I'm going to breakup with my girlfriend because she's in love with me and loves me romantically, while I don't feel either of those feelings. I'd say love exist, if it didn't I would just continue the thing we've got going.
What is Love? Does it exist?
- Thread starter Fawcks
- Start date
From my position (being in a relationship of a bit over a month):
Yeah, love exists. It's just not what I thought it would feel like. It's...pretty hard to describe, actually.
I thought I'd be obsessed with the girl, and all we'd ever do is make googoo eyes. But we don't. We do the same things we did as friends, talk about the same stuff, and play the same games. And then, often, we just look at each other and have a "moment" and/or cuddle.
I can only describe it as one step beyond being "a friend who could be your brother/sister". (I have 4 friends who are so close I could almost consider them family, so having someone catapult beyond even that in only about 2 months...it's pretty powerful).
Honestly, as cheesy as the saying is, you'll only understand when you feel it.
Yeah, love exists. It's just not what I thought it would feel like. It's...pretty hard to describe, actually.
I thought I'd be obsessed with the girl, and all we'd ever do is make googoo eyes. But we don't. We do the same things we did as friends, talk about the same stuff, and play the same games. And then, often, we just look at each other and have a "moment" and/or cuddle.
I can only describe it as one step beyond being "a friend who could be your brother/sister". (I have 4 friends who are so close I could almost consider them family, so having someone catapult beyond even that in only about 2 months...it's pretty powerful).
Honestly, as cheesy as the saying is, you'll only understand when you feel it.
Love is what a person decides it to be. If you think it's just over-glorified lust and it causes more pain than good, that's okay. If you think it's an indescribable sensation that completes you, that's okay too.
When you know that you're in love is another question altogether, but the same rules should apply as above.
Now from my own perspective: I know I love a girl if I'm not territorial about her and when living with her for the rest of my life would be a good thing. I've never been able to tell a girl that I love her, though. Not because I haven't felt it, but because I don't know if it'll last. Tell her I love her on Monday, but will it last till Friday? Tuesday? The next 30 minutes? I also think that telling a girl that I love them would be too possessive over her, you know?
When you know that you're in love is another question altogether, but the same rules should apply as above.
Now from my own perspective: I know I love a girl if I'm not territorial about her and when living with her for the rest of my life would be a good thing. I've never been able to tell a girl that I love her, though. Not because I haven't felt it, but because I don't know if it'll last. Tell her I love her on Monday, but will it last till Friday? Tuesday? The next 30 minutes? I also think that telling a girl that I love them would be too possessive over her, you know?
love is just a feeling, created by chemicals that the body produces to give you the feeling that we call love.
Whata thread, Please dont let the OPs suspension prevent um for reading these. He(guessing here, appoligies if im wrong) sounds fairly unhappy with experince with love. I cant blame um, love isnt easy, its tricky, its mean, its rough, and it can be brutal. But it is not without its great rewards for those who struggle for it.
Heres my vid on love. Feel free to skip the credit scenes just the two monologues is what i like the most.
First one is at the start, second one starts at 2:09
Dont let the hardship of life throw you off. Good luck
Heres my vid on love. Feel free to skip the credit scenes just the two monologues is what i like the most.
First one is at the start, second one starts at 2:09
Dont let the hardship of life throw you off. Good luck
You act like the OP doesn't have a valid question.Daystar Clarion said:
Well, if we're all riding the psychoanalysis train: You think your relationships are more special and meaningful than others' for the sole reason that you are experiencing them and others aren't. You'd be wrong.
"What is love? Does it exist?" is, again, a valid question (if you're willing to get off of your emotional high-horse).
To answer the OP's question: The concept of love exists in modern society, but it's just an emotion. And what are emotions? Chemicals. No, they're not magical, they're chemical ratios.
I'm still young so maybe down the line I'll get it, but right now I have no fucking clue why people are such idiots when they are in love. I mean, why get jealous because your SO spoke to someone else? Makes no sense! Same with cheating. "Oh s/he cheated on me with three other people, but I'm sure s/he won't do it again!" Idiots!
