Gather round friends....and hear the tale of plight that is Microsoft's.
Once...there was a little Microsoft. Say hello Microsoft! "Hello!" ^.^
He developed software, hardware, and was one of the big dogs of the entertainment industry. He wasn't perfect...but then...who is? He was successful and popular, and Microsoft was doing just fine.
But then one day, Microsoft got greedy and decided he wanted to dig for the legendary gold booty that is said to rest in the backyard of Mr. Consumer.
Mr. Consumers backyard was hard earned land, but he didn't mind sharing a little bit of it. But Mr. Consumers backyard was not public property...nor was it very steady or reliable.
Microsoft decided that he was going to build a special shovel to mine for this gold. It was ugly and heavy, and was sure to give children splinters if they so much as looked at it. Microsoft called his shovel the "Xbone".
Microsoft took his shovel and started digging for the fortune. The shovel split a water pipe, killed a lizard and flicked dirt and mud onto Mr. Consumers windows (who was getting very cross).
Mr. Consumer yelled out "Microsoft stop! Stop what you are doing right now! You are doing more harm than good!" But Microsoft forged on ahead, not realizing that the pit he was digging was turning into a sinkhole. Before long, the ground beneath Microsoft's feet gave way, and swallowed him up to his chest in thick mud and jabbing rocks.
"Whats going on?! Why is this happening?!" Cried Microsoft, squirming in place and obviously confused. He tried to climb out of the hole he had dug, but he simply could not".
By this time, the mean jerk down the street, Old Man Sony, who always had it out for Microsoft, had realized what was happening. Old Man Sony took this opportunity to point and laugh at Microsoft, and even sent Mr. Consumer a letter, telling him all about how his shovel would be much easier for him to use. A fact Mr. Consumer was now seriously considering.
Mr. Consumer came out of his house, and looked with equal parts amazement and disappointment as the appalling mess Microsoft had gotten himself into. Microsoft looked up, embarrassed, and Mr. Consumer said:
"Microsoft, if you want to get out of this hole, you have to drop that silly Xbone, its just weighing you down and you wont be able to climb out of this hole and clean yourself up as long as you are holding onto it."
Reluctantly, and with wounded pride, silly Microsoft let go of his Xbone. He apologized to Mr. Consumer, who offered his hand and helped Microsoft start climbing out of the ugly hole. Mr. Consumer felt a degree of pity for the silly mistake Microsoft had made, and even started to see that ugly old Xbone surface from the muck, free of its many tacky add-ons.
Just then...right as Microsoft was starting to get a good grip on the grass, he turned to Mr. Consumer and said....
"Oh uhh, hey...by the way. The Xbone is going to stay here, in your backyward forever, watch what you do, what you buy and how you speak and use that information to sneak advertisements in your front letterbox that are specifically tailored to you. Because I'm pretty sure that fortune is around here somewhere haha!"
Mr. Consumer then broke a cricket bat over Microsofts head, had his corpse removed from his property and contemplated why he ever trusted that fucking idiot to be anywhere near him in the first place.
