What do you think a relationship is about?

[Yuno Gasai]

For me, a relationship is about compromise and companionship. Being prepared to support each other through the highs as well as the lows, and having a bond powerful enough to survive the inevitable arguments and fall-outs that come with being with someone for a long time.

The sex is a huge bonus, too.

 

[Angelous Wang]

A relationship is about what they two or more people want it to be about.

Sex.
Love.
Trust.
Loyalty.
Friendship.
Family.
Shared interests.
More intimate companionship.
Financial benefits (one house ext).

All these are typical things relationships are about, be it a single one or all of the above.

 

[Jenvas1306]

When I met my bf I just gave up trying to find someone, he just started looking and even I made clear that I didnt wanted a relationship at t hat time, he didnt give up.
Why we have a relationship? well simply because we couldnt stand not to have one, simply because we love each other.
I trust him 100% and know he will never let me down when I need him. I tell him everything and he tells me every thing. We try to be as honest as possible and keep the other one informed about how we feel. It makes it easier to make each other happy but I also just want him to know how I think and function and I want to know his every thought aswell.
We fit to each other and often think the same thing (I guess some day we start ending each others sentences)
even when we have a fight we never forget what we feel for each other and never want to hurt each other (even sometimes its better not to talk for a bit for that purpose).

I tried to just be friends with him at first, but the chemistry, the connection we have is just way too deep for that.
I guess it is something you need to have experianced to really understand it, but it is what I was allways looking for without even know what I was looking for.


But I guess for lots of people a relationship is really just having a friend to have sex with, fine for those who like that, but for me thats just not enough. (anyways, sex isnt that important, but with the right person and so many positive feelings its great everytime)

so for me a relationship is not something to compleet my life, its something that gives me more than Id ever expected.

 

[h4xor555]

There is a 6 page topic on this, loom for it for more insight.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

Quite a few reasons, actually (and I apologize if I repeat anything from previous posts).

Some are looking for an emotional connection (i.e. caring for one another, emotional support, being in relationship); other seek out a physical relation (i.e. kissing, hugging, sex); while some might need a relationship for financial reasons (i.e. housing, income). The norm of most relationships is a combination the the top three (a relationship in which you care for one another, who share interests and gains, and someone who you are attracted to and want to be closer).

None of the above reasons trumps each other; it's all a matter of what each individual wants and what they believe is important to them.

 

[Frotality]

#1 best advice i could give you is not to romanticize it, and i mean that in both the lovey-dovey and fantasy projection sense. a relationship is what you want it to be, so know what that is; dont marry a girl your only with because you get horny occasionally. dont try to be fuckbuddies with someone who plays video games with you. dont get caught up with the hollywood idea of one person to unconditionally understand and accept you until death, because striving for that too soon, i believe, is THE major reason relationships fail... and understand that many relationships will fail, youre only ever going to have one that doesnt if you choose that route.

and if you learn only one thing from them, let it be humility. everybody sucks at relationships because everyone spends their time and effort looking for the perfect match when they should be working on fixing what makes them unmatchable. individuals are 99.95% the same creature, you could have a successful and happy life with any of THOUSANDS of possible partners once you understand what it is you REALLY want and stop letting fairytales define what happiness is for you. there is no one who can make you happy but you in the end, but a good partner can really help with that.

 

[gazumped]

If someone 'strive's to be in a relationship, they're doing it wrong.

Sometimes people see couples happy in love and think 'I want that', and they think the way to get it is to get a partner and that will make them crazy happy. But they've got it the wrong way around - you've got to find someone who makes you crazy happy to begin with. The whole relationship thing just happens afterwards because it's the logical conclusion.

(personal anecdotal example, feel free to skip) I'm with my boyfriend because he was one of my best friends and is amazing and I loved being in his company. I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, in fact I'd sworn off relationships for my last year of uni so I could concentrate on my studies, and as we'd been just friends for so long and it'd worked out nicely for us (we'd both had other people in our lives for a while so the prospect of being together had only just come on the cards). I didn't think it'd be such a big deal if we carried on that way. But then I thought about how I'd feel if, while I wasn't willing to commit to him, he found someone else and I'd never get another chance to be with him as much as I wanted to be - to enjoy his company, to get the cuddles, to have his support, all things that I couldn't imagine wanting so much from anyone else.
Hard to put into words but I guess, yeah, it's about wanting intimacy with the person you care about and spending time together. That's why some people call their partners their 'other half' - when you're with them you feel like it's right and when you're not you miss them.

It's definitely not about sex for me (we were both already getting that from non-relationship sources beforehand anyway) and don't forget some people get into non-sexual romantic relationships anyway (asexuals for one!) so there's got to be more to it than that in general.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

TL;DR - What do you want and expect from a relationship? What is your opinion on the whole subject?

It depends on the relationship.

Yes, I realize that seems kinda obvious, but it's also true. I've never had two relationships where I was getting the same thing out of them. And I've had a fair number of relationships (around 10, depending on where "sexual friendships" fall).

As to the Left Brain thing - my spouse is very left brained as well. We've been together over a decade, and married for more than half of that.

