What's Makes A Man/Woman?

[KissingSunlight]

I am going to attempt to crowdsource my existential crisis.

If you don't know, I recently accepted that I was transgender. Right now, I am figuring out I am just simply gender nonconforming or I am a woman in a man's body.

A question came to me recently that I do not have an answer to. What's the difference between a man and a woman? Besides, their physical differences. Is there anything really different between the genders? The only differences I can think of are just social construct that society just places on both genders.

So, please help me. I am genuinely curious what other people opinions about the differences of each gender. Maybe this will help me.

 

[Hawki]

http://www.shavemagazine.com/women/10-Psychological-Differences-Between-Men-and-Women

https://stanmed.stanford.edu/2017spring/how-mens-and-womens-brains-are-different.html

There's that for starters.

Social constructs aside, there's plenty of psychological differences between men and women. But, basically, my view is that "a man/woman should be able to do as they please (bar causing harm to others), and while certain interests/activities/careers will appeal more to one gender than the other, either gender should be able to do as they will." So, for instance, stands to reason there'll be more male than female soldiers, or more female nurses than male nurses, but there should be no shame or barrier to anyone in doing what they want to do. And I say this as a hetrosexual male who had a phase of collecting skydancer and sailor moon dolls as a kid alongside other action figures, and likes MLP, while also loving stuff like James Bond.

 

[PsychedelicDiamond]

I dunno. I resent and reject a lot of attributes that are traditionally associated with masculinity but on generally I never had any doubts about my identity as a man. I mean, I like action movies and guns and expensive cars and blondes with big tits but on the most basic level that's not the things that I think make me a man.

What it comes down to, I never looked at myself, looked at my testicles, my dick, the hair on my arms and legs and felt like all of this didn't belong to me. The features that make my body "male" don't feel foreign to me, neither do my chromosomes or my hormones or anything else that denotes biological masculinity. I never felt that my biology didn't conform to the person I am.

 

[arkwright]

can you put up a shelf and parallel park?

if you can answer yes to both these questions you are either a man or a woman.

if you answer no you shouldn't be driving and put that screwdriver down.

 

[Maze1125]

There are certainly statistical trends when it comes to men and women but, as you point out, the vast majority of what makes a "man" and a "woman", beyond the physical traits, is purely a social construct.

You are you, and you don't need to be constrained by the social concept of gender, no-one does.

 

[Kyrian007]

I've started to wonder if there is any real difference. I've never had much question about my own, but any time someone says "well men are ______ and women are ______" I can think of at least one person I've met who is an exception. No matter what trait is placed in either blank. That evidence is enough to make me doubt the social constructs.

 

[Jamcie Kerbizz]

I am going to attempt to crowdsource my existential crisis.

If you don't know, I recently accepted that I was transgender. Right now, I am figuring out I am just simply gender nonconforming or I am a woman in a man's body.

A question came to me recently that I do not have an answer to. What's the difference between a man and a woman? Besides, their physical differences. Is there anything really different between the genders? The only differences I can think of are just social construct that society just places on both genders.

So, please help me. I am genuinely curious what other people opinions about the differences of each gender. Maybe this will help me.

Besides natural physical diifferences we come to the level of individuality and thus you ask wrong question. Ask yourself what is important to you and what defines you as an individual. Could be that physical gender and sexuality is completely irrelevant. And that's fine.

Otherwise you slide down and may end up trying to conform to statistical measures, how majority/average/minority etc. is. Which pretty much hold no value to you as an individual. Why would you try to fit in to what is represennted as majority/minority/on average? Why would you want to be identified as a kog in collective when all you ave to do is be yourself (granted figuring out who you are and what are your needs is important to do things which you will be satisfied with).

That's all.

 

[maninahat]

What we call men and women have a set of physical characteristics that society decided were distinct enough to count as two discreet categories, however those characteristics are inconsistent person to person and rife with exceptions, which makes the whole categorising thing at best a rule of thumb and not something that anyone should have taken too seriously.

 

[Johnlives]

Unless you are seeking to conform to some stereotype, why not just be who you are, or what makes you happy, rather than what you think others think you should be. Not everything needs to be labelled.

 

[Trunkage]

I've worked for a decade in a heavily female dominated workforce and almost a decade in a male dominated one. I've seen more difference between people within a sex than between the sexes (not related to physical attributes). But then I'm probably not a great example. I don't get offended that my partner earns more than me (apparently that's a stereotype) and I do more than half the cleaning. The later may have come down to living by myself for almost a decade and I don't particularly like too much filth around.

