Why is it almost taboo to enjoy being alone?

[6SteW6]

I'm strange in that I love alone time and can stay away from any social interaction for months but when put in a social environment I thrive. I get the whole:

'Hey why don't you hang out with us more often?'

It's because I like to sit at home in my underwear eating bacon and playing videogames more than getting ready and going out. Effort is hard.

 

[StylinBones]

I love being alone now, but I fear it later in life. I'm hoping that's just my anxiety and it's not so bad.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

"Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human. Society is something that precedes the individual. Anyone who either cannot lead the common life or is so self-sufficient as not to need to, and therefore does not partake of society, is either a beast or a god." - Aristotle

People tend to jump to conclusions and lump loners in with the beasts, regardless of whether they're close to gods or not. Honestly, it's just that a lot of people enjoy being with friends and other people so much that they can't conceive how anyone would prefer being alone, even with context.

A year or two ago, my drama class was using our high school's auditorium to perform our summative scenes and stuff, and I sat alone off to one side, because I despise sitting next to people in theatres and auditoriums. One of my classmates approached me, and the exchange went something like this:

Him: "Hey, mind if I sit next to you?"
Me: "Um . . . I, um . . . why?"
Him: "I just saw you sitting all alone, and I figured you'd want some company."
Me: "But I like sitting alone."
Him: "Yeah, but come on, man, you're all by yourself."
Me: "But I wanted to be like that."
Him: "How?"
Me: "What?"
Him: "How could you want to sit like that?"
Me: "I just prefer sitting alone."

There followed an awkward pause before he excused himself and went to sit with some of his other friends, who couldn't have been more than four or five metres away.

Some people just really don't understand how others could prefer sitting alone, despite the fact that we were there to watch a performance, and socializing would have been impolite.

Same shit happened to me at the Senior Banquet my senior year of high school. I attended not really knowing it was just going to devolved into a typical high school dance... So it did, and I didn't drive to the event and thus I was stuck there for the next some odd hours while my friends I was with lived it up.

And I wasn't in a bad mood about it, it simply was a dance and that's not my thing. So initially I just looked for a vacant spot on the wall to casually sip a soda and people watch the fun and games around me. Then I have teachers, and other students coming over to talk to me, and just like you- assuming I'm being emo in the corner to shy to be "normal" like them when all I want it to do is ride out the night and somewhat participate. After like the 3rd time of this, I get annoyed and sat in the lobby the rest of the night playing Tetris on my phone.

The single most aggravating thing about it is towards the end of the night, they started handing out the awards for "Most Popular student" and what not, and I go back in because I want to see if any of my friends won anything. So I'm chilling in the back again, and the same assholes from before keep trying to engage me again during the award ceremony. Even has the nerve to tell me not to be bummed out that I didn't win anything. Like really? Really?

Fun fact about the awards, I knew virtually NONE of the people of that won shit. It was like watching the Academy Awards.

Other fun fact? Post awards they start dancing again, I return to the lobby to play Tetris.... I get to eavesdrop on a conversation of these... I don't know if they were jocks, I'm just assuming because they seemed athletic, and one of them WAS incredibly bent out of shape that he didn't win something. I found it amusing.

I blame this behavior on all those "positive re-enforcement" bullshit Assembly they made us watch in High School, where if there's a new kid in school they encourage everyone to go up to them and be nice to them and shit...

I enjoy being around people, I just have trouble "Partying".

 

[Overusedname]

As much as I love hugs, yeah, I'm like this as well.

I'm genuinely content being alone often, and I certainly need to be in order to get any work done. I still love my friends, love hanging out but...I don't know. I need time to think, learn, train etc. It's hard to do that in a group baring intellectual conversations with friends. And usually, if I'm with a friend, it's to get away from such thoughts. I haven't been in a romance for 2 years too. And...I'm not really tempted to, as I haven't met anyone I feel that way about lately. I don't wanna force a relationship with any of the girls my life just for shits and giggles when I just don't feel that way.

My very social mother is concerned about it. My Dad isn't, as he's more of an introvert with only a few friends. I'm in between them, naturally. I think it's a happy medium, and I'm told I'm good with people in general so...yeah. Haters gonna hate is my input XD

People project their own expectations of what makes them happy on the people they know, especially family, like your sister. Her concern is probably coming from a loving place, if that's any consolation. She just wants you to be happy, and since you're not her kind of happy, she's worried.

