entire song to play*
Ok sorry about all this, but I have to go now. *Hangs up*

Tormenting telemarketers and Advertising the band at once. Brilliant.

 

[EHKOS]

its simple: pretend to be a telemarketer. bonus points if you say exactly what they do after them.

Ninja'd. I love to do that.

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

I'm not for being rude to telemarketers. Yeah, messing with them and joking around is fun, but just don't be outright mean. They don't WANT to interrupt your life, they HAVE to do it so they can buy food to live. Besides, you're probably the third person in a row that's chewed them out for calling at dinnertime, so try to keep that in mind.

You know who was only doing their jobs? Nazis.

Are you refering to this? [http://notalwaysright.com/when-rants-get-real/7357]

Goodwins Law much

OT: I once started singing Lady Gaga when he wouldn't take no for an answer. He hung up.

 

[Firia]

I just don't have a phone. This is how I deal with telemarketers. >D

 

[Zaeseled]

I listen to the whole ordeal, in the end I tell them politely that I'm not interested and I thank him/her for the call...Yeah, I'm a Good Guy Greg.

 

[Godhead]

Just come up with some sort of schtick and try to carry it through for as long as you can.

 

[Ice Car]

I don't answer it if it's someone I don't know. Someone from the same company even continues to call this house for YEARS and it happens almost daily. At least, once a week. I tend to pick the phone up and hang it up without speaking. I sometimes am doing something and the phone starts ringing. I get REALLY pissed off and start mouthing off to them. I sometimes, if I'm calm enough, answer, and calmly and softly say "shut the fuck up" to them after hearing them talk for a while than slam the phone down hopefuly loud enough for them to hear.

Despite the cold treatment, still numerous calls from them.

 

[Reaper195]

I just interrupt them politely and tell them I am not interested if I am (More than likely) not interested. No need to act like a dick...

 

[Connor Mulhern]

Lead them on for at least 10 minutes, come up with an excuse to end the call when I get board (like a military recruiter, tell them I have diabetes). Then I tell them to put me on the no call list

 

[Jaeger_CDN]

I used to get these letters from Columbia house video club (I bought a few from them once) but it got to the point of harassment from them so I called them up once and told them that I had died and their constant letters were bringing up horrible memories. No more letters from them.

Another time I mailed 3 pounds of gravel to a credit card company who foolishly provided a pre-paid envelope with their junk mail. Luckily the post office has to deliver whatever has postage on it, needless to say I was taken off their mailing list. I couldn't find a cinder block so I had to take what was handy.

As for telemarketers, I just give them to my 7 year old daughter to talk to if she's around when they call