 

[Lieju]

There are different reasons for different people.

I want a girlfriend for company, to share my life with, for sex, to help me with housekeeping etc.
Also it would be great if she knew how to cook.

Its easy for females since males are expected to make the first step. now try doing the same if your male and you will never meet a partner. since they will be expecting you to "go look for it".
i guess my point is - societal norms sucks.

How is that easier if you want a relationship and can't go looking for it because of societal norms? Surely it's easier to find something if you're allowed or encouraged to go looking for it instead of just waiting around for someone to notice you?

(Societal norms suck, though)

 

[jamail77]

I am pessimistic, never been in a relationship, very left-brained (logical, mathematical, rational) and not right-brained at all (art, language, emotions, instincts). So I don't understand the concept of love or relationships at all (seeing as I am making this topic).

I know I shouldn't nitpick this, but I'm going to anyway. I'll come back to your main question when I catch up on my work, but in the meantime I feel like addressing this. The whole "left-brained/right-brained" thing has always bothered me and now there's been research [http://www.the-scientist.com/?articles.view/articleNo/37120/title/Brain-Based-Labels-Bunk-/] done to suggest it may just be...well...BS. I have a beef with the whole "dividing people into 3 different main learning categories" too, which I'm fairly confident has some of its basis in that but I think I'll leave that for whenever I decide to create a thread to discuss that.

I actually first found out about it from the I F*CKING LOVE SCIENCE Facebook page [https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=650000035021011&set=a.456449604376056.98921.367116489976035&type=1&theater], which I have found to be mildly entertaining and generally fairly reliable so I haven't checked on how well that research was conducted or on its reliability or anything.

Anyway, left brain, right brain, visual learner, this, that. They ARE NOT based on concrete science(yet for those still hoping); they're based on myths, usually propagated by misinformation from media reporting on research (like only using 10% of your brain belief partly exists b/c of research that said a certain synapse or neuron or whatever, wrong terminology I'm sure, fires 10% of the time among other debacles). You may learn in a special way and you may have innate talents but it's not tied to what side of your brain you use. It may not even be as tied to genetics as some of us like to think for all we know. I think people just use it as an excuse to explain their quirks, upbringing, environment, personality, preference, and/or other possibly subtle influences that would otherwise make them feel uncomfortable with their troubles in school vs. other kids or their lack of initial understanding on a concept or subject (public schools have serious infrastructure and education issues to be fair). I'm not saying you think like that, it's a common belief ,and could be true for all I know, that people subscribe to. People notice things about themselves that they do better than others or that they are more inclined to understand and enjoy and people like to fill in the gaps with these sort of explanations.

Sorry, I had to write so much just on that but it annoys me so much for some reason. I guess it partly has to do with the fact that various people have accused me of being a visual learner only for other people to say the exact opposite. If there's no general consensus between two sets of people who know me almost as well perhaps it's not so easily discernible and defined. I just can't see people leaning in directions like that, but I also believe with the right teaching styles, self-education and self-motivation, perspective, and enjoyment most people, excluding special circumstances like learning disabilities, can reach a competency beyond the standards we set for those not pursuing higher education in specialized topics. So, maybe I'm crazy. For example, I believe most people can get Calculus; I like to use people who failed in high school but suddenly had it click for them in college as evidence but it's mostly personal observations rather than concrete stats so it's not the best I've got. Calculus is(was?) a very feared subject among high schoolers and beginning college students not pursuing areas of interest that would require that kind of knowledge, so it's a fun example for me...I'll get back to you on the relevant question, I promise, haha. Sorry, about that.

 

[Azure23]

When my girlfriend (soon to be fiance, trying to figure out how to ask her) met, we both felt an immediate attraction. She was cute, surrounded by people laughing at a joke she'd told, and wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt, I knew she was something special. Twenty minutes later we'd exchanged phonenumbers and as soon as I left the party I got a text from her. Over the next couple of days I don't think ten minutes passed without us talking some way or another. Fast forward three years and we have a lovely little apartment together. Someone earlier in the thread said that being in a good relationship is like having a co-op partner for life, I don't know that I could have put it better myself.

When you're in a good relationship everything becomes special. The simple act of cooking a meal takes on an entirely different meaning when you're doing it for someone you care about, and when they take a bite of that meal and you can tell they love it? Bliss. I spent a long time single, and had a ton of fun doing it, there's nothing wrong with wanting that kind of freedom (or the multitude of casual partners that goes with it) but at some point I started to want more. And it's not like you have to have one or the other anyway. One of my best friends is in a commited, loving relationship, that just happens to be polyamorous (that had to be hard to pull off). I've seen some truly astounding levels of cynicism on this thread, and for some reason I just can't muster up the energy to be surprised anymore, Escapists overanalyze EVERYTHING. Blah blah society, blah blah norms, none of that matters worth shit when you've found someone special. People trying to break a good relationship into quantifiable pieces like intimacy and societal expectation or the "biological needs" geniuses up there are completely missing the point. Drop the cynicism and put yourself out there, c'mon people, don't you want to experience a grand romance before you die? (disregard if you just love being single, in which case more power to you!)

