Why So Serious?

[SnowCold]

That person is Hitler, and you have a shotgun

You will die in 5... 4... 3...

 

[Damien the Pigeon]

But you don't know how to count backwards from 3 to 0! Yay immortality!

Your dog just got hit by a car.

 

[RedDiablo]

He had rabies, and he always ate my food and chewed my shoes, so no biggie.

If you cannot find your daughter in 30 minutes, I kill her....

 

[Owned by 3 year olds]

Pet goldfish.
This building will explode in 3..2..

 

[Dancingman]

Fortunately you and everyone else is at a safe distance away watching it happen, how fun.

The Janjaweed (the guys committing the genocide in Darfur) militias are attacking a village in Darfur.

 

[stormcaller]

But since they sound like a funny plant they are not doing much damage.

Aliens are planning to enslave humans so they can take the earth's resources.

 

[Dancingman]

Fortunately we're only being enslaved as house servants for the duration of the resource stealing, and said resource is erotic fan-fic writers.

The Earth King has been kidnapped by Dai-Li agents.

 

[stormcaller]

Fortunately he was innocent of doing that to fifty people in truth it was fifty one.

Bush stole the red button from the white house and is going to push it in the next five minutes.

 

[Outasync]

But the red button is attached to a gumball machine.

A bunch of aliens have brainwashed the entire human race except you and 3 people.

 

[Berethond]

I can't tell the difference.

You must destroy the universe, or I will torture you until you die.

 

[Outasync]

I'm an alien.

A giant fly is about to eat you.

 

[NeoAC]

However a giant fly is what, twice as big as a normal fly? Easily swattable.

A horde or orcs is decending upon your house, and you have no weapons to defend yourself with.

 

[Outasync]

I blast them with my flaming fart.

A giant redwood is about to fall on you.

(yay! I started the second page!)

 

[Ramthundar]

But I'm Paul Bunian, so i just catch it in my hand and toss it on someone else.

You are tasked with building a giant-super computer that can cure all disease.

 

[Damien the Pigeon]

But I just remembered that I already built one last week! How convenient!

You must choose which of two random strangers gets to live.

 

[Berethond]

Good thing I don't know either of them.

You must kill your mother or your father.

 

[RedDiablo]

Eenie, meenie, miney, moe....

Quickly, we have to escape the space station! It's gonna blow in 5 minutes!

 

[Klagermeister]

Oh, there's the bomb. Never mind!

Everyone in your neighborhood has become a zombie, and your scent attracts them.

 

[NeoAC]

Good thing I just slathered myself with bacon drippings!

The princess has been kidnapped, and we have no leads who did it...

 

[Berethond]

Well, good thing it was me!

You have five seconds until the bomb I planted in your stomach detonates.