 

[Charli]

They're secretly jealous of you and your lack of commitments to other people, it's a pathetic attempt to try and justify why they're superior to you. Pay it no mind.

Frankly, sociability is tiring and I avoid it when possible. I choose when my time is spent with other people, and I'm happier for it.

I don't feel like I NEED to be around others to achieve fulfillment in my life either. A worrying desperation in others I've noticed in others. It's kind of scary. My sibling can't go ANYWHERE on her own. It baffles me. We're opposites in that regard, she needs a boyfriend, to be surrounded by noise, constant nights out around people and family.
I have my little room where I spend the majority of my spare time quite happily until I feel the need to go say hi.

Those same lines have been fed to me in anger many times, the best payback is to not let it phase you and even laugh a little if you want to get them really steamed about it.

 

[BishopofAges]

I've also been engaged to the same woman for 9 years.

So you're the one who stole my cloning machine?

Now the secret is out, you must be dealt with...

*cocks rifle*

Stand still a bit.

*warms up steampunk chaingun that fires venomous snakes*

Yeah, Mad Scientist here... wanna try that again? Properly this time.

OT: I always felt that being alone has its place, helping you think and whatnot sorting thoughts and feeling, but for me, it can only be temporary because I get lonely (obvious answer). If it works for you and it does no harm to others, I see no reason why you need to tailor your life to the needs of others. Sometimes, though, when people keep buggin you about it, it is really because they want to hang out with you, at least thats how it is with my experience.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

I have no idea why that would be considered a taboo.
Maybe because extroverts have taken over and NOT being sociable is still considered "freakish".
Still, being a med student, I have gone weeks without leaving my room for anything except the kitchen and showering / using the bathroom.

 

[MetalMagpie]

It's certainly not a taboo. There are even advertising campaigns (especially for things like chocolate) that focus on "alone time".

If that's the only insult they can throw at you, you should probably take it as a compliment.

And that. I think they're clutching at straws.

 

[In Search of Username]

Because interacting with other people is a fun part of life that they think you're missing out on. Admittedly spending some time alone is a thing a lot of people don't value enough, but you're very much in the minority if having a social life isn't important to you at all.

I can't really talk, I don't have much of a social life myself, but I would never say it's because I don't WANT to have one.

But yeah, nothing wrong with valuing alone time, I just don't see why you wouldn't value a social life as well.

They're secretly jealous of you and your lack of commitments to other people, it's a pathetic attempt to try and justify why they're superior to you. Pay it no mind.

I don't get this attitude. Why assume that everyone with a different attitude to you is just jealous of you? They're almost certainly not. They're probably dicks. But they're not being dicks because they secretly envy you.

 

[Cheery Lunatic]

It's kind of funny actually, my family thinks I'm a total party animal (for some reason) while my friends think I hate people.

Neither is right of course. I went clubbing Friday night and I had a blast at the time, but god when I got back I was absolutely exhausted and I avoided human contact all weekend (it takes me a while to recuperate).

Ironically, since coming to college I've spent way more time by myself than I thought I would. I still hang out with friends but only because it's the "normal" thing to do. I mean, I laugh, joke, and talk when I'm with them I enjoy hanging out, but they're the "really fun but shallow" type, so it's kind of wears me out being around them. I've spent more time reading books and playing games than I thought I would when I came to college. Oh what my parents would think if they saw me.

I don't hate people, and I don't mind meeting or making new friends. I just don't really put in the effort to talk to strangers (though when one does start talking to me, I'm perfectly friendly).

There IS a stigma to obviously telling people to leave you alone, and those who pretend otherwise are the people who are like that but don't give a fuck or don't notice

 

[Rblade]

I think the thing is that alot of people lie about hating being alone. Saying they are fine by themselfs. And generally people are social animals. In complete isolation people go crazy. So it's generally considered healthy to have social contacts

 

[RJ 17]

No real point in my answering since Daystar said it with the first response. I love being alone, I PREFER being alone. Thanksgiving is coming up and I'm actually looking forward to the fact that most of my family will be out of town, meaning I get Thursday and Friday off....and all to myself.