Oh one more thing, presumably we all love games right? Play that shit together, as much as you can, my co-op partner in life is my partner in gaming too, which can only make things better. Currently on our second playthrough of Borderlands 2 (mania-specced Krieg for me, anarchy-specced Gaige for her) and we're playing through the hd release of Okami together, reliving our memories of one of our favorite games.

Never underestimate the comfort of coming home after a really rough day to a passionate kiss and warm embrace. Thats all folks.

 

[Fujimora_Pantsu]

Not every relationship has love, or hell, even sex is not always there. However, if I had to pick one thing that a proper relationship should have as its most important point, I would simply say mutual trust. Anything else is a secondary concern.

 

[Strazdas]

Its easy for females since males are expected to make the first step. now try doing the same if your male and you will never meet a partner. since they will be expecting you to "go look for it".
i guess my point is - societal norms sucks.

How is that easier if you want a relationship and can't go looking for it because of societal norms? Surely it's easier to find something if you're allowed or encouraged to go looking for it instead of just waiting around for someone to notice you?

(Societal norms suck, though)

It is easier when all you have to do is go to the place and others come to get you than you having to go after somone in that same place you dont even know is interested in relationship to begin with and compete with another 50 brawlers far superior to you.
A female can go out and expect to find somone just by being there. for a male the possibility to do that is 0%

And yes societal norms suck.

 

[Lieju]

Its easy for females since males are expected to make the first step. now try doing the same if your male and you will never meet a partner. since they will be expecting you to "go look for it".
i guess my point is - societal norms sucks.

How is that easier if you want a relationship and can't go looking for it because of societal norms? Surely it's easier to find something if you're allowed or encouraged to go looking for it instead of just waiting around for someone to notice you?

(Societal norms suck, though)

It is easier when all you have to do is go to the place and others come to get you than you having to go after somone in that same place you dont even know is interested in relationship to begin with and compete with another 50 brawlers far superior to you.
A female can go out and expect to find somone just by being there. for a male the possibility to do that is 0%

You are assuming women don't have competition from other women...
And what if a woman likes a certain kind of guy? They'd just have to try somehow to get the guy to ask them instead of asking them themselves.
I mean, I'm not particularly good looking or go looking for guys, but I have gotten sexual proposals from drunk old dudes who smell bysitting by myself. So I guess you're right. It's easy for a woman to 'find' someone interested to them, but I'd take the ability to initiate the courtship even if it carries with it the risk of rejection.

Heterosexual dating sounds horrid, by the way.

 

[Strazdas]

Its easy for females since males are expected to make the first step. now try doing the same if your male and you will never meet a partner. since they will be expecting you to "go look for it".
i guess my point is - societal norms sucks.

How is that easier if you want a relationship and can't go looking for it because of societal norms? Surely it's easier to find something if you're allowed or encouraged to go looking for it instead of just waiting around for someone to notice you?

(Societal norms suck, though)

It is easier when all you have to do is go to the place and others come to get you than you having to go after somone in that same place you dont even know is interested in relationship to begin with and compete with another 50 brawlers far superior to you.
A female can go out and expect to find somone just by being there. for a male the possibility to do that is 0%

You are assuming women don't have competition from other women...
And what if a woman likes a certain kind of guy? They'd just have to try somehow to get the guy to ask them instead of asking them themselves.
I mean, I'm not particularly good looking or go looking for guys, but I have gotten sexual proposals from drunk old dudes who smell bysitting by myself. So I guess you're right. It's easy for a woman to 'find' someone interested to them, but I'd take the ability to initiate the courtship even if it carries with it the risk of rejection.

Heterosexual dating sounds horrid, by the way.

Fair enough, you got a point there. Though it is still acceptable for females to "send signals" while for males it is still no chance there because female would not initiate the contact. so its much easier for females.
I wouldnt know about dating, noone has said yes yet.

 

[ShipofFools]

Exploring this strange and crazy dream we call life together, instead of walking both your own lonely roads.

 

[The Harkinator]

A relationship is for when you're with someone who has such an impact on you anyone you ever had a crush on pales before them. It's when that person keeps you awake at night because you can't stop thinking about them because they mean that much to you. It's wanting to spend time with them not because of what you're doing but because of who you're with. They're that person that makes you wake up in the morning with a smile on your face because you're going to see them today. To you they're the most beautiful person in the world, even if nobody else notices. If they're with someone else and not you then it hurts, it really hurts but you don't hate them for it because they're happy, you just want them to be happy with you.

A relationship is being with that person. At least, that's what I believe.

 

[MHR]

Not been in a relationship myself, but I'd be happy with someone to just cuddle with.

There are plenty of other things, but that's the first thing that comes to mind.

This. I don't think I'd even be bothered if we didn't do the dirty often.

You want a left brain answer? Most relationships are about love or wanting to be loved. Hookup relationships just for the sex are probably a lot rarer that people think.. I'm guessing.

Oh, Oh, I've never found out. You, people that had relationships, If you're with the person for years, does the love feeling fade out some or is it still very much the same except with a side of boredom? Barring of course some big problems like constant arguing or cheating that would sour it.