In my own humble opinion, love does indeed exist in the scheme of hierarchical thinking. While love is ostensibly a product of the electrochemical processes of the human mind, it takes on a new meaning when considered from relative perspective of a human being. Love, like all other concepts, is relative; it is malleable to the perspective of the individual. Some may define love as an undying affection and devotion to an individual regardless of circumstance; some may define it as the willingness of an individual to compromise the primal instinct of self-preservation in the interest of protecting another; and others may believe it to be something entirely different. I, for one, believe love to be a process of sorts. In its infancy, love is the unspoken bond between two acquainted individuals that transcends ordinary friendship as well as superficial lust; love is felt in the unadulterated joy experienced in meeting eyes, the mutual emotional and moral reliance that blossoms from what was once believed to be mere friendship, and the merging of two souls' past, present, and future lives. As love matures, it becomes an undying connection that bonds two people and ultimately compels them to look beyond their own needs in the interest of the happiness of the other. However, if one's intent is to reduce any and all human concepts of emotional and cognizant perception to the most basic level, then 'love' as we call it cannot be 'illogical', as the course of any and all events, whether 'intelligently' guided by a human mind or not, is rooted in the profound arithmetical logic of the universe. It is only the limited scope of mankind that restrains it from perceiving the irrefutable logic of nature and consequently that of mankind.Fawcks said:
Nevertheless, it is useless to attempt to persuade an individual who has already rendered his mind impermeable to the opinion of others. It is quite apparent in your refuting of the advice and insight of other posters in this topic that you have already defined what love means to you. If your intention was to release the burden of a lost love in engaging the sympathies of this forum, then I would suggest that you do so in telling us your story directly rather than in expressing resentment towards those who are only trying to help. Anger is not a viable substitute to fill the void that love once filled.
Love is the conscience choice to put another before yourself. Pepole screw up the idea of love, love is not easy or fun or supposed to be happy all the time. Love is the act of giving yourself to another person, to varying degrees friendship to couples. If you love someone you give a piece of yourself to them and they give themselves to you. Love is staying with someone even when you cant stand them because you know that you still gave yourself to them and they to you. Love is mutual between 2 pepole. Really you can love someone as much as possible but if they do not love you back then it is not really Love, just obsession.
Really love is the willingness to sacrifice everything for the other person because you care for them. When you say "I Love You" what you should be saying is i would go through anything for you even when we go through bad times i will always stand beside you.
Damn that sounds a bit more romantic then i was aiming for. What i am trying to say is that love is not just chemicals but a choice, a choice you make everyday to say "I will stand by you." Chemicals are cheap and worthless, Lust is simple using, but love, love is an act a choice to put someone else before yourself.
Really love is the willingness to sacrifice everything for the other person because you care for them. When you say "I Love You" what you should be saying is i would go through anything for you even when we go through bad times i will always stand beside you.
Damn that sounds a bit more romantic then i was aiming for. What i am trying to say is that love is not just chemicals but a choice, a choice you make everyday to say "I will stand by you." Chemicals are cheap and worthless, Lust is simple using, but love, love is an act a choice to put someone else before yourself.
Thats what this whole thing seems like to me, quite honestly. I don't really know or care if love exists, I have liked people a lot but not to that point. It could exist, I could care less. Bonding and mating is part of life and people will continue doing both with or without it.Daystar Clarion said:
A question for the OP that might help put his ex's feelings in perspective: Why didn't he go with her when she left? If he had 'too much tying him there', he's equally responsible for their breakup as her need to be somewhere else...
An example - my sister, a successful industrial chemist, has just moved to a country where she doesn't speak the language or have a job, for at least a year. She has done this in company with her fiance, because it is a great career opportunity for him. They discussed it as a couple and agreed that it would be a good move - but if she had wanted to stay and he to go it might have ended their relationship. And it wouldn't have been his fault for leaving any more than hers for staying.
