Why are parents getting all the blame?

[Tealia3]

I read that recent article on the kid spending over a $1700 on his xbox, and it reminded me of a similar experience in my family, which I will get to.

I think the trend is to immediately point fingers at the parent when a kid does something stupid, or get into something they weren't suppose to get into. Some have said it was was the mom's fault for not paying closer attention/teaching her kid the value of money/etc.

I think people forget what natural little manipulators kids can be.

Case in point: my 6 year old second cousin. This child is brilliant.
Example:
He memorizes his friend parents' license plates, then points them out on the road. ("Look! It's Matthew's car!" Sure enough, drive up, and it's Matthew's mom driving the car.)
I bring him trick-or-treating in a neighborhood unfamiliar to him, and the little whiz mentally maps and memorizes our progress with the street signs.

Now, this kid got in some trouble recently.

He often went on Facebook supervised(his account is now disabled, don't worry) where he would chat with relatives and play games. One night, in the middle of the night, he secretly went into his dad's wallet, removed his credit card, and purchased 260 DOLLARS worth of farm-cash for none other than Farmville. By the next month, his dad had discovered the charge, and has now banned him from the computer for six months.

I don't see how this was the dad's fault.

I realize that he shouldn't have been on Facebook, but when it came to the trouble, it was not the father's negligence. The dad would supervise him, and by the kid's secretive actions, the kid KNEW he was doing something wrong, and knew he shouldn't have been spending that money.

Responsible parenting only goes so far, and then we have to take an honest look at our kids, and realize that upbringing can only do so much. At what point do we blame a kid's upbringing, and at what point do we say that manipulative people will do manipulative things.

 

[Kakashi on crack]

I follow the 7 rule.

Basically it means that if the kid is over 7 they have developed proper abilities to limitedly think and make intelligent decisions.

I never blame the parents for what happens, it's the kids fault. I just feel that the parents need to actually punish kids, and teach them the lessons of life so they don't make these kind of mistakes. It wasn't the dad's fault, but he can prevent it in the future, and put his wallet where its harder to get at.

"fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" that's my philosophy

 

[Gorgonzola2104]

I agree. Parents can do a lot with their children, but the little buggers do have minds of their own. Too often children aren't held accountable for their actions, even when those actions would be considered criminal (like a kid stealing from his dad to play Farmville). Not to say that charges should be brought up, but in this situation, the kid should face consequences from his parents. Accusing the parents of negligence is plain stupid.

 

[Lilani]

Of course the child is responsible to some extent, however the parent is also to blame as well, considering the child is under their care. It's situations like you mentioned that tell a parent that they still have some things to teach them. Obviously the kid saw no problem in sneaking into his parents' stuff, meaning he either wasn't shown that there are things he shouldn't get into or didn't have enough respect for his parents to follow their instructions.

So naturally the kid has some blame, but the parents are the ones responsible for garnering their children's respect so their rules are followed. It is unrealistic to expect kids to respect their parents all the time, however if that kid is that sly then the parents need to instill it in that child that they are the highest authority. If the kid knew how to input credit card information then he also has the capacity to know authority--it's just a matter of his parents getting him to respect them.

If nothing else, parents should take it as a cue to make adjustments.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Oka. I counter with this. Where and how do you think the kid will get the money for this stuff? This way, it just teaches the parents to watch them, be responsible with their children's online activities and look at their bills.

I mean, yeah, you're example isnt that bad, but the one you are talking about is worse. There's no way she couldnt look at this and say what the hell?

If you want to teach the kid a lesson, this is basically theft (monetary) and identity fraud, so thats easily a few years worth of juvenile hall and possibly into Actual prison.

