Worst Pick-up lines

[fishy009er]

"You must be a Squirtle, cause you're makin' me wet!"

I got my brother to go around at a party and see how many girls he could say that to. They pretty much all slapped him in the face XD

 

[Logie--bear]

I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME

I'd drag my dick through a mile of broken glass just to hear you fart through a walkie talkie

 

[Siegreich]

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put you and I together in a hot tub full of jello

 

[Mikeyfell]

I like my women like I like my coffee, in a plastic cup. -Eddie Izzard

Even Worse, I like my women like I like my coffee. Black and ground up in the freezer.

I like my women like I like my coffee:
hot
strong
black
Colombian
with whiskey in it
wet
inanimate
in a cup
instant
first thing in the morning (my personal favorite)

I like my women like I like my Whiskey; 12 years old and full of cocaine! (I'd never use that pickup line though)

 

[Pegghead]

I will kill you if you don't have sex with me.

 

[Death God]

"Let's be like bunnies and hop on to it."

I didn't use it but my friend did, and I laughed as he was slapped.

 

[MazzaTheFirst]

"Let's play house. You be the door and I'll slam you."

I now feel really really dirty for posting in this thread...

 

[Frasman]

Hey baby, wanna see something swell?

Lucky for you, I dig fat chicks.

You may not be pretty, but your my kind of not pretty. (one of my favourite Lexx quotes)

 

[CroutonsOfDeath]

Honest to god I have never used a pickup line. Well, in any actuality though. Never needed one; and I'd probably fail if I tried one.

Regardless, back in school there was this student who was rather... off in the head, and my gal came to me commenting on how he was freaking her out, and he walked in and tried a pickup line that literally consisted of:

"Hey baby, want to take a ride on the AIDS helicopter?"

I figured he was probably joking but he said it with a straight face and cried rather genuinely when the gut punch of rejection was administered. Plus he tried it on another girl later on.

I also saw a guy who commented "I'm blind, do you want to be my fold?"

 

[Spineyguy]

"Sorry, I think there's something on your foot." *Girl lifts foot to get a better look.* "No, the other one." *Girl tuts and looks at other foot.*

"No we're dancing!"

 

[MagnetoHydroDynamics]

"You are in all probability going to reject me, so I'm going to give you the pleasure right now... Go ahead ans say no."

 

[Bibliotekaren]

"Hey, wanna visit my basement? Because my good friend Joseph always told me that 'women are like fine wine, best matured in a cellar'"

Haven't used it, because it would most likely get me violently murdered by an angry mob of girls.

Also, if you do get laid, never sing GG Allin - I Kill Everything I Fuck when taking a shower afterwards.

 

[spookydom]

"Want to go halfs on a bastard?"

 

[Divine Miss Bee]

I wish I was your derivative [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derivative] so I could like tangent to your curves.

that would work on me. just saying...

OT: my only pickup line success has been in biology class.
me: "if i were an enzyme, i'd be helicase."
lab partner: "why?"
me: "so i could unzip your genes. "
lab partner (after thinking it over for a minute): "well, i have a free hour after this. care to experiment?"

nerd lines always work. my friend swears by, "i'm a sound engineer-i can excite your natural frequencies." but i assume it works better when you're actually a sound engineer.

 

[Chaos-Spider]

"If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability."

"How about I help you finish that dream you were having about me?"

"I'm sensing a very sensual disturbance in the force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy."

All from Captain Zapp Brannigan. You could probably just link a list of his quotes and /thread.

If someone tries them in real life, that would be something to see.

OT: I saw one in an youtube video that went something like "I just lost my pants. Could I get into yours?"

 

[WakeTheDead1]

Can i smell your vagina?

*NO!*

oh... must be your feet then...

 

[BennoTheDutch]

"Have you ever had an Australian Kiss before?"
- "No, what is that?"
"It's like a French Kiss, only down under"

or

According to my watch you're not wearing any panties. *looks at watch and shakes it* Oh wait, it's 20 minutes fast.

Nerdy special:
You just changed my software into hardware.

EDIT: Oh, got another one:
"Hey! Ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?"
"Uh, no..."
*pulls pockets inside out*
"Wanna try?"

 

[Wintermoot]

is your father a farmer because thos are some nice mellons

 

[Muffinthraka]

"Got any raisens? No? How about a date?"

And I wake up in a skip

 

[Palademon]

I'd personally would love to find someone who nerdy pick ups work on.
One of my favourites:
"I think we've got chemistry, so according to biology we should get physical."