WTF Australia?!?!?!

[Hazy992]

So we now have snake eating spiders on are hands. Thankfully natures already got our back. We just need to introduce some tarantula hawks to Australia and the giant spiders won't be a problem anymore.

Spoiler: THE HORROR

Yes, New Vegas players. They're real!

WTF IS THAT?! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!

 

[Hazy992]

I think Tv tropes sums it up pretty well
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EverythingTryingToKillYou
Scroll down there's and there's an entire section called 'Real life- Australia'

If I ever needed proof that there is no god, then this is it;

Platypodes aren't merely venomous, they have probably the most terrifying venom in nature. The other animals on this list will just kill you, the Platypus isn't that humane. Its venom attacks the victim's pain receptors, cranking them Up to Eleven and ripping off the knob. It causes pain so horrible that even the highest non-lethal dose of morphine isn't enough. To stop the pain, doctors actually have to physically sever the nerve from the affected area to the brain because that's the only thing powerful enough.

The only course of action at this point is to nuke Australia into oblivion.

 

[Paragon Fury]

As sad as it would be for the world and those still living in Australia, I believe that we'll have to sterilize the whole place sooner rather than later.

There isn't a single living organism on that land that doesn't have it out for someone or something, 99% of the wildlife there is scary as fuck, and the god damn land itself is trying to kill you.

Holy Fuck.


Imagine if all that managed to get off the island.

The horror. The horror.




NOTE: Paragon Fury does not actually recommend the complete annihilation of a whole area, and the above post was merely jest.


Well, except for the part about everything on that island being deadly. Paragon Fury ain't going no where near Australia, ever. He does not wish to be on the menu for every living thing in a 50 mile radius.

 

[the clockmaker]

In my twenty years in this country I have been attacked by
-A king brown snake (survival tip 1-thick pants)
-A roo
-An Emu
-A cockatoo (fuckers can bite like all hell)
-Magpaies, lots of magpies.
-A saltie, (thank fuck I got behind that fence)
-All of the spiders (except white tails)
-a scorpian
-as well as a whole swathe of non-native animals
In addtion
-a frill necked lizard put my uncle in hospital
-I saw a wombat fuck up another wombat (who knew that they even fought)
-A guest got fucked up by a koala that she tried to touch (retard)
- A mate got stung by a platypus.

I read that the platypus sting is one of the most painful stings on the planet. Did you friend talk about the pain much?

well whenver I ave him shit about being fucked up by mother natures 'misc' pile, he would glare at me and tell me that it wasn't funny.

 

[sb666]

Magpaies, lots of magpies.

I was attacked by one of those at a golf course once. OP yep we have some pretty nasty wild life here.

 

[El Dwarfio]

This thread is worse than the scary thread, it's a miracle anyone in Australia is till alive.

At least the dreaded African Todger Fish isn't found there, so that makes one scary animal that isn't Ozzie.

So we now have snake eating spiders on are hands. Thankfully natures already got our back. We just need to introduce some tarantula hawks to Australia and the giant spiders won't be a problem anymore.

Yes, New Vegas players. They're real!

We saw them out in the Mojave this Spring Break. I'm from England so I've never seen such a fucked, cruel mockery of life before. I ran like hell.

EDI: A researcher describing being stung by one: "?immediate, excruciating pain that simply shuts down one's ability to do anything, except, perhaps, scream. Mental discipline simply does not work in these situations."

I'm glad I ran.

 

[Asuka Soryu]

 

[Joseph Alexander]

Just when I'd heard it all, just when I thought Australian wildlife couldn't get any more terrifying; fucking SNAKE-EATING SPIDER!! [http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/8454494/giant-queensland-spider-devours-snake] It's a spider. And it eats snakes. What. The. FUCK.

This is why I could never go to Australia. Even knowing this was on the same land mass as me would scare the shit out of me. Hell I'm having trouble with the fact it's on the same planet as me! How the hell do you guys not go insane?!

Discussion value: The spiders. How do we destroy them?

Cracked.com [http://www.cracked.com/search/search.php?sa=search&q=Australia] is your friend. (Or Enemy depending on how you feel about Australian fauna.)

Ah yes Cracked. They introduced me to the terror of giant blue earthworms

Spoiler: WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?

pfft, you kidding?
we got worms that'll chew their way into your flesh.

tip, wear boots.

You know, you guys really aren't encouraging me to go to Australia

actually, i was talking about here in the US.

there are some fucked up things here in the Americas.
and no i don't just mean the fish that swims up your dick and stabs you.

but yeah, Australia wins the "places that maybe we should consider glassing for the good of the world" contest.

 

[Tallim]

It's Australia. If they sit around long enough they'll discover what eats that spider too.......

 

[Spambot 3000]

In Australia, we have a custom called, 'toughening of the men'.
All newborn male babies are abandoned in the great outback and it's up to them to find their way back home.
They must endure blistering heat, countless venomous creatures, lack of water and boxing kangaroos.
The only way to survive is to adapt to the environment - learning to live off nature and to be able to win a fight against an emu.
All babies that do not survive are deemed not worthy anyway. The ones that do survive grow up to be Saxton Hale equivalents.

True story.

Oh, and do not try to squash the spiders, that only makes them angrier.

That was some tough shit as a baby, I remember me and my comrades braving the intense heat only to be attacked by dropbears. The worst part was by far

Spoiler: THISMOFO

almost as deadly as the spiders. almost.

Spiders = assassins of the night.