There are some weird social anomalies, like everyone understands that I have only so many hellos in me for one day. As its shift work, a third of the way through my shift, people just starting understand that they need to say hello to me before getting a response. They also try to match me up with the one other male in the company that works about an hour away. Like I need male contact to... I don't know. Feel male I suppose. I know that's a tactic for females in male dominated industries. I feel I can talk to anyone, irrelevant of genitalia.

As to what your going through. You probably need to see any expert. There are many causes and some solutions can be damaging if used on the wrong problem.

 

[Souplex]

1. Gender is a social construct.
2. You do not feel like you are a man.
3. If woman is a social construct, do you feel like it?

 

[stroopwafel]

There are definitely differences and these are the product of hormones. I agree that trivial shit like who is better at cleaning the house, who drives better etc. is nonsense but gender differentiation itself(outside the obvious physical signs) is not a social construct. You could argue before puberty differences between boys and girls is little but after activation of sex hormones these differences increase only to subside as people age as women go into menopause and men's testosterone production tampers off.

How much behavior can be classified as 'typically' male or female is irrelevant and mostly either hack science or popcultural fluff but hormones definitely have a huge influence on thought and feelings. Men don't produce progesteron or estrogen and women not the large qualities of testosteron. It's not a coincidence that differences between men and women is greatest at the reproductive age when hormones are at their peak.

Ofcourse, none of this implies that there can't be greater differences between men than a man and a woman(and vice versa). Or that there can't be exceptions to the rule. If you look at it from an evolutionary perspective the individual is not even important but rather the survival of the species. Hormones simply contribute to behavior that is evolutionary advantageous and that is, again for the wider populace, definitely gender specific. Atleast during the reproductive age. After that nature drops you like a brick.

 

[DrownedAmmet]

There are definitely differences and these are the product of hormones. I agree that trivial shit like who is better at cleaning the house, who drives better etc. is nonsense but gender differentiation itself(outside the obvious physical signs) is not a social construct. You could argue before puberty differences between boys and girls is little but after activation of sex hormones these differences increase only to subside as people age as women go into menopause and men's testosterone production tampers off.

How much behavior can be classified as 'typically' male or female is irrelevant and mostly either hack science or popcultural fluff but hormones definitely have a huge influence on thought and feelings. Men don't produce progesteron or estrogen and women not the large qualities of testosteron. It's not a coincidence that differences between men and women is greatest at the reproductive age when hormones are at their peak.

Ofcourse, none of this implies that there can't be greater differences between men than a man and a woman(and vice versa). Or that there can't be exceptions to the rule. If you look at it from an evolutionary perspective the individual is not even important but rather the survival of the species. Hormones simply contribute to behavior that is evolutionary advantageous and that is, again for the wider populace, definitely gender specific. Atleast during the reproductive age. After that nature drops you like a brick.

I think you're under valuing how society dictates gender. Girls are socialized to like pink and flowers and stuff, and that has nothing to do with hormones

Yes there are differences but "society" (by that I mostly mean the parents or the people who directly raise the child) has a huge influence on gender. I'd say the social differences are more important because that's the one we have control over. Knowing that boys tend to have more testosterone should make us teach boys how to handle emotions better and be less violent

 

[09philj]

Being comfortable with the idea of being one, as far as I can make out. There's no simple set of parameters that will tell you if you're an effeminate man or a trans woman or none binary to some degree. Reading about the personal experiences of plenty of different people is always a good place to start. If you're lucky, you'll find something that totally clicks with your experience and makes everything clear. If not, it'll provide a range of different insights and help you get a handle on what will make you happy.

 

[shrekfan246]

I've started to wonder if there is any real difference.

Having considered it over the past few months, I'm left questioning what any actual differences are there aside from societal constructs too.

Like, when I really think about it, really think, I don't know how I would explain or describe "being male". Even beyond the fact that however it applies to me is not how it applies to anyone else, I can't think of any particular time where I "feel" like I'm defined by my maleness. It's how society identifies me due to my physical characteristics and I don't object to that, but otherwise there is nothing that makes me think "Yeah, I'm a man."

Now, obviously I'm also free to think that way because, as a man, there are far less societal pressures on me demanding that I conform to some sort of standard uniform with my gender. I can't speak for what a woman's perspective on this would be, or even a trans man's or non-binary person's perspective.