 

[Davesdepository]

In your case the kid's dad took appropriate disciplinary actions. Therefore cementing in the kids head that there are consequenses for actions. In this case stealing. In addition the father went out of his way to ensure that he supervised the kid whilst online. In the X-box story the kid was playing on-line unspupervised. Now I agree with the mother in that story when she says she can't supervise her kid at all times. But she can protect the kid by not allowing him to go online without her. I mean for example you wouldn't tell your kid it's allright for them to cross the road unsupervised untill you were sure they could handle it would you?

So while I agree it's not always the parents fault I do typically find when the situation gets put on the news it typically is the parents fault. No decent parent would want something like this to go to the media, it's just gonna scar the kid or make them look like a little pain in the ass.

 

[angelbe2232]

Of course, there is only so much a parent can do. I did something similar to your cousin when I was young, spending hundreds of dollars from a stolen credit card. It wasn't my Mom's fault. There was nothing she could have done to prevent me from doing it, and I was punished severely and told that it was illegal. I never did see the purpose of blaming parents for their child's actions, especially if that child has the cognitive ability to understand right from wrong.

As for the particular situation of a kid spending $1700 on his Xbox and not understanding the value of money, I think that kid probably did understand the value of money. When I spent hundreds of dollars on Puzzle Pirates, I thought it was worth it to get standing in the game. When he spent the money, he thought it was worth it to get all that DLC and whatever else he bought to improve his games. When your cousin bought all that Farmcash, he thought it was worth it to improve his farm. The fact of the matter is, if we think something is worth it, we will do whatever we need to get it.

The most a parent can do about this is provide alternate, legal ways to get money such as allowances for doing chores and such. If this is not provided, and we do not see the option of simply asking for it, we will resort to other ways to get what we need. Such as stealing.

In summary, no, a parent should not be blamed for everything if they are good parents to the child. Some of it is the child's doing, upbringing is often overemphasized as an issue in child behavior. The most a parent can do is help their child identify right from wrong, the rest is up to teh child.

 

[Senaro]

I read that recent article on the kid spending over a $1700 on his xbox, and it reminded me of a similar experience in my family, which I will get to.

I think the trend is to immediately point fingers at the parent when a kid does something stupid, or get into something they weren't suppose to get into. Some have said it was was the mom's fault for not paying closer attention/teaching her kid the value of money/etc.

I think people forget what natural little manipulators kids can be.

Case in point: my 6 year old second cousin. This child is brilliant.
Example:
He memorizes his friend parents' license plates, then points them out on the road. ("Look! It's Matthew's car!" Sure enough, drive up, and it's Matthew's mom driving the car.)
I bring him trick-or-treating in a neighborhood unfamiliar to him, and the little whiz mentally maps and memorizes our progress with the street signs.

Now, this kid got in some trouble recently.

He often went on Facebook supervised(his account is now disabled, don't worry) where he would chat with relatives and play games. One night, in the middle of the night, he secretly went into his dad's wallet, removed his credit card, and purchased 260 DOLLARS worth of farm-cash for none other than Farmville. By the next month, his dad had discovered the charge, and has now banned him from the computer for six months.

I don't see how this was the dad's fault.

I realize that he shouldn't have been on Facebook, but when it came to the trouble, it was not the father's negligence. The dad would supervise him, and by the kid's secretive actions, the kid KNEW he was doing something wrong, and knew he shouldn't have been spending that money.

Responsible parenting only goes so far, and then we have to take an honest look at our kids, and realize that upbringing can only do so much. At what point do we blame a kid's upbringing, and at what point do we say that manipulative people will do manipulative things.

Main difference in the two stories is that the father was diligent enough to catch his son as soon as it happened, where this other woman didn't notice a thousand euros vanishing in chunks over the course of about six months.

 

[Astoria]

I don't agree with always blaming the parents. Younger children like 3 year old? Yeah sure because they don't really think for themselves but older kids do. If the parent is punishing them for things they're doing wrong then I say they're doing a good enough job.

 

[Frankleton]

This is different than the other story where the kid bought $1700 worth of stuff from xbox live because the parent put the credit card information into the xbox and left it. Your cousin went out of his way to take the card and input the information directly. All the first kid had to do was hit "Comfirm Purchase". Completely different.