Also, I like looking through this thread. It makes me proud. It's obviously scared the shit out of a lot people - which I'm glad it did.

Come visit Australia, where eveything is trying to kill you.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

So we now have snake eating spiders on are hands. Thankfully natures already got our back. We just need to introduce some tarantula hawks to Australia and the giant spiders won't be a problem anymore.

Spoiler: THE HORROR

Yes, New Vegas players. They're real!

WTF IS THAT?! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!

That my friend is the Tarantula Hawk Wasp, named so because it hunts tarantulas. Packs quite a punch too with its sting. I don't think fire will be enough this time.

A researcher describing being stung by one: "?immediate, excruciating pain that simply shuts down one's ability to do anything, except, perhaps, scream. Mental discipline simply does not work in these situations."

Thankfully roadrunners like to eat them so at least that is something. Though if I ever see one of these in England I will be immediately investing in a flamethrower and possible some sort of anti air weaponry.

 

[ChupathingyX]

It's Australia. If they sit around long enough they'll discover what eats that spider too.......

See this cute possum right here?

It eats spiders for breafast...literally.

So does this guy...

 

[Jegsimmons]

may i point out that bears do not normally eat or attack people unless provoked, are big and fuzzy, and when young they look like this:

that and they dont lay icky ass bug eggs, eat their mother when born, are mammals, lack exoskeleton, eat plants as much as meat, and are the inspiration to teddy bears.
id rather have my 5 year old around a bear cub than around a god damn spider that could eat it.

Shit man, that bear looks like it has murderous intent. It looks like it's about to commit a crime most foul.

maby it just sat down and its nuts touched ice?
and still, the thing adorable
"Raw, imma eat you!"
"dawww, you are just precious!"

 

[Jegsimmons]

The same way we do with the other billion weird and dangerous wildlife in Australia, don't think about it.

that may work until you fall asleep and the little fuckers have laid eggs in your eyes and the mother is literally eating out you ass hole while you scream but its too late and the eggs hatched, went through your brain, shat, and another mother is makeing its way leg first through your mouth from your stomach with the nasty-est taste imaginable and a mother fucking WETA crawls out from behind your eye!!!!


OH DEAR JESUS I CAN TOUCH THE FLOOR ANYMORE!!!!!!! EVERYTHING IS FUCKING LAVA!!!!!

doesn't work that way. Most of these big scary spiders don't go near towns as they are just as afraid of us as we are of them. If anything our most dangerous spider is the red back and that is quite small.

why risk it?
napalm for everyone down under!!!!

 

[Jegsimmons]

everyone is mentioning drop bears....are they as deadly as the north american Snipe?

 

[verdant monkai]

I've lived in Australia all my life, 18 years, and the worst I've seen is a White Tail spider.
It's not that scary here.

LIES! You're just another cog in the Australian propaganda machine! You lure us in with your high standards of living and your beautiful natural scenery and then BOOM! Spider as big as your head hiding in your shower!

True bro True. My Family (cousins) live down their and they always say "hey you should come visit us some time, dont believe the all stories about the wildlife its not that dangerous here" but they LIE, David Attenborough tells me otherwise, I am not getting involved with all the Alligators and Black widow spiders down there. Plus they are second cousins anyway.

 

[Tallim]

It's Australia. If they sit around long enough they'll discover what eats that spider too.......

See this cute possum right here?

It eats spiders for breafast...literally.

So does this guy...

Well there you go then, the spider isn't so scary

 

[Malyc]

Oh look, it's this thread again.

Mate, I have never seen a snake outside of the zoo (and this coming from a guy who loves himself a bit of the great outdoors). I know it's funny to think of Australia as being held together by spider-webs and snake venom, but the fact that you seem legitimately terrified takes it to a new, ever so slightly offensive level.

I mean Christ, America has BEARS. Fucking bears:

So I'll just be out chilling down at the beach with my meat-pie and my esky full of cold drinks safe in the knowledge that the constructed fears of Americans regarding my country will surely keep the bears out.

As an American, more specifically a Minnesotan, I have seen these bears. As long as you don't fuck with them, they don't fuck with you. Sidenote: damned near hit a black bear with a fourwheeler... I think that would count as fucking with it.

Seriously tho. All these stories of snake eating spiders, boxing kangaroos, and man eating koalas is only making me want to move down there more. If it wernt for the fact guns are frowned upon, id probly already be making plans...

 

[direkiller]

In my twenty years in this country I have been attacked by
-A king brown snake (survival tip 1-thick pants)
-A roo
-An Emu
-A cockatoo (fuckers can bite like all hell)
-Magpaies, lots of magpies.
-A saltie, (thank fuck I got behind that fence)
-All of the spiders (except white tails)
-a scorpian
-as well as a whole swathe of non-native animals
In addtion
-a frill necked lizard put my uncle in hospital
-I saw a wombat fuck up another wombat (who knew that they even fought)
-A guest got fucked up by a koala that she tried to touch (retard)
- A mate got stung by a platypus.

Koala's? Seriously? But they're so cuddly looking!

Also aren't they like the stoners of the animal kingdom because of all the eucalyptus they eat? How the hell can they fight when they can barely even move? It would be like fighting a sloth.

yep harmless

 

[bobmus]

I've lived in Australia all my life, 18 years, and the worst I've seen is a White Tail spider.
It's not that scary here.

I've lived in England all my life, 18 years, and the worst I've seen is a Money Spider.
I refute your claim.