Seriously, to me a "vacation" is being able to stay at home and do what I want, relax the way I want, with no worries or obligations. By that definition, this'll be the first vacation I've had in years.

 

[C F]

I'm perfectly capable of hanging out with other people, it's just that I hardly get an opportunity. But I enjoy being alone every bit as much, so it's all good. When you're alone, no one can hear you scheme.

Anytime anyone pulls the "At least I have friends" card, I just act like I ponder this fact for a second (slight furrowing of the brow, break eye contact for a second to look slightly downwards, appear reflective, slight movement of the jaw, still lips), and then immediately reply with the most casual, benign, and curious "...and?" Act as though they just said something not at all relevant to the situation. If they press the issue to imply that they are somehow better than you socially, bring up the same point in relation to, say... academics. Repeat a variant of what they just said, except intoning that you're better than them academically. Then casually ask "What's your point?" Above all, be composed and sincere the entire time.

 

[Daaaah Whoosh]

As far as I can tell, when people spend more time with other people, then they are seen as fundamentally good, as 'good' is defined as having the world's well-being as a goal. If you spend time alone, then there are two options available: One, you want the world's well-being, and have discovered that it is best for yourself to not exist in the world, which would mean that you, and the world, should regard yourself as a detrimental influence. Or two, you do not have the world's best interests in mind, and only think of yourself, which by the previous stated definition would make you 'bad'. This line of reasoning does not take into account the people who socialize for selfish purposes, but as that accounts for a majority of the extroverts, I believe that no one wants to accept such shortcomings in themselves, or in the world as a whole.
So, those among us who prefer to procure enjoyment from our own lives, rather than sucking it from others, are seen as the enemies. Unfortunately, as introverted people don't often work together, I believe we will continue to be persecuted.

 

[Flamezdudes]

I don't understand it either.

My ex girlfriend had this problem with me. I liked having my alone time or being with my friends without her sometimes. She just didn't understand it at all.

I love my alone time so much that after sleepovers round friends I almost have a instinctive will to immediatelg get back home sometimes.

 

[Vivios]

I did a Myers-Briggs personality test and scored an INTJ, which basically is the text book nerd. I remember a line in the description which went somewhere along the lines of: "INTJs have trouble fitting into normal society because their actions are often misunderstood as unsocial." My suggestion? Develop a "hearing problem" so you don't have to listen to those extroverts.

 

[Fat Hippo]

In my experience, it's the people who HAVE to be with other groups of people at all times who have the real problems, because they just can't stand being by themselves. And if you can't even enjoy your own company, how can you enjoy life?

I take this from someone I actually know. She specifically told me that she has to be in the presence of others, and even short periods of solitude made her uncomfortable. I thought it was weird, but didn't think about it that much. A few months later, she had a total mental breakdown. I'm not saying this to condemn her, and I bear her no ill will, but she admitted herself to having serious psychological problems. Of course, this is just one case, but I couldn't help and make a connection.

 

[[REDACTED]]

I've also been engaged to the same woman for 9 years.

So you're the one who stole my cloning machine?

Now the secret is out, you must be dealt with...

*cocks rifle*

Stand still a bit.

*warms up steampunk chaingun that fires venomous snakes*

Yeah, Mad Scientist here... wanna try that again? Properly this time.

You're not doing it right if you don't yell "Kiss my asp!".

 

[Mr F.]

Over the past couple weeks I've had two people condemn me for this.

*SNIP*

Humans are inherently social creatures.

Those who are not seen to be constantly socialising, or socialising to a level which is deemed acceptable are considered to be weird. It is taboo to enjoy being alone because if one enjoys alone time one is in a position to live outside of society, which is terrifying.

So... Yeah. It is a social taboo to isolate yourself from society. I believe I have an answer though...

Isolate yourself further! Your sister cannot attempt to insult you by pointing out that you are enjoying your alone time if you refuse to speak to her!

Or just accept that you are doing something out of the ordinary and are going to be perpetually judged for this.

 

[Guilherme Zoldan]

Well this turned into neckbeard central rather quickly. Oh wait it always was.
Don't get me wrong, its fine to be introverted, I am too. But theres a point where avoiding social interaction just becomes unhealthy and we should recognize that.
Just as we should not pat ourselves in the back and say we're better and more self-assured then extroverts just because we're different.