Additionally, there's the loaded conception of "masculinity" and "femininity", which is somehow supposed to define men and women. I don't like many things which are typically coded as "masculine"; does that make me "less" of a man? And that's not even approaching the fact that things coded as "feminine" are almost always viewed as negative in the societal whole. That's why so much of the language used for degrading men is based in equating them with women, or in diminishing their "masculinity".

 

[stroopwafel]

Like, when I really think about it, really think, I don't know how I would explain or describe "being male".

You could say the categorization 'male' or 'female' is simply a part of humans trying to understand their nature. Animals don't attribute meaning to their gender but atleast with mammals the system of sexual selection remains the same. What separates humans from other primates are their higher brain functions and this allows them to contextualize their gender and attribute cultural and social meaning that ofcourse have little relevance on hundreds of thousands of years of evolutionary adaptation.

Men and women exists because sexual reproduction diversifies the immune system and for human survival pathogen resistance is the most importand thing. Through adaptation you can only ensure survival when certain character traits are inherited that are distinctly male or female as this is the most evolutionary advantageous. That one doesn't adhere to the cultural norm of 'maleness' is ofcourse totally irrelevant. That is simply culture attributing meaning where there is none. Being male or female is part of selection, nothing more and nothing less.

People change. The times change. Ideas change. Cultures change. Human history knows no constant but one: human nature. And the sexual selection for it's enduring survival.

 

[Worgen]

Obviously the answer is this, there can be no other.

Really aside from child bearing, it is one of those really really hard questions to definitively answer.

 

[McElroy]

My definitive answer is: A functional penis doesn't make one a woman.

Or it's not possible to give a simple answer. Human interaction will always keep up some gender roles, but those fluctuate.

 

[Jamcie Kerbizz]

I've started to wonder if there is any real difference.

Having considered it over the past few months, I'm left questioning what any actual differences are there aside from societal constructs too.

Like, when I really think about it, really think, I don't know how I would explain or describe "being male". Even beyond the fact that however it applies to me is not how it applies to anyone else, I can't think of any particular time where I "feel" like I'm defined by my maleness. It's how society identifies me due to my physical characteristics and I don't object to that, but otherwise there is nothing that makes me think "Yeah, I'm a man."

Now, obviously I'm also free to think that way because, as a man, there are far less societal pressures on me demanding that I conform to some sort of standard uniform with my gender. I can't speak for what a woman's perspective on this would be, or even a trans man's or non-binary person's perspective.

Additionally, there's the loaded conception of "masculinity" and "femininity", which is somehow supposed to define men and women. I don't like many things which are typically coded as "masculine"; does that make me "less" of a man? And that's not even approaching the fact that things coded as "feminine" are almost always viewed as negative in the societal whole. That's why so much of the language used for degrading men is based in equating them with women, or in diminishing their "masculinity".

That comes with what you let others do to you.

In environment I grew up in from a male it was expected to:
* don't show emotions, nobody cares
* don't ever cry - suffer through any form of pain silently/proudly
* don't complain about and cope with the issue you can't solve on your own
* take responsibility for your actions
* always be ready to back up your words with your actions
* don't lie, keep your word
* don't steal
* don't run away from a confrontation
* be attractive to women (groom yourself, stay in shape etc.)
* don't hurt, insult or yell at women (unconditional - so being insulted, yelled at or hurt ment you can not respond, thus showing 'superiority' as dumb as it is)
* be self sufficient (i.e. don't expect any help)
* be able to provide to a family and if need be support it on your own
* have interest in sports (various sports)
* be capable of agressively, physically defend yourself and others
* be able to fix/maintain house appliances
* die/sacrifice your life for your country/family
* obey stronger/more capable people or take the lead
+ tons of minor annoying BS, like aforementioned prefering blue to pink, keeping your hair short etc.

* don't lose your honour, you can lose your honour only once <-- this one is separate, because failing to meet most of the above ment being shamed by others and loss of honour.

Over time I rejected most of these or applied them to all people regardless of their sex. Some I keep following. I selectively pass few of them on my son, since I'd rather make sure he has been prepped by me, than strangers. Toughen him up so to speak :/


Point is you are who you are, an individual. If other see you fit to do things you don't approve of. F-em. If others expect from you things which you find unreasonable. F-em.
Be an egoist first. If you want to, ask yourself what can you do to please others. If what you came up with is fine by you, do it. Do it, because you thought that through and want to do that not because you are expected to. Even if these things will overlap.
From outside people can't tell the difference anyway.

 

[Wintermute_v1legacy]

Women like cars, football, MMA, Van Damme movies and shit. Men like flowers, cooking, romcoms, shopping and shit. That's about it.