Why are parents getting all the blame?

[e2density]

I don't know about you, but when I was a kid, my parents sang me our phone number and address in a catchy 'jingle' to help me remember it. Kids don't remember things well that arn't drilled into them by a adult, unless it's something fun like a cheat code.

But I doubt an average kid memorises multiple license plates of different cars.

I will even admit, some of the first times I ever used street signs for direction is when I started driving! I simply didn't have a need to pay attention to them as a kid.

Well in many situations, it's not that kids TRY to remember these things. I remember I'd just occasionally happen to glance at things, so I'd get them in my head for one reason or another. Or in this case, the kid obviously can attach a person to the license plate...or simply have a sense of awareness on where you've been.

I don't know, I just don't find these things that hard. Maybe I was just an above average child. I don't prefer to think of myself that way because the public school system has it drilled into my head that if I don't get A's that I am just as worthless as most high school dropouts, so at this point I'm pretty thoroughly convinced that I am average.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

OK, let me go ahead and address this part of your post right away:

Case in point: my 6 year old second cousin. This child is brilliant.
Example:
He memorizes his friend parents' license plates, then points them out on the road. ("Look! It's Matthew's car!" Sure enough, drive up, and it's Matthew's mom driving the car.)
I bring him trick-or-treating in a neighborhood unfamiliar to him, and the little whiz mentally maps and memorizes our progress with the street signs.

Wait, he regocnizes his friend's parents' cars, and you think that makes him a genius? He just recognizes the cars because their his friends and he sees them all the time. I don't think he'd HAVE to "memorize the license plates" to pull that off. Besides, even he did(unlikely since he doesn't have to) that's not normal kid behavior. That's not normal for anyone.

As for your other example, again, that's not genius. That's just what street signs are FOR.

Now, this kid got in some trouble recently.

He often went on Facebook supervised(his account is now disabled, don't worry) where he would chat with relatives and play games. One night, in the middle of the night, he secretly went into his dad's wallet, removed his credit card, and purchased 260 DOLLARS worth of farm-cash for none other than Farmville. By the next month, his dad had discovered the charge, and has now banned him from the computer for six months.

I don't see how this was the dad's fault.

I realize that he shouldn't have been on Facebook, but when it came to the trouble, it was not the father's negligence. The dad would supervise him, and by the kid's secretive actions, the kid KNEW he was doing something wrong, and knew he shouldn't have been spending that money.

Responsible parenting only goes so far, and then we have to take an honest look at our kids, and realize that upbringing can only do so much. At what point do we blame a kid's upbringing, and at what point do we say that manipulative people will do manipulative things.

Now, this is the most important part: The difference between your story and the Xbox live kid is that he didn't steal the card, she gave him the card without finding exactly what he could use it for. There's really no way that could be the kid's fault. Thus: Negligence.

 

[A Weakgeek]

She put willingly her credit card info on her sons account and didin't bother tweaking the parental controls... Yeah, totally her fault. While here your cousin STOLE the card.

 

[Kakashi on crack]

I'd like you to elaborate though on what you mean by modern medicine, as I have never considered phsycology a form of medical practice

"The law and modern medicine disagree with you."

I didn't say psychology was a medical profession -- and it isn't. Psychiatry is.

The reason the child -didn't- ask if he could buy things is -probably- because he knew what the answer was probably going to be, so he did it anyways without asking.

Assumptions are not a base of argument.

And this is where I leave the subject as it would waste more of my energy in the long-run to argue my point and stay up all night making a series of intelligent answers, being tired at school tommorrow, then it would for me to just go to sleep now and ignore this topic. ^^

 

[crudus]

I read that recent article on the kid spending over a $1700 on his xbox, and it reminded me of a similar experience in my family, which I will get to.

First of all, the situations are different in key details. Second it was the mothers fault. This is literally another topic but it brings good contrast into this topic. You can read my opinion of her <a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.263278-My-son-racked-up-1k-bill-on-Xbox?page=6#9962104>here.

Moving on...

I don't see how this was the dad's fault.

I realize that he shouldn't have been on Facebook, but when it came to the trouble, it was not the father's negligence. The dad would supervise him, and by the kid's secretive actions, the kid KNEW he was doing something wrong, and knew he shouldn't have been spending that money.

Responsible parenting only goes so far, and then we have to take an honest look at our kids, and realize that upbringing can only do so much. At what point do we blame a kid's upbringing, and at what point do we say that manipulative people will do manipulative things.

Now this father is one who doesn't deserve blame. Home is the one place you should be able to leave your wallet sitting around on the kitchen table. He watched all of his son's interactions and he showed that actions do have consequences. Now, why the kid thought it was a good idea to steal money like that.

 

[Zaik]

Because it is. If a child is an inherently manipulative pest(as in your example) then it's the parent(s) responsibility to fix it or pay the consequences, simple as that.

As for the kid not knowing he was spending money, I highly doubt that. He may not have known how much he'd spent, but there's no way he didn't know he spent money.

 

[CODE-D]

Its the parents fault for not instilling the fear of punishment if he so ever touches(item here).

 

[maddawg IAJI]

I never blame the parents for what happens, it's the kids fault

The law and modern medicine disagree with you.

There's a point where the child's action is inexcusable. That is why we have Juvenile and Youth Courts. At the age of 8 and older, they know the difference between what is right and what is wrong.

The law and modern psychology also disagrees with you. Such a blanket statement is simply absurd. There is many an eighteen-year-old who knows not right from wrong, and too many a seven-year-old who does. This is where the courts have discretion.

We are largely a product of our upbringing. We owe much, if not all, of who we are to our parents and the environment they raised us in. This is why until an individual is eighteen years of age, the first job of the courts is the assess how much of the child's actions were truly their own, and how they were told societies 'good' and 'bad'. Raise a child to believe men have the right to beat women should they disobey, and an eight-year-old boy who hits a female classmate when she refuses to share, is hardly to blame. They did indeed commit the action, but they themselves did so under the education that it was right.

But they still did the action. The judge and juries job isn't to take pity on someone, its to punish those who refuse to follow the laws set by society. The parent isn't responsible for the actions of another human being. And your example of psychology is false as well. 18 years who do wrong do so because they choose to do wrong, the 7 year olds who know the difference because they're brains have developed to the point of understanding societal norms.

Law is set up so the child is to blame for his actions.

 

[Canid117]

If you read the comments on that story you will find that most of us were blaming the kid until the mother refused to punish her "precious little angel" and blame Microsoft. Your uncle also checked his bank statements regularly which this woman did not do. Your cousin also got in trouble while the kid in the story did not. The father also did not blame a third party for the shortcomings of himself and his child.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Well it depends on the circumstances. In that case it's the kid's fault, but in the Xbox case it's both of their faults. It happened over a period of time where the woman should certaintly have noticed the charges, and she attempted to blame Microsoft for it. The eleven year old kid is either a rotten little bastard that knowingly nicked his mum's money or he could tell you what flavour the windows in house are.