An example - my sister, a successful industrial chemist, has just moved to a country where she doesn't speak the language or have a job, for at least a year. She has done this in company with her fiance, because it is a great career opportunity for him. They discussed it as a couple and agreed that it would be a good move - but if she had wanted to stay and he to go it might have ended their relationship. And it wouldn't have been his fault for leaving any more than hers for staying.
There is no such thing as "True Love", but there is such a thing as love. All emotions can be traced back to different chemical balances within the brain, but that is not to say that these emotions aren't real.Fawcks said:
Love, in particular, mirrors the psychological (and neurological) desire-reward symptoms of addictive drugs. In fact, love is addictive (the hormone responsible for love - Oxytocin - reacts in a similar manner as Dopamine).
The pituitary gland releases Oxytocin during orgasm and childbirth. During these times, Oxytocin promotes the processing of social cues involved in recognizing individuals and in laying down "shared memories". Oxytocin is released again (in smaller amounts) when in the prescence of those whose presence your subconscious links to the production of more Oxytocin. That is to say, you will feel happier in general and feel a stronger personal connection to someone when in the presence of someone you are familiar with (especially when those two people are the same person).
This is also why we feel sad when we are away from "loved ones". We miss the rush of hormones that is associated with seeing them and our bodies go into a mild withdrawal.
On a slightly related note, I remember seeing that several different factors and types of love:
3 factors of love: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment
7 types of love:
Liking (intimacy)
Empty Love (commitment)
Infatuation (passion)
Romantic Love (passion + intimacy)
Compassionate Love (intimacy + commitment)
Fatuous Love (passion + commitment)
Consummate Love (intimacy + passion + commitment)
Make of it what you will
[sub]ofthems for? ofthems for who? for me? I can haz ofthems?[/sub]
I think there is such a thing as unconditional love. I fell in love with someone very deeply. Unfortunately, he didn't feel the same despite claiming that he did (he ultimately left me for someone else). I loved him immensely, and his happiness was all I ever wanted. I don't know if there is such a thing as true love, but certainly there is such a thing as unconditional romantic love. Well, that's in my own experience. I realise that it can be broken down to chemical reactions in the body, but so can everything else we feel, and I don't think that renders it any less significant.
I had the same situation. I still love the girl, but because of what she did, I could never be with her again. I'd still help her if I could, though.sinshin said:
Unconditional love can be a *****... but, at the very least, I'm ready to move on, and fall more deeply for someone else, if I find someone. Sinshin, I hope you can move on as well. I don't know you're situation, but it has to be said- don't let the past control you
So, to answer your question, OP, yes. It does exist. If it didn't, you wouldn't see people changing their lives for those they care about. And who cares if you can boil it down to chemical reactions? Like many people have just said, it doesn't make it any less real.
And to those that are all so cynical, saying "love can't exist in such a cruel world, oh, woe is me!" grow up. Yeah, the world can be a horrible place, but if you ignore what's good in the world, your life will suck.
That was a beautiful and insightful post. [sub]If only there were more of these.[/sub] My eyes welled up a little after reading that.TheEdgeofDespair said:
However...
... to say that love is a product of the human psyche inasmuch as it is a mere balance of chemicals is a tad contradictory. I agree with the bulk of your post but have to stress how looking at love from the point of view of mere chemicals is hardly a reductionist view on the matter.TheEdgeofDespair said:
I myself yearn to understand the myraid and astounding processes that result in human consciousness, emotions, and "the mind" in general. However, to understand these processes we must look away from idle Philosophical musings and instead towards Neurobiology and Cognitive Sciences. While seeming as mundane and simplistic sciences, there is beauty to be found in their approach to understanding the mind.
To know that every overarching process of the mind based off simple electric potentials and chemical flow is to behold the true uniqueness of every human being. That love is a chemical process but is also defined by the individual (rather brilliantly in your example) because of these chemical processes demonstrates the inherent diversity of the neural wiring of the human brain.
You said love is relative. But are these differences not biological as well as psychological? Are these biological factors not worthy of our consideration when defining love on a relative scale? (purely rhetorical questions)
Also, welcome to the Escapist!