The mother who set up her child's xbox and didn't bother to supervise the child while he was playing or set up the parental controls on the system, so I put all the fault squarely on the mother. Kids are devious little bastards and you should do all you can to make sure they aren't trying to pull a fast one.

Also parents are completely responisble for the actions of their children. If you don't like that, then don't have kids.

And I don't mean to be a dick but memorizing a license plate number and having a sense of direction hardly qualifies someone as brilliant. If anything that makes a child possibly autistic.

 

[Frotality]

unless he had a history of robbing his own family, that is in no way the dads fault; how can he be blamed for not physically guarding his wallet from his own son? countless other examples are very much parents faults, and frankly i find that video games and TV are blamed much more often that parents. ive only one criteria for who to blame for an act of youthful stupidity; if the parent actually does something about it, then theyre off the hook. far more often parents will just watch or quietly try to tell them to stop or try to excuse it. no matter how theyre raised, some kids just gotta learn things the hard way; if you teach them the consequence of such an action, good on ya. if you just let them have their way, then kindly put em up for adoption and castrate yourself.

 

[Hulten]

It is the parents responsibility to watch over their child. They don't know any better and you should teach them to know better. You brought the kid into the world so YOU are the one to claim responsibility for what YOUR child does. You don't just stop parenting when you feel like it and expect YOUR child to take care of them self and know right from wrong. Parenting is a life time commitment and if you can't wrap that around your head then you are not ready for children. (I'm saying "you" in a general term)

 

[Joel Soh]

I believe that both the child and the parent are to blame.

The child obviously, for spending.

If the parent is willing to get a child a system which is open to spending on the parent's credit card (XBOX for example), they should take preventitive measures to ensure "accidental" spending doesn't happen. Removing the credit card details, educating the child, parental controls etc. The degree of responsibility for the child is still high when they are aged younger than 16.

We lock up our medicines/ poisons from children, I guess perhaps we should lock up our wallets too!

 

[maddawg IAJI]

Except the kid in the other story was a 13 year old who continued to rack up money after his mom already bought him the account and continued to spend money over the course of several weeks. While your cousin only did it once and was quickly caught, the other young man just kept piling it up.

Not only is their a rather large age difference, but I think the 13 year old knows how modern day finance works over a 7 year old who just knows that the card will get him what he wants. Either way, this is why you don't keep your wallet in a place where your kid can find it.

 

[Freddyqaqualung]

I don't blame the parents in a lot of these cases, because usually it's not their fault. However, I notice that a lot of the times the parents immediately blame the company responsible for the existence of the product or service, and that's where I stop sympathizing with the parent. In the case you mentioned, there was nothing the father could do and the kid was entirely at fault, as with most cases. But as I said, parents immediately insist their kid isn't in the wrong, it's that big shady company that runs this service. There's the problem.

 

[Just_A_Glitch]

OP, I agree with you. I really dislike how, when anything happens, people directly point the blame to the parents. Especially when a thread comes up about how the news is blaming video games for some new murder or robbery or whatever. The same people who get all pissy about how video games are a scapegoat immediately do the same thing to the parents. They can only do so much.

Sometimes, if not most of the time, the kid is just wrong in the head and there isn't much a parent can do. If I may quote Chris Rock on the issue, "Whatever happened to crazy?"

 

[DMonkey]

Both are responsible, but parents more so.
There is a little thing called "parenting" that goes along with being a parent.
If you pop one of those little fuckers out, you have to raise the screaming ape.
Teach them right from wrong, and show them that the stove is hot.
However kids will be kids. And when a kid screws up, it is the parents job to rub their nose in it.

 

[DarthFennec]

Conventional knowledge states that little kids are perfectly innocent in every way. Therefore, it must always be the fault of the role model if they do something bad 9_9