Why Twilight is nonsensical.

[Direwolf750]

It's probably quite difficult to attempt to vindicate the various problems of Twilight, or indeed many fictional books. Stephenie Meyer says she didn't know anything about conventional vampires, so I assume this was overlooked.

Then she obviously shouldn't have written about them, now should she? That's just bad writing, bad form, and plain stupidity.

 

[Pimppeter2]

Rigor mortis? XP

.....This would mean that he never goes soft.

By god..... Assemble the Extraordinary League of Manly Men.... I think we've solved the reason as to why women love Twilight.

Undead sparkly dicks which never go soft?

Sorry, I'm busy writing my book about Divine glow in the dark vaginas which never get loose.

 

[Direwolf750]

Does it say anywhere in the books/movies that said the Twilight "Vampires" are technically undead? Or are you trying to hold fast to older versions of vampire?

Because, you know, the older ones burn up in the sun, whereas the twilight ones sparkle. She changed one thing, why can't she change another?

Then again, I might be completely wrong. I haven't read the books/watched the movies, I'm just throwing it out there.

If she was going to call them vampires, then they damn well should BE VAMPIRES. If you want to make them sparkly magic fairy pansies with no ties to the undead, then they aren't vampires, but having no blood in them pretty much makes them undead.

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

It's probably quite difficult to attempt to vindicate the various problems of Twilight, or indeed many fictional books. Stephenie Meyer says she didn't know anything about conventional vampires, so I assume this was overlooked.

Then she obviously shouldn't have written about them, now should she? That's just bad writing, bad form, and plain stupidity.

And yet she made shitloads of money on said bad writing, bad form, and plain stupidity, as do a lot of people out there.

Methinks the one to pin the "blame" on is the demographic, particularly the female tween/teen demographic (wooh, they crop up everywhere), rather than the author. They're the ones buying it.

 

[Akai Shizuku]

Rigor mortis? XP

.....This would mean that he never goes soft.

By god..... Assemble the Extraordinary League of Manly Men.... I think we've solved the reason as to why women love Twilight.

Undead sparkly dicks which never go soft?

Sorry, I'm busy writing my book about Divine glow in the dark vaginas which never get loose.

Glow in the dark for a reason, perhaps?

http://sporeflections.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/glowsticks.jpg

 

[tomtom94]

Someone else has pointed this out previously.

The only saving grace is that it's still more accurate than some fan fics are.

 

[Pimppeter2]

Rigor mortis? XP

.....This would mean that he never goes soft.

By god..... Assemble the Extraordinary League of Manly Men.... I think we've solved the reason as to why women love Twilight.

Undead sparkly dicks which never go soft?

Sorry, I'm busy writing my book about Divine glow in the dark vaginas which never get loose.

Glow in the dark for a reason, perhaps?

http://sporeflections.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/glowsticks.jpg

STOP GIVING AWAY SPOILERS!!!

 

[Akai Shizuku]

Someone else has pointed this out previously.

The only saving grace is that it's still more accurate than some fan fics are.

Twilight belongs in the fan fic section IMO.

 

[Axle_Bullitt_19]

Ah didn't Movie Bob already explain this in his review of eclipse.

 

[Fusoiya]

Rigor mortis? XP

hahahahahahahah /thread right here

Aaah thank you good sir that made my day ^^

 

[RottingAwesome]

Maybe Edward is just full of shit and just says he's a vampire to get all the chicks seeing as how vampires are pretty popular lately :B

 

[Purplefood1]

VAMPIRES ARE NOT SPARKLY. A few notable examples: Vlad the Impaler (AKA Count Dracula), Kane, Angel, Blade, Nosferatu, seriously, this woman wrote a crappy book that doesn't deserve any of the credit it's getting, its a crappy romance novel about magic fairy princesses that have a thing for blood

Vlad the Impaler wasn't a vampire but he was the person that Bram Stoker (is that right?) based Dracula on personally he was much worse han Dracula but that's just my opinion

 

[Ren3004]

he always has one I guess, if your dead your body goes into a state called rigor mortis where your body hardens as the blood stops flowing, the reason twilight is nonsensical is because it spends a whole bunch of time building up this giant vampire battle and then everyone just sits around talking for 40 pages and saying "OH look a cute baby! lets not fight."
and that Edward and Bella clearly have nothing in common or anything to talk about. EVER!

Actually, it's the muscles that become rigid, so there's no reason for dead people to get an erection. The penis becomes erect because blood starts to pool in it.

 

[deus-ex-machina]

Rigor mortis wears off after a few hours of it setting in.

So it can't be that.

But surely True Blood fails from the same crime? I don't remember in Twilight there being a mention of them lacking blood. Obviously in True Blood there is V.

[Chris Crocker Impression]LEAVE TWILIGHT ALONE![/IMPRESSION]

Seriously, Darren Shan's work is poop too. Most teenage fiction is.

 

[Deadlock Radium]

I'm more concerned about why you spend your free time thinking about his penis.

Oh, yes, that. Going around thinking about a sparkly vampire's penis is knda disturbing.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Far be it from me to like the crock of shit that is Twilight, but that's the most pedantic criticism that I've heard all week.


Can we quit with the Twilight threads please? We get it, you don't like it. We don't like it much either. We've been over this many, many times.

 

[RottingAwesome]

someone is arguing to me that
"If the cullens drink animal blood that's still blood in their bodies to be used as fuel OR apparently other bodily functions however Bella is human therefore able to conceive"

as much as I'd like to believe you, OP this guy seems to be making sense..
however would an undead vampire be able to produce sperm?

 

[Abedeus]

VAMPIRES ARE NOT SPARKLY. A few notable examples: Vlad the Impaler (AKA Count Dracula), Kane, Angel, Blade, Nosferatu, seriously, this woman wrote a crappy book that doesn't deserve any of the credit it's getting, its a crappy romance novel about magic fairy princesses that have a thing for blood

Yeeaah. Vlad wasn't a vampire, he was inspiration for Dracula. Many years later, after his death, of course. He was an incredibly cruel sadistic maniac, who would impale people on giant wooden stakes just for teh lulz. Sounds familiar?

 

[SamuelT]

VAMPIRES ARE NOT SPARKLY. A few notable examples: Vlad the Impaler (AKA Count Dracula), Kane, Angel, Blade, Nosferatu, seriously, this woman wrote a crappy book that doesn't deserve any of the credit it's getting, its a crappy romance novel about magic fairy princesses that have a thing for blood

Yeeaah. Vlad wasn't a vampire, he was inspiration for Dracula. Many years later, after his death, of course. He was an incredibly cruel sadistic maniac, who would impale people on giant wooden stakes just for teh lulz. Sounds familiar?

Are you saying Vlad was the past-version of a /b/tard?

 

[maddawg IAJI]

I'm still trying to figure out why Edward is even in High School. The guy could probably pass for a drop-out so why is he even in High School? Does he enjoy learning Geometry over and over again?